Wednesday, February 24, 2021

D6x7 Misanthropic Minotaurs

Don’t have a cow, man:

Table generator here:

D6This minotaur has the head of
1an auroch. It’s big even for a minotaur (increase HD by 2).
2a highland cow, with shaggy hair obscuring its eyes (takes half damage from cold).
3a zebu, with a dewlap dangling from its neck.
4an Ankhole-Watusi, with ludicrously long horns (increase the damage its horn attack deals by one size up, e.g. from 1d6 to 1d8).
5a wagyu. Its delectable beef could be worth a fortune if you can keep it fresh.
6a buffalo.
D6Its body is marked by
1bulging thews and throbbing veins.
2brands and scourge-scars.
3steel manacles dragging chains.
4sores weeping like mourners.
5soft and mottled skin like fine vellum.
6tattoos of bullfighting scenes.
D6Its origin is
1an agriculturally-inclined wizard’s experiment to create cattle that could herd themselves.
2as the blessed honour guard of a bovine demigod.
3a cruel butcher possessed by the agonized spirits of their abattoir.
4a thief that stole a sacred calf meant to be sacrificed to the gods, and was cursed to take its place.
5that it’s a refugee from an alien labyrinth-moon that passed by the planet.
6a matador who so perfected their art that they merged with the bull they were fighting.
D6It wields
1a labrys.
2a pitchfork.
3nothing but its fists, horns, and hooves.
4the spikes welded to its horns.
5a scythe.
6a threshing flail.
D6Its maze
1is walled with sunbleached coral, floored with brine, left behind by the retreat of a shallow sea.
2is made up of thorny hedges decorated with animal-shaped topiaries.
3occupies a mind-bending rift that warps and wefts through the fourth dimension.
4is a funhouse full of mirrors and optical illusions.
5winds through the pipes and catwalks of an ancient industrial facility with an ambiguous and atrocious purpose.
6mimics the folds of the brain.
D6Its maze also holds
1the treasures and remains of a mystery cult which once used the maze for initiations.
2a bundle of meticulously folded non-Euclidean space that could serve as the seed of a pocket dimension.
3a herd of divine cattle.
4the bones of a slain hero who failed to defeat the minotaur. The collected bones could be used to summon the hero into service.
5an animate ball of threat that can be commanded to rapidly weave itself into various forms.
6a paired white egg and black egg. Whoever shatters the white egg immediately ‘hatches’ from the black egg, and vice-versa.
D6Within its maze this minotaur can
1rearrange the walls.
2detect the exact position of everyone and everything in it.
3respawn itself if killed by anyone who hasn’t solved the maze to the end.
4call up a thick, near-viscous fog.
5alter the direction of gravity to point towards any wall, ceiling, or floor.
6afflict others with hallucinations of itself.

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

D6x6 Chthonic Kobolds

Press the button for kobolds:

Save some dice, make your own electronic table roller here:

D6These kobolds look
1like argyrial old men, blue wrinkles so deep you can’t see their eyes.
2like big grey geckos slipping between cracks in the rock.
3like mangey stray dogs loping on their hind legs.
4like hunched runts crudely carved from cobalt.
5like hairless, albino tarsiers.
6like the bastard offspring of a caiman, a rat, and a monkey.
D6These kobolds’ lair
1in a half-flooded mine. The other half is filled with poisonous gas. The kobolds maintain ingenious mechanisms to manipulate the pressure in their own tunnels to keep them clear of both.
2is a paleontological dig, winding through the fossils of ancient behemoths. Even after their decay and mineralization, some may still not be fully dead.
3in tunnels and boltholes hidden within a giant ant hive.
4in an extinct culture’s catacombs, among the bones of ancestors with no remaining descendants.
5is a sprawling silver mine where escaped slaves have founded their own societies in the lightless, unforgiving depths.
6is a tremendous lock sealing some unspeakable evil beneath the earth.
D6These kobolds’ favourite sort of trap
1are explosives, placed obviously yet triggered by unexpected means.
2are spiked pits, droppable spiked ceilings, and spiked doors that swing out to impale those that try to open them.
3are Rube Goldberg machines as needlessly complex as they are deadly.
4are incendiaries that double as a barbecue.
5are darts and needles and all other things that can be slathered in venom.
6are those baited so their targets bring doom upon their own heads.
D6These kobolds are
1ghosts of those killed by cave-ins.
2homunculi from the lab of an alchemist who studied chthonic strains.
3crafty imps that leaked like radiation from hell into the earth.
4elementals of the world below enraptured by human convention and artifice.
5rebellious fairy proles on whose labour the fantastical luxury of the courts both seelie and un-so were built.
6the multitudinous grubs of dragons. Only a fingertip of a handful will make it to maturation.
D6Something you might find on these kobolds
1is a mole-leather pouch of grey salt that preserves food it’s sprinkled on indefinitely but shrivels it into a tasteless lump.
2is a tooth-tipped pick that can cut through rock as though it were merely dirt.
3is a geodesic arrangement of springs which can be sprung to unfold it into a simple mechanical trap of its user’s choosing. Single use.
4is a rope spun from tarantulas’ hair, which can be made to stretch like a bungee cord and thereby resist being cut.
5is a lantern made from the skull of a burrowing owl. Its light shines through rock and glints brightly off metal.
6is a caged clockwork canary that bursts the moment before its holder makes a lethal mistake.
D6These kobolds’ primary interaction with humans
1is directing them to less valuable veins of ore to deflect them from the good stuff.
2is kidnapping people to trade them to nightmarish creatures living deeper underground.
3is using their low riches to bribe agents to steal the luxuries of the sunlit lands for them.
4is taking over their basements and excavations.
5is to use them as test subjects for their entrapped gauntlets.
6is sapping their fortifications.

Monday, February 22, 2021

D6x6 Masticating Manticores

The hum the hiss the buzz the whine it’s in the pipes it’s in the walls it’s in my head please stop it all.

Special thanks to Spwack at Meandering Banter for the generator button thing:

D6This manticore is rumoured to be
1a punishment brought about by the younger generation’s impiety.
2the vengeful spirit of a warrior killed by their own comrades for barring them from retreating due to that warrior’s bloodlust.
3a pet escaped from the emperor’s menagerie.
4a glutton cursed by the cat-god for eating her charges.
5a narcissistic fleshworker attempting to prove their superiority over other people by becoming their predator.
6the get of a lion and a witch.
D6This manticore is a pest
1near an oasis, preying on thirsty passers-by.
2along a trade route, extorting merchants for their beasts of burden.
3on common land, and used as an excuse for that land’s enclosure by a noble who can muster the forces to scare it away.
4in a slum of sprawling tenements, lairing in an abandoned apartment and flying out by night.
5near a cinnabar mine, where unlucky slaves are sacrificed to it to buy some reprieve for the rest.
6because it has gained a taste for the flesh of widowers.
D6This manticore has
1a handsome human head, and a great mouth full of rending teeth that opens up beneath that face’s jaw.
2green and purple stripes like a psychedelic tiger.
3bloody splinters of bone sticking out from within its legs.
4pink ribbons tied in its mane.
5fluorescing knobs of chitinous armour.
6flabby, jiggling, sweat-drenched flanks.
D6This manticore’s voice
1is a mocking falsetto-high.
2is a rough, deep grind.
3is spacey, trailing off into vocal fry.
4changes in volume and tempo suddenly, without regard to its emotional state.
5is punctuated by smacking lips, tongue clicks, and other such mouth noises.
6is hollow and whispery.
D6This manticore can
1call up stinking, buffeting winds by flapping its wings.
2charm victims with its fluting whistle.
3send animals into a stampeding panic with a screech.
4create simulacra of those it’s eaten, connected to the underside of its tongue by long umbilica.
5see lies and smell traps.
6send its shadow out ahead of it to scout.
D6This manticore’s tail
1is covered in suppurating holes in which tiny fetal manticores mewl. The manticore can flick them at its enemies, who they ravenously devour.
2is the upper torso of a bowman, who looses arrows at its enemies.
3is a rose in bloom which tosses its thorns viciously.
4looks and functions like a catapult, arcing stones with tremendous force.
5bristles with fractal spines. If not swiftly removed, embedded spines will grow more spines around them.
6is a bundle of bent and tarnished silver cutlery.

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

D12 Obvious Traps with an Unexpected Twist

With thanks to friend of the blog Sofinho over at Alone in the Labyrinth for the prompt:

1. Big red button labelled "self-destruct". If you press it you become an alcoholic.

2. Pressure plate that makes the walls appear to close in on you when you step on it. In fact, stepping on it releases a psychedelic gas that induces Alice in Wonderland Syndrome.

