D20x5 Variegated Vikings

Apparently viking is a verb as well as a noun. Learn something new every day.

Click the button below to generate your very own viking:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D20	This viking’s come a’viking
1	to earn enough wealth for the steep bride price of their beloved.
2	to enslave people to work their failing family farm.
3	to collect sacrifices for a blót dedicated to their patron god.
4	following the rumour of a magic weapon that would win them much prestige if recovered.
5	to escape the covetously murderous intentions of their uncle.
6	to scout out the way for a larger future invasion.
7	in a futile attempt to flee their prophesied doom.
8	because they've become lost at sea and can't find their way home.
9	to prove themself as a warrior.
10	in pursuit of a cowardly rival who fled their holmgang.
11	on the order of their lord, who wamts them out of the way for a while for some internal politicking.
12	because the emperor they served as a bodyguard was assassinated and now they're out of a salary.
13	for the simple joys of slaughter and pillaging.
14	because a volcanic eruption has devastated their homeland.
15	to wipe out all evidence of an indiscretion that could ruin their renown.
16	to get the riches to pay their way out of a deep debt their vices have landed them in.
17	to satiate a familial grudge.
18	to retrieve the bones of an ancestor for a proper funeral.
19	to winnow the weak and the cowardly from their crew.
20	to slay a monster destined to play a nasty role in the end of the world.

D20	This viking wields
1	a two-handed hammer with a rune-stone for a head.
2	a spear barbed with whale-teeth.
3	a whip made of thick copper links.
4	a boarding axe and a shield made from a deck hatch.
5	paired damascene scimitars.
6	a horseman's pick with a spike made of a reinforced walrus tusk.
7	a huge sunstone that can channel the light of the sun into burning beams.
8	an iron pole hung with a flayed troll-hide banner, which writhes without any breeze.
9	a bow with arrows hollowed so that they emit ghastly screams when loosed.
10	a razor-like sword they stole on a foreign shore.
11	an atgeir.
12	a large seax with a spiked tower shield.
13	a worn and somewhat rusted (though still very lethal) sword that's served many generations in wars and feuds.
14	a set of throwing spears and a round shield painted with a snarling blue dragon.
15	a bearded axe with a handle made from a giant's ulna.
16	a halberd with a head forged in the shape of some two-faced boar-hawk chimera.
17	a war-horn cut from some gigantic caprine, which can blast a thunderous note or be swung to crush limbs into paste.
18	whatever weapon the last enemy they killed held, as a personal challenge.
19	a rapier-like weapon made from an unmelting icicle torn from the utter north.
20	an esoteric blade shaped like a tiwaz rune.

D20	This viking wears
1	a draping shawl of fox pelts, each head biting the next pelt's tail.
2	bear-paw boots.
3	pauldrons made of red-fanged wolf skulls.
4	a belt buckle made from a gilded child's pelvis.
5	a helmet carved from the draconic figurehead of a longship.
6	a cape of seal-skin, its flippers slapping against the back of their knees.
7	live adders that slither through their braids.
8	so many throwing knives strapped across their body they act like impromptu armour.
9	a tunic of raven feathers.
10	a skirt of tanned beaver tails.
11	a pair of corpse britches.
12	a jacket with a blood eagle stitched on the back.
13	the tongue of a skald who spread rumours about them on a necklace.
14	a mail shirt, with each ring of it inscribed with a line from a saga.
15	war-paint rendered from the ashes of razed towns.
16	lorica segmenta made from the long belly-scales of a lindworm.
17	a wool cowl embroidered with images of the sea and serpentine beasts.
18	a long white dress, as part of their practice of seiðr.
19	a metal cap adorned with an elk's velvety antlers.
20	greaves and vambraces made from chunks of an exploded, powder-blackened bronze cannon.

