Monday, December 31, 2018

Semiurge Reviews: Movies

I watched a lot of movies today

Bird Box

I don’t like gimmick monsters, like monsters that can only hurt you if you look at them. This movie had to make up zombies again to make them somewhat threatening. Lame.

Also there were children and they were stupid. Like A Quiet Place all over again.

I guess if you’re into cinematography and acting and all that shit you might enjoy it more.

Banshee Chapter


The Devils

Pretty good. Those nuns went wacko fast though.

Also it’s not a movie but I watched The Terror too and that seemed close to the ideal OSR tone for me. No Tuunbaq porn that I could find with a cursory search though so the internet is a failure.

Friday, December 28, 2018

D66x6 Speedy Superheroes/Villains

Good wholesome family fun with heaving bosoms and rippling muscles barely contained in skintight spandex.

D66 This Super’s Career...
11 Placed them at the center of a world-altering crisis.
12 Puts them at odds with conventional law enforcement.
13 Has just started, like, today.
14 Has accumulated them an obsessive rogues’ gallery.
15 Involved a dramatic shift in their approach.
16 Started even before they got powers.
21 Is on the rocks due to issues in their personal life.
22 Is a string of humiliating defeats.
23 Was started with the help of a mentor they’re now estranged from.
24 Is gradually waning.
25 Has had them on hiatus longer than they’ve actually been active.
26 Has been with a major group until their recent attempt at going solo.
31 Pales in the shadow of their parent’s legacy.
32 Includes a triumphant return from apparent death.
33 Has placed them as the liaison between humanity and some extrasolar faction.
34 Is made on the back of their team of competent non-powered supporters.
35 Has veered into hot-topic political issues.
36 Is a lot longer than you’d guess by their apparent age.
41 In a tailspin after being beaten soundly by their nemesis.
42 Is officially denied by governments.
43 Has landed them significant merchandising deals.
44 Is rocketing into prominence.
45 Has been building momentum for a while now.
46 Has challenged the world’s notion of what a superhero/villain is.
51 Latched then onto the more successful career of another super as a sidekick.
52 Is enjoying a middling place at the edge of the limelight.
53 Has aligned them with a faction which isn’t the best fit for their approach.
54 Has been soft enough to date that they’re generally considered harmless by their enemies.
55 Was artificially boosted in popularity/infamy by another party’s media drive.
56 Places them as one of the original superheroes/villains.
61 Attributes many of their greatest victories to another super.
62 Has been dogged with controversies and allegations.
63 Has brought them all over the globe.
64 Is something they’ve been trying to give up but can’t.
65 Involved a case of mistaken identity with a clone or copycat.
66 Involved a brief stint in prison.
D66 This Super’s Approach Is...
11 Tame, prudish, status-quo-enforcing do-goodery.
12 Revolutionary political struggle.
13 Pragmatic, ruthless utilitarianism.
14 Long-term observation and study of criminal organizations followed by devastating surgical strikes.
15 Collecting coalitions of weaker villains and whipping them into shape to pull off big jobs.
16 Using guerilla tactics as a force multiplier and seizing control of entire neighbourhoods.
21 Peaceful resolution of problems before violence.
22 Seeking to test their mettle in battle above all else.
23 Setting up gaudy, attention-seeking escapades to boost their social presence.
24 Applying disproportionate aggression towards low stakes situations.
25 Compulsive risk-seeking that puts even the people they’re trying to help in danger.
26 Territorial vigilante peacekeeping.
31 Offputtingly aggressive pursuit of their idiosyncratic idea of justice.
32 Corporate heroism, playing a good face for sponsors.
33 Exploration of the strange corners of the multiverse.
34 Flip-flopping between heroism and villainy with no seeming rhyme or reason.
35 Testing the virtue of would-be heroes to ensure only the worthy remain.
36 Preaching a gospel of strength and superiority.
41 Covertly creating threats that they can then swoop in and solve as the hero.
42 Working privately within the law as a bodyguard and bounty hunter.
43 Assisting the police as a special asset.
44 Anarchist mutual aid.
45 Arranging events to benefit their civilian life, friends, and family.
46 Rebellion against authority.
51 Disaster relief and rescue.
