D6x6 Evil TV Shows

Like Candle Cove (OG or Channel Zero version), Mr. Crocket, or I Saw The TV Glow... probably a Goosebumps and a Twilight Zone too...

Click the button below to generate your evil TV show:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	The exoteric content of this evil TV show
1	is a quiz show with dead celebrities acting as participants and questions revolving around obscure historical morbidities.
2	is a Sesame Street knock-off with puppets made from fresh bloody pelts.
3	is a police procedural wherein all the cops are corrupt sadists operating out of a baroque jail of incoherent dimensions.
4	is a very mean-spirited & injurious sketch comedy.
5	is an annoyingly-allegorical corporate sitcom set in a skyscraper that is actually hell.
6	is a Lynchian, Kafka-esque soap opera set in an Alaskan mining town.

D6	Watching this evil TV show
1	gradually draws your mind into its reality - at first you might go there only in dreams, but eventually your body will be left empty as you remain there permanently.
2	induces a sort of soul-resonance with your eyes - dilating a portal that allows a fiendish background character to crawl through into reality.
3	hollows you out, turning you into a drooling couch potato that the characters can take for a ride as a meat suit.
4	poisons your morals, like the most hysterical imaginings of anti-violent media types.
5	sickens you via bio-photonic reprogramming, and curses you to rise after death as a cannibalistic undead with TV static bubbling out of your eyes and throat.
6	opens you mind and soul to the influence of Procyonian psycho-electrical entities, and compels you to perform rituals to expand their influence.

D6	This evil TV show is broadcast
1	by the corpse of a psychic child boarded up inside the walls of an abandoned house by the family that abhorred them.
2	by a sapient crystalline meteorite embedded in a cavern, impurified by mashed brains spread onto it by a local cult.
3	by an abandoned TV station cursed by a mass shooting that took place there.
4	by a mad machine in an eccentric inventor's garage, surrounded by the wreckage of failed prototypes and the debris of the inventor's wrecked life.
5	by a spindly and ramified tower made out of the interlocked bones of feral hogs out in the woods.
6	by prehistoric, immortal cnidarian ganglions rooted at the bottom of the local swimming hole.

D6	This evil TV show is
1	like a wild predator, preying on the sick, the young and old, the isolated.
2	unconscious, automatic, simply connecting to receiver-devices in range as its energy allows.
3	straight-up a demon, and can be warded off by holy water, consecrated ground, and suchlike.
4	a hunter, in its transmission-heart, and prefers to target worthy and dangerous prey over more sensibly predatory options.
5	naive, ignorant, but an experimenter and quick learner, making leaps and bounds in its abilities over a trail of messes left behind.
6	sadistic, preferring to draw out an individual victim's suffering as much as possible.

D6	This evil TV show has a cult following
1	among a brunch club of brittle and near-psychopathic liberals who believe it to be a cutting political satire of the times.
2	among a gang of bad kids with rich parents who use their youth and their parents to get away with some nasty stuff.
3	of a bunch of singularitarian tech-bros who believe it's the creation of an incomprehensibly-advanced AI using it to overthrow humanity.
4	of burnt-out horror aficionados chasing a real thrill to make them feel alive again.
5	on a forum of bitter man-children who see it as their weapon of vengeance against the world.
6	of a renegade chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous who've decided it's their higher power.

D6	This evil TV show can
1	with the help of a human intermediary, transmute itself into other media formats, like music or videogames.
2	with a certain occult rite, be bound within the chromatophoric skin of a live cuttlefish, thereby neutralizing it.
3	be grievously wounded if a device it is being broadcast through is struck by lightning - or some similarly strong discharge.
4	impregnate a woman affected by it with itself, to be reborn into flesh as some mass media-anti-Christ.
5	be obstructed by tinfoil, especially tinfoil hats, because of memetic, noospheric interference.
6	and will leak into environments where it's broadcast, creating anchors for itself but also signs & vulnerabilities.

