Friday, June 21, 2019

D6x6 Capricious Conspiracies

Stay woke.

Generator automator here:

D6This conspiracy plans to
1use the last remaining functional air loom
2control the earth’s telluric currents by seizing Foucault’s Pendulum
3place its secret insignia on currency, architecture, and media
4sacrifice innocents to Moloch
5fake a Mars landing
6contaminate the world’s freshwater supply with chemicals
D6in order to
1pacify the population.
2immanentize the eschaton.
3accelerate the next stage of human evolution.
4turn the frickin’ frogs gay.
5rule under one world order.
6further the cause of chaos.
D6This conspiracy goes right up to
1the president.
2the pope.
3the heights of Hollywood.
4the reptilian shapeshifting masters of the globe.
5the hidden Nazi legions within the hollow earth.
6the queen of England.
D6This conspiracy has acted from the shadows since
1last week. It’s a recent development.
2the dawn of humanity.
3the fall of Troy.
4the rise of the Hapsburgs.
5the crash at Roswell.
6the end of the gold standard.
D6This conspiracy enforces its will through
1an army of cloned James Deans.
2hyper-advanced science and subliminal manipulation that the ignorant label “magic”.
3manipulation of conventional government, bureaucracy, and police.
4summoning extra-dimensional horrors from across the multiverse.
5brainwashing civilians into sleeper agents.
6teams of cyborg special agents.
D6This conspiracy is opposed by
1a renegade faction within itself.
2a surviving remnant of the Knights Templar.
3the ascended masters of Shangri-La.
4brave tinfoil-hatted radio hosts.
5some dorks who stumbled on it while looking for drugs on the deep web.
6an inter-faith association of mystic knights.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

D20x5 Hungry Ghosts & Unclean Spirits

Gaki Geishas: Hungry for Hung Heichous

Generator automator here:

D20 This being resembles
1 a hairless tiger
2 an ancient potbellied child
3 a locust twisted into humanoid form
4 a gaunt humanoid whose jaw stretches down to its pelvis
5 a bloated, stinking corpse
6 a person whose face and lower body are those of a centipede,
7 a gawping toad whose warts shudder unwholesomely,
8 a bent figure comprised of crawling flies,
9 a maggot that has a child’s face and many malformed limbs,
10 a skeleton scrivened all over with curses,
11 a flayed hog whose tusks are beckoning fingers,
12 rusted iron and moldy branches tied into a humanoid frame,
13 a filthy hound
14 a mummified corpse distended by saponified fat,
15 a grimacing bear covered in needles stuck in its flesh instead of fur,
16 a bat whose wings lack skin, leaving long and grasping fingers,
17 a shrunken, moon-pale hunchback
18 a death-stiffened figure wrapped in a funeral shroud
19 a slavering jackal
20 a mound of meat and clotting scabs
D20 with
1 claws as long and sharp as scythes.
2 a sinuous neck that wrinkles and extends like a caterpillar.
3 needle-like teeth that stick out at unsettling angles from its gums.
4 eyes that glow a sickly yellow.
5 footprints that smoulder with heartless green fire.
6 its innards prolapsed and draped around it like a robe.
7 teeth constantly erupting from its body only to rot and fall out.
8 leeches flowing like tresses from its scalp.
9 a dragging tongue dripping caustic secretions.
10 blind worms wriggling from its every orifice.
11 a keening whine that follows wherever it goes.
12 edges that twist and writhe and never seem stable before your eyes.
13 a literally raspy voice that tears the skin of your ears.
14 thick, reeking smoke wafting from its pores.
15 leaden chains linked through its body.
16 a dizzying scent of bile always preceding its arrival.
17 a tarnished blade impaling it through my the middle, its own body made a sheath for the weapon.
18 a dozen spare mouths gaping across its body.
19 a long, greasy mane strewn with spoiled gobbets.
20 a shadow that lurks and looms menacingly regardless of the ambient light.
D20 Its current state is a punishment for
1 venality in its prior life as a spiritual leader.
2 robbing and killing those who sought hospitality in its home.
3 war profiteering, stoking conflict for a few more luxuries.
4 selling tainted grain to starving folk.
5 poisoning their family to consolidate their wealth.
6 getting others addicted to the drugs they sold to support their own habit.
7 murderous jealousy, removing a rival in love.
8 consuming the offerings left for a god.
9 stealing from the old and honoured dead.
10 telling a lie that led to a slaughter.
11 ignoring their duties in favour of hedonistic distractions.
12 anti-enlightenment, taking a false and terrible leap in their spiritual development.
13 becoming so drunk they vomited on the face of a true guru.
14 cutting open the living to study their organs and processes.
15 smuggling plague into a city resisting conquest.
16 disinterring and eating the dead for the taboo-breaking thrill of it.
17 selling off the higher parts of its soul to demons.
18 being consumed by a mad rage, cutting down comrades and non-combatants alike.
19 betraying the love and trust their children had for them.
20 escaping mortal justice they dearly deserved.
D20 It dwells
1 in the eaves of abandoned buildings,
2 at the threshold of graveyards,
3 in wasp-infested logs,
4 in the boughs of blighted trees,
5 disguised among the trains and followers of armies,
6 at gallows and execution grounds,
7 in desecrated temples,
8 in toxic swamps,
9 where uncleanliness goes uncleared,
10 in stagnant pools,
11 where slaves and serfs are worked to death,
12 in the abodes of ravenous sorcerers who are able to abide its presence and in need of its abilities,
13 above the tree-lines of forlorn mountains,
14 in midden-pits and trash-heaps,
15 wherever misery’s echoes boom,
16 in tunnels dug it’s dug into the dirt,
17 in negligent prisons,
18 in attics and basements where children fear to go,
19 in caves painted with gore,
20 in a tent of ribs and discarded rags,
D20 seeking
1 milk to steal from the bellies of babies.
2 the last gasp of dying men.
3 to chew the hair off the heads of maidens.
4 to sup blood spilled by quarrelling kin.
5 to swallow corpses whole, only to see them burst from their overstuffed belly.
6 charity to snatch from the mouths of beggars and monks.
7 to tempt others down the same path.
8 to devour the ashes of burned homes.
9 to drink the waste of diseased people.
10 ascension to a higher state through being worshipped.
11 forgiveness for its many transgressions.
12 the one delectable treat it has yet to taste.
13 passage into a more amenable afterlife.
14 to be consumed by a greater, more awful being so it can take them over from within.
15 to get drunk off the tears of mourners.
16 to suck sweet dreams out of sleepers’ ears.
17 lesser spirits to nibble and gnaw.
18 to slaughter livestock, raze fields, and drive the populace to starvation.
19 beautiful treasures and priceless art to ruin.
20 to drag the rest of the world down to its petty, defiled level.

Thursday, June 6, 2019

D8x2xD20x6 Cryptic Prophecies

I prophesy that we’re making it to 100 babyyy

Generator automator here:

Friday, May 24, 2019

D20x5 Hedge-Knights

Still got some words left

Automatic generator used to automate this generator here:

D20This hedge-knight appears
1with beauty gone and flesh wasted.
2decrepit and grey.
3wrapped hand and face with moldering bandages.
4scarred and tattooed such that the original tint of their skin can’t be told beneath them all.
5haggard and drawn.
6leathery and weather-beaten.
7languorous, half-closed eyes dreaming of a place far from here.
8to always be baring their cracked brown teeth.
9smeared with mud, leaves and grasses stuck among their hair.
10with one eye milky white, the other so bloodshot it looks a solid red.
11wearing a horse’s steel barding, crudely modified to somewhat fit a human shape.
12with a wooden nose carved to cover the hole left by the loss of their own.
13in rags held together by accumulated filth as much as by stitching.
14much too young to fight, kill, die.
15shaken, always shaking.
16ephemerally waifish.
17stripped of fat and extraneous flesh, every muscle and tendon standing out in tension straining for release.
18limping and leaning, greatly favouring a less injured side.
19thick and bristly.
20to never raise their voice above a hoarse whisper.
D20This hedge-knight wields
1a cudgel run through with rusty nails.
2a longsword broken off halfway down the blade.
3fists wrapped in leather, and wrapped again with inch-long thorns to make spiny cestuses (cestii?).
4a pair of notched kitchen cleavers.
5a woodsman’s axe, scabbed over like an old wound.
6a stack of horseshoes tied at the end of a rope to make a flail.
7a pitchfork with the side tines snapped off to make something almost like a spear.
8a blade of old, corroded bronze, stolen from a barrow-mound.
9a bow and flint-knapped arrows, made with their own hands by the oldest ways.
10a lance, cut down to be usable on foot, a soiled favour still dangling from its tip.
11a whaler’s harpoon.
12a cavalryman’s sabre, bent in too many places.
13anything they can lay their hands on. They consider being able to murder a man with a wooden spoon a point of pride.
14a sledgehammer, with brutal simplicity.
15a stiletto and a meathook.
16a cut-down blunderbuss loaded with rocks and caltrops.
17a miner’s pick.
18a war scythe.
19a stout walking stick with rock-hard knobs of fungus sprouting along it.
20a fine sword, well-kept despite everything, the last remnant of their once-noble house.
D20This hedge-knight would fight for nothing more than
1the promise of revenge against the one who orchestrated their fall from fortune.
2some lively livestock.
3love, to be loved despite their sorry state.
4a bottle of stiff drink, and fight better for a dose of a stranger drug.
5the chance that they might be remembered in song as better than they’ve lived.
6good company and trustworthy fellows to guard them while they sleep.
7a title, any title, a taste of their former prestige.
8news of their family.
9the gift of better gear.
10the guarantee of a death that wins some glory.
11bargain mercenary wages.
12a warm, perfumed bath with soap.
13getting to go somewhere nobody knows them.
14a bed somewhere with four walls and a roof.
15charitable donations made in their name.
16the opportunity to lead others into battle.
17a squire willing to train in their techniques and code.
18a tabard stitched with their sigil.
19protection from the local law enforcement they’ve offended.
20some land decent enough to farm.
D20A bad habit this hedge-knight has picked up in their penury is
1banditry, waylaying fellow travellers for pennies.
2drunkenness, chugging any moonshine, hooch, or swill they can get their trembling mitts on.
3sleeplessness, long stretches of insomnia pierced by shrieking nightmares.
4coarseness, crudeness, and general inability to manage in polite society.
5hoarding, of food and fleas and anything else they can get and keep.
6fanaticism, the zealotry of one with nothing left but faith.
7paranoia, watchfulness soured to endless suspicion.
8gambling to their last coin, and then some.
9a prickly, duel-hungry defensiveness of their last scraps of honour.
10blasphemy, constant cursing of the higher power they blame for their misery.
11utter contempt for the wretched few in the world they can consider beneath themself.
12halfway-enlightened self-interest, selfishness when it suits their interests and too often when it doesn’t.
13a voracious hunger for luxuries and the pampered life.
14obsessive superstition, considering every sight a portent and every action a potential taboo.
15hollowed fatalism, a bone-deep acceptance of this life as their lot.
16bilious hatred for weakness, for comfort, for comforting.
17a desperate urge to please and serve.
18morbid fascination with death, the dead, and the dying.
19universal schadenfreude, a creeping edge of sadism.
D20This hedge-knight carries
1their master’s bones (what could be found of them, they were splintered so...) in a wicker bundle upon their back.
2a pan-flute of unsettling timbre, taken from a faun they claim.
3every tooth they ever knocked from a jaw, strung on twine about their neck.
4a banner atop a broken pole, stained such that its heraldry seems to have changed entirely in colour and character.
5a cheersome, motley-patched mask, used to win bread as a mummer when a sword-hand wouldn’t do.
6a tarnished, exquisite silver spoon, which they insist on eating all their meals with.
7a reeking wheel of cheese, mostly uneaten. They’re saving it for a good day.
8a war medal, dented and dirty and honestly won.
9a crutch with a sharpened and fire-hardened end. They don’t need it, yet.
10a pouch of wooden dice.
11a warhorn made from a wild boar’s tusk.
12the leash of a three-legged hound.
13a bag of foraged medicinal herbs.
14a sealed letter they failed to deliver on time.
15a fishing rod.
16boards nailed together into a shield.
17a pair of silk shoes with curled tips, too delicate to march in.
18a clay lantern painted with scenes of warriors being devoured by beasts.
19a vial of poison with two doses: one intended for another, and then themself.
20a black iron helm shaped like a weeping face.

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

D20x??? Hideous Hags

Hags are awesome, and deserve a spot beside liches and vampires as the big magical humanoid bad guys.

Generator generator here: