D100 Signs of the Warp Spasm

Kind of like this, but not really: https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2025/01/d100-slainey-taunts.html

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D100	Signs of the Warp Spasm
1	Every joint rotates 180°.
2	Hair sticks out into impaling bristles.
3	One eye is sucked into the skull, and the other dangles out.
4	Tongue spools out from the throat and ties itself into knots.
5	Nostrils flare to the size of plates and snort out blazing phlegm.
6	Nails on the fingers and toes are split by talons sprouting out from their beds.
7	The neck extends and tightens like the leather of a whip.
8	The teeth clack together in a machinegun-pace and crack off incandescent flakes.
9	The veins bulge and writhe like serpents.
10	Every muscle and organ shakes like a reed in a hurricane.
11	The wax of the ears explodes out into two pendulous candles.
12	The pupils split and multiply to look at every living thing in their field of vision.
13	The skin wrinkles and stretches into sheets that flap without a wind.
14	The knobs of the spine protrude into a column of spikes.
15	The flesh of the face peels back to reveal the skull beneath.
16	Tendons snap like overdrawn bowstrings and whip about.
17	The ends of every long bone swell into club-like bumps.
18	The toes extend and rip at the earth.
19	Boils erupt across the skin and burst into streams of steam.
20	The brow furrows deep and rises mountainously against itself.
21	The lower jaw drops and merges into the ribs of the chest.
22	The belly button everts into a flailing, straining umbilical cord of pure muscle.
23	The sagittal crest spontaneously re-evolves.
24	The cheeks split open to the ears in a horrid grin.
25	The pelvis cracks and folds in half.
26	The scalp rips back into a long strip.
27	The flesh between the metacarpals splits, making the fingers appear extra-long.
28	The ankle warps and the toes fuse to make a hoof-like stance.
29	The sound of the heart-beat surges into a thunderous roar.
30	The strands of every muscle wrap around each other like wound ropes.
31	The muscles of the buttocks detach from the hips and crawl across the body like tensing caterpillars.
32	The nasal tip bone lances through its cartilage into an imperious barb.
33	Sweat mingles with blood and beads upon the skin.
34	A terrible flatulence is emitted - a killing stench.
35	The kneecaps clang like gongs against their hanging bones.
36	Oil-slick hairs hatch from every pore.
37	The philtrum elongates and slaps fleshily against itself.
38	The cranium inverts into a bowl which fills with simmering cerebrospinal fluid.
39	The gullet dilates and straightens until the whole digestive length can be seen.
40	The gums balloon and flap around the roots of the teeth.
41	Where veins fork they redden and swell to the size of cranberries.
42	Blood splurts from the corners of the eyes and crusts into thorny growths.
43	The whole flesh turns the purplish-black of an old bruise.
44	The canines extend into fangs and tusks.
45	The corners of the supraorbital bones spiral out and up into horns.
46	The lips burst into empty flaps.
47	The chin protrudes, droops, and spreads into something like a spoon.
48	The knuckles inflate into orbs.
49	The armpits deepen until the lungs are lunging out the sides with every inhalation.
50	The eyebrows extend and tie themselves into wild knots.
51	The viscera of the chest knock against the ribcage like a battering-ram against gates.
52	The capillaries of the eyes expand until the sclera turn a grim crimson.
53	Foam spills in a waterfall from the jaws.
54	New and sharp teeth sprout forth around the rims of the eye-sockets.
55	Scars squirm across the body like worms.
56	The arms and legs crack and shift such that one must walk with the hands and hold with the feet.
57	Chittering mouths open in the crooks of the elbows and the knees.
58	The stomach tenses and all the body's bile immediately geysers out.
59	The hamstrings tense and bulge and strum a discordant battle-tune.
60	The lobes of the skull crack apart and swell tremulously.
61	Every portion of the body grows to a towering size.
62	The larynx morphs into a syrinx, and violent bird-song spills out the throat.
63	The eyes shine like a cat's in reflected light, spilling a glow like lanterns.
64	The blood turns black and when spilled continues to pump itself about even severed from a heart.
65	Micro-organisms on the surface of the body grow to verminous size and rove out in ravenous swarms.
66	New joints of the fingers and toes sprout from the ends of the metacarpals & metacarpals.
67	Blood pools out of the pores and scabs into gory armour.
68	The earlobes grow incredibly pendulous and bony, knobby swinging clubs.
69	The nipples harden and curl out into keratinous horns.
70	The skin becomes scaly, and flakes razor-sharp like knapped bits of flint.
71	The corners of the eyes crust, and this crust breaks and billows out into clouds of rasping grains.
72	Pimples blossom and redden across exposed skin, spelling out curses.
73	Mucus is launched in staggering proportions from the nose, coating the body in a sticky web.
74	The bluishness of veins becomes a silvery moon-like glow.
75	The lower portion of the guts prolapse and wrap the muscles of the limbs in a strengthening frame.
76	The nose and mandible are squashed pug-like into the face.
77	The teeth lengthen and snaggle and knot.
78	A spout of fire erupts from the middle of the throat.
79	The waist cinches in and corkscrews all about.
80	The outer layer of skin and hair smoulders and incandesces.
81	The cartilaginous arches of the ear grow across the whole head.
82	The genitals inflate and deflate in a honking beat.
83	Bushels of porcupine-esque spines extend from the backs of the elbows.
84	The heel bloats into a trampling cloot.
85	The shoulders swell and harden into calloused pauldrons.
86	The clavicles snap and reform into triangular spikes.
87	An extra joint snaps out from the arms.
88	Teratomas grow across the body in the form of screaming, eyelidless faces.
89	The skin of the forehead wrinkles & discolours into a flesh-flower.
90	The eyelashes extend and grow stings on their ends like a scorpion's tail.
91	The carotids and jugulars knot around each other into impenetrable helixes.
92	Ligaments become rubbery, though no less effective.
93	The philtrum splits in two, and the gums and teeth follow it into a tripartite maw.
94	Iridescent sweat coats the skin and is flicked off by the skin's twitching - it then spontaneously ignites mid-flight.
95	The uvula slaps against the sides of the throat with a sound like a rusted church-bell.
96	The long bones of the arms and legs begin to pump piston-like.
97	Dark rings beneath the eyes form and deepen into blackness, with glinting star-likes glimpsed beyond.
98	The radius and the ulna and the tibia and the fibula separate like stairs and bannister.
99	A halo of thrumming telluric energy forms behind the head.
100	Bolts launch out of the crown from the neural overload on the brain.