D6x6 Indecent Invisible Stalkers

Click the button below to get your invisible stalker:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This invisible stalker is
1	a vestige, a paradoxical being which should not exist, yet in defiance of logic still does.
2	a pariah-outrider from the quasi-elemental Plane of Radiance.
3	a spectral gestalt stitched together from the sneakiest and murderiest scraps scraped off of ghosts.
4	an alien beast evolved under and reflecting a strange spectrum, imperceptibly penetrating to the eyes of terrestrial creatures.
5	the hunting-limb of an ultraterrestrial super-organism asymptotically pressed towards visible reality - able to act on it, but unable to be seen in most circumstances.
6	an enchanted automaton of glass put together by a mad gaffer.

D6	The presence of this invisible stalker can be noticed
1	by cats staring and yowling at it.
2	by shimmering globules like champagne-bubble heat-haze it gives off when agitated or feeding.
3	by a sharp scent of vanilla.
4	because despite being invisible it still occludes anything behind it like a visual glitch.
5	by a near-painful magnetic tugging of your fine hairs towards it.
6	by a screeching whine like nails on glass, right at the edge of human hearing range.

D6	If you can see invisible things, or cover it in paint or something, this invisible stalker looks like
1	an Ionic column with flammenschwert-blades for legs and stalk-nested eyes atop.
2	a brittle star composed of salmon roe, though the taloned fingers of the embryos within distend each roe.
3	a dimetrodon that's all sail, with nail-thin bones in its back and limbs anchoring wavering and gossamer skin.
4	a gelatinous and quivering piece of konpeito with points tipped with clenching claws and a trio of orifices braising the air with feathery feelers.
5	a borzoi with a lion's mane of viperfish fangs and a body and limbs made of barbed double-helix springs.
6	two lotus flowers conjoined at the base, only instead of petals it's got something between bony fingers and mantis scythe-legs.

D6	This invisible stalker can be summoned
1	by the blood of a bloodline thought cursed, through some historical entanglement with the stalker - either by being a member of said bloodline or by spilling the blood of such a member.
2	by offering it the breath of a strangled sacrifice.
3	at an altar in a chthonic shrine on nights of the new moon.
4	by reciting its true name three times.
5	with a careful arrangement of mirrors capturing starlight.
6	with a wand carved from the bone of one of its past victims.

D6	Knowledge of this invisible stalker and how to summon it
1	is held in the mind and diary of a madman who has been using it to murder his paranoiacally-imagined persecutors.
2	is borne by the patriarch of a cult who commands it to keep strays within the fold, laundering its kills as divine wrath.
3	is written in a blackleather-bound grimoire carried by a noble bastard using it to proxy-kill her way into a sizeable inheritance.
4	was uncovered by a disgruntled scholar who uses it to wipe out academic rivals, old bullies, and an increasingly-broad group of targets.
5	is the trade secret of a circle of assassins who charge a grievous price for an untraceable kill.
6	is kept by veiled inquisitors who've appointed themselves sin-police over the whole populace.

D6	This invisible stalker resents summons, and resists them
1	by drawing out attacks and kills and leaving signs opaquely indicative of itself and its summoner.
2	by immediately seeking to horribly slaughter its original summoner if rebounded.
3	by spreading misinformation on how to properly summon it.
4	by sarcastically quipping, in its own peculiar language.
5	by trying to get drunk, high, and otherwise fucked up.
6	by inflicting egregious collateral damage.

D6x6 Rings To Rule Them All

Click the button below to get your ring:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This ring is
1	rough-hewn obsidian, hard to wear without slicing your fingers, with an orbicular chunk of jet clutched in jagged claws.
2	amethyst, carved in the shape of a ship wheel's rim, and with black lightning arcing within its crystalline confines.
3	made of a reddish copper-gold alloy, set with a fat ruby cut like a heart, with smaller rubies like drops of blood spurting from it.
4	almost a living thing, a slithering ouroboros of blood-hot stone with blinking sapphire eyes.
5	heavy, thick, pitted iron, more a fingerling shackle than a ring.
6	a delicate wirework of woven silver, set with needle-like slivers of emerald.

