GLOGmas 2025: GLOG Class: I Can't Believe I've Been Transported Into Another World But I'm GLOG Blogger Anon???!

Merry GLOGmas everyone. This year the recipient of my gift is Anon, of the Pillar of Worms blog.

Gift-giving is an aggressive act. It indebts the recipient to the giver - binding them surely as if they were clapped in irons.

If you've ever seen Nathan Fielder's show The Rehearsal, I've been doing that to Anon for the last month, to ensure that I understand him inside and out - perhaps grasping things about himself that even he's not aware of. I've done all this to create the perfect GLOGmas gift for him.

En garde:

GLOG Class: Anon
Equipment: The clothes on your back, whatever's in your pockets, a phone with an inexplicable internet connection to Phlox's GLOG server and only Phlox's GLOG server, plus two items from the table of curiousities below
Skills: Frog-handling, gaming, rites & rituals
A: Outlander, Anonymity, Mr. Bones
B: Earworm, Painted World
C: Wormcle, Umbral Oubliette
D: Pillar of Worms

A

Outlander: You're from Earth. You know Earth-stuff, but nothing about your new world. People who know this will be more likely to forgive breaches of etiquette and suchlike, but may also try to take advantage of your ignorance.

Anonymity: People are essentially faceblind when it comes to you. Nobody who's seen you before can recognize you without you giving them some sign, or wearing a distinctive costume, or somesuch & suchlike.

Mr. Bones: You have a skeleton butler. He doesn't have to be named Mr. Bones, but it's recommended. His head is a goat's skull. His stats are as a skeleton. He can do everything a butler can do, and won't do anything a scrupulous butler wouldn't do, and in all things is loyal towards you. If destroyed he returns a week later complaining about dust. You can also command him to self-immolate, and he will do 1d6 fire damage to everything beside him until he perishes. It makes sense to me that you'd have this.

B

Earworm: You can cough up a worm. It does whatever you command. You can hear anything it hears. It moves as fast as a caterpillar, and is easily squashed. Outside of soft and damp loam it will perish in 1d6 hours. You can cough up as many worms as you like, but they're made out of your body mass so you can't solve a famine with worm-feed or whatever.

Painted World: If you touch a painting you can create an illusion of something depicted in that painting within 30'. The illusion will be as realistic as the painting. If the illusion is destroyed or disbelieved, the painting it drew from is ruined.

C

Wormcle: If you command your worms to create a circle, whatever is within the circle is held in suspended animation. Food won't rot, fire will provide heat and light but not consume fuel, the dying won't fully die, etc. They're not frozen, and can leave the circle if able. The effect ends the instant the circle is broken or covered. You are an uncle to all worms, and they react accordingly. Sorry I'm kind of fixating on the worm thing.

Umbral Oubliette: If someone is rude to you, you can command Mr. Bones (or whatever else you've decided to call your skeletal butler) to drag them into your shadow. He must grapple them normally to do this. Within your shadow they are trapped in a lightless, soundless chamber only just big enough to fit them. You may only have one person in your shadow at a time, though you may hold them or release them at will. In truth all butlers can do this.

D

Pillar of Worms: Once a week you can raise a pillar composed of worms from the ground. The pillar can be up to 100' tall and 10' wide. As it is made out of worms it's not that good at pushing stuff - if it meets a stone ceiling or suchlike it will simply stop with a splatter of worm-juice rather than bust through.

Any and all corpses within sight of the pillar will rise up and defend it. You and any who you designate will be ignored by the corpses, but they will attempt to kill any others within 100' of the pillar. The corpses de-animate if they leave that radius. Those killed by the corpses don't re-animate.

If you create a pillar of worms that raises 100 corpses, you can choose to have the corpses and pillar merge into a gruesome miracle that allows you to return to Earth. This will happen in real life so keep an eye on the news.

