Thursday, July 30, 2020

D6x6 Gnomic Gnomes

Got a soft spot for gnomes. Normally sickened by that HR-approved heckin wholesome smol bean chungus aesthetic, but with gnomes it’s subtly yet sufficiently different.

Random generator generator here:

D6These gnomes are said to be born
1from the dreams of animals hibernating beneath the earth.
2from old folk forgotten by their children.
3from halflings that overdosed on magic.
4from women who tell too many jokes while pregnant.
5from piles of leftover leather in cobblers’ shops.
6from a toad fucking a toadstool.
D6These gnomes are known for
1their mundane crafts of exquisite worksgnomeship.
2their impossible inventions that fall apart if examined or thought about too closely.
3the brewing of subtle wines and fierce spirits.
4being very hard to track down if they don’t want to be found.
5making the best fools and mummers.
6being enamoured with antiquities, especially old books.
D6An unusual feature of these gnomes
1is their little black eyes and their big round ears.
2is their mis-sized faces, which are either too big or too small for their heads.
3is their brightly twinkling eyes like gemstones.
4is their bulbous red noses covered in white spots.
5is their polydactylic hands and feet.
6is their long, long toes that curl up and in over their feet.
D6These gnomes’ inherent magic
1lets them speak with animals, trees, brooks, and other parts of the natural world, but only after they get themselves and their conversation partner drunk or high.
2can disguise themselves and their homes as boulders, grassy knolls, or other formations of dirt and stone so long as they remain perfectly still.
3can be used for minor feats of illusion and telekinesis, but if anyone is harmed by their magic that harm is returned threefold upon the gnome.
4can be extracted from their bodies by lethal alchemical processes, making them a target for unethical wizards and deeply suspicious of anyone wearing a pointy hat.
5is of a subtle sort that preserves the things they love, reducing the need for homekeeping, maintaining precious heirlooms, and sharing gnomish longevity with their friends and spouses.
6soaks into the places they live, awakening them to a kind of drowsy animation. Places they remain in and treat well will ward off the elements, warn them of intruders, provide food, and so on.
D6These gnomes must
1wear bright red hats to identify themselves when among bigger people, as they are believed to be shapeshifters.
2avoid excessively unpleasant feelings, as they suffer easily and deeply from psychosomatic diseases.
3take care to pay respect to the fickle spirits that follow them about.
4respond truthfully to a question if a question of theirs is answered honestly first.
5keep their promises, or else age a year and a day for breaking one.
6be buried in good loam when they die, or else return as infuriatingly mischievous poltergeists.
D6These gnomes are rumoured to
1dig under churches to steal their good silver.
2turn those who offend them into rats.
3fight secret wars against goblins in attics and basements.
4be spies for an invisible kingdom.
5be always born as twins, one gaunt and dour as the other is plump and cheery.
6be immune to the poisons and plagues that afflict humanity, and to use these things to atrocious effect in war and subterfuge.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

D6x6 Hydrated Hydras

Slave to alliteration

Random generator generator here:

D6This hydra is
1the guardian spirit of a sacred river, polluted along with its charge by the meddling of mankind.
2a dinosaur that wanted to survive the extinction of the rest of its kind so badly it became the ultimate survivor.
3a wizard’s failed attempt to create a plant-animal hybrid as the perfect crop/livestock.
4a god that went feral after the extermination of its cult, losing its true immortality and most of its wisdom.
5an incarnation of death’s inevitability that crawled up from the underworld.
6a sophistic demon bound to the earth by some mortal clans’ blood feud. So long as the hatred flows through the generations the hydra will return.
D6This hydra has
1bones that snap and protrude under its own weight with every step, only to mend moments later.
2tumours and throbbing scars dappling it from old, mis-healed wounds.
3colourful frills around its necks.
4a carpet of ticks covering its hide.
5translucent flesh. Veins and organs can be seen shifting beneath, devouring each other in a visceral ouroboros.
6vestigial eyes and limbs dotting its body.
D6This hydra’s regeneration
1causes it to bud off swarms of mini-hydras when it’s wounded.
2can be inverted if it’s exposed to a drug which only the moon-folk know how to produce.
3can be inhibited by music, which enrages it.
4will continue even after it’s killed, bringing it back to life unless it’s burned or dissolved.
5accelerates for 1d6 rounds after it’s eaten about at least a person-sized portion of meat.
6produces an excess of blood when it’s wounded, turning the battlefield into a slippery mess.
D6This hydra’s lair
1is a burrow that opens to the bed of an algae-caked kettle in the midst of a peatland.
2is a fissure where the mouth of a spring flows.
3is a ruined palace halfway sunk in a flooded delta, surrounded by the waterlogged remnants of a dead civilization.
4is a dank ponor where deafening rapids spill.
5has a mouth curtained by a waterfall.
6lies on an isle in the middle of an estuary.
D6Near this hydra’s lair
1is a young warrior groomed into believing that they’re a demigod and their sycophants-cum-political handlers, hyping themselves up to slay the monster and prove their prowess.
2a peasant family are dragging a recalcitrant ox to sacrifice to it.
3is the cabin of a royal gamekeeper tasked with keeping an eye on the hydra and making sure nobody provokes it.
4is a tricksy talking vulture that eats the hydra’s leftovers.
5is an old hunter collapsed in the mud, dying from injuries inflicted by the hydra.
6is a clutch of crab-men who fear and worship it.
D6Something that can be harvested from this hydra is its
1scales, which could be made into superlative armour by a master craftsman.
2sinews, which could be used to make magic rope or bowstrings.
3liver, which could be used to filter poisons into beneficial elixirs.
4bones, which could be carved into barbed weapons that grow into the wounds they wreak.
5feces, which are an unmatched fertilizer.
6blood, which could be refined into a healing potion.

