Saturday, December 30, 2023

D6x6 Tawdry Tabaxi

Click the button below to get your tabaxi:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

D6This tabaxi’s fur
1is tawny and spotted black.
2is fluffy and ginger.
3is non-existent - they're bald and wrinkled like a cold scrotum.
4is a glossy black.
5has a calico pattern.
6is dense and blue-grey.
D6This tabaxi carries
1a sharp-toothed hairbrush carved from whale ivory.
2talismans made from the bodies of small animals they've killed.
3a bundle of string to entertain themself when idle.
4a wax paper parasol painted with fractal flower patterns, to keep the rain off.
5a silver toothpick topped with a tiny gem.
6a little jar of anchovies, as a snack.
D6This tabaxi has found their vocation as
1a dealer of catnip, silvervine, and even a few other drugs that appeal to non-felines.
2a quite literal cat-burglar.
3a hunter who trades in unusual meats and pelts.
4a courier who can scale buildings and leap the gaps between rooftops as easily as walking a pedestrian street.
5a rat-catcher and general vermin-exterminator.
6a therapist and masseuse.
D6This tabaxi is
1skittish, prone to glancing about and fleeing at the first provocation.
2imperious, proud and commanding.
3gluttonous, always stuffing their face.
4contemplative, slipping into philosophical musings if distracted.
5sly, seeking to get one over on others.
6imaginative, prone to flights of fancy and taking creative approaches even when the tried-and-true approach could be better.
D6This tabaxi wears
1a rough felt choker they scratch to relieve stress.
2a voluminous toga with many pockets hidden within.
3minuscule bells on the ends of their whiskers.
4a claw-tipped glove on one hand - they lost their own claws there in an accident.
5a row of ribbons on their tail.
6a pair of tinted spectacles that reduce the strain of bright light on their eyes.
D6Breaking with stereotypes, this tabaxi in fact
1loves swimming, and never goes out unbathed or -perfumed.
2is a near-insomniac, and works away all their waking hours.
3is terribly frightened by birds.
4is gregarious and enjoys chatting up new people.
5tends to land face-first from falls rather than anything graceful.
6is a total dog person, and trains them as a side business.

Friday, December 29, 2023

D100+ Two-Sentence Horror Stories

Click the button below to generate your two-sentence horror story:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

D100+ Culinary Cuisines

Click the button below to generate your cuisine:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

Thursday, December 28, 2023

D100+ Musical Genres

Click the button below to generate your genre:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:


Wednesday, December 27, 2023

D20 Things That Might Go Wrong If You Have Too Many Hirelings

1. Hirelings form a hero-cult around you. There will be sectarian strife as the cult splinters between charismatic leaders and iconoclastic heretics, and the whole lot will turn on you if you fall short of their heroic ideal.

2. One hireling stabs another over a disputed gamble.

3. A hireling falls madly in love with you, will covertly work to drive off or kill other members of the party so that they can be with you alone.

4. A hireling trips and breaks their leg, the whole party moves at half speed unless they’re provided with a mount, healed, or abandoned.

5. Two hirelings elope, leaving the party.

6. A hireling sneaks off ahead on your route, thinking they can get to any treasure before you.

7. A hireling sells out your location and weaknesses to some nearby bandits.

8. Your hirelings start a fight club. Each day one is randomly injured until it’s broken up... however this may be bad for their morale unless alternative entertainment is provided.

9. Intestinal parasites run amok through the camp. Rations are consumed at twice normal rate until the infected are cured or excised.

10. A hireling is turned to a rival faction, becomes double agent.

11. A hireling’s mind breaks from stress and they run off screaming.

12. A hireling becomes obsessed with monsters and their power, will defect from the party to serve the next one encountered with more HD than you.

13. Your hirelings are possessed by a bloody fervour. They automatically pass any morale checks, but will no longer retreat from combat for 1d6 days.

14. A hireling offends a local spirit. Suffer terrible weather until the hireling is sacrificed, the spirit is appeased, or you leave the region.

15. Dysentery strikes your hirelings. Until they’re cured or leave the party you can never surprise enemies due to the preceding stench.

16. A hireling blunders into a nearby trap.

17. Hirelings unionize to demand higher wages and safer working conditions.

18. A hireling becomes inspired by natural beauty, and works furiously to complete a work of art. They’ll remain where they are, and in 1d6 days will have a finished work worth 1d6x100 silver. If left to fend for themself there is a 20% chance per day they’ll die.

19. A hireling begins collecting trophies from everything you kill, and starts smelling very gross. They will no longer be tolerated in civilized locales.

20. Your hirelings spook each other with ghost stories. For 1d6 days they suffer -2 morale.

Monday, December 25, 2023

D6x6 Killer Chimeras

Click the button below to generate your chimera:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

D6This chimera's front section
1is a stag beetle.
2is a lion.
3is a bear.
4is an eagle.
5is a wolf.
6is a tiger.
D6This chimera's middle section
1is a gazelle.
2is a goat.
3is a boar.
4is a rhino.
5is a bull.
6is a camel.
D6This chimera's rear section
1is an ankylosaur.
2is a dragon.
3is a shark.
4is a hippo.
5is a centipede.
6is a scorpion.
D6This chimera can
1breathe fire.
2exhale petrifying gas.
3vomit gouts of acid.
4stab out and grab with its extremely long tongue.
5drive people mad with its shriek.
6snort deafeningly loud.
D6This chimera is
1the magnum opus of a biomancer.
2the creation of a guild of alchemists, made as a source of exotic catalysts.
3a killer abomination created by a circle of druids.
4a natural birth, though a monstrous mutation.
5the living mascot of a fallen empire.
6the agent of a god, scaring people to the skirts of faith.
D6This chimera's weakness
1is maidens, to whom it is gentle and playful as a puppy.
2is being attacked down one of its throats - they're unarmoured, and it would deal a mortal wound.
3is nights of the full moon, during which it enters an unwakeable slumber.
4is the music of pan-flutes, which induces terrible fear in it.
5is wine - it's a lush, and gets drunk very easily.
6is honey, which burns it like acid.

