Tuesday, February 8, 2022

D100+ Phantasmagoric Fey, or: A Generator in the Style of Unlawful Games

Like so: https://www.unlawful.games/

D2: What Is This Fey's Court?

1. Seelie - diurnal, generous, honourable, tempting

2. Unseelie - nocturnal, spiteful, deceitful, grotesque

D4: What Is This Fey's Sort?

1. Trooping - travel in long processions, usually driven by internal intrigues

2. Solitary - live alone, unpredictable, tied to natural features

3. Domesticated - cleave close to humanity, live in the household, the city, the festival and the market

4. Changeling - was raised by humans, might still think of themself as one

D6: What Is This Fey's Season?

1. Spring - flighty, verdant, amourous

2. Summer - fiery, harsh, immediate

3. Autumn - dry, witty, macabre

4. Winter - cold, deathly, patient

5. Wet - soaked, overwhelming, unstable

6. Dry - cracked, hungry, wheezy

D8: What Is This Fey's True Form (Or Is It)?

1. Willowy & strangely beautiful

2. Ogreish

3. Animalistic

4. Hunched & wizened

5. Pintsize

6. A dryadic conglomeration of physical elements

7. An airy spirit, a living wind

8. Purely sensory - a song, a perfume, a prickle up the back of the neck, or an orb of uncanny light

D10: What Is This Fey's Outward Demeanour?

1. Chivalrous

2. Tricksy

3. Bumbling

4. Predatory

5. Imperious

6. Sugary

7. Mad

8. Archetypal

9. Poetic

10. Weepy

D12: What Does This Fey Desire?

1. Sweets and treats

2. To stir up drama using mortals as playthings

3. To shake up the musty old order of courts and seasons

4. To be the authour of a story that will last until the end of time

5. To make mortals more like the fey, and the fey more like mortals

6. To complete a journey to the end of the earth

7. The humiliation of a rival

8. To make mortals properly respect and fear the dark and the wild

9. To become (in)famous

10. Even they're not really sure, but they're trying a bit of everything to figure it out

11. Children, lots of children, their own or anyone else's will do

12. To keep their kind from diminishing into mere folklore

D20: What Is This Fey's Magical Specialty?

1. Curses

2. Blessings

3. Shapeshifting

4. Illusions

5. Commanding animals

6. Scrying

7. Charms and other such enchantments of the mind

8. Laying geases on people and things

9. Crafting magic items

10. Going about invisibly, and slipping in to where they shouldn't be

11. Raising up the unforgiven dead

12. Finding secret paths, and getting others lost

13. Controlling plants

14. Manipulating the weather

15. Calling up vermin, spoiling foods, and mustering molds and mildews

16. Music that can make stones dance and lions weep

17. Altering the flow of time

18. Supernatural swordsmanship

19. Warping space

20. Inflicting sleep and weaving dreams

D100 Quirks

1. Their true name was guessed by a simple-minded farmhand, who they must now serve as a familiar.

2. Is an angel that couldn't pick a side between God and the devil, and so is stuck on Earth between them.

3. Is bound to ask a riddle of everyone they meet, and reward them if they get it right or trounce them if they get it wrong.

4. Most of their memories have been sealed away, and they've misplaced the key to unlock them.

5. Their friends have been trapped as characters in a storybook, and they're on a quest to get them out.

6. They're the heir of a mighty fey aristocrat, and they're fleeing the yoke of leadership that awaits them.

7. They're addicted to snorting dustbunnies.

8. Owes a teind of souls to Hell because of a very poorly thought-out bet.

9. Their reflection is out to get them.

10. They traded shadows with a dragon, and now their shadow looks like a dragon's and can breath out clouds of utter darkness.

11. They wear all clothing inside-out and backwards.

12. Really sucks at metaphors but insists on using them constantly.

13. They're the fairy godparent of a reckless young adventurer.

14. Their best friend is a dormouse they carry around in their pocket.

15. Can play their own hair like harp-strings

16. Mute, speaks only in the language of flowers

17. Madly in love with the moon

18. Terrified by the sound of church bells

19. Has a golden comb that can tie knots into anything. Anything.

20. Forced to speak in rhymes

21. Has a teapot with a literal tempest trapped inside it

22. Kidnapped a baby to trade away to goblins, but became too enamoured with the child and is now trying to raise them right.

23. Can't lie, except by omission and implication

24. Has an iron shackle locked around their ankle. They can't remove it themself, and are too prideful to ask for help with it.