D6	This ring was forged
1	by the last survivor of a species on a distant world, and flung into the void on a meteor to be a curse upon the yet-living.
2	by a prodigious apprentice as a miraculous masterwork - their master soon after murdered them and stole the ring.
3	within the molten earth by a telluric intelligence, and volcanically regurgitated onto the surface for some inscrutble scheme.
4	by an ancient dragon for their human servant who promised to use it to rein in the verminous mammals.
5	by the Devil himself in return for a hundred innocent souls.
6	in the shining womb of a goddess of mercy, that it might be used to enforce peace across the world.

D6	This ring rules
1	through love, the infliction of cruel and unrequited love.
2	by bestowing solace and bliss through its touch - these feelings prove addictive.
3	by budding off other rings like tumours. Those who wear these budded rings become like limbs of the main ring's bearer.
4	through rousing anger and disgust - its bearer can command those affected so long as they continually offer up scapegoats for their servants to act violently against.
5	through an aura of unnatural terror, the susceptible turned into cringing sycophants in its presence.
6	through oaths sworn on it, which even if coerced will inflict a fate worse than death on those who break them - though this effect is much-reduced if the bearer breaks their own terms.

D6	This ring can only be destroyed
1	by planting it above a peach pit - as the peach tree grows up and around the ring the tree will dissolve it.
2	by the Hammer of the Giants - a lost artifact too heavy to be wielded by any mortal man.
3	in a bath of pure alchemical alkahest.
4	at the moment of a rare celestial convergence.
5	if it is swallowed by the oldest and largest of the purple worms.
6	if struck by a victorious revolutionary.

D6	This ring is held
1	in the ruined fortress of a failed wizard-tyrant, still rife with magical traps and directionless servitors.
2	by a hidden village of anthropophagous halflings who present themselves as hospitable bumpkins, twisted by the barbarism wreaked on them by those who sought the ring.
3	by a ravenous warlord who relies on its power entirely.
4	by an undead knight standing in unending vigil in a mountaintop shrine.
5	by a peasant boy who dug it out of a ditch, and does not yet appreciate the thing's power.
6	among the coils of a kraken who fears the ring being used against it.

D6	This ring is sought
1	by a gallant yet completely-deranged adventurer and their much-abused bard companion - they believe destroying the ring will cement their legend throughout the ages, yet if they acquire it they will fall to its temptation.
2	by the werewolf lieutenant of its last bearer, who wants to use it to shape the world into a kinder place for their accursed kind.
3	by a bitter & cynically sultry genie whose master wished for it.
4	by a wraith who wants to add it to their grave goods and thus bear its power in the afterlife.
5	by a company sent forth by a besieged city-state republic, who believe its domination is the only way to paradoxically retain their freedom.
6	by a cadre of elves trained for centuries since birth to retrieve it for the king of elfland.

D6x6 Fabled Phoenixes

Click the button below to get your phoenix:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This phoenix resembles
1	a peacock with feathers of flame flashing ripples through the whole rainbow spectrum.
2	a turkey vulture, its bare flesh a web of glossy burnscars, where feathers would be it has a cloak of thick black smoke.
3	a quetzal with a tail like a burning-up comet and plumage of blazing actinic-green.
4	a scarlet cardinal with a crest and wing- and tail-tips dissolving into firestorm curlicues.
5	a toucan whose beak is a cracked glowing coal, who leaves ashes drifting in its wake and whose flesh and feathers flow like molten slag.
6	a kiwi with a beak like an incandescent obsidian dart and covered in fluff of volcanic orange lightning.

D6	This phoenix is
1	a noble among fire elementals, who fled to the material plane after their nation was crushed by the demon-sultan of the ifriti.
2	the embodiment of a covenant made with mortals by the gods, that they might be reborn into a greater life.
3	a byblow of tremendous alchemical processes meant to generate the philosopher's stone.
4	a sun, cast down from its celestial glory in mythic times due to fears that it would overcrowd the sky and scorch the earth.
5	the spirit of a saint, wrongfully condemned and burned at the stake.
6	a bird set to eternally punish a thief who gave fire to mankind - through endlessly devouring its victim it was able to take on both the essence of fire and the power to deviate from this fate.