D20	This viking can
1	enter a berserker state wherein they know neither fear nor pain.
2	sing songs that summon up winds.
3	outwrestle a bull in rut.
4	outdrink an alcoholic elephant.
5	outrace a man on a horse while on foot.
6	swim across waters where anyone else would drown.
7	receive glimpses of the future in their dreams.
8	play the jouhikko adequately.
9	climb sheer cliffs bare-handed.
10	eat a whole pig in one sitting.
11	accurately count up a pile of coins just by glancing at it.
12	row for days without tiring.
13	track prey unerringly over vast tracts of wilderness.
14	speak just about every language spoken by those who sail in these parts.
15	preternaturally command domesticated animals.
16	shrug off poisons through their hardy constitution.
17	frighten lesser fighters into surrender with just their war-cry.
18	seduce many people, despite their kind of fucked-up cauliflower face.
19	be far sneakier than their size would suggest.
20	flyte with the best of them.

D20	This viking is tied by fate
1	to a bad batch of hákarl, which will give them food poisoning at the worst possible time.
2	to a captain charged with ending their raids - they are reincarnated, star-crossed lovers.
3	to a huldra, who will take their hand in marriage and drive them on to grander and more terrible deeds.
4	to a dwarf they cheated, who will take their repayment with vicious interest.
5	to their ship, in a Fisher King-type arrangement.
6	to a bard whose music will either glorify or villify them for all time.
7	to a fell demon of the killing cold, whose harbinger they were born to be.
8	to a dim and distant star, which indicates their position to trained astrologers, and will wink out once they die.
9	to the grand treasure hoard of an infamous pirate - they will find it, and it will destroy them.
10	to a kraken sworn to kill them and all other descendants of a hero who put out one of its eyes hundreds of years ago.
11	to a prophecy in which they are but a minor character, bound but for a moment to deliver a vital message to a key figure.
12	to a draugr, the walking corpse of one they killed truly heinously.
13	to a cursed sword which has damned every one of its bearers.
14	to a prince of such nobility that the viking will forswear their evil ways and join the prince's service.
15	to a thrall who escaped their bondage - at their next encounter they will strike each other down.
16	to a great red dragon, who will burn them and many others in their own little Ragnarök.
17	to a child they orphaned, who will grow into a legend that will far outshine their own.
18	to a valkyrie who wishes to arrange their death in glorious battle, whether they wish it or not.
19	to an island nation that will shatter and sink beneath their feet.
20	with a monk whose monastery they sacked - that monk might defeat them with a stale crust of bread, such is the weight of their vengeance.

Existenceproof

"What would your feelings be, seriously, if your cat or your dog began to talk to you, and to dispute with you in human accents? You would be overwhelmed with horror. I am sure of it. And if the roses in your garden sang a weird song, you would go mad. And suppose the stones in the road began to swell and grow before your eyes, and if the pebble that you noticed at night had shot out stony blossoms in the morning?"
-Arthur Machen, The White People

There are moldy spots in the rank cracks of academia - para-maths, juxta-chromatics, alt-history, and those other fetid fields which are sometimes erroneously put under the umbrella of impossibilogy, whose students are quacks and cranks and snake-oil guzzlers - disciples one and all of the unreal. Theirs is dangerous work, more dangerous than could be imagined by the epidemologist or nuclear physicist, for the latter remain within the bounds of the bounded, the concrete and finite. For those in the univers(e/ity)'s light, death is the end, the only end, sometimes feared, sometimes welcomed, but always definite. You can, of course, imagine other ends than death. That's the appeal of these studies of the unreal: to let the imagination slip from the blessed limits of humanity and this cosmos, and return with the illicit fruits of infinity.

If this sounds too simple, too easy, consider going to the grocery store to pick up fruit. There might be dozens of varieties of fruit to choose from, but you know what you like, and where to look to find it. Now consider a grocery store that's got every fruit on Earth in it, piled up in neat rows and stacks of bins and baskets. You might be looking for quite some time to find what you want. You might even be allergic to some of the fruits and not even know it. Consider even further: a grocery store that's got every fruit the Earth's ever had or will have, every enormous prehistoric deviance and genetically-engineered vegan-friendly meat-thing. You might get lost in the aisles, and never find your way out. Even if you did, you might've brushed up against the wrong bin, and brought home a seed that invades and overgrows a continent. But of course we're not just talking about every fruit here, but everything and anything. As much as you need to open the spaces of possibility, you need to close them off.