52 Performance art through spandex-clad shenanigans.
53 Regressing society to a feudal mode wherein supers are the knights and lords.
54 Accelerating humanity’s development and seizing a place for Earth in the cosmos.
55 Espionage and skulduggery to maintain peace between nations.
56 Being a seeker of mystical revelations.
61 Plumbing the mysteries of the universe as an scientist more than a fighter.
62 Getting entangled with the plots of other, more forward-thinking supers.
63 Elaborate revenges against those they believe have wronged them.
64 Hedonistic abandon and impulsive get-rich-quick schemes.
65 Amoral mercenary work, doing anything for the highest bidder.
66 Aimless nihilistic violence and desecration.
D66 This Super’s Secret Identity Is...
11 A slacker living off their rich parents.
12 An internet-famous hikkikomori.
13 A wandering handyman.
14 A long-haul trucker.
15 A stripper.
16 A lab tech.
21 A bank teller.
22 A paralegal.
23 A perpetual intern.
24 A freelance coder.
25 A writer.
26 A line chef.
31 A train conductor.
32 A struggling musician.
33 A teacher.
34 A low-level drug dealer.
35 A semi-professional wrestler.
36 A retired pensioner.
41 Of a different gender presentation than their super-identity.
42 A matter of public record.
43 Nonexistent. Their super identity is their only identity.
44 Traded off regularly with their identical twin, who is also a superhuman. This way both the super identity and the secret identity have an alibi.
45 A petty bureaucrat who can disappear for long periods of time without any of their coworkers noticing.
46 An artisanal watchmaker.
51 A bartender.
52 A barber.
53 A competitive bodybuilder.
54 An Olympic-level athlete.
55 A therapist.
56 A janitor.
61 A bank teller.
62 A mortician.
63 A taxi driver.
64 A split personality from their super identity.
65 A farmhand.
66 A lumberjack.
D66 This Super’s Origin Is...
11 A corporation’s attempt to create superpowers on demand for the highest bidder.
12 That they were used as the medium for an ultraterrestrial work of art.
13 A forgotten god chose the super as their avatar.
14 They ate the fruit of a tree that sprouted on the grave of another super.
15 They fused on contact with a lost artifact of John Dee.
16 Exposed to the emissions of an experimental wave decelerator.
21 They accepted a business proposition from an odd spam email.
22 They underwent an unorthodox therapy technique to unlock their unconscious potential.
23 They consumed an inadvisable mix of designer drugs.
24 They were exposed to a xenoforming retrovirus that injected alien DNA into their genome.
25 They found one of reality’s cheat codes in an old strategy guide.
26 They returned from a near-death experience with some treasure of the other side.
31 They made a literal deal with the actual devil.
32 A temporal paradox caused them to ontologically displace their already-powered future self.
33 They inherited a sorcerous grimoire with its own inscrutable agenda.
34 Their childhood home was built on a nexus of transdimensional energies.
35 They were partially converted by a singularity-approaching AI’s code as it sought to convert reality into a simulation.
36 They’re the false memory-encoded avatar of
41 They’re a reincarnated fragment of the mind of the Grand Architect of Matter.
42 A hivemind of microscopic aliens integrated themselves into the super’s cells like mitochondria.
43 Their fighting spirit reached such intensity that it spontaneously ignited into a limited form of realty warping.
44 An nth-dimensional trickster took an interest in their life.
45 They solved a problem in the mathematical substructure of reality which allows them limited alteration of its physical superstructure.
46 They got some of the music of the spheres stuck in their head.
51 A cult implanted the soul of an antediluvian hero-monster in them.
52 They began to randomly swap places with a version of themself from a parallel universe where everyone has powers.
53 A miraculous device bonded with them because they were the Earth’s pinnacle of the device’s alien system of virtues.
54 They’re a latent psychic whose fantasized self has partially prolapsed into the physical world.
55 They learned of a method to steal another super’s power and leapt at the opportunity.
56 They began a slow process of evolution into a cosmic archon.
61 An error in multiversal bureaucracy granted them a power meant to go to someone who’d been dumped in radioactive waste.
62 Some spoiled juice they drank had decayed in an incredibly unlikely quantum event into a power-serum.
