D100 Signs of the Warp Spasm

Kind of like this, but not really: https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2025/01/d100-slainey-taunts.html

Click the button below to get your signs of warp spasm - riastrad:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D100	Signs of the Warp Spasm
1	Every joint rotates 180°.
2	Hair sticks out into impaling bristles.
3	One eye is sucked into the skull, and the other dangles out.
4	Tongue spools out from the throat and ties itself into knots.
5	Nostrils flare to the size of plates and snort out blazing phlegm.
6	Nails on the fingers and toes are split by talons sprouting out from their beds.
7	The neck extends and tightens like the leather of a whip.
8	The teeth clack together in a machinegun-pace and crack off incandescent flakes.
9	The veins bulge and writhe like serpents.
10	Every muscle and organ shakes like a reed in a hurricane.
11	The wax of the ears explodes out into two pendulous candles.
12	The pupils split and multiply to look at every living thing in their field of vision.
13	The skin wrinkles and stretches into sheets that flap without a wind.
14	The knobs of the spine protrude into a column of spikes.
15	The flesh of the face peels back to reveal the skull beneath.
16	Tendons snap like overdrawn bowstrings and whip about.
17	The ends of every long bone swell into club-like bumps.
18	The toes extend and rip at the earth.
19	Boils erupt across the skin and burst into streams of steam.
20	The brow furrows deep and rises mountainously against itself.
21	The lower jaw drops and merges into the ribs of the chest.
22	The belly button everts into a flailing, straining umbilical cord of pure muscle.
23	The sagittal crest spontaneously re-evolves.
24	The cheeks split open to the ears in a horrid grin.
25	The pelvis cracks and folds in half.
26	The scalp rips back into a long strip.
27	The flesh between the metacarpals splits, making the fingers appear extra-long.
28	The ankle warps and the toes fuse to make a hoof-like stance.
29	The sound of the heart-beat surges into a thunderous roar.
30	The strands of every muscle wrap around each other like wound ropes.
31	The muscles of the buttocks detach from the hips and crawl across the body like tensing caterpillars.
32	The nasal tip bone lances through its cartilage into an imperious barb.
33	Sweat mingles with blood and beads upon the skin.
34	A terrible flatulence is emitted - a killing stench.
35	The kneecaps clang like gongs against their hanging bones.
36	Oil-slick hairs hatch from every pore.
37	The philtrum elongates and slaps fleshily against itself.
38	The cranium inverts into a bowl which fills with simmering cerebrospinal fluid.
39	The gullet dilates and straightens until the whole digestive length can be seen.
40	The gums balloon and flap around the roots of the teeth.
41	Where veins fork they redden and swell to the size of cranberries.
42	Blood splurts from the corners of the eyes and crusts into thorny growths.
43	The whole flesh turns the purplish-black of an old bruise.
44	The canines extend into fangs and tusks.
45	The corners of the supraorbital bones spiral out and up into horns.
46	The lips burst into empty flaps.
47	The chin protrudes, droops, and spreads into something like a spoon.
48	The knuckles inflate into orbs.
49	The armpits deepen until the lungs are lunging out the sides with every inhalation.
50	The eyebrows extend and tie themselves into wild knots.
51	The viscera of the chest knock against the ribcage like a battering-ram against gates.
52	The capillaries of the eyes expand until the sclera turn a grim crimson.
53	Foam spills in a waterfall from the jaws.
54	New and sharp teeth sprout forth around the rims of the eye-sockets.
55	Scars squirm across the body like worms.
56	The arms and legs crack and shift such that one must walk with the hands and hold with the feet.
57	Chittering mouths open in the crooks of the elbows and the knees.
58	The stomach tenses and all the body's bile immediately geysers out.
59	The hamstrings tense and bulge and strum a discordant battle-tune.
60	The lobes of the skull crack apart and swell tremulously.
61	Every portion of the body grows to a towering size.
62	The larynx morphs into a syrinx, and violent bird-song spills out the throat.
63	The eyes shine like a cat's in reflected light, spilling a glow like lanterns.
64	The blood turns black and when spilled continues to pump itself about even severed from a heart.
65	Micro-organisms on the surface of the body grow to verminous size and rove out in ravenous swarms.
66	New joints of the fingers and toes sprout from the ends of the metacarpals & metacarpals.
67	Blood pools out of the pores and scabs into gory armour.
68	The earlobes grow incredibly pendulous and bony, knobby swinging clubs.
69	The nipples harden and curl out into keratinous horns.
70	The skin becomes scaly, and flakes razor-sharp like knapped bits of flint.
71	The corners of the eyes crust, and this crust breaks and billows out into clouds of rasping grains.
72	Pimples blossom and redden across exposed skin, spelling out curses.
73	Mucus is launched in staggering proportions from the nose, coating the body in a sticky web.
74	The bluishness of veins becomes a silvery moon-like glow.
75	The lower portion of the guts prolapse and wrap the muscles of the limbs in a strengthening frame.
76	The nose and mandible are squashed pug-like into the face.
77	The teeth lengthen and snaggle and knot.
78	A spout of fire erupts from the middle of the throat.
79	The waist cinches in and corkscrews all about.
80	The outer layer of skin and hair smoulders and incandesces.
81	The cartilaginous arches of the ear grow across the whole head.
82	The genitals inflate and deflate in a honking beat.
83	Bushels of porcupine-esque spines extend from the backs of the elbows.
84	The heel bloats into a trampling cloot.
85	The shoulders swell and harden into calloused pauldrons.
86	The clavicles snap and reform into triangular spikes.
87	An extra joint snaps out from the arms.
88	Teratomas grow across the body in the form of screaming, eyelidless faces.
89	The skin of the forehead wrinkles & discolours into a flesh-flower.
90	The eyelashes extend and grow stings on their ends like a scorpion's tail.
91	The carotids and jugulars knot around each other into impenetrable helixes.
92	Ligaments become rubbery, though no less effective.
93	The philtrum splits in two, and the gums and teeth follow it into a tripartite maw.
94	Iridescent sweat coats the skin and is flicked off by the skin's twitching - it then spontaneously ignites mid-flight.
95	The uvula slaps against the sides of the throat with a sound like a rusted church-bell.
96	The long bones of the arms and legs begin to pump piston-like.
97	Dark rings beneath the eyes form and deepen into blackness, with glinting star-likes glimpsed beyond.
98	The radius and the ulna and the tibia and the fibula separate like stairs and bannister.
99	A halo of thrumming telluric energy forms behind the head.
100	Bolts launch out of the crown from the neural overload on the brain.