Curiousities (D12):
1. Bottle Full of Vodka: Cleverly constructed with internal chambers of invisible glass, between which fluid can be transferred or from which fluid can be poured depending on how you hold it - e.g. allowed you to make it appear as though you've chugged from the bottle without drinking a drop, or slipping someone a transparent poison while pouring everyone else at the table an ordinary shot.
2. Lucky Coin: Worth 1 silver. Lands on whichever side you want it to. Only works for you.
3. A Banana: Extremely slippery peel.
4. Bird Feed: A handful. Birds that eat it gain the ability to talk. They are still dumb birds otherwise however. The ability never goes away.
5. A Package: When opened in a temple, shrine, or suchlike, it is found to contain an appropriate offering for the god of the temple, etc. Can be used three times. A label on the package reads: "Made In Heaven".
6. Dead Bug: Glossy. Live bugs must save vs. morale to approach it when brandished.
7. Deed to an Inn: A humble establishment off the beaten path somewhere in this new world.
8. A Tin Spring: Springy.
9. Hidden Pocket: Stitch it into whatever you like. Nobody else will be able to find it.
10. Book of Riddles: Invaluable to sphinxes.
11. Harmonica: Now's as good a time as any to learn how to play.
12. Jar of Leeches: Hungry.

GLOG Class: Brandon

Maybe you had a name once. Maybe you had a family. A history. Now all you have is the forgetting.

Now there's only brandon.

GLOG Class: Brandon
Equipment: Roll three times on whatever random basic equipment table and/or minor magic items table you've got. Why do you have these? Where did everything else go?
Skills: 1. Sillunasuhhijuhnide, 2. Truindernashuffadepreshur, 3. Pacanalalalanalac
A: +1 Brandonism
B:  +1 Brandonism
C:  +1 Brandonism
D:  +1 Brandonism

Brandonism: History shapes the world. Memory shapes history. Forgetting is a special kind of power.

 

Roll once on the table below for each [Template] in Brandon you've got. If you roll a double go to the next one up, wrapping back around at 6. You can use each ability [Template] times per day:

 

1. Look Fat: Automatically pass a Bend Bars, Lift Gate, Open Door, or any other such feat-of-strength check that could be feasibly accomplished by a very strong man, or treat an object that could fit in your empty inventory slots as if it were weightless for [Template] 10-minutes turns.

You also no longer have a Strength score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

 

2. We Gotta Lock Him Up... Politically: Become intangible & capable of floating at your walking pace for a round. Anything you're holding or wearing becomes intangible too. If you end your turn embedded in something, take half your remaining HP as damage and get shunted out to the nearest open space that can fit you. If you're embedded in something that also has HP they take the same amount of damage.

You also no longer have a Dexterity score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

 

3. We Finally Beat Medicare: Shrug off an attack, a curse, a disease, or any other such thing that might affect your health the moment it would affect you - and only in that moment. Pre-existing conditions aren't covered.

You also no longer have a Constitution score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

 

4. Just As Bright: Examine a potion, magic item, trap, or other such thing with a potentially-inscrutable effect or outcome - but not a puzzle unless it's a bad puzzle or the party has spent too long on it - you immediately intuit its effect, but not necessarily what might trigger it.

You also no longer have a Intelligence score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

5. No Daylight: Create a 10-foot radius cloud of magical darkness & silence within which only you can see & hear as normal, unless they've got some other, better magic to counter yours.

You also no longer have a Wisdom score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

 

6. Cornpop: Begin rambling - all those within earshot who you so choose must save at a penatly equal to your Brandon [Templates] or be entranced so long as you, you the player & also the character, can keep rambling, paying attention to nothing else that doesn't present a clear and immediate danger, such as an approaching fire or somesuch.

You also no longer have a Charisma score. You can't take damage to that attribute, but you also automatically fail any test of it - though you still believe that you are reasonably competent in it.

GLOG Crossover Multiverse Class: The Semiurgic Sigilist

No doubt inspired by the recent teaser trailer reveal of the Shrek 5 Shrek-multiverse (The Shrekiverse to true Shrekheads), friend of the blog Hawkbeetle proposed a great GLOG crossover multiverse hyperwar - colliding such luminarious settings as Centerra, the Unfinished World, Qal Ashen, the Barony, and so on and so on.

This is therefore a class made for such a crossover multiverse, and is scaled as such - scaled to win. If people do not allow this class in their GLOG crossover multiverse games, or if they criticize it in any way, they are clearly bigoted against people of Irish descent, and cowardly enough to wait until our president Joseph Robinette Biden was diagnosed with terminal ass cancer to voice it.