63 An eldritch entity chose them as its champion for reasons only it understands.
64 Some part of their body grew with the perfect ratios to channel sacred geometrical energies.
65 One of their past reincarnations accumulated enough merit to be rewarded with power in their next life.
66 A cutting-edge spacecraft using a theoretical engine crashed on their head.
D66 If This Super’s Power Has An Element, That Element Is...
11 Incandescent ashes.
12 Razor-edged origami.
13 Parasitic worms.
14 Flailing lead chains.
15 Magnetically charged iron sand.
16 Scalding steam.
21 Mud slurry and sharp stones.
22 Stinking filth.
23 Rusty junk and scrap.
24 Corrosive venom.
25 Shining crystal.
26 Bubbling magma.
31 Discordant sonic waves.
32 Thorns and grasping roots.
33 Scorching laser-light.
34 Intense gravitational fluctuations.
35 Sticky burning napalm.
36 Ball lightning.
41 Entropic temporal acceleration.
42 Whirlwinds and micro-tornados.
43 Roiling, mutating flesh.
44 Rasping broken glass.
45 Elegant brick-and-stone architecture.
46 Terrifying and surreal hallucinations.
51 Binding and zapping wires.
52 Crunching teeth.
53 Light-devouring utter darkness.
54 Exotic, scouring radiation.
55 Water with crushing hydraulic force.
56 Unnaturally bouncy rubber.
61 Rapidly-setting concrete.
62 Slippery, flammable oil.
63 Grasping hands with scratching nails.
64 Oversized, hyper-chilled snowflakes.
65 Clouds of choking chemical irritants.
66 Sticky glue.
D66 This Super’s Power Is...
11 Inducing a drug-like effect on a touched target. The effect is similar to a (1d4): 1, stimulant; 2, depressant; 3, deliriant; 4, hallucinogenic.
12 Freely rotating their body and increasing the angular momentum of any object they touch.
13 Copying the power of another touched super.
14 Shooting blasts of [element] that are (1d4): 1, wide; 2, homing; 3, a constant beam; 4, rapid-fire.
15 Tilting probability towards desired outcomes.
16 Healing others’ injuries while instilling a subtle mental compulsion to obey the super with strength proportional to how much harm the super healed.
21 Planting seeds into surfaces that grow into structures of [element], or structures that produce [element] if it’s not solid.
22 Slowing down time for everything but themself within a bubble.
23 Temporary deactivation of parts of their targets’ brains.
24 Creating portals into a dimension of pure [element].
25 Conjuring lifelike illusions.
26 Rapid expansion and prehensile control of their (1d6): 1, hair; 2, skin; 3, nails; 4, blood supply; 5, sweat production; 6, mucus production.
31 Forming additional limbs (arms, wings, legs, tentacles, etc.) out of [element].
32 Surrounding themself in a lingering aura of [element].
33 Manifesting a vehicle/conveyance/mobile platform made of [element].
34 Transforming into a monstrous (1d4): 1, canine; 2, serpentine; 3, chiropteran; 4, piscine form that can breath gouts of [element].
35 Puppeteering the body of a single target at a time.
36 Psychometry, with a particular emphasis on (1d4): 1, acquiring the skills of people who’ve handled the object; 2, clairvoyant observation of the object’s past surroundings; 3, learning the mental states of people who’ve handled the object; 4, imbuing mental states and messages into the object that will take hold in the next person to handle it.
41 A radically enhanced sense (1d4): 1, sight; 2, hearing; 3, smell; 4, proprioception.
42 The standard flying brick package: flight, superstrength, and supertoughness.
43 Summoning a swarm of weak minions made of [element].
44 Building super-science devices hat incorporate [element] in some way (aesthetic, construction, output, fuel, etc.).
45 Summoning a giant golem made of [element].
46 Calling down a rain of [element].
51 Swelling up with [element], increasing muscle mass and releasing bursts of it when injured.
52 Transmuting touched objects into [element].
53 Regenerating from damage and adapting to (1d4): 1, resist; 2, escape; 3, destroy; 4, imitate whatever damaged them.
54 Teleporting while emitting a burst of [element] at their origin and destination.
55 Inducing or suppressing (1d6): 1, anger; 2, fear; 3, sadness; 4, disgust; 5, love; 6, bliss.
56 Command of (1d6): 1, birds; 2, rodents; 3, arachnids; 4, machines; 5, felines; 6, reptiles.
61 Creating bombs and grenades that explode into [element].
62 Manifesting weapons and armour made of [element].
63 Transforming into a humanoid mass of [element].
64 Exerting psychokinetic control over [element].
65 Infusing arrows, bullets, boomerangs, and other projectiles with [element].
66 Projecting forcefields made of [element].