Saturday, December 16, 2023

D6x6 Capable Cars

Vroom vroom:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

D6This car's a
3punch buggy.
6muscle car.
D6This car's paintjob
1is white and purple tiger stripes.
2is red and orange leopard spots.
3is airbrushed Frank Frazetta-esque action scenes.
4is neon green.
5is golden.
6is glowing-white on black, skeletal.
D6This car's interior
1is cat-scratched leather.
2is vinyl, and ridged with the discography of the Beach Boys.
3is piled with old, greasy fast food wrappers.
4is padded with possum pelts.
5has had its seats replaced with bean bag chairs.
6is wrapped in cellophane.
D6In this car's trunk
1is a body packed up in a suit bag.
2is a sawn-off shotgun loaded with silver buckshot.
3is an annotated map of Area 51.
4is a taxidermied pelican with a multi-tailed fish lodged in its mouth.
5is trays of plastic toy vegetables.
6is a sedated honey badger.
D6This car has
1a police scanner installed.
2a long, detachable antenna tipped with a knot of razor wire.
3a pair of crusty fuzzy dice hanging from its rearview mirror - all sides ones.
4a grille soldered with real teeth.
5undercarriage-attached flamethrowers fired by buttons on its dashboard.
6bulletproof windows.
D6This car's license plates reads:

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

D6x6 Notable Nothics

This post is dedicated to friend of the blog Nothic's Eye.

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here:

D6 This nothic's eye 
1 appears to be a many-faceted blue-and-black gemstone - on closer inspection it's clear that it's simply got so many irises and pupils crowded together that they've been compressed together into geodesic shape.
2 is much too big for its socket, split like a half-crushed grape and perpetually leaking vitreous fluid.
3 can extend some distance from its face on a slimy stalk of raw nerves and muscle.
4 is infested with an iridescent cataract which bears visions of impossible worlds within its miniscule whorls.
5 has been pierced acupuncture-like with the splinter-thin shards of mirrors.
6 bears a flaming iris of an as-yet-unknown colour and a pupil which is a bottomless hole.

D6 This nothic's gaze
1 twists along angles that'd make you sick to see, allowing it to peer around corners and into hearts and pockets.
2 inflicts a pernicious nausea - void your stomach, and its spilled contents will reanimate into a sloppy, stinking ooze.
3 temporarily animates parts of your skeleton while still within your body, tearing you apart from the inside.
4 sees a short while into the future, and may superimpose over and make actual and current the damaged, degraded versions of things they perceive.
5 bores many trypophobia-inducing pupil-holes in whatever they stare at.
6 infests those who meet it with parasitic worms, hatching into their vitreous fluid.

D6 This nothic was 
1 a diviner who looked beyond the limits of the comprehensible universe, where something crawled in through their vision like a burglar through a broken window and took up malforming residence in their soul.
2 an ambitious adventurer who replaced one of their own ocular orbs with a magical glass eye found in an ancient ruin, which became terribly cursed when certain forgotten conditions weren't met.
3 a practitioner of the evil eye whose many inflictions of malign sight were reflected back at them, mutilating their body and mind.
4 just a poor bystander who witnessed an angel's fall from heaven.
5 an antiquarian who perused an old, evil book written by a long-dead wizard - a book which recorded the wizard in such detail that any who read it would be turned into a replica of that wizard, only time and mold degraded the fidelity of the replication.
6 a skeptic who tricked the gods into believing he held an object beyond their omniscience, and was cursed when the deception was discovered.

D6 This nothic is 
1 a spymaster who spares no thought to the political utility of the secrets it collects, only that someone tried to conceal them from it.
2 an assassin motivated by a complex, likely maddened parapolitical ideology.
3 worshiped by a gnostic cult, who put out one of their own eyes in homage.
4 a dark oracle who dispenses cruel truths and manipulative partial revelations.
5 the head of a criminal organization who takes voyeuristic pleasure from the depravity of its mooks.
6 a jealous dealer in occult goods and knowledge, a middle-man of the maleficars' underworld.

D6 This nothic lairs 
1 in the central tower of a panopticon, its immaculate nest armed with a field gun which can be swiveled to fire on any of the place's cells.
2 in the moth-clouded basement of a great library, among stacks of discarded and unredacted tomes.
3 in a lighthouse - its lamp made into an observatory-lens, its former crew made into macabre, sigil-scrim'd decorations.
4 in the luxuriously-appointed attic of a manor belonging to a nobleman the nothic drove mad.
5 among the charred ruins of a glassmaker's workshop, the furnace and tools reworked into unseemly implements.
6 at the bottom of a sinkhole carved with coiling stairs, around a perfectly-still pool of water within.

D6 This nothic seeks
1 a fallen star with fortune-warping power - the area surrounding its impact-crater rife with the unlikeliest coincidences.
2 to kidnap a religious authority who can absolve it of its many sins.
3 to put together a heist to steal a legendary work of art from the vault of a rich and paranoid collector.
4 the means to hollow the soul from a human body, and thereby create the perfect puppet to go about unnoticed in society.
5 the secrets of undeath, to extend its terrible existence.
6 the utter humiliation and ruin of a rival, to leave them alive and wretched among the wreckage of their legacy.