D100 Signs of the Warp Spasm

Kind of like this, but not really: https://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2025/01/d100-slainey-taunts.html

Click the button below to get your signs of warp spasm - riastrad:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D100	Signs of the Warp Spasm
1	Every joint rotates 180°.
2	Hair sticks out into impaling bristles.
3	One eye is sucked into the skull, and the other dangles out.
4	Tongue spools out from the throat and ties itself into knots.
5	Nostrils flare to the size of plates and snort out blazing phlegm.
6	Nails on the fingers and toes are split by talons sprouting out from their beds.
7	The neck extends and tightens like the leather of a whip.
8	The teeth clack together in a machinegun-pace and crack off incandescent flakes.
9	The veins bulge and writhe like serpents.
10	Every muscle and organ shakes like a reed in a hurricane.
11	The wax of the ears explodes out into two pendulous candles.
12	The pupils split and multiply to look at every living thing in their field of vision.
13	The skin wrinkles and stretches into sheets that flap without a wind.
14	The knobs of the spine protrude into a column of spikes.
15	The flesh of the face peels back to reveal the skull beneath.
16	Tendons snap like overdrawn bowstrings and whip about.
17	The ends of every long bone swell into club-like bumps.
18	The toes extend and rip at the earth.
19	Boils erupt across the skin and burst into streams of steam.
20	The brow furrows deep and rises mountainously against itself.
21	The lower jaw drops and merges into the ribs of the chest.
22	The belly button everts into a flailing, straining umbilical cord of pure muscle.
23	The sagittal crest spontaneously re-evolves.
24	The cheeks split open to the ears in a horrid grin.
25	The pelvis cracks and folds in half.
26	The scalp rips back into a long strip.
27	The flesh between the metacarpals splits, making the fingers appear extra-long.
28	The ankle warps and the toes fuse to make a hoof-like stance.
29	The sound of the heart-beat surges into a thunderous roar.
30	The strands of every muscle wrap around each other like wound ropes.
31	The muscles of the buttocks detach from the hips and crawl across the body like tensing caterpillars.
32	The nasal tip bone lances through its cartilage into an imperious barb.
33	Sweat mingles with blood and beads upon the skin.
34	A terrible flatulence is emitted - a killing stench.
35	The kneecaps clang like gongs against their hanging bones.
36	Oil-slick hairs hatch from every pore.
37	The philtrum elongates and slaps fleshily against itself.
38	The cranium inverts into a bowl which fills with simmering cerebrospinal fluid.
39	The gullet dilates and straightens until the whole digestive length can be seen.
40	The gums balloon and flap around the roots of the teeth.
41	Where veins fork they redden and swell to the size of cranberries.
42	Blood splurts from the corners of the eyes and crusts into thorny growths.
43	The whole flesh turns the purplish-black of an old bruise.
44	The canines extend into fangs and tusks.
45	The corners of the supraorbital bones spiral out and up into horns.
46	The lips burst into empty flaps.
47	The chin protrudes, droops, and spreads into something like a spoon.
48	The knuckles inflate into orbs.
49	The armpits deepen until the lungs are lunging out the sides with every inhalation.
50	The eyebrows extend and tie themselves into wild knots.
51	The viscera of the chest knock against the ribcage like a battering-ram against gates.
52	The capillaries of the eyes expand until the sclera turn a grim crimson.
53	Foam spills in a waterfall from the jaws.
54	New and sharp teeth sprout forth around the rims of the eye-sockets.
55	Scars squirm across the body like worms.
56	The arms and legs crack and shift such that one must walk with the hands and hold with the feet.
57	Chittering mouths open in the crooks of the elbows and the knees.
58	The stomach tenses and all the body's bile immediately geysers out.
59	The hamstrings tense and bulge and strum a discordant battle-tune.
60	The lobes of the skull crack apart and swell tremulously.
61	Every portion of the body grows to a towering size.
62	The larynx morphs into a syrinx, and violent bird-song spills out the throat.
63	The eyes shine like a cat's in reflected light, spilling a glow like lanterns.
64	The blood turns black and when spilled continues to pump itself about even severed from a heart.
65	Micro-organisms on the surface of the body grow to verminous size and rove out in ravenous swarms.
66	New joints of the fingers and toes sprout from the ends of the metacarpals & metacarpals.
67	Blood pools out of the pores and scabs into gory armour.
68	The earlobes grow incredibly pendulous and bony, knobby swinging clubs.
69	The nipples harden and curl out into keratinous horns.
70	The skin becomes scaly, and flakes razor-sharp like knapped bits of flint.
71	The corners of the eyes crust, and this crust breaks and billows out into clouds of rasping grains.
72	Pimples blossom and redden across exposed skin, spelling out curses.
73	Mucus is launched in staggering proportions from the nose, coating the body in a sticky web.
74	The bluishness of veins becomes a silvery moon-like glow.
75	The lower portion of the guts prolapse and wrap the muscles of the limbs in a strengthening frame.
76	The nose and mandible are squashed pug-like into the face.
77	The teeth lengthen and snaggle and knot.
78	A spout of fire erupts from the middle of the throat.
79	The waist cinches in and corkscrews all about.
80	The outer layer of skin and hair smoulders and incandesces.
81	The cartilaginous arches of the ear grow across the whole head.
82	The genitals inflate and deflate in a honking beat.
83	Bushels of porcupine-esque spines extend from the backs of the elbows.
84	The heel bloats into a trampling cloot.
85	The shoulders swell and harden into calloused pauldrons.
86	The clavicles snap and reform into triangular spikes.
87	An extra joint snaps out from the arms.
88	Teratomas grow across the body in the form of screaming, eyelidless faces.
89	The skin of the forehead wrinkles & discolours into a flesh-flower.
90	The eyelashes extend and grow stings on their ends like a scorpion's tail.
91	The carotids and jugulars knot around each other into impenetrable helixes.
92	Ligaments become rubbery, though no less effective.
93	The philtrum splits in two, and the gums and teeth follow it into a tripartite maw.
94	Iridescent sweat coats the skin and is flicked off by the skin's twitching - it then spontaneously ignites mid-flight.
95	The uvula slaps against the sides of the throat with a sound like a rusted church-bell.
96	The long bones of the arms and legs begin to pump piston-like.
97	Dark rings beneath the eyes form and deepen into blackness, with glinting star-likes glimpsed beyond.
98	The radius and the ulna and the tibia and the fibula separate like stairs and bannister.
99	A halo of thrumming telluric energy forms behind the head.
100	Bolts launch out of the crown from the neural overload on the brain.

D6x6 Circuitous Centaurs

Giddy up:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	These centaurs
1	have stiff grey hair and stocky bodies, like mules.
2	have black-and-white stripes like zebras.
3	are stunted like ponies.
4	are slim and pretty like Arabian horses.
5	have long wooly coats like Bashkir Curlies.
6	are huge and heavily-muscled like percherons.

D6	These centaurs are led
1	by a sage who tutoured several human heroes, and came to regret sharing their knowledge.
2	by the high priest of a sky-god, who can gallop on the wind as if it were solid ground.
3	by a dreaming seer who as a filly-child suffered the bite of a magic fly which put her into an endless sleep.
4	by an enchanted, intelligent saddle who has seen thousands of years of war, and has grown quite sick of it.
5	by an apostate knight who once served a militant monastic order in a distant land.
6	by a beat-up and world-wise ex-circus performer.

D6	These centaurs roam
1	wherever they wish, for they hold the whole of the earth to be their property, an attitude which has won them no friends and winnowed their numbers.
2	between hills where wild grapes and olives grow, crushing them underhoof into oil and wine.
3	a stretch of the underworld blasted out by harsh winds, where redwood-thick columns of stone stand in the midst of sharp and silken sands, and life sprouts in the nutritious surface-blown dust around tarry seeps from even further down.
4	between forest and bog, chopping and burning down the forest and damming and dredging the bog to eke out an ashen grassland.
5	stone-carved steps and terraces, the fruit of a long conquest of impassable slopes into flat, trottable planes.
6	a plain where they are the undisputed masters thanks to their mobility, taking their pick of tariffs and plunder.

D6	These centaurs fight
1	like horse archers, only they're the horses and archers both.
2	with cannons they pull behind them on chariots, using back-mounted pulleys to aim and reload the cannons.
3	with hoof-mounted blades they kick wildly with.
4	hopped up on dried caterpillars, which make them foam at the mouth and lose all fear so they can crush their enemies with their greater mass.
5	with edged atlatl-esque polearms, which allow them to fling javelins with the momentum of their charge and then chop off limbs.
6	only as a last resort - preferring diplomacy, magic, poison, fleeing, and suchlike - as their horse-parts are delicate & heal poorly.

D6	These centaurs might be found with
1	straw horns of beans fermenting together with the meat of small animals - a centaur delicacy.
2	the hoof-shoes of fallen comrades, engraved and inlaid and bent to be worn as jewelry.
3	elegantly-painted snake-catching/back-scratching sticks.
4	long brass ear-horn/trumpets which let them detect movement and communicate over long distances.
5	pickled & candied strips of root vegetables - an acquired taste, but can last damn near forever.
6	horse-head costumes that allow them to disguise themselves as regular horses, at least from a distance.

D6	These centaurs call humans
1	half-legs.
2	ape-men.
3	laggards.
4	flat-butts.
5	five-hoofed.
6	pine-nuts.

D12 Prizes Awaiting You Behind The More Prizes Door

Tiring of the singular prize, I wish in my heart for an answer. The universe brought me to the More Prizes Door:

I am sworn to secrecy as to what I experienced beyond it, but perhaps some of these could be waiting for you. Waiting for you to find it. Waiting for you to open it.

1. Yellow Grinning Slime: Stick it to your cheeks and peel them back for a smile that will show the whole world. It will do your chewing for you.

2. The Ball: Really an egg. Ha ha! Kick to teach it the fear of you. When the hatching comes it will be too late.

3. Keys to The City: I hate it there. All cities are cloned from it, and malformed by differentials in telluric radiation. Full of ants now. Ants that dream.

4. Pulling Cheese: Aged like wine. It is not wine. Pull it and see it stretch stretch streeetch! Refreshes its flavour every noon.

5. Justin: He thought he would find refuge behind the door. There is no refuge to be found there, only more prizes. He is not long for this world.

6. Sticky Straw: Use it to spit bedbugs at your enemies. Others will be able to see the bedbugs, but your enemies never will. Great Pepsi taste.

7. Bouncer Interview: The only question is yes, or no. Benefits to decide who enters for more prizes, "live" forever on the threshold of the door.

8. Ticket to 1960: Your actions have already been accounted for.

9. Tiling Company: $1,200,000 YoY in revenues. Promising upcoming clients. Wish I got this one.

10. Hip: Good for any ossuary. Seeks to join your own.

11. Nectar: One of the drinks that make your belly intoxicating to the thinking numbers that make trees grow their rings. Ask them why they do it - I'm dying to know.

12. Immunity to Whippets: The good and the bad.

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

My sensitive & compassionate girlfriend has been broken up at the news of the death of Bucky the babirusa at the Toronto zoo. This is for her.

🐷

You are a babirusa named Bucky. You died before your time, through no fault of your own.

Higher powers decided that this would not be the end for you. You would be returned, in other times, in other places, across vast realities, to do as you would do. You bear the blessings of the heavens with you.

天賜豬

GLOG Class: Heavensent Pig

Equipment: You're literally a pig...

Skills: 1. Barnyard Gymnastics, 2. Truffle-Snuffling, 3. Competitive Slop-Feasting

A: Babirusa, Bring Home The Bacon

B: Sacrosanct Squeal

C: Brain Door Acupuncture, Holy Oil

D: Rampage of the Righteous, Opening the Gate of Truth

A

 

Babirusa: You're literally a pig...

 

Your tusks do damage as a medium weapon. Your oinks & grunts & suchlike vocalizations can be quite expressive. Opposable thumbs? Not here pal, not on these trotters.

Bring Home The Bacon: Every day your luscious flanks grow flesh equivalent to [Templates]x2 rations. These can be pulled harmlessly from your body in the form of meaty dumplings.

 

At Template B you gain +1 AC for every ration you retain (this doesn't stack with armour (because your fluctuating weight makes properly fitting armour too difficult)), and eating one of your rations heals 1 HP.

 

B

Sacrosanct Squeal: Expend one of your daily rations & make a shrill yet mighty squeal. Beings of evil (undead, demons, etc.) within 30 feet must check morale (penalized by your Heavensent Pig [Templates]) or flee - cowering before you if they cannot flee.

 

C

Brain Door Acupuncture: Your tusks have grown so glorious that they have turned back and pierced your brain - pierced it in such a way as to remove carnal impurities while leaving 93% of your cognitive capacity untouched.

You are immune to all negative mind-affecting powers, ambiences, and influences.

 

Holy Oil: Instead of being eaten, your rations provided by Bring Home The Bacon can instead be rendered into lantern oil, which provides a pure and brilliant light, and affects beings of evil as holy water (and sets them on holy fire too if ignited).

D

Rampage of the Righteous: Spend any amount of rations - immediately charge forward 10x that amount in feet. Any mundane obstacles in your path are plowed through, and any foes flung aside & prone.

Opening the Gate of Truth: When you decide your time has come you can return to the gardens of the heavens, and leave the gate to the hereafter open behind you for just a moment, for another to return. They return in their mortal form in the prime of health, unless they were a real jerk in which case they are dragged out from a hell at 0 HP.

D6 Texas Chainsaw Massacres

As seen on TV.

1. A once-popular spot for corporate team-building events in Dallas, the Puma Slayer Axe-Throwing Bar found itself in a tight spot as the market became saturated and interest in its gimmick waned.

To solve this, its owner upped the ante - his club wouldn't just have axe-throwing, it would have chainsaw-throwing. He commissioned the creation of a set of lightweight, gyroscopically-guided, and AI-enabled chainsaws that would let anyone throw them like a pro to facilitate this.

At the new-and-improved Puma Slayer Axe-Throwing Bar's opening night four people were decapitated or de-limbed by a chainsaw which bounced at an unfortunate angle and then just kept bouncing and swinging around the throwing area. Footage of the incident would become a popular shock video.

2. "The Christmas Tree Cutter" is the media's name for a chainsaw-wielding serial killer who targets isolated families during severe winters in Texas, when travel is most difficult and government services and infrastructure most overwhelmed. The killer has attracted enormous attention and speculation from true crime aficionados, as even their shoe size still remains unknown despite the heavy snow cover at the times and places of their attacks.

The most recent winter saw two simultaneous murders in the style of the Christmas Tree Cutter, raising the uncomfortable certainty of an accomplice or a copy-cat inspired by the impunity of the killer.

 

3. Many have become familiar with the CBRPT cult of meat-worshiping, self-identified "male-to-male transsexuals" since the release of the Netflix documentary about it, but comparatively fewer are aware of its original inspiration: a spree-killing committed by a twelve-year-old child employed in a meat processing plant near the city of Tyler. The child enjoyed employment there at the insistence of their grandfather, a Texas meat baron, who believed it would teach them the value of hard work.

Whether due to severe sleep deprivation, prion infection, or some other factor, the child became obsessed with meat, reading a sort of haruspexic cosmic meaning in the insides of the animals they butchered. Shorty after completing their manifesto/scripture - written on homemade vellum in blood - the child murdered several of their co-workers at the plant before returning home and murdering several of their family members. Their meat baron grandfather paid quite a bit of money to keep that out of the documentary.

4. On March XX of 20XX, the congregation of the Divine Impetus Church in Paris, Texas, was attacked by an American-Israeli man by the name of Shlomo Katz. Shlomo gained entrance to the church while carrying a chainsaw by claiming to be an "emergency carpenter" before using the tool in his attack. Two people were killed and sixteen injured before the church's elderly pastor was able to disarm and subdue the man.

 

Eyewitnesses report that Shlomo screamed "Jesus was the original Hamas" and "I'll show you who the real Jews are" while swinging his chainsaw, apparently confusing Black Israelites with all black people.

 

Shlomo was arrested by the PPD, and a month later was released to Israel, where he faced no charges. He would go on to become a popular TV personality there.

5. Aspiring Texas governor Budd Dutt ran on the promise of cutting federal interference out of the state's politics, symbolizing this promise by carrying a chainsaw in ads and public appearances.

This quirk turned to tragedy at a campaign rally in Houston, where small yet functional chainsaws were given out to members of the crowd to rev for applause. Due to some unknown cause, perhaps heatstroke or dementia, one member of the crowd began assaulting the people around them with their mini-chainsaw, which spiraled out across the crowd in mass hysteria as others also began carving people up.

 

Survivors report that they were convinced they were under attack by secret terrorists or antifa who had infiltrated the rally.

 

Dutt's gubernatorial campaign would not go on to be successful, though he did enjoy a further 15 minutes of fame as an anti-PTSD social media influencer.

 

6. After being heckled at the comedy club Comedy Mothership in Austin, an up-and-coming prop comedian leaped into the audience and swung indiscriminately at audience-members with the chainsaw he had been using as part of his act.

A rumour spread like wildfire shortly afterwards which blamed the attack on Mort Chavez, an illegal immigrant known to Austin residents for catching and eating armadillos with his bare hands. Mort would be sent to the Guantanamo Bay concentration camp and later lead an armed uprising within the camp backed by the Cuban Revolutionary Army, which saw it liberated from American control.

Real Jujutsu

Take the GLOG wizard of your choice. Roll a D12 (I'm assuming the wizard you chose has 12 spells it can have, in like a school or something) or maybe a D100 if you're using a list like Skerples 100 orthodox spells: https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2017/03/osr-100-orthodox-spells.html

That's your spell - your Cursed Technique - it's the only one you get.

You get +1 MD per template, like a wizard, but you don't get miscasts or dooms. At template B your MD return on a 1-4. At template D they return on a 1-5. At template C you get Reverse Cursed Technique - you can spend MD to heal their [sum] (but MD so spent don't return to your pool until the next day) or cast the reverse form of your Cursed Technique - figure it out. At template D you get your Domain Expansion. Also for every MD you hold on to you get +1 to-hit & AC so long as you're unarmoured.

🇯🇵

So put more legibly it'd look something like this:

Equipment: Japanese street fashion
Skills: Kung fu or whatever
A: 1 Spell, +1 MD, +1 to-hit & AC for every MD you've got stored when you're also unarmoured
B: MD return on 1-4, +1 MD
C: Reverse Cursed Technique, +1 MD
D: MD return on 1-5, Domain Expansion, +1 MD

Domain Expansion (領域展開):

Ok did you watch those videos? You get one of those. You can give it a cool name.

To use: spend however many MD you like - you won't get them back until the next day no matter what you roll. The domain covers a spherical volume with a radius of [dice]x5 feet. Your Cursed Technique affects everyone (or everything, depending on the target of the spell) within this volume at the [sum] you rolled, every round they remain within it. Also they don't normally get a save to resist. You can add a condition like "my Cursed Technique won't affect people I'm touching" to spare your allies, but then other people can take advantage of the condition too. You can't revoke the condition later (it's a binding vow, read the manga).

If two domains come into contact with each other the bigger domain wins, unless one domain's effect is lethal and the other is non-lethal, in which case the non-lethal domain wins.

To get a save against the domain's imbued technique you need something like Falling Blossom Emotion, Simple Domain, or Hollow Wicker Basket (read the manga and make up your own rules).

D6x6 Phantoms of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera 1925 full movie youtube here:

Click the button below to get your phantom:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This phantom of the opera hides their face with
1	a beaten-gold death mask.
2	the peeled-off, animated faceplate of a Chinese customer service robot.
3	a ratty old sports team mascot head.
4	a yellowed and peeling WWI-era facial prosthetic.
5	a hood of embroidered sackcloth.
6	a gaudishly-painted Venetian carnival mask.

D6	This phantom of the opera hides their face because
1	they murdered their identical twin, and so the sight of their own face fills them with unbearable guilt.
2	of a small scar which they've blown up in narcissistic imaginaning into a terrible deformity.
3	they are wanted by the police for the heinous crimes they committed in a previous life.
4	they feel as though their mask has become their true identity.
5	they are the scion of a distinctively-inbred noble lineage.
6	like wearing a napkin while eating ortolan, they think it hides their sins and pleasures from God.

D6	This phantom is able to remain a phantom in their opera-house
1	because they were trained in the shinobi arts by an exile from Japan.
2	because they're half-ghost - the product of mystical necrophilia.
3	with bribes and intimidation from their criminal empire.
4	because they are a master of disguise and impersonation, and maintain a stable of different identities.
5	because an encounter with an ultraterrestrial being unhinged their mind and unhinged their body from the conventional three spatial dimensions.
6	with their memory-editing psychic powers - powers fueled by the extract of a species of white rafflesia they grow in a secret solarium in their opera-house.

D6	This phantom of the opera lurks
1	in the Sydney Opera House, and the littoral caves beneath it, carved out by wretched immortals symbiotized by a species of anemone of the bleaching Great Barrier Reef - half-living relics of two thousand years and two dozen peoples.
2	in the Zürich Opera House, and the secret Nazi bank vaults hidden beneath it.
3	in the Academy of Music in Philadelphia, and the network of bootlegger tunnels honeycombing its foundations.
4	in the Mikhailovsky Theatre, and the secret dungeon of the Okhrana which stretches from its basement.
5	in the London Coliseum, and the glittering crystal halls in the enormous geode beneath it, created by an angel-summoning experiment of John Dee.
6	in the Teatro di San Carlo, and the nuclear bunker buried deep down underneath it, created for the Operation Gladio successor government set up in case the Cold War went nuclear.

D6	This phantom of the opera is obsessed
1	with organizing a performance of Faust from its original, occult script - which will actually summon a demon.
2	with grooming ingenues into hollowing their egos to become oracles for the powers of the underworld, then selling them off to various nefarious sorcerous circles.
3	with finding a worthy successor by entangling people into grueling, often fatal tournaments against each other.
4	with using harmonics as the key to transforming human consciousness - leaving a string of broken minds in the process.
5	with plunging the country into anarchy by blowing up the opera-house when a critical mass of national leaders attend a sublime performance.
6	with achieving a pharaonic burial - making their opera-house into their magnificent tomb, furnished with many sacrifices to be their slaves in the hereafter.

D6	This phantom of the opera kills
1	with the toxic scents of poisoned perfumes.
2	with a garrotte made from a taxidermied fox tail with a metal wire strung through its vertebrae.
3	with a hammer - a stone hammer, with its head torn from the arch of a doorway of the phantom's beloved opera house.
4	with a saber which once belonged to a heroic ancestor of theirs.
5	with a homemade silenced pistol, which fires pearls as bullets.
6	a single long finger-nail lacquered with layers of iron.

D6x7 Grendels from Outer Space

For 279,936 variations on the movie Outlander.

Click the button below to get your Grendel (from outer space):

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	Humanity encounters this Grendel from outer space
1	at the first Tahitian settlement in Hawaii, feuding with the Tongans.
2	at an Ethiopian Army camp during the Italian Invasion.
3	at the palace of Atilla the Hun shortly after the Scourge of God's demise.
4	at a peyote retreat catering to Silicon Valley-types in rural New Mexico.
5	at Antananarivo, shortly after King Andrianampoinimerina returned from a victorious conquest.
6	at a garrison fort defending the Great Wall of China at Badaling during the waning years of the Ming dynasty.

D6	This Grendel from outer space has
1	flesh like thickly-bleeding gums studded with metallic teeth, and a bauplan a bit like a capital M, with long, splayed limbs and a dangling torso.
2	hammerhead shark-like sensory projections jutting out the sides of its head, and an ankylosaur-like tail-club.
3	grossly asymmetrical manipulator-limbs like a crab, and a hopping gait.
4	a hide resembling a porous and off-white popcorn ceiling, with criss-crossed fangs that seem like they should make it impossible for it to open its mouth, until you see its jaws unhinge and re-arrange.
5	an S-shaped body, with an eye-lined, bony wheel at the midpoint and curves made of flexible, whip-thin hooks.
6	a body that's a fused pile of rubbery black spheres spheres like big boba, studded with spikes and stubby tentacles.

D6	This Grendel from outer space can
1	camouflage itself to nigh-invisible with cuttlefish-like chromatophores.
2	breath out a cloud of hallucinatory nightmare poison.
3	blast people with plasma from its cybernetic implants.
4	use a macro-scale quantum effect to effectively teleport short distances when unseen.
5	extract memories from the brains of creatures it eats.
6	feel the nerve impulses in your muscles to predict your attacks and other movements.

D6	This Grendel from outer space came to Earth
1	as the first prisoner of the prison colony of an alien civilization - many more like it are in transit.
2	as a research specimen abducted from another world - it escaped when its captors were abducting humans, and forced the ship it was on to crash-land.
3	after accidentally activating a warp-gate seeded on both its world and ours by a precursor-species.
4	as a deserter from a war among the stars, their ship shot full of holes by their own side.
5	as a refugee from a dying world, one of many flung desperately into the cosmos.
6	as a pilgrim touring the sacred worlds of their astrology - unfortunately the nanomachines meant to sustain them on their journey were disrupted by chance radiation, and mutated them into a monstrous form.

D6	This Grendel from outer space wants
1	to implant as many large, warm-blooded creatures with its parasitoid offspring as possible - it's a religious fanatic for something like the Quiverfull movement.
2	to force humans into worshiping its eldritch void god - it's completely insane, even by the relatively lax standards of space.
3	simple things - food, shelter, peace, quiet - it's also an alien super-soldier programmed to react with extreme violence to any perceived threats.
4	to slurp human cerebrospinal fluid, which contains chemicals it is addicted to. Slurping the fluid turns the human it was slurped from into an animalistic, lobotomized thrall.
5	to build an escape pod to get it off this planet - the materials it needs (precious metals, etc.) are most easily acquired from human settlements
6	to capture psychically-sensitive humans and torment them together to make an impromptu interstellar distress beacon to alert its comrades to its location.

D6	This Grendel from outer space's lair
1	is a cave lit by a shimmering crystal - its walls are painted with alien figures and scenes with a strange though undeniable aesthetic quality.
2	holds ramshackle shelves bearing trophies taken from the slain.
3	is half-flooded, the water infested with extraterrestrial piranha-slugs.
4	is layered with a soft and reeking wax which it exudes.
5	is a labyrinthine web of tunnels it carved through a cliff with its own hands, or nearest equivalents.
6	is a booby-trapped citadel of stacked stones and logs.

D6	This Grendel from outer space's mother
1	is a much bigger version of it, hibernating beneath its lair.
2	died some time ago, yet was reincarnated as a human - she is destined to re-encounter her child, and recall memories of her past life.
3	is a psychic star witch - she will torment her child's killer as an interstellar astral projection which can only be fought through spiritual means.
4	was a growth-vat on a nursery-station - when that station's overseer A.I. is notified of the Grendel's death through its implanted biochip it will go mad with rage and cause a lot of problems somewhere very far away.
5	is dead, but the Grendel kept her bones and keeps them in a shrine in its lair - damaging the shrine is a surefire way to drive it to an unthinking fury - stealing the bones would let you coerce it into doing your bidding.
6	is somewhere far off in space, mourning its lost child.

D6 Post-Humans of the Antarctican Future

Goldfish - the snack that smiles back - has experienced a tremendous drop in quality over my lifetime. Not as cheesy, not as salty as they once were, and I'm pretty sure this batch I'm eating now was made with coconut oil. Tastes coconuty.

Anyways, this is for this: https://itch.io/jam/antarctica-jam, or something like that, or for whatever else.

1. Paramoras (& Plastines)

Once pseudo-naturally pseudo-evolved, now fully domesticated, the paramora is a burrowing animal raised for its meat, but by far its most valuable product is its brain hormones. Paramoras are extreme pair-bonders (most of their time not eating or sleeping is spent hugging their mate) so much so that domesticated paramoras are incapable of raising their own children, being much too concerned with hugging. An extract made from their brain hormones will, in human-derivatives, induce overpowering feelings of love and connection, making it a popular drug.

Paramora-ranching is monopolized by the plastines, a cladoculture which developed as a response to the rampant microplastic poisoning of the Middle Anthropocene - through internal nano-alchemy they gradually replace their biological tissues with plastic analogues. No plastine is considered an adult until they receive their great photovoltaic "wings".

Besides poachers, the biggest threat to paramora ranches in Antarctica are the fungal-symbiotic sporeworms, which can easily catch the creatures in their burrows. Plastine ranchers equip themselves with soap-sprayers, which bind and suffocate the worms in an inescapable membrane, and line their fences with soap-spigots which drip a curtain of the same substance down into the soil.

2. War-Daughters

Creation of the zealots of the Eutheminist Sodality, who believed that no woman should die except by the hands of another woman. War-daughters kill by ejaculating a super-dense shard of bone impregnated with a neurotoxin. Too many such ejaculations tore the combined pelvic floor-diaphragmatic muscles which powered them, and so due to this and their general cumbersomeness the war-daughters never saw much use as battlefield weapons beyond the Sodality. They continue to be born as ceremonial weapons, however.

3. Skykind

Like the plastines - another child of the Middle Anthropocene, tackling the dual problems of Kessler Syndrome growing beyond the ability of laser-brooms to manage, and the collapse of inorganic production capacity. They had different names back then, but now they're skykind.

They are grown to be living components of communication/surveillance networks - getting signals & the lay of the land and transmitting these to each other through bioluminescent semaphore-winks and ultra-sonic whistling. The sound of this whistling - perceivable at the very edge of human hearing range - from an unfamiliar skykind is a sign to stay out of view of the open air.

Their numbers are few now, and few powers can put enough together to make a decent network of them. They weep sometimes, the skykind, and their glowing tears drift to earth, feather-like and jelly-soft. People say they weep for their loneliness, but this is mistaken.

The skykind weep for joy. To fly under their own power, to live that old dream of humanity, is an unspeakable joy.

4. Sporemen

A desperate solution for a desperate time, now despised by many others and adopted as an identity of fierce pride. Back in the day when the tubular and rot-stacked hives of the sporeworms stretched across the continent, some people modified themselves to live in uneasy symbiosis with the worms rather than face being devoured totally.

They allowed the worms' fungi to colonize their lower bodies, and added more legs so that they could still walk even when their legs were in some state of being eaten through, and shared in the bounty of the worms' carrion-middens.

When superior weapons were discovered and the sporeworms' territory pushed back, the sporemen were pushed back with it. This led to a lot of bad blood, and people still get violent over it all the time.

5. The Human Reefs

Sacculina is a genus of barnacles that lives as parasites on and in the bodies of crabs. The parasite drains the host's nutrients from its guts, destroys its genitalia, and alters its hormones, causing it to treat the Sacculina's offspring as its own.

At some point, by some means, this barnacle-parasite made the jump to humans, and in the process got even stranger. It lives in the human brain (the closest region in the human body to the hard-shelled, soft-innarded bodies of crabs) and lives off the ultraviolet superradiance produced by the nervous system, as well as energy from various other quantum effects in the same.

Infested humans congregate so that their resonance can produce even more energy, and root in place to maximize the amount of energy going to their parasite. Over time their bodies wither and harden into coral-like structures.

These "human reefs" can be tapped for power, but the process is risky - exposure to the reef's biophotonics can befuddle and enchant the mind, and make those so exposed seek out infestation by the parasite in order to join the reef. Travelers of the Antarctic steppe would be well-advised to give a wide berth to the purplish "devil-lights" of the human reefs.

6. Deeplings

On a long enough timescale, something will go wrong. That's like, Murphy's Law or something. These guys' ancestors thought it would be fucked up if something went wrong and everyone died, like from a meteor or gamma ray burst or something. It would be better if somebody survived, and if that somebody was them, and if they kept the art and science of humanity preserved along with them.

Their name for themselves means something like "Preservers". They figured the best place to do this preserving was at the bottom of the ocean, so they made themselves into something that could survive there.

They can be pretty agreeable so long as you don't have something they want. If you've been delving into ancient ruins and got some lost hyper-tech or the Mona Lisa, you've got something they want. They'll offer a good price to take it off your hands, but if you refuse they will try quite hard to kill you for it. They've got spies and agents of lots of clades in lots of places, promised the final reward of psychic uploading to a paradise-simulation in their underwater halls for their service.

In the water they breath through their butts, didn't know how to work that into the picture. It's called anal respiration and the Japanese figured out that mammals could do it.

GLOG Class: Sacred Scorpion Dancer

For the assassin bandwagon*.

You are a relic of a time when death did not come so easy as it does today - when the world chafed under the rule of the ever-living.

Your ways are ancient, and still very deadly.

You are a bloodied rival of the Fennec Paw School of martial arts.

 

(Pah! I want not for water!
Pah! I bat the scorpion at bay!
Pah! You will not find my traces!
Sand and eternity bear them away!)

 

You were chained in the darkness beneath the temple and made to fight the other acolytes for scraps, until you were skinny enough to slip your manacles.

 

If you don't make an effort to disguise it your gaze is as hard and unfeeling as an arachnid's.

The holy venom blesses your veins with its fire.

 

You've slipped the temple, and are now loose in the world.

GLOG Class: Sacred Scorpion Dancer
Starting Equipment: Scorpion-sting stiletto, robes, codename
A: Burning Daylight, Heavenly Stigma
B: Segmented, Scorpion Scissors
C: Deep Cover
D: Pious Brood, Thanatochrysalis

 

With one template in Sacred Scorpion Dancer you are an expert contortionist - squeeze through any gap that can fit your head.

 

When fighting an opponent 1-on-1 you get a [Template]/2 bonus to Attack & AC. This increases to a [Template] bonus when you've had a chance to study them - this will apply with any two of: you've seen them fight before this fight, you've read something they've written, you've spent a day observing them, you've heard three eyewitness accounts of them.

A

Burning Daylight: Multiply your Constitution by your [templates] of Sacred Scorpion Dancer. These are the remaining Years of your life. When you hit zero Years you die, burning up from within from the holy venom.

 

You can spend Years for bonuses on physical checks on a 1-to-1 basis.

 

Heavenly Stigma: Spend 1 Year while attacking to leave a wound that never fully heals. It becomes distinctly perfumed, and you can smell it from anywhere in the world.

 

Spend 1 additional Year to infuse the wound with the effect of any poison you have survived before.

B

 

Scorpion Scissors: Wield a weapon while grappling without penalty. If you make an unarmed attack while grappling, your target must make a contested save against you, or else you break one of their limbs.

At Template D if your target fails this save you rip their arm off.

C

Deep Cover: Wear the accoutrements of another class and spend 1 Year. While doing so you gain that class's Template A abilities, and lose access to your Sacred Scorpion Dancer abilities.

 

If you get within arm's reach of a target who believes your disguise you can automatically grapple them.

D

Pious Brood: Request a number of acolytes from the temple - they will be Template A Sacred Scorpion Dancers who obey your orders absolutely. The DM will name a target in the world commensurate your request. Kill the target and your acolyte(s) will arrive 1d6 days later.

 

You may only have one group of acolytes at a time. Kill or dismiss them to get a bigger batch.

Thanatochrysalis: Expend 10 Years. Name a target. You become one with the holy venom, and erupt from the husk of your former body as a giant scorpion. One sting from you will kill your target, kill their soul and any possibility of their return.

Every day you must move closer to your target, or you will die. They can hear the rhythm of your dancing approaching, even should they drink themself unconscious.

 

Should you kill them, you will emerge from the scorpion's shell, marked with the name of your target in beautiful, divine script. Reveal this mark to gain a +4 to intimidate and otherwise frighten - all who see it instinctively realize you've erased someone more thoroughly than the gods themselves could.

 

* Footnote reading ass nerd.

 

Other assassins:

 

https://mediumsandmessages.bearblog.dev/glog-class-guild-assassin/

 

https://www.madqueenscourt.com/2025/02/damnation-seize-my-soul-if-i-give-you.html

 

https://pathunending.wordpress.com/2025/02/12/they-are-the-difference-glog-class-assassin/

 

https://whosemeasure.blogspot.com/2025/02/homo-ferox-glog-class-assassin.html

 

https://as-they-must.blogspot.com/2025/02/world-of-assassination-glog-classes.html

 

https://choir-of-fire.bearblog.dev/do-you-think-im-cruel-class-assassin/

 

https://gracklecourt.blogspot.com/2025/02/glog-assassin.html

 

https://craggenloch.blogspot.com/2025/02/there-is-no-skill-in-what-i-do-church.html

 

https://kludge.bearblog.dev/assassin/

 

https://nothicseye.blogspot.com/2025/02/ill-have-you-die-for-this-assassins-of.html

 

https://thelovelydark.blogspot.com/2025/02/assassin.html

D6x6 Shapeshifting Reptilian Aliens in the Halls of Power

Click the button below to generate your reptilian:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian is reptilian
1	because they are an actual reptile - a descendant of the sapient and technologically-advanced troodontids who fled from a disaster that threatened life on Earth in a distant epoch.
2	because they are a demon, and a relative of the serpent in Eden - the Fall of Man severed humanity from the true and eternal world, trapping us in the retroactively-created natural history of the universe - similarly turning the demon and others like it into members of entire evolved species of (still quite evil) aliens.
3	due to transgenic modification - their kind can't survive on Earth naturally and must incorporate the genes of Earth-life to do so - it just so happens that the genes of reptiles are the most compatible.
4	only by faint resemblance, due to convergent evolution.
5	due to cosmetic surgery, so that anyone who tries to reveal their existence will seem to be an Ickean conspiracy theorist.
6	because of a morphic resonance signal broadcast by a reptilian progenitor species - this signal reached Earth as well, leading to the evolution of vertebrates, but a cosmic accident led to mammals usurping the proper dominion of reptiles.

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian shapeshifts
1	by everting their body and then wriggling into their target's body - digesting the unnecessary internal organs and linking their nerves and circulatory system into the leftover husk to walk it around and sustain it.
2	through immersion in a pod they've hidden in their base of operations, which breaks their body down into goo and rebuilds it into the new form.
3	by smearing on a coat of nanotechological "clay" that mimics the colours, textures, and temperature of human tissues.
4	by putting their target into a coma then attuning to the target's neuro-electrical self-image - if their target ever wakes up or dies, the reptilian loses their form.
5	by metamorphosing like a caterpillar, using their skin as a chrysalis. If they lose their shed skin, they lose their ability to shapeshift.
6	by rotating parts of their body through higher spatial dimensions until they approximate the desired form - as this can put their insides on their outside, their shapeshifted forms are often surprisingly fragile.

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian is on Earth
1	to encourage humanity's most rapacious and anti-social tendencies, so as to more effectively produce garmonbozia to harvest.
2	to recruit compradors who will manage the Earth after its conquest by the approaching reptilian space-fleet.
3	in exile, after crossing the wrong reptilian back home - they seek to surround themself with the finest comforts and security this backwater planet has to offer.
4	to discover the fate of an infiltration force that was sent to the planet a century ago.
5	to counter the moves of a psycho-electrical Procyonian energy vampire, which can possess people and technology like a demon - its intentions for humanity aren't any better than the reptilian's.
6	to assassinate world leaders and foment global anarchy so that the reptilians can swoop in and pretend to be humanity's saviours.

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian has infiltrated
1	a military base, cultivating a violent cult of personality around themself.
2	the entertainment industry, hopping between the forms of performers and agents and producers.
3	George Soros's Open Society Foundations, using their position to influence a web of NGOs.
4	an infamously litigous biglaw firm.
5	a museum, which by chance has amassed some artifacts of latent power.
6	a Freemasonic lodge - they were disappointed to find that the Freemasons' power is not what it once was.

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian enjoys
1	injecting themself with adrenochrome extracted from the pineal glands of terrified children.
2	swallowing small furry animals alive & wriggling.
3	taking joyrides in its flying saucer & doing cattle mutilations.
4	infecting enemies and annoyances with gene-serums that transform them into squamous monstrosities, then letting them loose in the sewers.
5	impersonating people's loved ones then gaslighting them into insanity.
6	drinking coffee (they get drunk off caffeine) and listening to true crime podcasts.

D6	This shapeshifting reptilian can give themself away
1	by the nictation of their translucent secondary eyelids.
2	by their abnormally low body temperature.
3	through their hissing lisp.
4	because the condensation from their breath is slightly corrosive.
5	through their fear and revulsion of pregnant women.
6	through their lack of nipples or a belly button.