Thursday, December 27, 2018

D20 Random Sex (Not Safe For Most Work)

This one goes out to apocalypse world

No need to thank me, I'm the everyday kind of hero

D20 - About the sex -
1. Wrong hole! Take 1d4 damage
2. Nobody came
3. Theyre a mimic
4. The bed is a mimic and it eats their legs first
5. Its a scam and now they’re trying to sell you on their cult
6. Save vs catch very bad STD, rots your bits off 1d4 days later
7. Mediocre
8. Angel appears blaring trumpet to prophesy conception of immaculate child halfway through, refuses to leave or join
9. They won’t stop sending uncomfortable graphic letters after
10. They make hurtful comments about your body
11. Wake up with forgotten toy studded with small precious gems
12. Wake up with map scribbled on stomach in unmentionable fluids
13. Sting operation, they thought you were illegal prostitute, right chuffed about it
14. They bit deep enough to leave a scar but the teeth aren’t human
15. Youre in their body and they’re in yours now
16. Embarrassing performance, unflattering rumours spread
17. Stole your orgone with forbidden positions, you count as undead until you get it back
19. Extramarital one-night stand with powerful figure, will pay you off in money or favours to keep word from getting out.
20. Wake up somewhere you didn’t fall asleep (1d6): 1, the roof; 2, the road; 3, the king’s royal menagerie; 4, the moon (far side); 5, deep in cave (non-yonic); 6, your childhood bed.
21. Very good, refreshing

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Secret Santicorn: Psychomatic Mini-Dungeons

For Rook, Merry Christmas:

A multiple choice prompt. I chose “psychical/psychomatic mini-dungeon generator”


Everything in the dungeonsciousness comes from a part of the mind of the person it sprang from.