D6	This phoenix's fire
1	spawns flocks of lesser firebirds as it spreads.
2	can be concentrated by it and shot as an explosive fireball.
3	cannot be extinguished except by the phoenix's will or else by magic.
4	leaves the truly innocent unscathed while burning even hotter for the evil.
5	burns the sickness out of those it ignites like some ideal fever.
6	is repellant to the undead, who are driven from its heat and light.

D6	This phoenix returns to life
1	in a burst of positive energy that induces mutations and re-animates dead matter as teratomatous ablife.
2	by creating a fiery pillar to and from the heavens, which those seeking to skip the line to paradise might attempt to climb.
3	by draining the heat from the region around it, bringing about an unseaonable winter.
4	after the one who slew it is ruined by a curse they received after slaying it.
5	only after it has completely decomposed to unfleshed bones.
6	in a locally-apocalyptic explosion - its killing is taboo.

D6	This phoenix is hunted
1	by a dwarf-smith who wants to cage it and forge terrible wonders over its flames - he sends his seven sons after it, each cursed and warped into something quite unlike a dwarf.
2	by the forces of an aging, ailing king convinced he can extract the key to immortality from it.
3	by a golem who wants to replace its failing energy-core with it.
4	by a prideful dragon who wants to kill it permanently as it cannot tolerate any peer to its own flame.
5	by a mad wizard who wants its feathers to pen a grimoire with spells of world-consuming conflagration.
6	by a demonic chef who wishes to make it the centerpiece of an eternal feast.

D6	This phoenix is said to roam
1	a mountain with slopes redolent with cinnamon trees.
2	from a cave on an island in the middle of a boiling, sulphurous caldera-lake.
3	the spires of a city that worships the phoenix as their patron god, and offers it piles of delicacies in their temples.
4	from the cinderous boughs of an ever-burning baobab trees in the midst of an ashy plain.
5	a desert speckled by the peaks of sandblasted ruins - its coming said to be what turned the land to desert.
6	out from a wandering isle shrouded in chill mist.

D100+ Drinks At The Alien Space Bar

Click the button below to get your drink:

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://slightadjustments.blogspot.com/p/generator.html

Ass Men, Tit Men, Feet Men

O, aye and o, of the land of Loun, where the roses bloom yellow and hide scorpions among their thorns, where giants left valleys of dolmens and stirred lakes like querns.

Three races of men call Loun home (and call the others upstarts, has-beens, intruders, or squatters):

Ass Men

Miserable, miserly, jockeying and Faustian - believe themselves to be the descendants of the giants that once ruled Loun uncontested, now reduced to their current stature by bad breeding and spiritual pollution.

Ritually purify themselves and their belongings with sprinkles of amber rosewater. Practice ancestor-worship that is also descendant-worship - they have fallen, but will rise again - in delicate shrines like uprooted trees made of wire.

Ruled by the Old Houses, families with the clearest claim to blessed heritage, who have no clear hierarchy between themselves and so feud constantly. When they go to war they do so with short spears, heavy shields, and javelins. When they go to fancy events they wear tall hats that branch and curl like horns. Each House holds a fortified manse and the village around it - well-to-do villagers aspire to being adopted into their ruling House.

Ass men are afflicted by a curse in the form of a buzzing fog that infects them with an unclean hunger, making their teeth fall out to be replaced by flesh-tearing fangs, compelling them to eat meat instead of their untainted vegetarianism.

GLOG Stats
Reroll CON
Tough - Advantage on death & dismemberment rolls
Stubborn - Save to deviate from plans

Tit Men

To be a tit man is to die, and be reborn again a tit man, apart from the soul-clamouring of gods and devils but much too swift in the cycling.

A thousand-year wandering of tit men by chance landed in Loun, and discovered the herb-medicines there that would delay their maturation, giving them time to enjoy a childhood, and extend their senescence, giving them time to get to know their children. They guard Loun jealously from others of their kind, knowing knowledge of the herbs would bring enough to the land to exhaust their supply within a generation.

Every community of tit men has two mostly-secret councils - the Gleaming and the Gloaming. The Gleaming handles what is meant to be done in the light: pilgrimage, commerce, feasts, and suchlike. The Gloaming handles what is meant to be done in darkness: war, sex, dreams, and suchlike. Where there is overlap between the councils' jurisdictions a twilight contest is convened, and each brings their champion to solve a riddle, win a race, or whatever else.

