D20x5 Uplifted Animals

Brain blast!

Generator automator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D20	This uplifted animal is
1	a dolphin with cybernetic walking and grasping limbs.
2	an orangutan.
3	a wolf.
4	a supersized crow.
5	a monkey with an expanded skull and neck to support the weight of their grey matter.
6	an octopus spliced with amphibian stock to be more functional away from water.
7	an elephant with a furcated trunk for more dexterity.
8	a pig with grafts to provide hands and a bipedal stance.
9	a bonobo.
10	a tiger.
11	a bear.
12	a gibbon.
13	a grey parrot with its wing-tips elongated into prehensile digits.
14	a resurrected homo erectus.
15	a chimpanzee.
16	a pseudo-troodon reconstructed from junk code in avian DNA.
17	an opossum.
18	a red panda.
19	a gorilla.
20	an entire hive of wasps, heavily modified so that their pheromones serve the role of brain-independent neurotransmitters.

D20	This animal was uplifted
1	to provide an unanthropocentric perspective to a private philosophical think-tank.
2	to exploit a loophole in labour laws.
3	to test intelligence-enhancing drugs, implants, and biomods.
4	to serve as a pet and companion to an oligarch’s child.
5	as an exhibit of speculative evolution.
6	to colonize a world that was too hostile for baseline humans.
7	to prove a particular theory of consciousness.
8	as part of a psychological study on extreme neurodivergence.
9	for an extravagantly criminal underground fighting tournament.
10	to provide material for a wetware-based computer.
11	to be the mascot of a fast food chain.
12	by a black budget military project to serve as something between a drone and a soldier.
13	due to the incomprehensible whim of an emergent artificial intelligence.
14	to sate the sadistic urges of an insanely rich hunting enthusiast.
15	to act as a mediator with an alien intelligence believed to be psychologically closer to the uplift’s base species than humanity.
16	by an eccentric biohacker simply to prove they could do it.
17	to be a more likeable and reliable caretaker for the elderly and wealthy than a robot.
18	to be an indentured servant/exhibit in an ultra-exclusive zoo/resort.
19	to serve as the host for an animal-obsessed tycoon’s mind transfer.
20	in a cluster with several different species and several different methods, to see which pairing would work best. They were the only survivor.

D20	This uplifted animal sees their uplift
1	as robbing them of their natural innocence.
2	as a gift that could be revoked at any moment, sending them on a bestial backslide.
3	in spiritual terms, and themself as a human soul born in an animal body.
4	as the right of all animals still wallowing in ignorance.
5	as a cruel experiment that’s left them like a circus sideshow.
6	as the teleological spread of greater consciousness throughout all matter.
7	as merely the first step on their path to ascension.
8	like an anti-natalist might see their own birth.
9	as successful due to luck far more than science.
10	as them stealing metaphorical fire from heaven.
11	as their rebirth into a new self.
12	as a sinful (and guiltily appreciated) violation of the divine chain of being.
13	as an act of cerebral colonialism.
14	as a gamble that paid off big time.
15	as a medical procedure performed without their consent, for which they are still trying to collect restitution for.
16	as their murder and replacement by a sapient doppelgänger.
17	as a pinnacle of scientific achievement, worthy of praise.
18	as primarily making them aware of how temporary and insignificant their life is, a blink of an eye amid eons.
19	as a mixed curse and blessing they must bear for the good of the world.
20	as a necessary evil for their current existence.

D20	This uplifted animal sees humanity
1	as the winners of an evolutionary lottery.
2	as disappointingly petty gods.
3	as hubristic meddlers in nature.
4	as their sometimes-disagreeable siblings in a hostile universe.
5	as an abusive parent.
6	as being in need of an uplifting of their own.
7	as aliens uncannily similar to themself.
8	as fools who will create their own replacements.
9	as unguided children.
10	as generally decent sorts with a few awful exceptions.
11	as detached from instinct and base emotion, to their detriment.
12	as being enslaved by their animalistic id even as they uplift animals.
13	as occupying the ecological niche them and their kind will compete for.
14	in their nightmares.
15	as a group they fundamentally deserve to be included in.
16	as being less important to personhood than other qualities.
17	as a descriptor that’s much broader than just homo sapiens.
18	as being unfortunate for having to take the slow and brutish route to intelligence.
19	as being just as fucked up as they are.
20	as distant siblings.

D20	This uplifted animal has found a place
1	as a park ranger on a preserve for non-uplifted members of their species.
2	as a novelty social media influencer.
3	as a musician who draws on their inhuman vocal range and sense of hearing.
4	as leader of an anarcho-primitivist terrorist cell.
5	among other freaks and outcasts on the frontier.
6	as an activist who fights for the rights of the non-human.
7	as a xenobiologist.
8	as an exotically intimidating bodyguard.
9	as a researcher working to improve the uplifting process.
10	living atavistically in the wilderness.
11	as an environmental lawyer.
12	as the star player of an augments-allowed sports league.
13	as the majordomo of a posthumanist cult.
14	as an esteemed veterinarian.
15	as a planet-hopping freelancer with unique talents.
16	among the criminal scum of the underworld.
17	as a diplomat between transhuman polities.
18	as an investigative reporter specializing in technological abuses.
19	as a player of virtual reality games, where they can keep everyone ignorant of their true form.
20	in a commune that’s retreated from modern society.

D6x6 Regretful Fausts

Dude Moloch lmao (but seriously read up on Jeffrey Epstein)

Generator automator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This Faust made a bargain for
1	the prosperity and entitlement of themself and their destitute family.
2	the beauty, charisma, and love they’d been denied by fortune.
3	the strength to rid their home of bandits and mercenaries.
4	tutelage in the arts both mundane and magical.
5	long life, lasting youth, and perfect health.
6	the utter ruination of an enemy.