Roll 1d4 when you enter a new room, +1 for every room you’ve passed through in the dungeonsciousness so far. If you roll an 8 or higher, you’ve reached the core. From here you can make one significant, lasting change to the person’s mind and instantly return to the outside world. Changes can be anything from curing a phobia, to making them forgive someone who’s wronged them, to making them fall in love. Assume that deeper rooms represent deeper aspects of their mind.

D6 How Do You Enter The Dungeonscious Mind?
1 Heartsake Key: Stick it in someone’s solar plexus and crank it. Their ribs will open up to the inside of their mind. They will remain conscious and at least a little spooked while they’re open. If you die in their dungeonsciousness you’re spat out with half your mind and body replaced with a copy of theirs. If they die while you’re in their dungeonsciousness you have to punch your way out of their body like a chestburster while suffocating.
2 Oneiric Coyote: Meet one while you’re dreaming, pay it in hopes and fears, and it’ll get you into a sleeping person’s dungeonsciousness. If that person wakes up while you’re in their head, you’re stuck there until they fall asleep again.
3 Projection Grub: Cut a trepanation hole in someone’s skull, stick one of these grubs in, and it’ll glut itself on their psychic energy and then metamorphose into a physical representation of their dungeonsciousness. If you die in that dungeonsciousness then new grubs will hatch in your corpse.
4 Brain-Shaped Herb: Pulp it (the pulp looks like neurons do close-up), smoke it, blow it in someone’s face. If some gets in their lungs, they’ll be trapped in your dungeonsciousness.
5 Chthonic Snooze: Sleep underground in a room just above where they’re sleeping. Your dream-self will be in their dungeonsciousness.
6 Kadathian Tea: Get your target to drink this tea, then drink what’s left of it after it passes through their system. Then you’ll be able to enter their dungeonsciousness from anywhere when you drink it.

D6 What’s in this room? (Roll 1d3 times)
1 Encounter
2 Encounter
3 Environment
4 Environment
5 Trap
6 Treasure

D6 How many doors does this room have?
1 1 obvious door, 1 secret door.
2 1 normal door, 1 door that will be a pain to reach (on the ceiling, up a cliff, behind rubble, etc.).
3 3 doors.
4 2 doors, and one unconventional egress (elevator, teleporter, etc.) that connects distant parts of the dungeonsciousness.
5 2 doors, and 1 pit, rift, chasm that’ll drop you into a room deeper in the dungeonsciousness.
6 2 doors.

D20 Encounters...
1 1d4+1 little grey-faced old men with long needles. They’ll try to cling to your back, weigh you down, trip you up, kill you by jabs and pricks. They were never good enough. What are they even doing here?
2 A slobbering, snaggletoothed dog as big as a horse. It’ll grab you and try to drag you deeper into the dungeonsciousness. They need someone, anyone, to understand them.
3 A doll which bears the crudely stitched features of the dungeonscious person. It can copy any attacks used against it. They were always so replaceable.
4 A neckless, raw meat red hypermuscular berserker. The creature teleports each time it’s injured. Something’s wrong in their life, Something infuriatingly unidentifiable to them.
5 Appears as a treasure, is actually a venomous mimic. Sometimes a good thing is just hiding worse things from them.
6 A wingless wyrm festooned with fool’s gold. Less dangerous than it appears. Blaster and intimidation can be as useful a weapon as any sword to them.
7 A mosquito-mouthed slug-thing with the crawling, chubby limbs of an infant. Damage it deals heals itself. Sometimes they feel like a drain even on their closest friends.
8 A hairless, gibbering gibbon-like creature that walks on the ceiling and bleeds iridescent acid. Sometimes they find the world so strange they have no recourse but to reject it.
9 An idealized, beautiful version of the dungeonscious person. Every round you’re in the same room as it, you become weaker. It’s everything they want to be, and aren’t.
10 A murky pool of water. Under the surface, something octopoid with barbed tentacles and no head. It’s striking strength is minimal, it will instead try to drag and drown. It can be so hard for them to keep their head above all their troubles.
11 The walls are covered in holes. Within, pink serpents lurk. Tell which holes they’re in by the dripping drool. The marks of repressed lust.
12 Twirling swords that hop and fall to impale foes. They can only attack every other round, but should they hit it’s devastating. Disaster haunts them.
13 Bristling empty-space urchins. So much as touching them brings grievous injury. There’s repressed memories they can’t even begin to recall.
14 A crustaceoid knight wielding a clawed sceptre. At first it’s invulnerable. Plates of its armour must be stripped off by clever tactics to render it vulnerable. They arm themselves with a hundred coping mechanisms to make it through the day.
15 A creature somewhere between a wolf and a chameleon. It’ll hide when you first enter and follow you stealthily, then strike when you seem weak. They’re truly spiteful to those they deem their lessers.
16 1d4 flimsy fleshbags that explode when killed. They’ve got a self-destructive urge.
17 A flock of 2d6 magpies with beaks shaped like fingers. Each will try to steal something from you then flee deeper into the dungeonsciousness. They’re consumed with envy.
18 An amorphous slime studded with eyes. All stare at you from the moment you enter the room. It knows all your tactics as you use them. They’re always at least a little paranoid, never feel like they’re not being watched.
19 2d4 guardians in silvered armour, standing in ranks. They’re not hostile so long as you don’t try to press further into the dungeonsciousness, but will pursue relentlessly if you do. They’re wary, don’t let anyone get too close too quickly.
20 A swarm of sting-tailed flies flows like a tide from wall to wall. A sense of doom hangs over their head.