This act of closing off, of denying unwanted possibilities, is called existenceproofing. The exact process varies tremendously, as you might expect - you might invoke the null-number huil, paint grim lines of bronte, and so on and so on, depending on the field you're working in and the result you're working toward. The ideal is the same: surgically precise excision.

Existenceproofing carries its own risks. Lookbackonwhatyou'vereadandseehowthegapsshapethecontent. Solidity alone has no structure, and in this is indistinguishable from total emptiness - form requires void, and in the intermingling both solidity and void attain their own structure. Existenceproofing is the art of voiding - and if it is too graceless, or too artful, it can give birth to monsters.

The trailblazer of existenceproofing cut away too much, leaving an abyss that swallowed them up like a sudden vacuum into howling chaos - no record or legacy of them now survives besides this abyss. Buildings and parts of buildings that shouldn't be spring up in the wake of the inexpert existenceproofer, for buildings are defined as much or more by the cavities within them as by their bricks and planks.

Life of a sort too is not an uncommon by-product - for life doesn't require any particular substance, or even non-substance, just an ordering system - as the proliferation of trypophobic plagues in recent years attests to. Living silhouettes are among the worst of these voided life-forms (at least, among the worst that don't swiftly lead to the end of a world-line), empty vessels in the shapes of people. More paranoid members of occulture believe that crowd is already fully infiltrated by them. And some say all these bizarre studies are only able to achieve tangible results because the world itself has been existenceproofed - a nonentity slowly dissolving into gibberish as it wakes up to that fact.

D6x6 Ruddy Rust Monsters

Click the button below to get your rust monsters:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	These rust monsters look like
1	the bastard child of a stag beetle and an armadillo.
2	wolves that have been jellified and shoved into a cockroach's carapace.
3	exoskeletal ankylosaurs with a waxy scarlet sheen.
4	big beavers with squamous red hides and heads like a vortex of wriggling teeth.
5	screw-beaked kiwis with oily, sharp-pointed wires instead of feathers.
6	black-scaled slugs with six stubby limbs.

D6	These rust monsters rust
1	to draw energy from the process of oxidation - they're a naturally-evolved, if widely-divergent species from a shadow biosphere.
2	in order to further the progress of entropy - they're fauna of an older idea of hell, which simply brought to ruin without moral content.
3	because they were part of the recycling industry of an ancient empire, long since run rampant after its fall.
4	because they're the creation of a war god from the age of bronze, clinging to relevance.
5	because they're the descendants of a smith cursed to destroy his beloved creations.
6	because they're an elven bioengineering project to wither the scourge of cold iron.

D6	In addition to rusting, these rust monsters can also
1	spit streams of digestive acid.
2	magnetically accelerate their hardened feces like bullets.
3	speed along the process of burning and suffocation by their manipulation of oxidation.
4	coat themselves in flames by rapid exothermic rusting of stored iron.
5	mold rust into grainy fortresses.
6	hover short distances by interacting with the earth's magnetic field.

D6	A potential counter to these rust monsters is
1	the blood of a person or animal with hemochromatosis, which is rich enough in iron to attract them, yet contains organic compounds which are toxic to them.
2	luring them into bodies of water, which they are too heavy to swim in.
3	galvanized metal, which resists their corrosion.
4	vinegar, which irritates and eventually dissolves them.
5	the sound of a precisely-tuned muyu, which repels them if they're not hungry enough to ignore it.
6	storms, which they instinctually avoid as they draw lightning.

D6	Humans have found a use for these rust monsters
1	in prospecting, getting them to sniff out buried veins of ore.
2	as a test of election for rulers - one has to either be very clever or in possession of enchanted artifacts to not be stripped bare of armaments by the monsters.
3	as a tool for peasant rebellions, levelling the field with their heavily-armed and -armoured masters.
4	in testing the purity of gold - coin-debasing kings hate them!
5	as starvation food-livestock that can be fattened off fodder no other animal can.
6	in releasing them onto battlefields in the wake of their slaughter to discourage the defilement of warriors' graves by filching scavengers.

D6	You might loot from these rust monsters
1	the ultra-abrasive lining of their gizzards.
2	trace engrams of sentient magic items, iron golems, and other such metallic intelligences eaten by the rust monster, rich in historical data.
3	a compass-like organ located behind a central nerve cluster which can be squeezed to disrupt the minds of whales, bees, birds, and other creatures that rely on magnetism to guide their behaviour.
4	plates of armour that rust the weapons that strike them.
5	volatile glands that can be worked into tetanus-inducing grenades.
6	bezoars of precious metals, gems, and other accreted, undigestible valuables.

D6x6 Thrillful Thri-Kreen

Click the button below to generate your thri-kreen:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	These thri-kreens' homeworld
1	is a parched desert, and became so when a wildly successful cactus-like plant carpeted its surface, absorbing all bodies of water into itself.
2	is a bafflingly tremendous, continuous ring of forests around a star, growing in freefall in a ring of gases, organics, and water.
3	is the moon of a gas giant, robbed of its precious resources by float-bag raiders from that giant.
4	was the outer shell of a dyson sphere, a science-fictional Brobdingnag, where they were to the other lifeforms as various creepy-crawlies are to us.
5	resembles an obsidian orchid blossoming in the void - a planet with its molten innards eviscerated and exposed to the cosmic cold - focusing sunlight and scant atmosphere from black-mirror continents into a habitable dip.
6	was in fact a massive void-dwelling organism that had laid dormant since the first moment of their evolution, only to be killed shortly after it awakened in some celestial war.

D6	These thri-kreen got to this world
1	after all their mages sacrificed themselves to create a portal to escape their homeworld.
2	by being brought as a zoo exhibit by aliens.
3	by being summoned by terrestrial wizards who thought they were a sort of insectoid demon.
4	riding a hollowed-out meteor.
5	as cultists sworn to be the vicarious maws of an interstellar locust-god.
6	as the lost, ragtag fragments of a crusade they thought would conquer the stars.

D6	The thri-kreen on this world
1	are physicians and engineers, assassins and sappers, making use of the lingering remnants of their extraterrestrial scientific knowledge.
2	are merchants of strange goods, forming caravans that criss-cross the distant corners of the earth - they seek to barter for something, but say not what.
3	aim to build a garden-city that replicates the ideal ecosystem of their homeworld.
4	are most populous under the auspice of a kingdom that worships a divine mantis.
5	rule an empire of nomadic warriors, their subjects enjoying the tolerant peace of their remote perspective on terrestrial religious and ethnic differences.
6	tend to belong to wandering mercenary war-bands and bandit gangs.

D6	These thri-kreen are viewed by most humans
1	as swarming bugs that must be squashed.
2	as walking crustacean delicacies.
3	as no stranger than any of the other monsters of the world.
4	the same way they'd view any armoured and unreadable other.
5	as good candidates for harem-guards, as they should have no interest in mammalian women.
6	as a karmic punishment for humanity's ruthless extermination of insect-kind.

D6	These thri-kreen's signature weapon
1	is a spring-powered circular saw wound up with a two-handed winch.
2	is an especially-long, telescoping pike that requires their extra hands to stabilize.
3	is a serrated blade compressed and honed from their own shed exoskeletons.
4	is a razor-thin whip-sword.
5	is a bola with explosive-filled balls that collide and detonate once they wrap a target up.
6	is essentially an oversized pair of scissors they wield with one pair of arms.

D6	These thri-kreen have a psionic aptitude for
1	dream-walking, harassing their enemies as nightmares and lingering as nightly advisors even after their bodies have decayed.
2	blocking out their presence from the conscious awareness of others.
3	tactile telekinesis - that is to say telekinesis that doesn't extend far beyond their own carapace - useful for armouring, clinging to surfaces, and so on.
4	thoughtography - burning an image onto a surface just by visualizing it intensely enough.
5	psychic surgery, reaching into the mind-body connection to fix aches and pains, yank out or implant psychosomatic conditions, and so on.
6	pyrokinesis, for the conjuring and control of flame - tinderboxes are unknown among them.

D20 Drugs

Not to be confused with my previous drugs post.

Inspired by friend of the blog Blackout's post also of 20 drugs to finally get this one out.

1. Stinkhuff (AKA gas, testudo, shell, stench)

The bottled flatulence of zaratans, often infused into thimbles of isinglass-jelly for ease of storage. Most is of course produced by the migrant zaratan-back corsair-republics which gather in Pibaw, and so it can be found anywhere near a coast. Stinkhuff tastes awful, befouls the breath, and greens the teeth with common use - but use is common regardless, as it is a fine painkiller which doesn't induce unconsciousness or dull the reflexes - in fact steadying shaky hands.

2. Visk (AKA intro, gutsy, gutgab, biologue)

A synaesthetically-tasty sort of yoghurt fermented with bacterial cultures scraped from certain iridescent star-jellies. Awakens all the nerve-clusters in your body that aren't your brain to sentience, or at least makes you aware of their pre-existing sentience. Lets you hold telepathic conversations with your liver, kidneys, and so on, enabling self-diagnosis of subtle medical problems, have entertaining internal banter, and take a backseat in your own body if you take too much, while another organ of yours gets the driver's seat.

3. Babycakes (AKA nannypap, gaga, inner child)

Quite literal cakes, made from the milk of wild wolves and the fresh green sprouts of certain marsh-herbs. Eating them induces a state of child-like innocence and wonderment - and like children, those on it are best watched closely so they don't wander off ledges or choke on their own fists. Babycakes go bad quickly, and induce a state closer to petulant adolescence when they do - and their ingredients are hard to source, making it a regional delicacy. Production is thus far controlled by the Fingernail Princes, a gang of werewolves who hide among the hills of Cathalo.

4. Nightingale (AKA smoochy-moon, loontune, drood)

An entheogen manufactured by circles of druids who claim descent from the once-great Draioch. Dried rose-petals are placed in rattles made from the skulls of nocturnal birds, then these rattles are used in the druids' sacred dances. At the climax of such a dance, the petals are poured from the rattles into a great stone mortar, and the powder produced by their grinding is sprinkled in the ears and eyes. This leads to a pareidoliac perception of prophetic instruction in the songs of crickets and other creatures of the night, and in the glinting of moonlight. It's advisable not to look at the moon while one's under the influence of nightingale, even in a reflection.

5. Hadean Dust (AKA gloomy, grey, nil)

The literal dust of the Grey Waste, coating every surface there, and sold brushed-off the boots and coats of planar travelers for a quick buck. Only amateurs eat or insufflate it - that'll only make you depressed. The real ticket's in injecting it, or rubbing it into a bleeding wound - you'll get a numbness so deep it numbs itself, and a sense of general meaninglessness which renders itself meaningless - an escape deeper than death in the rocking of the Great Wheel. Some edgy philosophers have taken to refining the dust into a fine crystal, then diluting it many times over in honey and rosewater, quaffing the solution to attain a state of intellectual nihilism from which they may reconstruct their systems from first principles.

6. Maelstrom Juice (AKA zoop, cuckoo, loopy)

There's a hole in the ocean that goes all the way down to the underworld. Around the hole there's a huge, perpetual whirlpool, like an unplugged bathtub that never runs dry. Some believe this is the headwaters of the rivers Styx, Lethe, and so on - the necromancer Gartholemeow the Hellfarer tried to prove it, racing headlong down the vortex on a raft made of bones, and no one's seen him since. There's life in that whirlpool, adapted to the endless whirling, plankton and fish and seals - maelstrom juice comes from the latter. It's their endolymph - the fluid within their ears. Drink the stuff - you don't need very much at all - and you'll experience several hours of giddy spinning dizziness, the kind that makes you want to say "whee!" rather than throw up, along with alternating time dilation and contraction. Taking too much - which is easy - will make you spray the contents of your stomach out both ends, and extend the normal trip to days instead of hours. Experienced zoopers swear that brining pickles in a solution of the stuff then eating the pickles all but eliminates the odds of an overdose.

7. Hellblood (AKA gorge, blister, Mister Rager, throbert)

From hell, but it's not actually blood. It's extracted from the musth glands of the souls of damned elephants. Swells up your body and brains like a full-body erections, making your veins as big and wriggly as pythons. It makes you strong, makes you fast, and makes you extremely excitable - anything that provokes an emotional reaction in you provokes it 110%. It also makes you bleed from the eyes and nose, and bleed out rapidly from puncture wounds. Mixed with jellified stinkhuff it makes for a gnarly, often counter-effective combat drug.

8. Gallowgrass (AKA slip, greenbelt, the tickler)

A sting-leafed herb which grows from the fallen tears of an innocent sincerely though mistakenly accused and unknowingly condemned to the gallows. The longer you chew it, the more you feel a deepening catharsis, have your guilt and regrets slip away, and the more you poison your mouth to a swollen and tender state. Best case scenario with long-term use is that you choke on your own gums. Worst case scenario is you lose any moral sense whatsoever.

9. Wizard Soup (AKA Sorcerer's Apprentice, the Gift of the Magi, cantrip)

Take everything even remotely magical you've got on hand - wizards' teeth, expended wands, someone's familiar, manticore hair, etc. - throw it in a cauldron, boil it all together until it congeals into a runny octarine sludge - that's wizard soup. Drinking it feels magical, chaotically, wonderfearsomely magical, and it makes you magical, able to cast spells just by willing it. These spells are mostly very weak, and pushing them too far, especially with large doses or prolonged use, is likely to backfire terribly.

10. Grudge Gum (AKA chew-the-stairs, neg, lump)

Comes in hard, red, rubbery lumps that should be softened for a few minutes in a bowl of spittle before you stick it in your mouth. Grudge gum's cheap, but usually cracked-down on, and is smuggled stuck to the bottoms of flat-hulled riverboats. A potent though quite specific hallucinogen. Chewing it makes you feel as though you're really chewing up the flesh of someone you hate, hearing their screams, tasting their blood, and so on. Junkie myth holds that grudge gum really can affect the health of your enemies by channeling your negative feelings, but only if you hate them more than they hate you - otherwise it'll be you who suffers.

11. Worldthorn (AKA prickadillo, yggy, link-me-up)

Power and pride of the blasphemous narcocrats of Ostelottz - thorns plucked from their grafted ersatz world-tree. When used to pierce the body in secret configurations along vital meridians, they create feelings of unity with the flowing aspects of the cosmos - the wind, rivers, the cycle of decay and renewal, etc. These feelings are so euphoric that the ministration of worldthorn forms the psycho-political basis and end of Ostellotzian society. Those who escape the country with the occulted knowledge of its ministry are hunted to the ends of the earth by its sap-armoured knights.

12. Archanum

A flavourless, cloudy tincture bottled by a handful of fanciful brands (Nieblund’s Knockouts! The caps are shaped like fists) which all have their cadres of devotees. Archanum brings a tranquil stillness to one’s thoughts, and guarantees a dreamless sleep the following night. It’s best served mixed with honey and warm water. Produced and most consumed on the island of Bluetspur, where it's preferred by the well-to-do over alcohol or an infestation of madness fleas to prevent the constant nightmares of that place. Archanum is extracted from seaspawn minions (sluggy leechish creatures that burrow into peoples’ brains and take them over to feed to their father-mother). Nobody mentions that in polite society. It also renders drinkers more vulnerable to psychic influences.

13. Wraithstalk (AKA creep, sneak, breakneck)

Cut grass screams, in its own fashion. Cut grass growing on the grave of a corpse risen to potent undeath, collect their screams in some conductive medium - that is wraithstalk. It's taken by holding the collected screams to your heart until its beating synchronizes, just for a moment, with their pitched frequencies. Wraithstalk causes you to hallucinate a nightmarish pursuer, whose speed and psychedelic terror are particular to the dose's providence. Most reliable vendors will give you a trip that rides the knife's edge between an exciting thrill and heart-stopping dread. Should the pursuer catch the user, they'll be infused psychically with the bit of negative energy that animates it - causing some slight and manageable misanthropy with weaker doses, and dissociative anti-life episodes with stronger ones.

14. Kissy-Clam (AKA lovesluck, splurt, goldie)

There is a species of clam in the reeking Pissmire which grows a lure on its lip with the shape and luster of a gold coin. Biting into this lure releases a glittering goop, which a short while after consumption induces an increase in one's appetites, and a commensurate increase in the pleasure of satisfying those appetites - it's said that no one may call themself a hedonist who has not had a spoonful of mud caviar while on kissy-clam. Some days after sampling the stuff your nose will be overcome by a horrid burning itch, alleviated only by dunking your head into water and sneezing out stream after stream of mucus - this is the true purpose of kissy-clam: to have you feed and then re-deposit the clam's young, which are contained in the lure. It's really more of a brain-altering parasite than a drug. By old compact the Pissmire's bargemen bear the sole right to harvest kissy-clam, and even the nobility of its sodden capital Crapaud must cozy up to them for a try.

15. God's Tears (AKA githy, astral fudge)

Gunk harvested from the corners of the eyes of dead gods floating in the astral sea. Horrifically addictive, and the funding base of the githyanki pirate-empire. Civilizations across the planes have been toppled to open up markets for it. Consuming the stuff lets you share in the vast, transcendent dreams of the dead god it came from, like nothing mortal minds were built to experience. The drug commonly leads to thanatocratic cults, mass suicides, and artistic revolutions. A knock-off made from dead dragons instead of gods is fairly common as these things go, difficult to distinguish from the genuine article, and much less potent.

16. The Greedy Captain's Urchin (AKA nip, tingle, scabby)

A yellow-bodied, blue-spined species of sea urchin about the size of a dainty woman's balled-up fist. Its bite carries a venom that induces lazy, languorous pleasure, though this feeling is short-lived, so the urchin must be allowed to "graze" on users for any lasting high. The bites from this grazing are small and shallow, so one must be really out of it to die from a single session. Captains sailing on the Southern Brume would forcibly apply batches of these urchins to would-be mutineers to defuse their rebellious attitudes.

17. Fairy-Lemon (AKA pinch, pucker)

A citrus cultivar of Fairyland, so tart that it causes your whole flesh and soul to pucker up and sour. While its flavour lasts on your tongue (which can be quite some time if you don't rinse it out) you will be shrunken, unrecognizably pinched, and tricksy. Addicts are made of repressed sorts slipped its juice or rind by pixies.

18. Bastard's Brood (AKA clutch, eggwhite, ovenbun)

The egg of a giant cuckoo. The developing cuckoolet within the egg produces an infrasonic warble that induces strong maternal feelings in those who hear it, protectiveness against those who'd harm or steal it, deep satisfaction when its needs are met. Those who refuse to let go of the cuckoolet after it's hatched often become its first meal.

19. Hydra Hookah

An invention of the flesh-forging Lords Teratomata, only a few examples of which have survived their fall. The hydra hookah resembles a many-headed serpent with a cental body like a limbless cow's. Pressing one's mouth to one of the serpent's heads' and inhaling the jaundiced fumes of its bile will induce sensations of melting physically and mentally into one's surroundings, which some find pleasant.

20. Horsemouth (AKA grazer, greenteeth)

A mycelial wad you press under your tongue and suck on. Makes grass and leaves taste amazing, but doesn't grant you any ability to digest it. Habitual users tend to have worn-down teeth from all the silicates. Also imbues a comforting herd mentality in groups, and intense autophobia if separated.

D100+ Gobsmacking Gods

Why yes, I did spend too much time on making up titles, and none on making something gameable. Maybe that will come later.

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Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://slightadjustments.blogspot.com/p/generator.html