25. Wears a hat made from the cup of an over-sized acorn.

26. Farms mushrooms as a hobby - views fairy rings as an inefficient use of space

27. Turns to stone in direct sunlight, trapped thusly until nightfall

28. Wears a broach shaped like a four-leaf clover that grants them great luck

29. Can detach and reattach their own head freely

30. Very smug about having been present for various historical events, and knowing the truth about them that wasn't recorded

31. The nastier they feel the uglier they become

32. Poses as a playwright who airs out fey scandals in popular theater

33. They're particularly magnetic, and so can find North anywhere, yet are confused by the presence of ferromagnetic materials

34. Married a witch and promised to share their immortality with their spouse, and was trapped in a birdcage for it

35. Ages backwards

36. Must accept any challenge to and wager on a fair game

37. Accidentally started a cult

38. Acts as a muse to artists

39. Regardless of their form or disguise, will always have a wild lock of white hair

40. Is compelled to flee from a crowing rooster

41. Rides a unicorn around, is very pleased with that fact, decorates it with many colourful ribbons

42. Complete sociopath, but very good actor

43. Can only be truly harmed by slapstick comedy

44. Has been sentenced to death by being crushed by eggshells for the crime of tickling foxes

45. Has made a pact with an ambitious aspiring warlock to teach them magic

46. A merchant of esoteric goods like "a mouse's footfall" and "a alder's whispers".

47. Used to know how to spin straw into gold, can still sometimes spin it into copper or silver, but other times only manages to spin it into worms and centipedes

48. Has spiders' legs for fingers, and can scramble up any surface

49. Has a taste for human flesh, but a moral objection to killing them for it

50. Has no comprehension of good or evil, instead sees beauty as good and ugliness as evil

51. Experiences boredom as physical agony, constantly seeking new entertainment as a result

52. They're cobbled together from stolen bits and pieces of other people and things, and suffer bouts of chaotic whims from their many components

53. Is obsessed with acting like a knight and finding a worthy squire

54. Breed toads that can croak every note and tone as a hobby

55. Their heart was broken many years ago and they're still trying to find all the pieces

56. Their mother is a banshee and taught them her lethal wail

57. Leaves hoofprints instead of footprints regardless of their form

58. Can place a glamour over your eyes that lets you see things as they truly are, but they'll come some time in the future to collect your eyes as payment

59. Was born from an idle wish, and is bound to fulfill it

60. Has an identical twin who is sometimes so similar to them it seems as though they share a mind, and other times seems to be their exact opposite in every way

61. Is affected by gravity in reverse, and so walks on ceilings and wears a scarf that bears them down with lead fishing weights hooked through it

62. Causes peoples' teeth to itch whenever they're near

63. Was cursed to only sleep in chimneys on beds made of soot

64. Knows when and where anyone speaks their name

65. Is pursuing an exquisite revenge against a mortal king who broke a promise to them

66. Unable to comprehend the use of any tool or device worked by human hands

67. Tramples enigmatic patterns into crop fields

68. Insists on being referred to by their elaborate and impressive-sounding but ultimately minor title every time they're personally addressed

69. Is revealed to be hollow when seen from the back

70. Can't use their magic to affect anyone who's ever seen their face, so they go about masked or veiled

71. Was exiled from the otherworld for a faux pas and is desperately trying to earn their way back

72. Carries a bag with them that is at all times cinched shut. Should anyone look inside the bag, they will be too spooked to ever speak of what they saw.

73. Wears a pair of earwigs as earrings

74. Very credulous, can be convinced that a great many ridiculous things are true with a little effort

75. Is a pro at flyting, and will engage in it at the flimsiest excuse

76. Is in fact an extraterrestrial. Their apparent magic is in fact wonderfully advanced technology.

77. Can't pass through a doorway that's warded with a horseshoe

78. Thinks paintings and statues of people really are people, and is always confused when they don't respond

79. Have underdeveloped reasoning skills, and struggle with conventional math and logic

80. They're secretly an informant for the wild hunt

81. Doesn't understand death, and has become unwitting partners with a serial killer who they believe to be a mere prankster

82. Has lived long enough that everything is as predictable and boring to them as soap operas

83. Lives halfway in a hallucinatory reality of their own imagination

84. Has wings like a butterfly's which give off magic dust. Anyone who's got that dust can fly so long as they're thinking flighty thoughts.