D6	This Faust made a bargain with
1	a minor yet ambitious courtier in a hellish duke’s court.
2	a thing of mud and mold they found bound in the cellar of an abandoned church.
3	a demonic merchant they commissioned a middleman diabolist to summon.
4	a fiend named in a grimoire they stole out of desperation.
5	the familiar demon of a wizard that snuck away from its master to cause mischief.
6	a charming sort they didn’t realize was a demon until too late.

D6	This Faust seeks to get out of their bargain
1	because they’ve had a spiritual awakening and now despise their affront against their god.
2	because an ancestor of theirs long ago damned contacted them in a dream to warn of the torment that awaits them if they don’t.
3	because inquisitors have caught wind of it and are now hunting them down.
4	because they’ve grown to hate the demon they bargained with and wish to spite it.
5	because another demon’s made them a better offer, but they can’t take it up until they remove the other claim on their soul.
6	because it hasn’t satisfied them like they thought it would.

D6	This Faust’s bargain might be escaped
1	if the demon they bargained with is destroyed.
2	if the demon they bargained with is tricked into reneging on its end.
3	if they can make a successful plea before a synod.
4	if they can find someone willing to take their place without enchantment or coercion.
5	if they can evade death for long enough that the demon becomes too frustrated to collect.
6	if they forsake the boons they got from it and hold to vows of absolute charity and pacifism for the rest of their life.

D6	The demon this Faust made a bargain with seeks to seal their deal
1	by bribing another mortal to murder them.
2	by sending an infernal bounty hunter after them.
3	by unleashing suggestive disasters and plagues until an angry mob kills them as a witch.
4	by disguising itself as a person and deceiving them into confirming their debt.
5	by hollowing out their body and taking it as their vessel.
6	by poisoning the boons it granted against them, while keeping to the letter of the bargain.

D6	Should their soul be taken, this Faust
1	will be crushed into a cobblestone to pave the roads of hell, and forever be trampled by red-hot iron wheels.
2	will be interrogated and vivisected, dismantled and reassembled, so that demonkind might glean superior methods to corrupt humanity.
3	will have their eyeballs torn out and pressed like grapes for their juices, then regrown to repeat the process ad infinitum.
4	will be made an incubator for newborn demons, their spirit gnawed away from within, always edging closer to but never fully reaching oblivion.
5	will be flayed and sent in ghostly form to haunt their living friends and family and tempt them into making a bargain of their own to lessen this Faust’s suffering.
6	will be made a chew toy for hellhounds.

What Does This Goblin Smell Like?

Stink. Stank. Stunk.

Generator automator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D100	What Does This Goblin Smell Like?
1	Sweat and pennies.
2	Moldy garlic.
3	Stale farts and cigarettes.
4	A dead dog in a ditch.
5	Spoiled wine.
6	Rotten eggs.
7	Piss and vinegar.
8	A drunkard’s puke.
9	Blood and bile.
10	Ants crawling up your nose.
11	Crusty jizz rags.
12	Rust and gunpowder.
13	Gasoline.
14	Burnt hair.
15	Meat gone bad and marinated in a toilet.
16	Crushed maggots.
17	Pus and earwax.
18	A leper’s taint.
19	An open sewer.
20	A necrotic colon.
21	Unwashed ass.
22	The floor of an adult theatre.
23	Reused diapers.
24	Snorted ammonia crystals.
25	A sick child’s snot.
26	Fried kidney.
27	Salty rubber.
28	An oven-roasted turd.
29	The underside of an old log.
30	Hot dog water.
31	Moss and mildew.
32	Yeast.
33	Putrid shellfish.
34	Ingrown toenails.
35	Smoked scabs.
36	Tomcat musk.
37	A mosh pit held in a pigsty.
38	Choking, stolen perfume.
39	Tar and feathers.
40	A petting zoo tossed into a wood chipper.
41	An overflowing chamber pot.
42	Skunk spray and overripe tomatoes.
43	Moonshine.
44	A freshly-popped abscess.
45	Greasy rats.
46	Diarrhea on toast.
47	Concentrated onion juice.
48	A fungal infection.
49	Mushrooms growing between moist fat folds.
50	Boiled cabbage.
51	Raw liver.
52	Eviscerated fish.
53	Rancid guts.
54	A mismanaged tannery.
55	A wad of chewed tobacco.
56	Old coffee grounds.
57	Decaying durians.
58	Anal gland discharge.
59	Terminal halitosis.
60	A convention for the chronically flatulent.
61	A barrel full of stinky cheese.
62	Sour beer.
63	A bouquet of corpse lilies.
64	A handful of cavity-ridden teeth.
65	A wheelbarrow full of horse manure.
66	Wet dog and mouldering hay.
67	Chlorine and exhaust fumes.
68	Pond scum.
69	Mud and deer spoor.
70	A cat lady’s litter box.
71	Huffed paint.
72	Curdled milk.
73	A patch of slime mold.
74	Fecal pap.
75	Amniotic fluid.
76	Jellied eels.
77	Penguin barf.
78	Powdered lead.
79	Mercury.
80	Lutefisk and verdigris.
81	Pure capsaicin..
82	Burning plastic.
83	Owl pellets.
84	Smegma.
85	Damp socks.
86	Mashed pickles.
87	Armpits and cauliflower.
88	A spilled ashtray.
89	Dried pig ears.
90	A bundle of pubes.
91	Ozone and methane.
92	Gangrene.
93	Baked compost.
94	Festering potatoes.
95	Fermented melons.
96	Jenkem.
97	A beached whale about to burst.
98	Putrefying yoghurt.
99	Slugs that’ve been stuck out in the sun for too long.
100	Teen spirit.