D6x6 Circuitous Centaurs

Giddy up:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	These centaurs
1	have stiff grey hair and stocky bodies, like mules.
2	have black-and-white stripes like zebras.
3	are stunted like ponies.
4	are slim and pretty like Arabian horses.
5	have long wooly coats like Bashkir Curlies.
6	are huge and heavily-muscled like percherons.

D6	These centaurs are led
1	by a sage who tutoured several human heroes, and came to regret sharing their knowledge.
2	by the high priest of a sky-god, who can gallop on the wind as if it were solid ground.
3	by a dreaming seer who as a filly-child suffered the bite of a magic fly which put her into an endless sleep.
4	by an enchanted, intelligent saddle who has seen thousands of years of war, and has grown quite sick of it.
5	by an apostate knight who once served a militant monastic order in a distant land.
6	by a beat-up and world-wise ex-circus performer.

D6	These centaurs roam
1	wherever they wish, for they hold the whole of the earth to be their property, an attitude which has won them no friends and winnowed their numbers.
2	between hills where wild grapes and olives grow, crushing them underhoof into oil and wine.
3	a stretch of the underworld blasted out by harsh winds, where redwood-thick columns of stone stand in the midst of sharp and silken sands, and life sprouts in the nutritious surface-blown dust around tarry seeps from even further down.
4	between forest and bog, chopping and burning down the forest and damming and dredging the bog to eke out an ashen grassland.
5	stone-carved steps and terraces, the fruit of a long conquest of impassable slopes into flat, trottable planes.
6	a plain where they are the undisputed masters thanks to their mobility, taking their pick of tariffs and plunder.

D6	These centaurs fight
1	like horse archers, only they're the horses and archers both.
2	with cannons they pull behind them on chariots, using back-mounted pulleys to aim and reload the cannons.
3	with hoof-mounted blades they kick wildly with.
4	hopped up on dried caterpillars, which make them foam at the mouth and lose all fear so they can crush their enemies with their greater mass.
5	with edged atlatl-esque polearms, which allow them to fling javelins with the momentum of their charge and then chop off limbs.
6	only as a last resort - preferring diplomacy, magic, poison, fleeing, and suchlike - as their horse-parts are delicate & heal poorly.

D6	These centaurs might be found with
1	straw horns of beans fermenting together with the meat of small animals - a centaur delicacy.
2	the hoof-shoes of fallen comrades, engraved and inlaid and bent to be worn as jewelry.
3	elegantly-painted snake-catching/back-scratching sticks.
4	long brass ear-horn/trumpets which let them detect movement and communicate over long distances.
5	pickled & candied strips of root vegetables - an acquired taste, but can last damn near forever.
6	horse-head costumes that allow them to disguise themselves as regular horses, at least from a distance.

D6	These centaurs call humans
1	half-legs.
2	ape-men.
3	laggards.
4	flat-butts.
5	five-hoofed.
6	pine-nuts.

D12 Prizes Awaiting You Behind The More Prizes Door

Tiring of the singular prize, I wish in my heart for an answer. The universe brought me to the More Prizes Door:

I am sworn to secrecy as to what I experienced beyond it, but perhaps some of these could be waiting for you. Waiting for you to find it. Waiting for you to open it.

1. Yellow Grinning Slime: Stick it to your cheeks and peel them back for a smile that will show the whole world. It will do your chewing for you.

2. The Ball: Really an egg. Ha ha! Kick to teach it the fear of you. When the hatching comes it will be too late.

3. Keys to The City: I hate it there. All cities are cloned from it, and malformed by differentials in telluric radiation. Full of ants now. Ants that dream.

4. Pulling Cheese: Aged like wine. It is not wine. Pull it and see it stretch stretch streeetch! Refreshes its flavour every noon.

5. Justin: He thought he would find refuge behind the door. There is no refuge to be found there, only more prizes. He is not long for this world.

6. Sticky Straw: Use it to spit bedbugs at your enemies. Others will be able to see the bedbugs, but your enemies never will. Great Pepsi taste.

7. Bouncer Interview: The only question is yes, or no. Benefits to decide who enters for more prizes, "live" forever on the threshold of the door.

8. Ticket to 1960: Your actions have already been accounted for.

9. Tiling Company: $1,200,000 YoY in revenues. Promising upcoming clients. Wish I got this one.

10. Hip: Good for any ossuary. Seeks to join your own.

11. Nectar: One of the drinks that make your belly intoxicating to the thinking numbers that make trees grow their rings. Ask them why they do it - I'm dying to know.

12. Immunity to Whippets: The good and the bad.

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

My sensitive & compassionate girlfriend has been broken up at the news of the death of Bucky the babirusa at the Toronto zoo. This is for her.

🐷

You are a babirusa named Bucky. You died before your time, through no fault of your own.

Higher powers decided that this would not be the end for you. You would be returned, in other times, in other places, across vast realities, to do as you would do. You bear the blessings of the heavens with you.

天賜豬

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

Equipment: You're literally a pig...