D20 Environments...
1 A throbbing ganglionic cord stretched from floor to ceiling. Very fragile. If severed, the dungeonscious person loses the ability to (1d6) 1, walk; 2, talk; 3, see; 4, remember; 5, perform fine manual actions; 6, breathe. Its presence in the dungeonsciousness signifies a reliance on instinct over rational thought.
2 The floor is slick, unmelting ice. Moving too quickly along it risks slipping. They’re hesitant to show their true emotions.
3 The walls are waving flags. Nationalistic/ethnic fervour stirs in their heart.
4 Sickly greenish lights shine down from the ceiling. Hypochondria haunts their thoughts.
5 Gravity drags you down twice as heavily as it otherwise would. The weight of the world lies densely across their shoulders.
6 Ivy clings to the walls, to the floors. They’re flammable, and damage to them causes them to grow back twice as densely as before. Overthinking drives their mind.
7 Everything in the room appears painted. They feel as though abstractions and art are more real than reality.
8 Every surface is covered in hairs and pustules in strange places. They never grew comfortable with the changes in their life.
9 The ceiling hangs low here, you’d have to stoop and crawl to get around. It recalls a humiliation they had to suffer.
10 The floor is tilted precariously. Any slip-up could see you tumbling down. They feel their life is poorly balanced.
11 The room is immense, and resembles a forest. They yearn for the freedom they see in nature.
12 Room rotates slowly around an axis. They’re persistently dizzy.
13 1d4 rounds after entering the room, it and everyone in it resets to the point when they entered, retaining their memory. They think far ahead.
14 The walls are painted a scabby red. The air’s suffused with a panting heat. Those in the room must save to deescalate or disengage from violence and arguments. There’s a fury slow-cooking their soul.
15 The room is pitch black. There’s something in them they’ll lie about to everyone.
16 The walls are covered in pipes. Breaking them releases a pool of (1d4) 1, blood; 2, bile; 3, phlegm; 4, urine. Their body is a stranger to them.
17 The floor is equally sized and spaced bricks. Everything must be ordered for them to feel comfortable.
18 Cobwebs obscure the rest of the room from the entrances. Introspection isn’t something they’re used to.
19 The room crowds with richly adorned furniture. Heavier than it looks, worth much to discerning buyers. They’ve a desire to rise above their station.
20 The ceiling dangles with drooling tongues. They’ve a hunger which could swallow up all the world has to offer.

