D100 Irregular Rations

Converted from my reddit post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/9gzvkv/d100_irregular_rations/

D100	Irregular Rations
1	Fillet of true monkfish. Its bland flesh is as imperishable as a saint’s.
2	A fat-tailed insect. Buttery goop can be squeezed from its abdomen.
3	A tuber that looks a bit like a doll, wriggles a bit like a baby. Soft even before it’s boiled.
4	A stone egg wrapped with a pouch of vitreous jelly. Smear the jelly on the egg to de-petrify it, enjoy fresh yolk anywhere.
5	Young coal, a crumbly greenish-black. Its dense carbohydrates are still accessible to human digestion.
6	Sun-dried cocoons of a pupating moth. Best unwrapped before eating, otherwise much too chewy.
7	A pickled, deformed cow fetus floating in a jar of brine. Delightfully tender.
8	Cactus pulp rolled into balls. Weakly psychedelic.
9	Fish spines tied up with twine, ready to be snapped and slurped.
10	A vial of tears as thick as honey, sickeningly sweet and salty.
11	Underworld pemmican made with mushroom-meat, cave slime, and burrowing lice.
12	A puck of marrow pudding.
13	Dustcake, gathered and pressed downwind of a disintegrated civilization. Sifted for organic particles, but some grit might have gotten in anyways.
14	Eviscerated and smoked serpent, stuffed with nuts and grains.
15	Seahorses on a stick.
16	Roast tarantulas, force-fed till their stomachs burst.
17	Sparrow jerky, pressed into a cake of many thin sheets.
18	Congealed ichor tapped from a live deep worm.
19	A stew made from leather and alchemical enzymes. Hopefully the cooking process broke down all the enzymes.
20	Corn-fed dog-meat fermented in pitch. Wash thoroughly before eating.
21	Puffballs. Cut them open into some boiling water to make a sort of spore-mash.
22	Heavy tea, steeped until the leaves dissolved.
23	A soup made from sperm skimmed from the surface of a lake full of spawning shellfish.
24	A bundle of salted possums tied together by their tails.
25	Shaved rats drowned and preserved in a jug of moonshine.
26	Wafers baked from powdered reed pith.
27	Box packed with pig tongues.
28	Horse eyes sealed in wax. Peel and eat.
29	Cheese so soft it’s practically fluid, shot through with veins of red mold. An acquired taste. So acquired that creatures without the rational thought to force the issue can’t even bring themselves to eat it.
30	Sticky, quite grotty roll of bread. The point is not so much to eat the bread itself as the bugs and grubs attracted and trapped by the bread.
31	Broiled shark womb stuffed with baby sharks.
32	Delicate fresh-cut flowers that taste like soap.
33	Bamboo tube full of mashed beans.
34	Unidentifiable patty of ground meat slathered in questionable spices.
35	Aborted and fried homunculi. Make tiny screams as you bite into them.
36	Little citrus fruits so sour they leave your mouth stinging for hours after you’ve eaten them.
37	Translucent crustaceans picking at the fleshy walls of a hollowed gourd. Crunchy.
38	Bear steak charred near to charcoal to kill off parasites.
39	Black-stained rice cooked in the ink of a giant octopus.
40	Bowl of blood-soaked oatmeal.
41	A big molar with the roots cut off to make it a cup. Suck the insides right out.
42	A lump of paper pulping byproduct from a certain species of palm. Tastes mildly sweet, texture like wet papier-mâché.
43	Lozenge of edible metal. Corrodes in the mouth over several hours. Turns hair a nails a steely grey for months after it’s eaten.
44	A case of hard sweets made from concentrated tree sap. The case has been molded from the sap too. Try not to get it wet.
45	Kelp and fish head dumplings.
46	Ape fingers skinned, rolled in pie crust, and baked.
47	Corpse-bacon. Made from a dead debtor to shame them for not covering their debt in life.
48	Thousand-year-old freeze-dried potatoes. Stolen from a mummy’s tomb. Still edible, though possibly cursed.
49	Fool’s phoenix, alive in a cage. Roasts itself in a puff of flame when it dies.
50	Stir-fried turtle and noodles, cooked and packaged in its own shell.
51	Marinated stingray flaps.
52	A leafy salad with hidden leaf insects.
53	Barbecued goblin nose filled with loathsomely flavourful boogers.
54	Candied mandrill face.
55	A bag of live snails with some cabbage to keep them going for a while.
56	Terror bird drumstick.
57	Cloud whale crackling.
58	Roasted bones from a sacrificed goat. Good for gnawing and full of marrow. Distributed freely to the destitute.
59	Slices of giant slug kept fresh in its own mucus.
60	Fuzzy fern fronds. Must be chewed for hours to be broken down enough to be swallowed.
61	Ground corn made into meal with spittle. Becomes alcoholic over time.
62	A brick of everything vaguely nutritious on hand, salted, dried, and compressed.
63	Loaf of bread with a toxic algae worked into the crust to repel pests. Crack all that off before eating.
64	A keg of goose-flesh fermented in lye until it became a protein slurry.
65	Fried dough of several strange colours, painstakingly pounded from a few varieties of wild grain.
66	Mushy mix of butter and fat held together with flour.
67	Domesticated bees kept in a hand-carved hive. Trained to vomit honey into their owner’s mouth if prompted by a special dance. Bees on their own also quite tasty if hair is burned off and sting plucked out first.
68	Alchemically treated fruit, grafted together from dozens of different species. Pretty much the perfect meal nutritionally, underwhelming taste-wise.
69	Blood-bloated bats, can be crushed like grapes to make a strange wine or eaten as-is.
70	Stomach full of pre-digested grass.
71	Seasoned leg of giant cricket.
72	Beer so dark and dense it’s essentially soup.
73	Divine cheese made from the immaculate milk of the goddess who nursed the first humans.
74	A side of beef reanimated and imbued with interesting flavour by a parasitic fungus. Probably not contagious to humans. Keep away from living cattle.
75	Can of lab-grown meat. Tastes like pork, but smooth throughout. No muscle grain. Probably looted from the lab of a bioturge.
76	Frog’s legs served impaled on galvanically charged iron spikes. They keep kicking even as you chew them
77	Fresh carrot-moles. Will bury themselves in the ground and sprout if allowed.
78	Pidgeon lungs pumped full of intoxicating fumes then tied off to retain them.
79	Crocodile tail stew.
80	Thaumovore liver pâté from a thaumovore force-fed magic and brandy until it died.
81	Rye biscuits stuffed with otter meat.
82	Vampire-melon slices.
83	Capybara jowls.
84	Ectoplamsic slop collected from the ghosts of a slaughterhouse.
85	Aetherial lure. Stick it into empty space and wait for something to bite, then drag it into your reality and hope it’s tasty.
86	Tadpoles served in a mutagenic solution, probably too weak to affect people. Watch as they morph into bizarre forms over the course of the meal.
87	Juice that’s fermented into wine, then into vinegar, then into something else with the application of a new breed of yeast, and so on and so on for hundreds of such fermentations over as many years. Its completed state is worth so much more than gold that comparing the two by weight is scarcely worth the trouble.
88	Seal meat cooked by the application of such intense cold that the meat reacts sort of like it’s been roasted, and then thawed for consumption.
89	Giant scorpion sting glands, cooked so that the venom doesn’t do more than give a spice-like kick to it. Improperly cooked glands can result in paralysis or death.
90	Eusocial lungfish queen, can be squeezed to dispense eggs.
91	Eyestalks of crabs bloated by parasites to look like colourful, better-tasting sea slugs.
92	Peppers stuffed with sequentially smaller peppers until the minuscule, horrifically spicy little bastard of a pepper at its core.
93	The bark of certain trees ground and baked into a tough, dry, damn-near everlasting bread with wild berries.
94	Painting made with edible canvas and pigments. Looks better than it tastes, but very rude to refuse.
95	Nutrition-bar glamoured to taste however you want.
96	Magic bean, grows into a full meal in your belly. Kind of uncomfortable, but low risk of injury.
97	Sausage-like links of jerkied animal penises.
98	Dried algae powder, becomes a passable porridge when rehydrated.
99	Head of sheep. Comes with a special utensil to help scoop the brain out an eye socket.
100	Blessed figurine of god of plenty. Sustains you until it passes through your gut. Must be bathed in holy oils after each use.