🛞

Many, many years ago, in happier times, there was a man who became a god, and then the king of all men. In his ascent he stamped the human image into all the heavens and hells and sideways places - before him, demi-humans and beast-men were something else, something of their own, and after him they could only be defined in relation to the human.

The god-king was named Zarus, and his kingdom bridged the cosmos, before it was ever a Great Wheel. This kingdom required a bureaucracy to manage it, with a thousand legions of scribes and libraries that dwarfed cities.

After the death of Zarus (by assassination or suicide or whatever else - it's still a matter of some controversy) this bureaucracy survived his kingdom's disintegration with a significant fragment of its resources and administrative capacity intact. The bureaucracy adapted, transformed - procedure generalized into theory, which evolved into theology, which posited its eschaton. It would form the backbone of the Sigilists, who would go on to break and bend all worlds to their new Order - but history is dry, and burns easily.

🛞

The rule(s) of the cosmos is its Order. Every Order is an ordering - A is followed by B and C and then D, quickening is followed by birth, then life and death and afterlife, space-time-fate - this will be there then. The soul passes from the flesh, passes through the veil of the stars, and enters the outer rim of the Great Wheel, enters the plane there which it is aligned to, by nature or by pact. There the worthy will become true Outsiders, beyond the recycling of mortality, or they will forget and be forgotten, and be broken down into the raw stuff of the plane and of new souls.

If this seems neat and tidy that's because it was all decided and signed off on at some bureaucrat's desk. That bureaucrat was a Sigilist, among those who bent the cosmos into their own Order, and built a city to be the center and the symbol of this Order - Sigil, of course.

But now Sigil is broken, and its Order with it. Its careful divisions bleed - angels fall, devils rise, the dead walk and omens consume the birds and their sky. What once seemed natural now seems less-so.

🛞

You're one of those guys - a Sigilist - who remade the cosmos into the image of your imagination - one of their top guys. Now shit's fucked multiverse-style, and your big beautiful wheel is melting into places that might not even have proper shapes. I've made you the strongest, so go out and fight to the extreme.

GLOG Crossover Multiverse Class: The Semiurgic Sigilist
Equipment: Breaking Wheel +10, Plate Armour of Flight +10, Ring of Immunity to Curses & Diseases & Being Wished Out Of Existence & Any Other Bullshit, also if anyone tries to take your stuff they're instantly disintegrated with no save.
Skills: All of them
A: Ring Around the Rosie, Universal Encyclopedia, Deus Clause, +10 MD
B: Against Esotericism, +10 MD
C: Earth-Shrinking Step, +10 MD
D: Apotheosis, +10 MD

For every template of Semiurgic Sigilist you possess your stats increase to the power of your [Templates], unless this would be bad in which case it's actually to the square root.

A

Ring Around the Rosie: You get [Template] attacks per round against everything in combat with you, regardess of their distance and also you don't suffer from range penalties.

Universal Encyclopedia: Magic is the sovereign's exception, the Chaos allowed into and ultimately buffering Order. You know every spell, never miscast, and if you would suffer a doom you can make someone else suffer it instead while also casting your spell as normal.

Deus Clause: If anyone makes a GLOG class that's stronger than this one it's actually fake, it's non-canonical, increase all abilities of this class by that one's +1, or whatever, they don't get to be stronger.

B

Against Esotericism: While in a setting, you may ask its creator one question about it & its lore per round that they must answer truthfully & in satisfactory detail. If they're unable to or refuse to answer then obviously whatever you asked about is fake, and you may treat it as an illusion. Also if they can't do it they take D10 damage in real life.

C

Earth-Shrinking Step: You can just teleport anywhere effortlessly, doesn't even cost you MD, and open portals between planes and dimensions and whatnot, it's just that easy for you now. Also you can cut anything in half by putting something halfway through a portal then closing it.

D

Apotheosis: Whatever setting you're in, it's your setting now. You're the over-god and supreme demiurge and yadda yadda yadda. Probably a downgrade.

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

My sensitive & compassionate girlfriend has been broken up at the news of the death of Bucky the babirusa at the Toronto zoo. This is for her.

