Character Creation Tables for an RPG Which Doesn't, & May Never, Exist

¹

 

² Sopranos Characters:
1. Christopher Moltisanti – Curse: Can’t fight back when being suffocated
2. Big Pussy Bonpensiero – Curse: Can’t swim, sink like a stone
3. Johnny Sack – Curse: Fail all saves vs. disease and mutation
4. Ralphie Cifaretto – Curse: Will always lose in one-on-one hand-to-hand combat
5. Vito Spatafore – Curse: Require blood pressure medication, but it makes you gay, immediate heart attack if you ever stop taking it
6. Tony Soprano – Curse: When subjected to event of cosmic ambiguity, disappear into blackness

³ What Animal Are You?:
1. Dog
2. Cat
3. Rat
4. Parrot
5. Snake (Flip coin – heads: venomous, tails: flip another coin – heads: boa, tails: python)
6. Chimpanzee – on a critical success or failure you rip someone’s face off

Who Are Your Skindaddies?:
1. Police            11. Racecar Driver
2. Lawyer            12. Funemployed
3. Fireman            13. IT Guy
4. EMT            14. Cyborg Mechanic
5. Burglar            15. Scary Clown
6. Celebrity Chef        16. Cosmetic Surgeon
7. Tenured Professor    17. Trucker
8. Nightclub Promoter    18. Zookeeper
9. Underwear Model    19. Werner Herzog
10. Gumshoe        20. Backup Dancer for K-pop Goup

⁴ Who Were You Cloned From?:

1. George Washington – You can’t lie but you’re always believed
2. George Washington Carver – Possess unlimited peanut butter
3. Miyamoto Musashi – +2 to attacks while dual-wielding katanas
4. Stavros Halkias – Can tell on sight if someone is a squirter (1-in-6 chance)
5. Socrates – Can make anyone want to kill you with your annoying questions
6. Cao Cao – No one will ever suspect you of betrayal
7. The guy from Pit Bull, the Dog (see Appendix D: Dreams⁵) – Level up twice as fast but die instantly the first time you’re wounded
8. Simo Häyhä – Your attacks don’t suffer from range penalties
9. Scrumptious Mike – You taste delicious. Anyone who eats a piece of you must save or become addicted (if your blood type is strawberry-flavoured they get no save).
10. Napoleon – Hirelings don’t need to check morale or anything like that.

⁵

It's crazy how dated some of this stuff already is:

⁶ https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2023/07/glog-class-bloodsoulsekiro-ring-type.html

⁷ Your Three Word Sword Name (May be distinct from your name name):

⁸ https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2020/11/glog-class-ascended-baneposter.html

⁹ https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2021/06/glog-class-action-movie-hero.html