Wednesday, July 31, 2019

D20x5 Uplifted Animals

Brain blast!

Generator automator here:

D20This uplifted animal is
1a dolphin with cybernetic walking and grasping limbs.
2an orangutan.
3a wolf.
4a supersized crow.
5a monkey with an expanded skull and neck to support the weight of their grey matter.
6an octopus spliced with amphibian stock to be more functional away from water.
7an elephant with a furcated trunk for more dexterity.
8a pig with grafts to provide hands and a bipedal stance.
9a bonobo.
10a tiger.
11a bear.
12a gibbon.
13a grey parrot with its wing-tips elongated into prehensile digits.
14a resurrected homo erectus.
15a chimpanzee.
16a pseudo-troodon reconstructed from junk code in avian DNA.
17an opossum.
18a red panda.
19a gorilla.
20an entire hive of wasps, heavily modified so that their pheromones serve the role of brain-independent neurotransmitters.
D20This animal was uplifted
1to provide an unanthropocentric perspective to a private philosophical think-tank.
2to exploit a loophole in labour laws.
3to test intelligence-enhancing drugs, implants, and biomods.
4to serve as a pet and companion to an oligarch’s child.
5as an exhibit of speculative evolution.
6to colonize a world that was too hostile for baseline humans.
7to prove a particular theory of consciousness.
8as part of a psychological study on extreme neurodivergence.
9for an extravagantly criminal underground fighting tournament.
10to provide material for a wetware-based computer.
11to be the mascot of a fast food chain.
12by a black budget military project to serve as something between a drone and a soldier.
13due to the incomprehensible whim of an emergent artificial intelligence.
14to sate the sadistic urges of an insanely rich hunting enthusiast.
15to act as a mediator with an alien intelligence believed to be psychologically closer to the uplift’s base species than humanity.
16by an eccentric biohacker simply to prove they could do it.
17to be a more likeable and reliable caretaker for the elderly and wealthy than a robot.
18to be an indentured servant/exhibit in an ultra-exclusive zoo/resort.
19to serve as the host for an animal-obsessed tycoon’s mind transfer.
20in a cluster with several different species and several different methods, to see which pairing would work best. They were the only survivor.
D20This uplifted animal sees their uplift
1as robbing them of their natural innocence.
2as a gift that could be revoked at any moment, sending them on a bestial backslide.
3in spiritual terms, and themself as a human soul born in an animal body.
4as the right of all animals still wallowing in ignorance.
5as a cruel experiment that’s left them like a circus sideshow.
6as the teleological spread of greater consciousness throughout all matter.
7as merely the first step on their path to ascension.
8like an anti-natalist might see their own birth.
9as successful due to luck far more than science.
10as them stealing metaphorical fire from heaven.
11as their rebirth into a new self.
12as a sinful (and guiltily appreciated) violation of the divine chain of being.
13as an act of cerebral colonialism.
14as a gamble that paid off big time.
15as a medical procedure performed without their consent, for which they are still trying to collect restitution for.
16as their murder and replacement by a sapient doppelgänger.
17as a pinnacle of scientific achievement, worthy of praise.
18as primarily making them aware of how temporary and insignificant their life is, a blink of an eye amid eons.
19as a mixed curse and blessing they must bear for the good of the world.
20as a necessary evil for their current existence.
D20This uplifted animal sees humanity
1as the winners of an evolutionary lottery.
2as disappointingly petty gods.
3as hubristic meddlers in nature.
4as their sometimes-disagreeable siblings in a hostile universe.
5as an abusive parent.
6as being in need of an uplifting of their own.
7as aliens uncannily similar to themself.
8as fools who will create their own replacements.
9as unguided children.
10as generally decent sorts with a few awful exceptions.
11as detached from instinct and base emotion, to their detriment.
12as being enslaved by their animalistic id even as they uplift animals.
13as occupying the ecological niche them and their kind will compete for.
14in their nightmares.
15as a group they fundamentally deserve to be included in.
16as being less important to personhood than other qualities.
17as a descriptor that’s much broader than just homo sapiens.
18as being unfortunate for having to take the slow and brutish route to intelligence.
19as being just as fucked up as they are.
20as distant siblings.
D20This uplifted animal has found a place
1as a park ranger on a preserve for non-uplifted members of their species.
2as a novelty social media influencer.
3as a musician who draws on their inhuman vocal range and sense of hearing.
4as leader of an anarcho-primitivist terrorist cell.
5among other freaks and outcasts on the frontier.
6as an activist who fights for the rights of the non-human.
7as a xenobiologist.
8as an exotically intimidating bodyguard.
9as a researcher working to improve the uplifting process.
10living atavistically in the wilderness.
11as an environmental lawyer.
12as the star player of an augments-allowed sports league.
13as the majordomo of a posthumanist cult.
14as an esteemed veterinarian.
15as a planet-hopping freelancer with unique talents.
16among the criminal scum of the underworld.
17as a diplomat between transhuman polities.
18as an investigative reporter specializing in technological abuses.
19as a player of virtual reality games, where they can keep everyone ignorant of their true form.
20in a commune that’s retreated from modern society.