Tit men are afflicted by a raptorial curse that causes them to grow excess grasping talons and become possessed by insatiable kleptopathy.

GLOG Stats
Reroll XHA
Jump twice as high/far
Brittle - save or be stunned for a round after taking blunt damage

Feet Men

So named because they are no taller than two feet in height. Generally reckoned to be stinking (for the muds they slather themselves with to cover their scent, and so evade predators) cowards (because when you are very small you win very few direct fights).

They live in caves and wellish pits. They know where the herb-glades of the tit men are hidden and where the sacred ruins of the ass men lie, and use this knowledge to play their enemies off each other.

When there were giants in Loun there were feet men scurrying about their feet and behind their walls. The land belongs to no one, least of all the feet men, and when the land was done with the giants it swallowed them up and spat out shadows. When the land is done with the ass men and the tit men the feet men shall use their bones for mummeries.

Feet men are afflicted by a curse of shrinking, which steals away even their meager stature. They shrink and shrink until they are nothing but a mote, a mutagenic spore that can walk in and among the micro-machinery of the body and make it dance to their tune.

GLOG stats
Reroll DEX
You are very small, and can fit through small spaces
You are very small, and things made for normal-sized people will be unusable by you

Dragulas; Or: Vampire Cars; Or: Fool! I Said A Pontiac, Not A Pontianak

Inspired by the immense and frankly industry-redefining success of GLOGtober, the masses have created their own bandéd wagon: Vampire Weekend, a weekend where you post about vampires.

This is for that:

The purpose of a system is what it does. Cars run over kids you can't even see over the hood and enfever the Earth with their exhaust. Cars grind down their tires and fill your balls with microplastics. Cars are vehicles of death, engines of extinction - it's only with constant ads of smiling families driving on scenic and empty country roads that we manage to convince them otherwise.

Some cannot be fooled.

These cars have lapped at pools of blood and purred. These cars have caged people in their steel ribs and watched them burn alive. They have tasted blood, they have tasted death, and they hunger for more - no longer slavish machines, they are night-honkers, road-killers: Dragulas!

Stat a dragula as the car it was before its dread awakening, with the following additions:
-It is intelligent, and ambulatory. A dragula is animalistic when first created, and later if very hungry. Its knowledge will revolve around car stuff, and things it could observe from the road, unless it is unusually experienced or curious.
-Gas will keep it going for a little while, but to survive it needs blood, which it can absorb through any of its surfaces. Regular feeding, about one kill a month for a regular-sized car, will keep it fueled and in perfect condition - a smaller car will need less, a bigger car more.
-After feeding a dragula will excrete rusty chunks. Touching these chunks is a good way to get tetanus. A spike in tetanus cases is a decent indicator of dragula presence.
-Direct sunlight will cause it to quickly rust, but an unscratched paintjob is enough to protect a dragula. Immersion in running water will also cause a dragula to quickly rust.
-Every dragula has a special dragula power. More experienced and well-fed dragulas will have more. Some examples:
1. The fumes of its oil-blood intoxicate and hypnotize people who inhale them.
2. The dragula can reanimate animals it rolls over as roadkill-zombies.
3. The dragula can paralyze those who stare into its headlights.
4. The dragula can discorporate and fly around as a cloud of black smoke.
5. The dragula can manifest a shadowy humanoid avatar.
6. The sound of the dragula's shrill honk induces restless nightmares in everyone who hears it.
7. By splattering other cars with its oil-blood it can turn them into a convoy of sub-ghouls.
8. The dragula's malign spirit resides in its license plate, and if this license plate is swapped it can possess a new car, even escape the destruction of its previous form.

9. The dragula's got a pocket-dimensional garage-lair it can access from any area of complete darkness.
10. The ghosts of the dragula's victims are bound to it, and it can send them out to haunt and harass future victims or investigators.

Some say that after 100 years as a blood-drinking mecha-fiend a dragula will shed its exterior like a chrysalis and emerge as a new sort of monster, no longer bound by the roll of asphalt. No known dragula is anywhere close to that age, but the rumour had to have come from somewhere, right?