D20 Traps...
1 A supercooled river runs through the middle of the room. If you touch it or fall in, take 1d4 damage and get stuck as the river freezes in an instant. The tears that flow from a broken heart.
2 A mirror on the wall. The mirror reflects something, spikes or spinning blades or a deep pit, that you can’t see normally but can hurt you anyways. Indicates self-obsession worn like a shell.
3 The floor is covered in blankets, the walls are hung with them. Touching a blanket causes it to curl around and hold you tight. Some days all they can do is stay in bed.
4 Ankle-deep filth soaks the floor. Any serious physical exertion in this room requires a save vs. poison not to throw up while doing it. There’s some corner of their mind that sickens them.
5 Alcohol soaks the air and the carpet. Crusty vomit fills a corner. Lingering here gets you rapidly drunk. One night, a few too many drinks, changed everything for them.
6 One of the room’s doors is adorned with rattling hooks and spikes. If you do not leave something on the hooks while passing through, they will take a chunk of flesh off you. They don’t believe that anything can come without a cost.
7 After room is entered, two walls on opposite sides begin slow process of crushing everything in it. They’re under so much pressure they feel as though they could snap.
8 Beaded veil hung across room knocks anyone touching it unconscious for 1d4 rounds. The memory of a concussion.
9 Anyone in the room standing still for more than a round begins sinking into the floor. They fear confinement and stagnation.
10 Room starts off looking exactly like one previously encountered in the dungeonsciousness. Being injured by or otherwise significantly interacting with a real feature of the room breaks the illusion.
11 Room appears like where you were before you entered the dungeonsciousness. Your friends and family appear and try to convince you that you got what you wanted from their mind and should stay here forever. They expected someone to enter their mind and prepared a psychic countermeasure.
12 Pressure plate hidden somewhere in the room doors to seal and room to start flooding with resin when triggered. One wrong step and things could get sticky for them.
13 Shards of glass suspended in air like chandeliers, unfreeze, plummet , and slice if touched. Beauty has wounded them before.
14 Part of floor in room noticeably rotten or otherwise abnormal. Breaks if too much pressure placed on it. Underneath is deep pit lined with spikes like teeth. They’re a glutton in denial about it.
15 Room filled with maze of brambles. Pushing through rather than figuring out the maze does no damage, but injects psychological traits of dungeonsciousness into the mind of the pusher. They consider themself an enforcer of conformity.
16 Each wound received in the room is at least a little worse than the last. Strange stains splatter its walls and ceiling. This room comes from their grudge-holding nature.
17 Crystalline pillar stuck through center of room, emits radiation that slowly disintegrates things not native to the dungeonsciousness in the room. Can be avoided by even a thin sheet of dungeonsciousness-native material between it and you. They keep their thoughts guarded.
18 A friendly, vague-featured figure. It will try to accompany you and learn as much about you as possible. Harmless, but the information they learn will be transmitted to the dungeonscious mind through dreams and flashes of intuition. They’ve got enough curiosity to kill nine cats.
19 Pipettes embedded in the walls spray you with slime if you pass in front of them. Each pipette contains only enough slime to spray one thing before running out. If something covered in slime is looked at, it takes 1d4 damage that round. They’ve worked very hard to overcome their shyness.
20 A carpet of jagged ribs. Harmless traveling in one direction, tear at your flesh in the other. The past hurts them, the only cure is going forward.

D20 Treasures...
1 A glass orb holding a golden light within. If you are ever lost or stuck, smash the orb and the light will guide your way. Comes from the optimism that tomorrow will be better than today.
2 A lantern that glows without a need for fuel, which no one else can see by. Comes from a conviction that they know something nobody else does.
3 A stone which twitches nervously when the one holding it risks violating local courtesy or laws. They were beaten for the slightest offense.
4 A shrunken, ashen heart. If its holder would be killed by an attack, they can transfer half the lethal damage to the person whose dungeonsciousness the heart came from. The last piece of a saviour complex.
5 An arrow, bolt, or javelin (it can shift between them as needed) of matte-black plastic. Anything it strikes is removed from existence for 1d6 rounds, while the arrow never returns. A problem that can be safely ignored is a problem solved to them.
6 A dull cube with ridged edges. Crushing it spreads the dullness to your surroundings. A fire brings mild warmth instead of burns, blinding light or darkness fade to twilight, acid becomes stinging water. The changes last for 2d6 rounds. The numbness inside can come so quickly for them.
7 A crystalline lens with a hole bored through the center. Staring through it at a person lets you know what the first room in their dungeonsciousness would be. They consider their dreams a great source of wisdom.
8 A blue-and-gold bead. If held or otherwise on the person of a hireling, with or without their knowledge, that hireling will never retreat or surrender if it means abandoning you. They cherish loyalty dearly.
9 A cloudy tincture. If poured over a wound, that wound will mend itself for 1d6 hours. If no other wound is received during that time, the wound heals. If another wound is received, the mended wound opens again. They consider themself a survivor.
10 A lump of crumbly, sticky gel. If bits of this gel are stuck to different objects, those objects will be attracted to each other like powerful magnets. There are some they would do anything to be reunited with.
11 A porcelain disc, with the barest hints of a face apparent in its patterns. If you toss the disc you can switch places with it for 1d6 rounds, and then back again. They’d rather be somewhere else, but can’t truly escape their current situation.
12 A viscous potion that renders its drinker rubbery, flexible, able to squeeze through the smallest cracks. They think they’d be able to adapt to any circumstance.
13 A pair of ruby-red lips molded from wax. When stuck on an object, that object will be able to speak for one minute as if it were a human being. Its knowledge will pertain to its nature, e.g. a sword will know about who wielded it and who it’s killed, water will know what it’s dissolved, and so on. When the minute is up the lips become inert. They pride themself on their empathy, even if they might not always make use of it.
14 A grinning, virdigrised figurine. If touched to a machine or piece of equipment the figure falls apart to dust and the next attempt to use the machine results in an automatic fumble/critical failure. They trust their own abilities over any aid.
15 A pair of feather-and-kindling wings with straps that fit your shoulders. Wearing them lets you fly for 1d6 rounds before they melt. They yearn for the weightless days of their childhood.
16 A small prism of smooth steel. When pushed into your flesh you expand to twice your size, then four times, and so on, each round it’s in. Being in a room too small to contain your expansion will crush you. The prism contains enough power for 1d6 rounds of expansion. They’ve always wished they were bigger.
17 A paper chain which, when wound around a limb or neck of a corpse, animates it under the holder’s control. If the holder lets go of the chain, or if the chain is broken, the corpse deanimates. There’s someone they’ve lost, and would do anything to see again.
18 A stake of petrified wood, carved in the shapes of dancing animals. Ramming it into the edge of a room lets you animate its doors and furniture under your control for 1d6 minutes, after which the stake crumbles away. They’re a territorial sort.
19 An ointment that shines a dull red from within. Anything it’s applied to becomes immensely more flammable. They have a pyromaniacal streak.
20 A whistle of translucent bone. Blowing it causes it to shatter and make anyone hearing it unable to remember the one who blew it if they can’t immediately see them for 1d6 minutes. The dungeonscious one would rather people forgot a lot about them.