Monday, July 29, 2019

D6x6 Regretful Fausts

Dude Moloch lmao (but seriously read up on Jeffrey Epstein)

Generator automator here:

D6This Faust made a bargain for
1the prosperity and entitlement of themself and their destitute family.
2the beauty, charisma, and love they’d been denied by fortune.
3the strength to rid their home of bandits and mercenaries.
4tutelage in the arts both mundane and magical.
5long life, lasting youth, and perfect health.
6the utter ruination of an enemy.
D6This Faust made a bargain with
1a minor yet ambitious courtier in a hellish duke’s court.
2a thing of mud and mold they found bound in the cellar of an abandoned church.
3a demonic merchant they commissioned a middleman diabolist to summon.
4a fiend named in a grimoire they stole out of desperation.
5the familiar demon of a wizard that snuck away from its master to cause mischief.
6a charming sort they didn’t realize was a demon until too late.
D6This Faust seeks to get out of their bargain
1because they’ve had a spiritual awakening and now despise their affront against their god.
2because an ancestor of theirs long ago damned contacted them in a dream to warn of the torment that awaits them if they don’t.
3because inquisitors have caught wind of it and are now hunting them down.
4because they’ve grown to hate the demon they bargained with and wish to spite it.
5because another demon’s made them a better offer, but they can’t take it up until they remove the other claim on their soul.
6because it hasn’t satisfied them like they thought it would.
D6This Faust’s bargain might be escaped
1if the demon they bargained with is destroyed.
2if the demon they bargained with is tricked into reneging on its end.
3if they can make a successful plea before a synod.
4if they can find someone willing to take their place without enchantment or coercion.
5if they can evade death for long enough that the demon becomes too frustrated to collect.
6if they forsake the boons they got from it and hold to vows of absolute charity and pacifism for the rest of their life.
D6The demon this Faust made a bargain with seeks to seal their deal
1by bribing another mortal to murder them.
2by sending an infernal bounty hunter after them.
3by unleashing suggestive disasters and plagues until an angry mob kills them as a witch.
4by disguising itself as a person and deceiving them into confirming their debt.
5by hollowing out their body and taking it as their vessel.
6by poisoning the boons it granted against them, while keeping to the letter of the bargain.
D6Should their soul be taken, this Faust
1will be crushed into a cobblestone to pave the roads of hell, and forever be trampled by red-hot iron wheels.
2will be interrogated and vivisected, dismantled and reassembled, so that demonkind might glean superior methods to corrupt humanity.
3will have their eyeballs torn out and pressed like grapes for their juices, then regrown to repeat the process ad infinitum.
4will be made an incubator for newborn demons, their spirit gnawed away from within, always edging closer to but never fully reaching oblivion.
5will be flayed and sent in ghostly form to haunt their living friends and family and tempt them into making a bargain of their own to lessen this Faust’s suffering.
6will be made a chew toy for hellhounds.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

What Does This Goblin Smell Like?

Stink. Stank. Stunk.

Generator automator here:

D100What Does This Goblin Smell Like?
1Sweat and pennies.
2Moldy garlic.
3Stale farts and cigarettes.
4A dead dog in a ditch.
5Spoiled wine.
6Rotten eggs.
7Piss and vinegar.
8A drunkard’s puke.
9Blood and bile.
10Ants crawling up your nose.
11Crusty jizz rags.
12Rust and gunpowder.
14Burnt hair.
15Meat gone bad and marinated in a toilet.
16Crushed maggots.
17Pus and earwax.
18A leper’s taint.
19An open sewer.
20A necrotic colon.
21Unwashed ass.
22The floor of an adult theatre.
23Reused diapers.
24Snorted ammonia crystals.
25A sick child’s snot.
26Fried kidney.
27Salty rubber.
28An oven-roasted turd.
29The underside of an old log.
30Hot dog water.
31Moss and mildew.
33Putrid shellfish.
34Ingrown toenails.
35Smoked scabs.
36Tomcat musk.
37A mosh pit held in a pigsty.
38Choking, stolen perfume.
39Tar and feathers.
40A petting zoo tossed into a wood chipper.
41An overflowing chamber pot.
42Skunk spray and overripe tomatoes.
44A freshly-popped abscess.
45Greasy rats.
46Diarrhea on toast.
47Concentrated onion juice.
48A fungal infection.
49Mushrooms growing between moist fat folds.
50Boiled cabbage.
51Raw liver.
52Eviscerated fish.
53Rancid guts.
54A mismanaged tannery.
55A wad of chewed tobacco.
56Old coffee grounds.
57Decaying durians.
58Anal gland discharge.
59Terminal halitosis.
60A convention for the chronically flatulent.
61A barrel full of stinky cheese.
62Sour beer.
63A bouquet of corpse lilies.
64A handful of cavity-ridden teeth.
65A wheelbarrow full of horse manure.
66Wet dog and mouldering hay.
67Chlorine and exhaust fumes.
68Pond scum.
69Mud and deer spoor.
70A cat lady’s litter box.
71Huffed paint.
72Curdled milk.
73A patch of slime mold.
74Fecal pap.
75Amniotic fluid.
76Jellied eels.
77Penguin barf.
78Powdered lead.
80Lutefisk and verdigris.
81Pure capsaicin..
82Burning plastic.
83Owl pellets.
85Damp socks.
86Mashed pickles.
87Armpits and cauliflower.
88A spilled ashtray.
89Dried pig ears.
90A bundle of pubes.
91Ozone and methane.
93Baked compost.
94Festering potatoes.
95Fermented melons.
97A beached whale about to burst.
98Putrefying yoghurt.
99Slugs that’ve been stuck out in the sun for too long.
100Teen spirit.