85. Can listen and talk through pinecones as though they were telephones

86. Wears a dress made of swarming bees

87. Must pay back insults and compliments three times over

88. Is a psychic vampire who feeds on emotions

89. Would disintegrate into mist if they ever stepped foot on holy ground

90. Has a castle in a cloud, but hasn't been able to keep up with its maintenance

91. Has plentiful piercings made from rose-thorns

92. Can be summoned by running widdershins thrice in a row around a church

93. Entertains themself by acting as children's imaginary friend

94. Flies into a rage if thanked for anything

95. Tries to keep up on modern slang, fails miserably

96. Is tasked with monitoring various crises so that a legendary hero sleeping in the otherworld can be awakened to address the biggest one

97. Enjoys tricking people into thinking they're prophesied heroes and sending them on wild goose chase quests

98. Is drunk normally, but becomes more sober the more alcohol they drink

99. Always says the opposite of what they mean

100. Will die if they're disbelieved in by mortals

Monday, February 7, 2022

D6x6 Abuzz Abeils

Getting one of these done is like pushing a sliver out of my brain.

Click the button below for your very own abeils:

Generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6These abeils have
1 luxuriously fluffy black-and-yellow fur.
2 elongated false-stingers worn like codpieces would be for humans.
3 psychedelic patterns made by sticking fistfuls of dry pigments to their setae like pollen would.
4 bare black exoskeletons, inlaid with gold. The more gold lines their exoskeleton has, the higher their status is.
5 iridescent blue-green exoskeletons.
6antennae bound so they grow into intricate symmetrical symbols.

D6These abeils communicate with humans
1 by hiring of a perfumers' guild who have noses sensitive enough to interpret their pheromones as translators.
2 using a special "mediator" caste, bred and raised to be the ideal intermediates between the two species.
3 through a highly formalized regional dance tradition that mimics their own waggle dance language.
4 only with great difficulty, through rough barter, violence, or avoidance.
5 with a simple gestural language that can be spoken regardless of its speaker's limbs or digits.
6through addicts of the mind-altering mead fermented from their honey, who become sensitive to the abeils' collective consciousness.

D6These abeils' hive
1 has been enticing (and sometimes coercing) human engineers and architects to come and grant it cutting-edge style and amenities.
2 has been infiltrated by parasites that mimic them near-flawlessly, giving rise to an air of paranoia.
3 is partitioned throughout by quarantine measures to prevent the spread of a fatal fungal infection.
4 was built in the ruins that a modern kingdom claims as its own heritage. That kingdom is now verging to war to push the abeils out.
5 is old, and in dire need of repairs due to the previous queen's negligence.
6was accidentally constructed according to principles of ultraterrestrial sacred geometry, and is now lodged halfway into another plane.

D6These abeils' queen
1 is young, inexperienced, and beset on all sides by scheming advisors.
2 sees herself as a benevolent conqueror, bringing harmony to benighted mammals.
3 is a jaded and unpleasant crone who stirs drama among her subjects for her own amusement.
4 was just assassinated, and now the hive is riven by her princesses' power struggle.
5 is a recent and zealous convert to an evangelical faith, and has alienated much of her hive's population pushing moral reforms on them.
6is a strict micro-manager obsessed with optimizing all the hives' processes, losing sight of the greater spirit of rulership.

D6These abeils' honey
1 is produced from meat instead of pollen, and accelerates natural healing as well as building muscle mass.
2 has a delicate yet complex taste that makes it a highly sought-after commodity.
3 can reanimate corpses interred in it as sticky mummies.
4 concentrates the stimulant compounds found in the blue flowers which grow near their hive, and can grant energy, wakefulness, and even a heart attack when consumed.
5 can be exactingly refined to make amber gemstones, which they use as diplomatic gifts.
6is mixed with their wax to make candles that have a soporifically calming aroma.

D6These abeils are rumoured to
1 fly out at night and kidnap men to sate their inhumanly feminine lusts upon.
2 have a great stock of gold which they mix into the royal jelly they feed their prospective queens.
3 have taught humanity the secret of city-building in an attempt to make them eusocial and hive-dwelling too.
4 be the descendants of an empress cursed for her ruinous hunger for honey-cakes.
5 be the true cause of tinnitus - the noise one hears is their distant buzzing.
6inject their consciousnesses into those they sting, and thereby psychically replace human elites.

Thursday, February 3, 2022

You Are Approached By An Upset Redditor...

Special thanks to the mass hysteria of the GLOG server for this post. Special apologies to people who come to this blog expecting posts of substance and good taste. Those are definitely still coming, eventually, just had to get this one out of my system.

How do you respond?: