Tuesday, February 28, 2023

The Quasi-Elemental Plane of Salt

Of that which is written


Steam - also contains some info on the nature of quasi-elemental planes in general

To the philosophers, the quasi-elemental plane of salt is an abomination, an impossibility to their reason - salt should come from the meeting of sea and sun, from the wealth of the earth in a pinch, and not from the influence of that horrid wound at the end of creation, the negation which permits not even its own negation.

And yet in open defiance of their reason, it exists. In its every salt flat, salt dome, salt lake, and salt marsh, it exists. See it in your mind's eye out to the margarita-rim horizon, feel it strip the phlegm from your throat with every cottonmouthed breath - and do not think to limit it to mere piles of table salt:

Everywhere you'd look there are bands and strata of colour, red and blue and green and yellow (and yes, some white):

Layering impossibility on impossibility, the plane should be a dead world, a still and silent world, but it lives. Its life is stolen, its deadness truly undeath. Look to the vault of its heavens: the eternal dusk of this morbid realm turns blue. The vampire begins to drink, with an osmotic pressure that can rupture the very membrane of the cosmos. The sky bursts, and the world floods, though it does not drown in the flooding. Its thirst is too great for that. Caught-up fish fall and gasp their last then desiccate, leaving a bounty for scavengers that could last buried for centuries. As quickly as the water comes it disappears down countless crystal-crack capillaries. Beneath the surface the water moves unpredictably - sometimes seeping up in brackish pools, or spilling out the sides of valleys into sudden rivers. Some even drips down into the churning molten reactors where radiotrophic micro-biomes bloom, and erupts back to the surface in irradiated geysers, a rare few carrying the force to shatter mountains. The greatest share of the water's volume will never be seen on the surface again.

This is how the plane lives. This is how it supports the growth of its native life. Here there are lizards who live the near-full length of their lives ensconced in leathery eggs, rolling about the plane like tumbleweeds. When a skyburst comes they hatch, eat like locusts, breed and lay the next generation, then die. There are black yeasts, tardigrades the size of wild hogs, glassworts, lichens, algaes, camels, cladocerans, flamingos, elephants, snakes, plovers, archaean halophile slime-molds, brine shrimp, brackrice, cacti, vultures, crocodiles, hop-crabs, mangroves that migrate by the marching of their hyrdrostatic roots, and people, people too, all living by the oases of reliable water-seeps or adapted to live between the rare occasions when deluges rain.


A healthy human on the prime material plane will be composed of a roughly-even mix of fire, water, earth, and air. Should they move to one of the elemental planes and remain there some time, breathing in and consuming its substance, this balance will change. On the more positively-aspected planes this process will be additive, invigorating, followed by a gradual crowding-out of any opposed composition. On the more negatively-aspected planes it's a decidedly more unpleasant-feeling process - a drainage, with material then flowing in to fill the void left by the plane. Come back before the process has run its course, and your body can still re-acclimate - though you'll be very sick for about a week. It should be noted that this process can occur with animals, plants, just about anything with something resembling most of the parts of a metabolism.

Once the quasi-elemental plane of salt (just "The Salt" to those accustomed to it) genasifies you, it'll have got its fangs into you. You'll become gaunt - even if fat you'll have lost the comfortable bloat of water - and crumbly grains will fall from your eyes instead of tears. On the bright side, you'll be able to survive much longer without water and much higher levels of salinity, even becoming able to enter a state of cryptobiosis if need be.

Some unfortunate souls go down a different path. They suffer a thirst so grievous they'd cut their own mother's throat to take a sip from the blood that'd spurt from it, and transform into beings called "crust vampires". They burrow deep into the plane and extend their veins over whole regions, slurping up any blood that spills on the ground throughout. These crust vampires are hunted as much as they hunt, becoming gargantuan stores of fluid much like the repletes of honeypot ants.

Most of the human population of the Salt is made up of genasi, and most of these genasi live in villages or nomadic clans in the salt marshes that spring up around water-seeps. They make their means by hunting, digging up the preserved meat and kelp which falls from the sky, farming in rice-fish (or some other halotolerant crop-and-creature combo) systems, and carving out and caulking up cisterns and artificial ponds to painstakingly extend productive areas over generations. Tools are mostly bone and shell - fuel is scarce, being mostly dried dung and reeds, so metal is reserved for weapons and magical implements. Travel and trade between these marshes in typically done in caravans of sleds pulled by teams of pick-beaked ostriches. The strongest and wisest are able, from atop the Salt's highest peaks, to swim up the deluge of a skyburst, entering back into the plane of water. Astronomers who can predict skybursts are also honoured among them.

The most populous polity of salt-genasi known to those outside the plane is called Dredge - a league of city-states along the shore of one of the plane's few seas. This sea, in a cold and deep-set section of the plane, is able to exist due to a virtuous cycle between its melting ice and dissolving salt sustaining it. Its temperature is well below water's normal freezing point, and so nothing is able to survive within it - meaning nothing but the genasi can consume the bounty of skyburst-dropped corpses in its depths. The sheer mind-boggling calories that Dredge's fleets are able to bring up from the sea feed its population and military supremacy - though with exponential growth involved, who can say how long any of it lasts.


The Salt is a harsh place for its children, and much harsher still for those that it hasn't adopted. They still come however, chasing its riches or its secrets, most to die or be drained dry.

The Silver Serpent School: A prestigious and powerful school of alchemy on the prime material, who are able to open a portal to the plane of salt through the artifact called the Gate of Horned Lead.

They administrate vast and terrible mines for the plane's metallic salts, which they are able to transmute into marvelous powders and bombs, and more mundane products besides, worked by slaves bought from Dredge and their debtors back home - trading in return cutting-edge weaponry and automata, both fueled by the same volatile alchemicana.

The Silver Serpent School is possessed at its upper end - the learnéd masters - by the metaphor of the crucible. Only by passing through the crucible of utter annihilation - the negative energy plane - do they believe they can achieve perfection, passing from life to undeath to something further beyond. The actual workhorses of the School (not counting its slaves) - the young and hungry apprentices - have not been properly instilled with this obsession. They are universally interested in the school as a business, and a circle of forward-thinking members are experimenting to invent a method to synthesize food from the plane's salts that could replace the bounty of Dredge's sea once it's exhausted, to deepen their dependency on the school.

The Grand Gourmands: In the days before that crown of the cosmos was broken, a hundred cults sprang up in Sigil around a goddess with a hundred names: the Empress in Red, She Who Reigns from a Throne of Razors, Mother of Ecstasies, Lady of Pain, Malcanthet, Tabrach-Ti, Mistress of Bronze, Queen of the Succubi, and so on and so on. Blamed for the city's decadence and the collapse of its power, these cults scattered across the planes after Sigil's breaking.

The Grand Gourmands (who worship their goddess by the name "Our Savoured One") settled in the plane of salt, drawn by its culinary offerings. Their cultic magic lets them live off luxury alone - nutrition is nothing to them if they have their sweets and treats, and a blizzard can be shrugged off if they're in silken and bejeweled attire. They are widely hated by locals as their feasts can strip-mine delicate ecosystems for leagues, yet the Gourmands boast powerful patrons from every corner who they host and entertain, and who can be called on for assistance if they're attacked.

Ultimately, the Grand Gourmands seek to terraform the Salt, slake its thirst for their good. To this end they seek the soul of the Tower of Babel, rumoured to be hidden away on the plane by Enoch, to turn it into a tool that could pierce the heavens and bring about a skyburst whenever they so desire.

The Nameless Cities: There are mountains carved into cities on the Salt, or cities as large as mountains, and within these cities are mummified legions - any city seems to have more mummies (none bearing typical genasi-features) within it than there are people for hundreds of miles around. Nobody's stayed in one long enough to do a proper count. Those who try don't come back.

There appears to be a united material culture and writing system between these nameless cities - though there is no obvious antecedent or descendant of either on the Salt or the prime material. Their mummies tend to be posed either in military formation - rank upon rank in rusted arms and armour - or in moments of peaked personal triumph - a ruler's coronation, an athlete's victory in a chariot race, lovers' consummation of their marriage, and so on. Disturbance of the latter sort of tableau tends to result in immediate bloody retribution - but it must be said that this can only be assumed from the gory scenes that apparently result from such an act. Such disturbances are not the only danger of the nameless cities, for whole exploratory teams have disappeared nowhere near these tableaux.

Fools still enter the nameless cities in search of their preserved treasures, and to retrieve childerlicks - it's possible for women to become pregnant by licking a nameless city mummy, so many are willing to pay well for parts of a mummy taken from a suitably-heroic tableau - these parts are called childerlicks.


The living substance of the Salt itself, salt elementals are an enigmatic bunch, thankfully expressing the place's thirst only in obtuse ways.

Salt-genasi tell tales of the saltating mephits and their leaping dances out in the wastes - all who come across them are drawn in to join them. In response one must throw a handful of pickles, or else you'll be compelled to dance until you sweat out your last drop of moisture and crumble to dust.

There are baths too in the wastes, not the commonplace mirages but genuine fluid, though they contain the dissolved forms of Epsom salt elementals. They tempt you to float a while within them, so that they might imbue you with visions of events near and far, visions of prophesied futures, which if followed will lead you to fulfilling the greater will of the plane.

The mightiest of the salt elementals exist within those aforementioned molten reactors - yellowcake titans swimming in oceanic thermal batteries. They are thankfully alien, as if anyone or anything could sway such a being to their side they could surely shake the spokes of the Great Wheel.

Sunday, February 26, 2023

Random Numbers

Inspired by friend of the blog Max's recent post on colo[u]rs, and by this:

Which turned out not to be what I thought it was - what I thought it was is what this post is.


A number which counts the uncountable, quantifies the unquantifiable. Roul's inventor used it to measure the love in his marriage, and was divorced shortly after. Some time after that he was murdered in a pub argument with an amateur scholar of the works of William Blake.

Roul is sometimes called "the other zero" by practitioners of the branch of para-mathematics it spawned, as it provides a solid foundation for progression to larger, more complex numbers.


Prohibited ex cathedra by Pope Francis for undermining the doctrine of the holy trinity, egnio is a number which is simultaneously one and many. Besides being a convenient crossing-over point between conventional math and para-math, egnio has many uses - among them the improvement of holograms. At Fyre Festival Reignite an XXXTentaction hologram created using egnio-based analytics performed, and dozens of witnesses - some of them sober - report life-changing encounters with the hologram that went on longer than the actual performance. The Vatican is negotiating the extradition of the team of engineers responsible for the hologram so that they can be tried.


Quite meaningless on its own, aborm is used as a multiplier that allows one to "count sideways", rather than higher or lower into positive or negative infinities. Aborm has become a key tool in quantum computing, and there's ongoing debate as to its utility in attaining immortality.

Extended pondering of aborm is discouraged for beginner para-mathematicians, as it can lead to the condition known as abormface, wherein one's nostrils are folded together into one and one's upper teeth clip through one's lips.


Referred to as "what subtraction wishes it was" and "God's Wite-Out™", huil is essentially an anti-number. It un-counts. Huil is vital for the abjuration and exorcism of informational entities resulting from para-mathematical operations.


Yrsh is a number which stands in for all "lucky numbers". It unfortunately has no effect on actual probabilities, but its psychological hold can be crushing for those prone to superstition.

A sub-branch of para-mathematics studies yrsh in tandem with the digits of π and the atomic numbers of stable superheavy elements to discover the "DNA of the universe", the encoded deterministic course of all things.


Also called the "Number Glatisant" and the "White Rabbit", krata is a number with an elusive value - its value changes whenever you try to calculate it. Trying and failing at the last moment to truly calculate krata is something of a spiritual pursuit for many para-mathematicians - chasing it led to the discovery of huil, for instance.

Friday, February 24, 2023

Slush Pile 7

I accidentally deleted this slush pile once before. Rewrote what I could remember from it, but its original form would've changed the course of human civilization.

Place Names: Ixaret, Hickoryholt, Hell 2, Skarlang, Ostelottz, Quelm, Theyis (there were much better ones in the original post I can tell you that much)

Briskcomb (I should really write down why I write certain words down), wormshod (sounds cool)

A dungeon that's based around, or literally is, a syntax tree - a syntax tree describing a memetic virus - literally or abstractly entering or altering the tree is the only way to alter and thus defuse the virus

Learned the other day that being deprived of the ambient noise of the Earth can cause great anxiety in astronauts - a nice bit of flavour for sci-fi settings, and if fantasy-ized you could have planetary muses that sing the gaian harmonics of worlds or whatever - an injured muse could disrupt planetary biorhythms and cause a plague of nightmarish insomnia - spaceships could navigate by virtuosos able to pick out a single muse among the galactic chorus - the rotation of ships could not only supply artificial gravity, but also play a giant phonograph recording the muse of the crew's home planet. Conversely, warships might deliberately omit the planet-song to keep their crew on edge and save on weight

A species of carnivorous marine cactus, evolved an involution/cavity full of spines with flexible opening - when guard-spines around the opening are triggered, it flexes open, sucking in any fish nearby to be impaled and digested - the cactus's flesh is a source of fresh water for sailors

Alien with a life style somewhat like a lion - large "alpha" defends territory while "mates" hunt - except that the "mates" are a variety of species implanted with the alpha's larvae that manipulate their brains

An alien that's a super-cell, like merged slime molds - the organelles of such an organism also grow in size & complexity - a protoplasmic ocean home to mitochondrial-fish, the rippling and swarming/schooling behaviours of both causing self-organizing complexities to emerge

First-class relics are the remains of a saint. Second-class relics are the possessions of a saint. Third-class relics are ordinary objects and materials that have touched higher-class relics - oil collected from lamps burning near places important to Jesus's life, for example. The highly-classified zeroeth-class relics are living people predestined to become saints.

"Carnlevare" - "putting the meat away", related to Carnival - would make a good name for a monster

Literal concrete poetry written in brutalist block type

Future mutant - homo corporaticus, bicameral throwback, hears the voice of their employer as an inner voice of God

By legend dogwood originally stood straight and tall, but twisted and shrank itself in shame after its wood was used to make the cross for Jesus's crucifixion - speciation by way of sin

Aqua regia is an acid that can dissolve even gold - terra regia can solidify anything it touches, aeris regia sublimates or vapourizes, ignis regia is ever-burning and all-consuming

Funhouse dungeon background - made by a king who'd lost the ability to dream, and ordered the construction of a whimsical environment to emulate dreams while waking

Mad emperor dams up river of the underworld, causing it to flood the surface and trapping the living and the dead in a wretched in-between state

There's a city atop a sea-cliff which is fabulously powerful, magical, and xenophobic - this isn't about them. This is about the city built atop that city's trash, discarded at the foot of a cliff. That city is wealthy and powerful too, but a shadow of its unwitting benefactor, the city above, and is always stinking and sinking into the muck. Sailors can navigate its harbour in fog, night, or with their eyes closed just by the distinct reeks that waft from parts of it.

Render unto Mooloch - for many ancient cultures cattle were as much or more the symbol and expression of wealth than gold or whatnot - replace gold pieces with heads of cattle - great cattle raid of the temple of elemental evil (cows that lactate lightning)
-corollary: devils took their horns in imitation of cattle

The people of Quelm inter their dead in cone-towered sepulchers - not bodily, but in the form of pots. The pots are exactingly molded so that when wind blows over their lips they sing with the voice of the dead person they represent. The sepulcher's towers are shaped such that wind is always blowing through them. Dead tyrants of Quelm are mocked by saying their pots bear the sound of their flatulence rather than their voice.

Lechuza - central american(?) cryptid - a witch that shapeshifts into an owl, can kill someone by scratching at their door three nights in a row

I think these are puppet or clown names: Arlecchino, Innamorati, Balanzone, I Gelosi, Mezzetino, Truffaldin, Trivelino, Bagatino, Zaccagnino, Pierotto, Guazetto, Beltrame, Brighella, Scapin

The seat of the gluttonous baron contains a secret compartment that only pops open if enough weight is placed upon it

Mattel corporation has copyrighted REAL PINK for a line of barbies that was never released - the pink we know is a pale imitation of REAL PINK filtered through microplastic contamination of our vitreous fluid

Some of the 9 extra colours or however many that mantis shrimp can see are jale, ulfire, dolm, octarine, etc. - no serious occultist lacks a saltwater aquarium with mantis shrimp in it

Night hags do brisk trade in the broken shells of crystal histories, for they are a fine substrate on which to build dreams. Have you ever dreamt of a yellow sky, of frog-storms in July, of an old friend by your side? Perhaps that dream was made with a fragment of forgotten truth

From a dream some nights ago: a city built on the inner film of a giant bubble, using the surface tension as mortar - one day the bubble popped, flinging the city into many pieces, an instant diaspora of quarters and enclaves and ghettos

Rogue mytheme: the god of the underworld and its buried wealth is not some cold and jealous lord, but a red-hot living mass, reshaping the world with its explosive exertions

The Rikihoko Pearls, a necklace cursed and coveted in equal measure, are in fact the lustrous eggs of some loathsome beast - their psychic influence and hatching into parasitic monsters are the true cause of the doom that follows those who wear the pearls.

Fire elementals play instruments based on forge equipment - drums derived from bellows, pipes from tuyeres

Near-future sci-fi cult - create clones from blood samples scrapes from the shroud of Turin and crucify them to expiate themselves of sin

Giant spider with necrotic necromantic venom - the drained husks of its prey lunge out from its webs to drag in new meals

Candle shaped like a sword-grip - when lit its smoke forms a wavering blade

Leibnizian terrorists attempt to make a bomb that works by splitting a monad

An assassin's comb, which can be used to brush out hairs as piercing needles

Sobriquet => Soberquet - a secret name empowered by abstinence

A church grim has been witnessed in the graveyard at night - it's not protecting the graveyard from desecration, but keeping something within from getting out

A dungeon built to trap an immortal being's death Koschei-like - the death, taking a shifting form like a dagger, a black crescent moon, a snarling serpent, has been charged with its long delay - this energy can be turned devastatingly against its intended target, or defused to bring many lesser deaths against other creatures

A great dragon who, once slain, splits into a profusion of worms - following generations of adventurers taking a tally of its slain splitted parts, always hoping they never reform, or reproduce

A society that uses sign language as the language of the court - silence in respect for the sovereign - uses those who've had the flesh between their metacarpals severed as the sign language equivalent of castrati

A wizard who wears censers as earrings, burning herbs whose smoke brings focus and imagination, stoked by a fire mephit perched on his woven-asbestos mantle

A parliament whose seats are on horseback, and whose assembly is on an open plain - votes are duels and battles, fought with padded spears, victory in battle and policy coming from knocking your opposition from their seat - a plebian tribune of footsoldiers lurk around the edges of the assembly, looking for an opportunity to seize a seat for the common people from the equites

Bacterial mat farms of the darkwater civilizations, spread of abyssal floor converted into catalytic conditions for serpentinization by crushing and distributing mafic & ultra-mafic rocks, and thus for conditions for bacteria to feed, which in turn feed larger lifeforms up the chain to livestock consumable by the farmers.

The skullcracker parrots of the jungles around Ixaret can, as the name suggests, split open a man's skull as easily as their smaller cousins crack the shell of a pistachio. They speak with the voices and words of those whose brains they consume. The old and wise of Ixaret are fed a soporific tincture, then are themselves fed to skullcracker parrots, which are kept chained in aviary-tombs to preserve some remnant of their mind another half-century or so.

Nation ruled by vampires, culturally equates being fed on by vampires with motherhood - those who die in the process are honoured, and said to be reincarnated as nightingales

Dissident Finnish Christian sect centered around the practice of karsikko & cross-trees - believe that Jesus's return is delayed by the creation of such, buying time for them to save sinful souls through the intercession of saints

Does the existence of hyperspace - a science-fictional conceit of a different world/dimension wherein distances and times are contracted - imply the existence of hypospace, wherein the opposite is true - leading to basis of stasis-pods, pocket dimensions, etc.

Corn maidens sacrificed by live burial in grain silos to ensure a bountiful harvest protected from pests

The sophists of Quelm, who provide the intellectual & rhetorical legitimization to its many tyrannies, tattoo their shaven heads with the patterns of a tortoise shell - for it's said that a great philosopher once went about with eagle talons pierced through his scalp after it swooped on him, and they now try to invite birds to emulate his appearance

Stargazy pie is a delicacy of the astrologers

The warrior-caste of Ostelottz are differentiated by their right to bear naked weaponry, and by their syrup-baptism, which if they're able to survive it replaces their soft human skin with crystalline armour - secret formulae known only to elders of the caste are required to make this armour flexible enough to move in - those who would steal their secrets are punished by turning them into immobile sugar-encased statues, watching helplessly as they're eaten alive by bats and hummingbirds

The cuirass calabash, a fruit whose shells are tough enough to be worn as armour, was cultivated in a secret project by generations of slaves over centuries in Theyis, and became instrumental in that country's revolution, counter-revolution, and counter-counter-revolution, which resulted in its transformation into the Republic-In-Chains, where every man is a slave to every other man

The heretical trans-gematrian workings of the mathemagicians can convert all things, not just words, into numbers and calculations. Their numerical perfection of the world has been stymied thus far by the incompleteness of their theorems - they pursue the Kaluptein, a total simplification of the world, so that it may be saved.

The sacred groves of the heathens were burned, and thus saved from destruction - transformed from physical idols to idols of the spirit - ancestral shades wander among the ghosts of trees, fed blood for guiding poetry, ecstatic inspiring fungus growing on the rot they left behind

Soma: divine plant, source of immortality, also churned from ocean by gods & asuras
Somatic component: motions used to cast spell
Ergo: Somatic components churn the stuff of the cosmos to produce magic

You can only reach an epic level once you've had an epic composed about you

Tabaxi were mutually domesticated by early humanity to aid in the hunting of a plague of wererats

The Green Man is a shared identity between a lord of light and a pigmentous prince - the Virescent One and the Emir of Emeralds - attempting to create a new unity between the coloured courts of addition and subtraction

The pure form school of modrons reject polyhedrons as insufficiently orderly - each takes the form of a black square, organizing together like the surfaces of polygons to create greater collectives

Kenku see the moon as an egg, with its waning being its hatching - when the full moon starts to fade it is a time of celebration, for the forgiveness of debts and the forgetting of copied words for the free expression of a cawcawphony

The miracle-money of Skarlang is backed by the fact that it can be redeemed for divine interventions - it is printed with the pulp of golden reeds which grow only on the banks of the River of the Barge-Gods

"Champagne strengthens the soul, caffeine gives the illusion of having one"

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

D6x6 Unctuous Umber Hulks

Click the button below for your very own umber hulk:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6This umber hulk is
1an earth elemental that was forced into biological form as part of a complex and lasting binding.
2a natural species of the underdark, whose ancestors subsisted on radiotrophic fungi and the drifting dust of the world above.
3a miner stuck inside their biotechnological exoskeleton.
4an alien from a rocky, high-gravity world brought to serve as heavy labour by an interstellar civilization in a bygone age.
5the handmaiden of an eldritch abyssal entity, transformed to befit their mistress’s glory.
6a carcinoid descendant from the distant future, which burrowed so deep it was able to burrow back in time.
D6This umber hulk has
1fern-like antennae that rhythmically fold up and unfold.
2stalagmite-like spikes along its back, on which the desiccated corpses of vermin have been impaled.
3diaphonously-thin eye-caps it periodically sheds instead of blinking.
4twitching setae studding its shell.
5golden tracery on the edges of all its carapace segments.
6toothsome mouths in the creases of its claws, that lick the air with rasping radula.
D6This umber hulk’s gaze causes confusion in the form of
1claustrophobic panic that makes you feel as though you're trapped in a tunnel that's closing in around you.
2hallucinations of kaleidoscopic psychedlia, euphorically splintering the mind in a colourful vortex.
3extreme paranoia, doubting the authourship of your own thoughts.
4a sudden fever that boils the brain into delirium.
5inciting aimless rage.
6total dissociation between mind and body, one lost to impulse and the other to fancy.
D6This umber hulk is in the employ
1of a small company of neogi loan sharks who enslave debtors in a uranium mine.
2of a drow aristocrat attempting to undermine a surface city.
3of a cave dragon that trusts it to collect hoardable trinkets.
4of an abnormally-intelligent roper that charges it with carving out hunting grounds and smuggling tunnels.
5of a chthonic aboleth, who gets it to kidnap experimental victims.
6of a free company of svirfneblin mercenary sappers.
D6This umber hulk wants
1to eat delicious burrowing grubs and shrew-flesh.
2to see for itself the beauty of the sunrise it's been told of.
3its carapace to be brushed and waxed.
4to be supplied with weird underworld drugs.
5leverage to renegotiate the brutal terms of its employment.
6fancy spectacles that'll filter out the confusing aspect of its gaze.
D6This umber hulk lairs
1in the underground hideaway of a dissident religious sect.
2within a glittering amethyst geode.
3on the bank of a bioluminescent subterranean river
4within a muddy sinkhole.
5within the husk of a dead dire mole cricket.
6in a smoky, candle-lit alcove.

Monday, February 20, 2023

D20x5 Supervillain Hideouts

Click the button below for your very own supervillain hideout:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D20This hideout is
1a fortified mansion built by a dictator with embezzled funds in a tax haven.
2a defunct resort on a remote tropical island.
3a decommissioned nuclear launch silo.
4the bottom floors of a skyscraper’s parking garage, converted into an underground stronghold.
5a ghost town abandoned decades ago because of a persistent coal-seam fire beneath it.
6a fairytale castle built according to the designs of a Disney-obsessed billionaire.
7a junkyard trash-palace.
8a penthouse suite with extensive expansions cloaked from outside observers.
9a geostationary space station built by a private syndicate.
10a restored plantation house.
11inside a sinister copy of Mount Rushmore that commemorates history’s worst villains.
12a hydroelectric dam exclusively used to power a cryptocurrency mining setup.
13a defaced cathedral.
14a mountain fortress somewhere between NORAD and an Al-Qaeda base.
15a gigantic armoured ekranoplan built as a testament to Cold War excess.
16hidden in defunct subway tunnels beneath a metropolis.
17a cave complex developed tens of thousands of years ago by a population of superintelligent mutant Neanderthals.
18a seastead outfitted with hydroponic farms and a nuclear engine.
19a factory haunted by the workers gunned down by Pinkertons there a century ago.
20a super-scientific, super-sized zeppelin.
D20This hideout is protected by
1an army of clunky Soviet robots lost after everyone involved in the project was eliminated by Stalin.
2big bug-eyed aliens, who were told this was actually a normal and career-enhancing internship opportunity on Earth. They are not being paid for it.
3geriatric ex-Rhodesian mercenaries in very short shorts.
4turrets, saw-blades, and rocket pods that pop out of the surfaces you’d least expect them to.
5a gang of teenage Satanists looking to boost their evil cred.
6Russian mobsters who don’t ask questions, possibly because they only speak Russian.
7a coterie of vampires, who the supervillain is blackmailing into service by threatening to reveal their existence to the world.
8hapless bystanders possessed by the spirits of henchmen killed in past raids.
9forcefields and active camouflage.
10junior villains working towards their big breaks.
11a down-on-their-luck ninja clan mostly there for the cheap rent.
12a private military company that committed war crimes in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, and Ukraine.
13giant man-eating plants.
14by artificial werewolves made from surgically-combined German shepherds and soldiers.
15genetically-engineered dinosaurs.
16projected killer holograms.
17living graffiti, swarms of paint particle micro-machines.
18a cult-like paramilitary organization headed by the supervillain themself in the position of commander and prophet.
19the special forces of a rogue nation.
20vat-grown homunculi.
D20The supervillain got this hideout
1in a high-stakes poker game.
2in a criminal asset auction.
3as their inheritance from a distant and mysterious uncle.
4in a divorce settlement with their equally villainous ex-spouse.
5as payment for pulling off a huge heist with a team of other villains.
6by killing its previous owner and taking over.
7as a legal purchase through an obscuring chain of shell companies.
8as a gift from a long-standing patron.
9by intimidating the shady billionaire who owned it before them into giving it to them.
10because their buddy (also a villain) willed it to them after that buddy died.
11at staggering personal expense, as an investment that's yet to pay itself off.
12through squatter's rights after finding it empty.
13as a key defensive point seized during a turf war.
14as the prize in a lottery held among illicit shadow-millionaires.
15on the condition that they'd use it as a fief in service of their foul liege.
16from the hero who used to own it by beating their ass.
17through malicious trickery.
18as the dream-home they'd imagined since they were a kid.
19as the backup for their main hideout, which was lost to a heroic assault.
20as part of a soul-trading bargain with an extra-dimensional entity that called itself a devil.
D20The supervillain is currently using this hideout
1as the nursery for a baby kaiju they’re raising to wreak havoc.
2for rest & relaxation between capers.
3for enhanced interrogation of a captured hero.
4to lay low while they receive genetic augmentation which requires them to be in an induced coma.
5as a training ground for an elite squad.
6to host a networking event for nefarious sorts.
7as a ritual site to commune with the numberless legions of hell.
8for an augmented-reality arena that'll hone their skills.
9to manufacture high-tech gear for their next job.
10as an observatory and radio-telescope array to communicate with an approaching extraterrestrial invasion fleet. They hope to sabotage the Earth in return for concessions from the fleet.
11as a marketplace for weapons of mass destruction.
12as a nexus for drug smuggling.
13as a museum of their career-defining moments.
14as a staging ground for ever-greater escapades.
15as an anchor for their delves into the nega-realm.
16for trysts with the up-and-coming, straight-and-narrow politician they're having an affair with.
17as the site of a séance to contact the shades of their predecessors.
18as their primary residence, since rents are getting crazy elsewhere.
19as a cloning facility meant to replace crucial individuals.
20to hold a grand party, with blackjack and hookers.
D20This hideout might be found
1by following up on urban legends on the internet.
2with the help of spy balloons with ground-penetrating radar.
3by analyzing satellite imagery.
4with the camera footage of dissident journalists.
5by way of hearsay at the nearest dive bar.
6by looking into what the government's covering up for the sake of the public peace.
7by its exotic contamination of surrounding groundwater.
8by its disturbance of feral cat populations.
9by magnetic dowsing.
10by happenstance - or fate attempting to balance evil with justice, depending on your perspective.
11by noticing a web of crimes leading back to it.
12by tracing patterns in local psychogeography.
13by listening on the radio for directions encoded in number stations.
14by following a resupplying convoy.
15with the help of a rogue superhuman with detection powers.
16by following the advice of a local detective who's about to be pulled from the police for his maverick ways.
17by inspecting the job market for local henchmen.
18by bribing other supervillains to snitch.
19by monitoring anomalous energy consumption.
20by hitting up your underworld contacts.