3. Massive guillotine-blade hangs across the ceiling. Ropes leading up to it can be drawn to drop the blade or pull it back up. Heads severed by the blade transform into vargouilles, other severed parts become different sorts of undead monsters (e.g. hand to crawling hand, leg to hopping stomper, etc.).

4. Lever labelled "do not pull". If you pull the lever it will open a trapdoor beneath you that leads to a pit filled with water and hungry piranhas. If you instead push the lever it opens a secret door.

5. One wall of room is covered in holes. Along the ground is a tripwire which when triggered will cause the holes to become powerful vacuums, drawing any loose objects towards them. Getting caught on a hole deals 1d6 damage per round as your shit gets slurped (like that video of a crab getting sucked into a pipe). Due to the pressure the doors require a combined strength of 18 to open while the holes are sucking air in.

6. Deep pit that passes through multiple dungeon levels, like an elevator shaft without the elevator. If you tap the right code onto the wall of the shaft you'll be able to walk along the wall as though it were horizontal. A family of ghouls that knows the code lurks near the bottom of it and will attack those who attempt to rappel down.

7. Bottle bearing embossed skull and crossbones. If you drink it, save or your skull will steal some of your bones and escape your body as an cat-sized creature. Swallowing the creature (possible to do whole thanks to your boneless jaw) will return your bones.

8. When you enter the room a large clock with various wires and pipes running through it begins ticking. After ten minutes the clock will count down to zero. If you are still in the room when that happens it will reset to ten minutes and your temporal duplicates will enter the room through the same entrance you used. If you both leave the room then the last one to leave will disintegrate. You know this instinctively, but your duplicate does not.

9. Demon trapped inside a pentagram of salt, will promise lavish favours if freed. Demon is in fact a psychic space slug telepathically translating itself to the closest thing your mental context can comprehend. Lavish favours are true, but translated from things a psychic space slug would want, such as immense quantities of crisp, fresh cabbage.

10. Floor is lined with rakes. If you step on them they will break and the mushroom farmers a few rooms over will be upset with you.

11. Ceiling is covered in spikes impaling rotten corpses. Door out of room is opened by one of two buttons. Pressing the wrong button causes the spikes to retract and release the corpses, which wake up when they hit the ground. They are zombies.

12. One of the walls in the room is an aquarium with cracked glass. Within the aquarium are irate sharks. Sitting on a stool beside the glass is a fat opera lady who wants to show off her singing, which although impressive is at the resonant frequency of the aquarium's glass.

    What's the twist? (1d4):

  1.  If you bully her she will stop singing and start crying but her crying is also at the resonant frequency of the glass.
  2.  The fat lady is actually a disguised siren and the sharks are her pets.
  3.  The glass is actually a television screen. Behind it are men in white lab coats taking notes.
  4. When people say "it ain't over till the fat lady sings" this is the specific fat lady they are     referring to.

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

A World in 13 Items... Challenge

I have yet to meet a bandwagon I have not wanted to get on and/or fall off of:

The Beginning:

Sundered Shillings' Entry:

Colours of Pentagrams' Contribution:

Nothic's Eye's Contender:

Without further ado:

1. Harpoon cleverly forged with internal siphons to spew out the flotation-gas, innards, or eidolium of whatever it impales.

2. Combined parachute and straitjacket. There's spoiled chitterlings stitched to the breast.

3. Adhesive-edged emergency gasbag patch embroidered with a prayer for forgiveness.

4. Carrier pidgeon.

5. Pornographic clüdhaik tusk scrimshaw.

6. Spiked and weighted net.

7. Depthdragger on a long, thin chain, suitable to be carried by an individual or small vesesl. When it chimes throw everything you can overboard and run.

8. Grappling hook, silk line, hand-crank on the end.

9. Boarding axe. Handle's scratched with notches, and notation around the notches for the altitude they were earned at.

10. Bonnet adorned with feathers mimicking a levinshrike's warning display.

11. Thick fur-lined jacket, honeycombed ceramic plates inserted so they'll lie over the wearer's vitals.

12. Airtight alembic, rubber seals, suitable for most gaseous refinements.

13. Persona-mask with inbuilt high-altitude respirator.