Skills: 1. Barnyard Gymnastics, 2. Truffle-Snuffling, 3. Competitive Slop-Feasting

A: Babirusa, Bring Home The Bacon

B: Sacrosanct Squeal

C: Brain Door Acupuncture, Holy Oil

D: Rampage of the Righteous, Opening the Gate of Truth

A

 

Babirusa: You're literally a pig...

 

Your tusks do damage as a medium weapon. Your oinks & grunts & suchlike vocalizations can be quite expressive. Opposable thumbs? Not here pal, not on these trotters.

Bring Home The Bacon: Every day your luscious flanks grow flesh equivalent to [Templates]x2 rations. These can be pulled harmlessly from your body in the form of meaty dumplings.

 

At Template B you gain +1 AC for every ration you retain (this doesn't stack with armour (because your fluctuating weight makes properly fitting armour too difficult)), and eating one of your rations heals 1 HP.

 

B

Sacrosanct Squeal: Expend one of your daily rations & make a shrill yet mighty squeal. Beings of evil (undead, demons, etc.) within 30 feet must check morale (penalized by your Heavensent Pig [Templates]) or flee - cowering before you if they cannot flee.

 

C

Brain Door Acupuncture: Your tusks have grown so glorious that they have turned back and pierced your brain - pierced it in such a way as to remove carnal impurities while leaving 93% of your cognitive capacity untouched.

You are immune to all negative mind-affecting powers, ambiences, and influences.

 

Holy Oil: Instead of being eaten, your rations provided by Bring Home The Bacon can instead be rendered into lantern oil, which provides a pure and brilliant light, and affects beings of evil as holy water (and sets them on holy fire too if ignited).

D

Rampage of the Righteous: Spend any amount of rations - immediately charge forward 10x that amount in feet. Any mundane obstacles in your path are plowed through, and any foes flung aside & prone.

Opening the Gate of Truth: When you decide your time has come you can return to the gardens of the heavens, and leave the gate to the hereafter open behind you for just a moment, for another to return. They return in their mortal form in the prime of health, unless they were a real jerk in which case they are dragged out from a hell at 0 HP.

D6 Texas Chainsaw Massacres

As seen on TV.

1. A once-popular spot for corporate team-building events in Dallas, the Puma Slayer Axe-Throwing Bar found itself in a tight spot as the market became saturated and interest in its gimmick waned.

To solve this, its owner upped the ante - his club wouldn't just have axe-throwing, it would have chainsaw-throwing. He commissioned the creation of a set of lightweight, gyroscopically-guided, and AI-enabled chainsaws that would let anyone throw them like a pro to facilitate this.

At the new-and-improved Puma Slayer Axe-Throwing Bar's opening night four people were decapitated or de-limbed by a chainsaw which bounced at an unfortunate angle and then just kept bouncing and swinging around the throwing area. Footage of the incident would become a popular shock video.

2. "The Christmas Tree Cutter" is the media's name for a chainsaw-wielding serial killer who targets isolated families during severe winters in Texas, when travel is most difficult and government services and infrastructure most overwhelmed. The killer has attracted enormous attention and speculation from true crime aficionados, as even their shoe size still remains unknown despite the heavy snow cover at the times and places of their attacks.

The most recent winter saw two simultaneous murders in the style of the Christmas Tree Cutter, raising the uncomfortable certainty of an accomplice or a copy-cat inspired by the impunity of the killer.

 

3. Many have become familiar with the CBRPT cult of meat-worshiping, self-identified "male-to-male transsexuals" since the release of the Netflix documentary about it, but comparatively fewer are aware of its original inspiration: a spree-killing committed by a twelve-year-old child employed in a meat processing plant near the city of Tyler. The child enjoyed employment there at the insistence of their grandfather, a Texas meat baron, who believed it would teach them the value of hard work.