🐷

You are a babirusa named Bucky. You died before your time, through no fault of your own.

Higher powers decided that this would not be the end for you. You would be returned, in other times, in other places, across vast realities, to do as you would do. You bear the blessings of the heavens with you.

天賜豬

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

Equipment: You're literally a pig...

Skills: 1. Barnyard Gymnastics, 2. Truffle-Snuffling, 3. Competitive Slop-Feasting

A: Babirusa, Bring Home The Bacon

B: Sacrosanct Squeal

C: Brain Door Acupuncture, Holy Oil

D: Rampage of the Righteous, Opening the Gate of Truth

A

 

Babirusa: You're literally a pig...

 

Your tusks do damage as a medium weapon. Your oinks & grunts & suchlike vocalizations can be quite expressive. Opposable thumbs? Not here pal, not on these trotters.

Bring Home The Bacon: Every day your luscious flanks grow flesh equivalent to [Templates]x2 rations. These can be pulled harmlessly from your body in the form of meaty dumplings.

 

At Template B you gain +1 AC for every ration you retain (this doesn't stack with armour (because your fluctuating weight makes properly fitting armour too difficult)), and eating one of your rations heals 1 HP.

 

B

Sacrosanct Squeal: Expend one of your daily rations & make a shrill yet mighty squeal. Beings of evil (undead, demons, etc.) within 30 feet must check morale (penalized by your Heavensent Pig [Templates]) or flee - cowering before you if they cannot flee.

 

C

Brain Door Acupuncture: Your tusks have grown so glorious that they have turned back and pierced your brain - pierced it in such a way as to remove carnal impurities while leaving 93% of your cognitive capacity untouched.

You are immune to all negative mind-affecting powers, ambiences, and influences.

 

Holy Oil: Instead of being eaten, your rations provided by Bring Home The Bacon can instead be rendered into lantern oil, which provides a pure and brilliant light, and affects beings of evil as holy water (and sets them on holy fire too if ignited).

D

Rampage of the Righteous: Spend any amount of rations - immediately charge forward 10x that amount in feet. Any mundane obstacles in your path are plowed through, and any foes flung aside & prone.

Opening the Gate of Truth: When you decide your time has come you can return to the gardens of the heavens, and leave the gate to the hereafter open behind you for just a moment, for another to return. They return in their mortal form in the prime of health, unless they were a real jerk in which case they are dragged out from a hell at 0 HP.

Real Jujutsu

Take the GLOG wizard of your choice. Roll a D12 (I'm assuming the wizard you chose has 12 spells it can have, in like a school or something) or maybe a D100 if you're using a list like Skerples 100 orthodox spells: https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2017/03/osr-100-orthodox-spells.html

That's your spell - your Cursed Technique - it's the only one you get.

You get +1 MD per template, like a wizard, but you don't get miscasts or dooms. At template B your MD return on a 1-4. At template D they return on a 1-5. At template C you get Reverse Cursed Technique - you can spend MD to heal their [sum] (but MD so spent don't return to your pool until the next day) or cast the reverse form of your Cursed Technique - figure it out. At template D you get your Domain Expansion. Also for every MD you hold on to you get +1 to-hit & AC so long as you're unarmoured.

🇯🇵

So put more legibly it'd look something like this:

Equipment: Japanese street fashion
Skills: Kung fu or whatever
A: 1 Spell, +1 MD, +1 to-hit & AC for every MD you've got stored when you're also unarmoured
B: MD return on 1-4, +1 MD
C: Reverse Cursed Technique, +1 MD
D: MD return on 1-5, Domain Expansion, +1 MD

Domain Expansion (領域展開):

Ok did you watch those videos? You get one of those. You can give it a cool name.

To use: spend however many MD you like - you won't get them back until the next day no matter what you roll. The domain covers a spherical volume with a radius of [dice]x5 feet. Your Cursed Technique affects everyone (or everything, depending on the target of the spell) within this volume at the [sum] you rolled, every round they remain within it. Also they don't normally get a save to resist. You can add a condition like "my Cursed Technique won't affect people I'm touching" to spare your allies, but then other people can take advantage of the condition too. You can't revoke the condition later (it's a binding vow, read the manga).

If two domains come into contact with each other the bigger domain wins, unless one domain's effect is lethal and the other is non-lethal, in which case the non-lethal domain wins.

To get a save against the domain's imbued technique you need something like Falling Blossom Emotion, Simple Domain, or Hollow Wicker Basket (read the manga and make up your own rules).

GLOG Class: Sacred Scorpion Dancer

For the assassin bandwagon*.

You are a relic of a time when death did not come so easy as it does today - when the world chafed under the rule of the ever-living.

Your ways are ancient, and still very deadly.

You are a bloodied rival of the Fennec Paw School of martial arts.

 

(Pah! I want not for water!
Pah! I bat the scorpion at bay!
Pah! You will not find my traces!
Sand and eternity bear them away!)

 

You were chained in the darkness beneath the temple and made to fight the other acolytes for scraps, until you were skinny enough to slip your manacles.

 

If you don't make an effort to disguise it your gaze is as hard and unfeeling as an arachnid's.

The holy venom blesses your veins with its fire.

 

You've slipped the temple, and are now loose in the world.

GLOG Class: Sacred Scorpion Dancer
Starting Equipment: Scorpion-sting stiletto, robes, codename
A: Burning Daylight, Heavenly Stigma
B: Segmented, Scorpion Scissors
C: Deep Cover
D: Pious Brood, Thanatochrysalis

 

With one template in Sacred Scorpion Dancer you are an expert contortionist - squeeze through any gap that can fit your head.

 

When fighting an opponent 1-on-1 you get a [Template]/2 bonus to Attack & AC. This increases to a [Template] bonus when you've had a chance to study them - this will apply with any two of: you've seen them fight before this fight, you've read something they've written, you've spent a day observing them, you've heard three eyewitness accounts of them.

A

Burning Daylight: Multiply your Constitution by your [templates] of Sacred Scorpion Dancer. These are the remaining Years of your life. When you hit zero Years you die, burning up from within from the holy venom.

 

You can spend Years for bonuses on physical checks on a 1-to-1 basis.

 

Heavenly Stigma: Spend 1 Year while attacking to leave a wound that never fully heals. It becomes distinctly perfumed, and you can smell it from anywhere in the world.

 

Spend 1 additional Year to infuse the wound with the effect of any poison you have survived before.

B

 

Scorpion Scissors: Wield a weapon while grappling without penalty. If you make an unarmed attack while grappling, your target must make a contested save against you, or else you break one of their limbs.

At Template D if your target fails this save you rip their arm off.

C

Deep Cover: Wear the accoutrements of another class and spend 1 Year. While doing so you gain that class's Template A abilities, and lose access to your Sacred Scorpion Dancer abilities.

 

If you get within arm's reach of a target who believes your disguise you can automatically grapple them.

D

Pious Brood: Request a number of acolytes from the temple - they will be Template A Sacred Scorpion Dancers who obey your orders absolutely. The DM will name a target in the world commensurate your request. Kill the target and your acolyte(s) will arrive 1d6 days later.

 

You may only have one group of acolytes at a time. Kill or dismiss them to get a bigger batch.

Thanatochrysalis: Expend 10 Years. Name a target. You become one with the holy venom, and erupt from the husk of your former body as a giant scorpion. One sting from you will kill your target, kill their soul and any possibility of their return.

Every day you must move closer to your target, or you will die. They can hear the rhythm of your dancing approaching, even should they drink themself unconscious.

 

Should you kill them, you will emerge from the scorpion's shell, marked with the name of your target in beautiful, divine script. Reveal this mark to gain a +4 to intimidate and otherwise frighten - all who see it instinctively realize you've erased someone more thoroughly than the gods themselves could.

 

* Footnote reading ass nerd.

 

Other assassins:

 

https://mediumsandmessages.bearblog.dev/glog-class-guild-assassin/

 

https://www.madqueenscourt.com/2025/02/damnation-seize-my-soul-if-i-give-you.html

 

https://pathunending.wordpress.com/2025/02/12/they-are-the-difference-glog-class-assassin/

 

https://whosemeasure.blogspot.com/2025/02/homo-ferox-glog-class-assassin.html

 

https://as-they-must.blogspot.com/2025/02/world-of-assassination-glog-classes.html

 

https://choir-of-fire.bearblog.dev/do-you-think-im-cruel-class-assassin/

 

https://gracklecourt.blogspot.com/2025/02/glog-assassin.html

 

https://craggenloch.blogspot.com/2025/02/there-is-no-skill-in-what-i-do-church.html

 

https://kludge.bearblog.dev/assassin/

 

https://nothicseye.blogspot.com/2025/02/ill-have-you-die-for-this-assassins-of.html

 

https://thelovelydark.blogspot.com/2025/02/assassin.html

GLOG Class: Monster Binder

Based on Scrap Princess's commentary on the Summon Monster spell here: http://monstermanualsewnfrompants.blogspot.com/2018/05/what-exactly-is-problem-here-re-1st.html, here's a class based on monster summoning that's hopefully more interesting.

First GLOG class I've made. Balance not guaranteed.

GLOG Class: Monster Binder
Starting Equipment: Blank deck of tarot cards, iron chain, bludgeon)
A: Monster Bind, Monster Summon
B: Monster Tap, Monster Recall
C: Monster Specialist
D: Unleash the Horde OR Release the Beast

A:

Monster Bind: The core skill of the Monster Binder is to bind monsters in cards for later summoning. A card with a monster bound in it will display that monster surrounded by appropriate symbolism. A binding attempt can be made by spending a round addressing a monster, declaring your intent and authority to bind it. To see if the attempt succeeds consult the table and modifiers below:

Binding Attempt (2d6):
3-: The binding fails, the monster breaks free of any holds on it, and you can never attempt to bind this monster again
4-6: The binding fails and the monster breaks free of any holds on it
7-9: The binding works, however when summoned the monster will follow only the letter of any orders given to it
9-12+: The binding works and the monster will obey you when summoned without any malicious interpretation of orders

Modifiers:
-2 for every HD the monster has past your Monster Binder templates
-2 if the monster has 50%+ HP left
-2 if the monster is able to flee from you
+2 if the monster is surrounded by a circle of stuff it is either weak against or desires (e.g. fire for a troll, blood for a vampire, etc.)
+2 if you can beat the monster in a personal contest appropriate for its nature (e.g. one-on-one duel/wrestling match, rhyming contest, prank war, game of chess, etc.)
+2 if you make an offering of 1 HP of your own blood for every HD of the monster

You can have one monster bound at a time per Monster Binder template.

Monster Summon: Once you've got a monster bound you can draw on its card to summon it. Summoned monsters must be given orders to follow, and may interpret these orders maliciously based on their nature and the degree of success of the binding attempt. Summoning a monster expends its card. Summoned monsters are not damaged even if they were when bound.

In combat a summoned monster lasts 1d6+[template] rounds.

Out of combat a summoned monster lasts 1d6+[template] ten-minute turns.

B:

Monster Tap: You can draw on an ability of a bound monster without fully releasing it. For a single round you can gain a single ability of a monster whose card you're holding. This ability could be an attack, movement mode, special power, immunity, etc.

Tapping a monster's ability has a 1-in-6 chance of expending its card, increasing to 2-in-6 the second time you've tapped a monster's ability that day, then 3-in-6 the third, and so on.

Monster Recall: If you've bound a monster before and know its name (or are able to name it for monsters that are too unintelligent or esoteric to have names), then once per week you can call on it and attempt to bind it again. While the monster counts as spiritually present for the purposes of, for example, a prepared binding circle, it physically remains wherever it currently is unless bound. Dead or destroyed monsters can't be recalled.

C:

Monster Specialist: Choose a broad class of monsters (undead, demons, giants, goblinoids, oozes, etc.). From now on you're a specialist in binding them. Gain a +2 on attempts to bind this class of monsters, and you can use Monster Recall on them once per day instead of once per week.

D:

On attaining template D choose one of the two abilities below:

Unleash the Horde: You can attempt to bind a number of identical monsters into a single card. For the binding attempt the HD penalty applies based on the sum of these monsters' HD.

OR

Release the Beast: For a single monster in your collection at a time the HD penalty to a binding attempt starts applying beyond twice your Monster Binder templates rather than beyond your templates.