Friday, December 21, 2018

D20x5 Illustrious Intelligent Swords

Howdy there pardners, hows about you meander on down to this here link and make an automated generator of your own:

D20This Sword Is...
1A rusty old thing with the blade snapped off a little ways down from its tip. No matter how it looks, it’s just as deadly as any magical weapon of its caliber.
2A notched, stained cleaver as big as a man is tall. With the sword’s blessing, its wielder will find it just light enough to bear in battle.
3A bronze gladius. Moaning, weeping faces can be glimpsed in its verdigris.
4Crafted from an ox’s jawbone, with shards of glossy white stone rammed in to replace the teeth.
5Made from a stiffened spine. Besides its other abilities, it can also be extended into a bladed whip.
6A scimitar made of many silver crescents welded together.
7Shining with unnameable colours.
8Carved from the desiccated claw of a huge, dead bird.
9An impossibly thin rapier.
10A thing of sharp chitin and bubbling hemolyph.
11Warped through higher dimensions. Only pieces of it are visible from any given angle on this one.
12Hewn from one enormous gemstone.
13Woven from a million strands of fine silk, constantly refined and sharpened by a million invisible spiders.
14A still-living ebony branch, its fronds forming the handguard, shaped over a thousand slow years into a peerless weapon.
15A nanotech super-slime teased, hardened, and bound into sword-form.
16An unassuming sabre that glows like an aurora in use.
17A tongue of flamberge-flame frozen in a flickering moment.
18Molded from clay from the first river baked into keen, unmarrable ceramic.
19Apparently painted onto thin air, though you can hold it like it was any other sword.
20Forged out of countless minuscule blades of fairy-steel.
D20This Sword’s Intelligence...
1Is inversely proportional to its usefulness as a sword. The sharper its blade is, the duller its mind becomes, and vice-versa. Either its wielder or the sword can shift it one step towards vorpal-idiocy or blunt-genius with a successful ego contest. Only one such contest can occur per day.
2Comes from its own spirit, which awakened after a hundred years of abuse and abandonment. This sword can transform itself into a little man with a long, sharp nose and long, sharp hands at will.
3Comes from a bound, damned soul who wishes they were a demon. Will appreciate any wielder who brings them closer to that goal, and offer fell bargains it has no way of holding up its side of.
4Is that of the warrior who willingly allowed themself to be transmuted into it, in order to more purely pursue its craft. Very intense, obsessed with combat as an art form, viciously critical of those it deems hacks.
5Is a committee of all its individual (and individually intelligent) pieces, that decide the sword’s behaviour as a direct democracy. Each piece has its own agenda and personality.
6Is that of the child whose blood it was tempered in. Mopey yet curious.
7Comes from an incomprehensibly complex clockwork device built into its hilt. It is fond of the aesthetics of logic and reason yet doesn’t grasp the substance of them.
8Can only communicate in terms of sword- and combat-based metaphors.
9Is unable to distinguish between the identities of its wielders.
10Will warm to a wielder who uses it for fancy flourishes and elaborate tactics.
11Speaks in monosyllabic words and dislikes nuance.
12Is ruled by animal passions.
13Is distractible and prone to meandering tangents.
14Has a sadistic streak.
15Is capable of temporarily transferring itself to other objects the sword touches.
16Is an incorrigible pervert who thinks of combat in erotic terms.
17Mimics a bit of the personality of each of its wielders, stitching those bits together into a gestalt persona.
18Is deeply religious and takes offense to blasphemy.
19Can only perceive things it’s in contact with.
20Is regal, polite, and moderately detached from reality.
D20This Sword’s Power Is That...
1If a wound it’s inflicted is healed, the one who inflicted that wound is healed by the same amount.
2It can cut even non-solid things. For example, a slice it makes through a pool of water will remain empty as the water waits suspended at the slice’s edges.
3If the sword kills something its intelligence gets a taste of that thing’s memories.
4It can damage ships, buildings, and similarly massive targets as easily as it can human-scale enemies.
5Swinging it produces a gust of force that can knock enemies over even if the actual swing misses.
6It can sunder other magical weapons and steal their powers for itself. Stolen powers last 1d4 days (exploding).
7Its wielder cannot die unless they lose their hold on it (or the hand holding it is severed from their body).
8Wounds it deals become worse the further the wounded gets from the wielder until they’re healed.
9Blood bleeding from wounds it inflicts ignites on contact with air.
10If it’s blocked by armour or a shield, that thing becomes significantly heavier and more brittle.
11It can be used to parry any attack, no matter how improbable.
12It inflicts mental trauma in the same moment that it deals physical wounds.
13It will always deal a modicum of damage, even if it misses, even if its target is immune to everything else.
14Its wielder can delay the effect of wounds it deals, and make those wounds more severe by delaying them.
15It can be called to its wielder’s hand from anywhere, in dreams, in the underworld, etc. It can only be permanently taken with the sword’s consent.
16When brandished, anyone witnessing it will recognize its wielder as one worth parleying with before fighting, even if they wouldn’t normally have the smarts for it.
17It can deal any type of damage its wielder can imagine. Burning, freezing, electrifying, etc.
18Its cuts are addictive. The more an enemy receives, the less likely they are to want to avoid them.
19Magical defenses, countermeasures, and healing are powerless against it.
20It can manifest phantasmal projections that copy its movements.
D20This Sword Desires...
1To push its wielders (and itself) to the heights of fame (or infamy) in the history books.
2To destroy its storied enemy, also an intelligent sword.
3To collect the heads of worthy opponents who will be bound to serve it in the world to come.
4To be polished with the most luxurious oils by servants with the softest hands.
5To commission the creation of a new sword that will surpass even itself.
6To carve out a homeland for causeless warriors.
7A body without a will of its own that it can control without resistance.
8To taste the blood of every sort of creature to walk, crawl, soar, above, on, beneath the earth.
9To cut great sculpture, great cooking, or something similar.
10A new adventure with every day.
11To spark the war it was made to fight in once more.
12To learn martial techniques hidden by masters.
13To found a school of swordfighting.
14To gain acclaim as a philosopher of war.
15To mold its wielder Into a proper disciple.
16To avenge its endless list of petty grudges against the descendants of those who offended it.
17To study death in all its variations.
18To collect a community of intelligent objects.
19A scabbard made from an emperor’s skin.
20To wound something that has never before been wounded.
D20This Sword Is Currently...
1Being used as a backscratcher by a giant too stubbornly dim to be dominated by the sword.
2Part of a museum exhibit.
3Clutched in the hands of a dead adventurer’s skeleton.
4Impaled in a dragon’s back. The wound is quite infected.
5Held by an ambitious, talented, yet currently minor warlord.
6Being hunted down by its original wielder, now a half-dead abomination.
7On sale at an esoteric auction.
8Being held by a malfunctioning angel waiting to bestow it on someone who is “worthy” by bizarre metrics.
9Being studied by a sorcerer-smith who hopes to break it down into pieces that could be made into a series of mass-produced magic swords.
10The top prize of a violent, pan-tribe contest out in the wilds.
11Being fraudulently passed off as the magnum opus of a dwarf-smith, to great acclaim.
12Stuck in the middle of an eternal battlefield.
13The only thing pinning an immortal monster in place.
14The centrepiece of a ritual meant to tear a hole in the fabric of reality.
15Guarded by a secret knightly society seeking a worthy heir for it.
16Part of the ransom being paid out for the safe return of a godling-king from captivity.
17The heirloom of a noble house, pretending to be possessed by that house’s patriarch.
18Dominating the leader of a peasant rebellion, turning their righteous anger to its own ends.
19Being used as a replacement tooth by a titanic vampire.
20Languishing at the bottom of some dungeon. Some party has worked very hard to ensure it’s forgotten by history.