Whether due to severe sleep deprivation, prion infection, or some other factor, the child became obsessed with meat, reading a sort of haruspexic cosmic meaning in the insides of the animals they butchered. Shorty after completing their manifesto/scripture - written on homemade vellum in blood - the child murdered several of their co-workers at the plant before returning home and murdering several of their family members. Their meat baron grandfather paid quite a bit of money to keep that out of the documentary.

4. On March XX of 20XX, the congregation of the Divine Impetus Church in Paris, Texas, was attacked by an American-Israeli man by the name of Shlomo Katz. Shlomo gained entrance to the church while carrying a chainsaw by claiming to be an "emergency carpenter" before using the tool in his attack. Two people were killed and sixteen injured before the church's elderly pastor was able to disarm and subdue the man.

 

Eyewitnesses report that Shlomo screamed "Jesus was the original Hamas" and "I'll show you who the real Jews are" while swinging his chainsaw, apparently confusing Black Israelites with all black people.

 

Shlomo was arrested by the PPD, and a month later was released to Israel, where he faced no charges. He would go on to become a popular TV personality there.

5. Aspiring Texas governor Budd Dutt ran on the promise of cutting federal interference out of the state's politics, symbolizing this promise by carrying a chainsaw in ads and public appearances.

This quirk turned to tragedy at a campaign rally in Houston, where small yet functional chainsaws were given out to members of the crowd to rev for applause. Due to some unknown cause, perhaps heatstroke or dementia, one member of the crowd began assaulting the people around them with their mini-chainsaw, which spiraled out across the crowd in mass hysteria as others also began carving people up.

 

Survivors report that they were convinced they were under attack by secret terrorists or antifa who had infiltrated the rally.

 

Dutt's gubernatorial campaign would not go on to be successful, though he did enjoy a further 15 minutes of fame as an anti-PTSD social media influencer.

 

6. After being heckled at the comedy club Comedy Mothership in Austin, an up-and-coming prop comedian leaped into the audience and swung indiscriminately at audience-members with the chainsaw he had been using as part of his act.

A rumour spread like wildfire shortly afterwards which blamed the attack on Mort Chavez, an illegal immigrant known to Austin residents for catching and eating armadillos with his bare hands. Mort would be sent to the Guantanamo Bay concentration camp and later lead an armed uprising within the camp backed by the Cuban Revolutionary Army, which saw it liberated from American control.

Real Jujutsu

Take the GLOG wizard of your choice. Roll a D12 (I'm assuming the wizard you chose has 12 spells it can have, in like a school or something) or maybe a D100 if you're using a list like Skerples 100 orthodox spells: https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2017/03/osr-100-orthodox-spells.html

That's your spell - your Cursed Technique - it's the only one you get.

You get +1 MD per template, like a wizard, but you don't get miscasts or dooms. At template B your MD return on a 1-4. At template D they return on a 1-5. At template C you get Reverse Cursed Technique - you can spend MD to heal their [sum] (but MD so spent don't return to your pool until the next day) or cast the reverse form of your Cursed Technique - figure it out. At template D you get your Domain Expansion. Also for every MD you hold on to you get +1 to-hit & AC so long as you're unarmoured.

🇯🇵

So put more legibly it'd look something like this:

Equipment: Japanese street fashion
Skills: Kung fu or whatever
A: 1 Spell, +1 MD, +1 to-hit & AC for every MD you've got stored when you're also unarmoured
B: MD return on 1-4, +1 MD
C: Reverse Cursed Technique, +1 MD
D: MD return on 1-5, Domain Expansion, +1 MD

Domain Expansion (領域展開):

Ok did you watch those videos? You get one of those. You can give it a cool name.

To use: spend however many MD you like - you won't get them back until the next day no matter what you roll. The domain covers a spherical volume with a radius of [dice]x5 feet. Your Cursed Technique affects everyone (or everything, depending on the target of the spell) within this volume at the [sum] you rolled, every round they remain within it. Also they don't normally get a save to resist. You can add a condition like "my Cursed Technique won't affect people I'm touching" to spare your allies, but then other people can take advantage of the condition too. You can't revoke the condition later (it's a binding vow, read the manga).

If two domains come into contact with each other the bigger domain wins, unless one domain's effect is lethal and the other is non-lethal, in which case the non-lethal domain wins.

To get a save against the domain's imbued technique you need something like Falling Blossom Emotion, Simple Domain, or Hollow Wicker Basket (read the manga and make up your own rules).

D6x6 Phantoms of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera 1925 full movie youtube here:

Click the button below to get your phantom:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This phantom of the opera hides their face with
1	a beaten-gold death mask.
2	the peeled-off, animated faceplate of a Chinese customer service robot.
3	a ratty old sports team mascot head.
4	a yellowed and peeling WWI-era facial prosthetic.
5	a hood of embroidered sackcloth.
6	a gaudishly-painted Venetian carnival mask.

D6	This phantom of the opera hides their face because
1	they murdered their identical twin, and so the sight of their own face fills them with unbearable guilt.
2	of a small scar which they've blown up in narcissistic imaginaning into a terrible deformity.
3	they are wanted by the police for the heinous crimes they committed in a previous life.
4	they feel as though their mask has become their true identity.
5	they are the scion of a distinctively-inbred noble lineage.
6	like wearing a napkin while eating ortolan, they think it hides their sins and pleasures from God.

D6	This phantom is able to remain a phantom in their opera-house
1	because they were trained in the shinobi arts by an exile from Japan.
2	because they're half-ghost - the product of mystical necrophilia.
3	with bribes and intimidation from their criminal empire.
4	because they are a master of disguise and impersonation, and maintain a stable of different identities.
5	because an encounter with an ultraterrestrial being unhinged their mind and unhinged their body from the conventional three spatial dimensions.
6	with their memory-editing psychic powers - powers fueled by the extract of a species of white rafflesia they grow in a secret solarium in their opera-house.

D6	This phantom of the opera lurks
1	in the Sydney Opera House, and the littoral caves beneath it, carved out by wretched immortals symbiotized by a species of anemone of the bleaching Great Barrier Reef - half-living relics of two thousand years and two dozen peoples.
2	in the Zürich Opera House, and the secret Nazi bank vaults hidden beneath it.
3	in the Academy of Music in Philadelphia, and the network of bootlegger tunnels honeycombing its foundations.
4	in the Mikhailovsky Theatre, and the secret dungeon of the Okhrana which stretches from its basement.
5	in the London Coliseum, and the glittering crystal halls in the enormous geode beneath it, created by an angel-summoning experiment of John Dee.
6	in the Teatro di San Carlo, and the nuclear bunker buried deep down underneath it, created for the Operation Gladio successor government set up in case the Cold War went nuclear.

D6	This phantom of the opera is obsessed
1	with organizing a performance of Faust from its original, occult script - which will actually summon a demon.
2	with grooming ingenues into hollowing their egos to become oracles for the powers of the underworld, then selling them off to various nefarious sorcerous circles.
3	with finding a worthy successor by entangling people into grueling, often fatal tournaments against each other.
4	with using harmonics as the key to transforming human consciousness - leaving a string of broken minds in the process.
5	with plunging the country into anarchy by blowing up the opera-house when a critical mass of national leaders attend a sublime performance.
6	with achieving a pharaonic burial - making their opera-house into their magnificent tomb, furnished with many sacrifices to be their slaves in the hereafter.

D6	This phantom of the opera kills
1	with the toxic scents of poisoned perfumes.
2	with a garrotte made from a taxidermied fox tail with a metal wire strung through its vertebrae.
3	with a hammer - a stone hammer, with its head torn from the arch of a doorway of the phantom's beloved opera house.
4	with a saber which once belonged to a heroic ancestor of theirs.
5	with a homemade silenced pistol, which fires pearls as bullets.
6	a single long finger-nail lacquered with layers of iron.