Friday, July 24, 2020

D100+ Company Names

Special thanks to u/infinitum3d and their post here: for inspiring this.

Any generated results resembling real trademarked/copyrighted names are pure happenstance, don’t sue me.

To convert your own table into an automated generator try this:

Thursday, July 23, 2020

D6x6 Wily Will-o-Wisps

What’s the deal with wisp mothers in skyrim, I’m not gonna bother googling but if someone wants to explain in the comments that’d be tight

Generator automator found here:

D6This will-o-wisp looks like
1a tumbleweed made of barbed wire, sparking with electrical arcs.
2a disembodied hand clutching an incandescent orb.
3a glowing crescent laid on its side that flies like a bouncing boomerang.
4smoke drifting in an avian shape, lit from within by baleful green sparks.
5a bulbous infant’s head leaking phantasmal blue fire from its orifices.
6a rotten heart pumping a lambent corona around itself.
D6This will-o-wisp is
1a creation of fairies made to trick mortals for their entertainment.
2a mote of infernal essence left behind by the exorcism of a demon.
3a perfectly natural bioluminescent organism with a biochemistry that uses gas as a solvent instead of water.
4a diminished angel of a god of lost and forgotten things, which itself became overlooked and dwindled away.
5the soul of one rejected by every heaven and hell, left without a place to rest.
6a holographic projected avatar of an advanced yet extinct civilization’s malfunctioning navigation probe.
D6This will-o-wisp’s light
1hides potholes, pressure triggers, and similar hazards.
2makes everything within it appear aged by an untended century.
3dims any other light sources within it to uselessness.
4is a harbinger of misfortune. Anyone lit by it automatically fails any saves they have to make.
5can be concentrated by it into a blinding flare.
6is the only light by which certain occult texts can be read.
D6This will-o-wisp lurks
1in a bog where crocodiles lie with the fallen logs.
2in a gnarled thicket of pines where even wolves fear to tread.
3by the banks of a deceptively fast and deep river.
4by a hazy oasis.
5along the contours of a drowned esker.
6in the shadow of a great tor.
D6This will-o-wisp tries to lure people
1into the lair of a powerful monster nearby.
2astray from the safe path, or around in circles.
3off a precipice to a steep or otherwise deadly drop.
4to a cursed treasure.
5into an ambush.
6into a cave that will collapse behind them.
D6A rumour about this will-o-wisp is
1that if you bring it its favourite food it’ll lead you to something good instead of bad.
2that it serves a witch as a spy and trickster.
3that it can be bound by salt and silver into a magic lantern.
4that a certain order of wizards would pay dearly for its extracts.
5a secret society of mystic pilgrims use it in their initiation rites that few survive unmaimed.
6that if it leads someone to their death their soul will be enslaved by the will-o-wisp until it’s destroyed.

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

D20x5 Spooky Scary Skeletons

Click the button below for your own randomized skeleton:

For more skeleton-related material, please see:
Follow the following link to find the automator for your own table:

D20This skeleton has
1goat bones replacing some of its missing human ones.
2metal splints bolted on to reinforce its long bones.
3ghostly flaming viscera shuddering in its torso.
4a nest of cockroaches in its skull, scuttling in and out of its eye sockets.
5scorched black bones, with ash drifting from its clacking jaws.
6gnaw-marks on its bones.
7cobwebs dangling from its limbs.
8a rusty dagger embedded in its left scapula.
9a caved-in skull, a few shards still rattling within.
10delicate cranking gears replacing its ligaments.
11a gold-plated grin.
12packed dirt onto its bones in a facsimile of flesh.
13a shaggy carpet of moss clinging to it.
14burial scenes scrimshawed on its bones.
15old blood scabbed on it.
16incense sticks planted in its pelvis.
17its phalanges and metacarpals partially carved into chess pieces.
18cancerous bone deformities.
19a crooked spine.
20a fancy feathered cap it will not part with under any circumstances.
D20This skeleton’s special skeleton power
1is that only crushing its bones to pieces will put it down for good. Otherwise they’ll reassemble themselves.
2is that after it kills something with a skeleton it can peel off the nasty meat and reanimate a bony friend.
3is that it’s retained most of its intelligence and personality from life, though it’s gained an overpowering hatred for the living.
4is that it can push beyond the structural limits of its bones. By shattering an arm or leg it can deliver a terrible blow, or leap an incredible distance.
5is that it can instantly bury itself in soil to later burst out in ambush.
6is that its grim visage immediately provokes a morale check in hirelings.
7is that like a shark’s bones it is mostly cartilage, and so can flex and compress tremendously.
8is that if it’s damaged it can pull bones from the dead or unconscious to repair itself.
9is that its screaming spectral skull will haunt its killer, preventing restful sleep for 1d6 nights.
10is that it carries the quiet of the grave with it, silencing all sound within 10 feet.
11is that it brings the chill of the grave with it, extinguishing all flames within 10 feet.
12is that it can shroud itself with the illusion of its living appearance.
13is that it’s suffused with putrescent energies. Those it wounds must save or contract a random disease.
14is that it drank lots of milk in life so its bones are harder than normal. Increase its AC by 2 above the normal rating for a skeleton. The skeleton has a milky sheen to it.
15is that its undead essence will taint its killer, making them take on the vulnerabilities of the undead for a day.
16is its jaw strength. If it deals max damage with an attack it bites off 1d4 fingers.
17is that its bones are telescopic. It can extend its reach and/or height by up to 10 ft.
18is that its killer will become cursed as an enemy of the undead, and be preferentially targeted by the undead until the curse is cleansed.
19is that its sharp fingers and toes let it climb sheer walls and cling to ceilings.
20is that it can pinpoint the heartbeats of the living from 50 feet away.
D20This skeleton might be encountered
1silently performing funeral rites for itself.
2dancing wildly to the beat of dripping water.
3pretending to sleep in a bed made of rags and mushrooms.
4staring at its reflection in a dirty puddle.
5covering walls with handprints.
6assembling trash into vanitas tableaux.
7standing perfectly straight and still.
8chewing on a rat.
9playing its ribcage like it’s a xylophone.
10applying the paste of squashed bugs to its skull like cosmetics.
11wandering listlessly.
12rocking itself back and forth in the fetal position.
13shuddering as if it is weeping, though it sheds no tears and makes no sound.
14tapping its fingers rhythmically against its knees.
15poking its hands through the empty spaces of its ribs, jaw, arms, and pelvis.
16rapt in observation of a squirming worm.
17contorting itself into poses no living body could match.
18spinning around rapidly to enjoy its lack of dizziness.
19very, very slowly moving through the motions of its former daily life.
20making angels in the dust.
D20Something that might be looted from this skeleton is
1a treasure map scratched onto a slate.
2a polished obsidian mirror.
3a half-full skin of sour wine.
4a scroll tanned from the skeleton’s own skin, covered in scrawled invectives.
5a pair of lead coins lodged in its eye sockets.
6a moldering deed to a nearby plot of land.
7a turquoise death-mask.
8a doused torch.
9a bouquet of desiccated roses.
10a pouch of lamb-gut condoms.
11a clay jar of mummification spices.
12an ivory hairbrush.
13a filigreed scabbard.
14a corroded key.
15a cracked porcelain doll.
16a silver poesy ring.
17a ratty shawl.
18a sturdy and comfortable pair of leather boots.
19a bag of iron nails (which could be quite expensive back in the day when they had to be hammered out by hand).
20a wooden cross and rosary (or other setting-appropriate holy symbol).
D20This skeleton wound up in this dungeon
1because their murderer dumped them here to prevent discovery.
2because a necromancer raised it to guard their lair within. That necromancer was struck down by old age before they could reach a satisfactory immortality.
3after following a crunchy-looking bat.
4after being sealed up here to die like Fortunato.
5because the dungeon was used as a dump for corpses after a plague.
6seeking refuge from a storm outside, only to fall victim to the dungeon’s other inhabitants.
7because it was called from its repose by a cursed treasure within.
8because in life they were a resurrection man chasing corpses here, only to become a corpse themself.
9because in life they were an explorer who ended up in over their head.
10because while they were alive they were press-ganged into excavating part of this dungeon.
11because they committed suicide here to avoid troubling their loved ones.
12after being chased by bandits, only to find the inhabitants of the dungeon to be deadlier foes.
13because the necromancer that raised it sent it in to find valuable treasures.
14because the necromancer that raised it sent it to attack an enemy of theirs with bad directions.
15because a band of gnolls dragged it in to serve as a snack.
16because a noble ran them over with their carriage, and discreetly disposed of their corpse to avoid legal issues.
17as a sacrifice to mollify the monsters within.
18because during an old epidemic it was used to quarantine the sick. They died of their sickness huddled in the dark.
19because in an old war it was used as a holding ground for prisoners taken in battle. They starved before their family could collect enough ransom money.
20because their friends dared them to enter it. They didn’t make it out alive.