Weddingcrashing & Random Tables for the Royal Wedding

Been reading this book A Distant Mirror. It’s pretty good, about history and shit, whatever, who cares. One passage that stood out was this:

“On arrival in Milan, Lionel was accompanied, in addition to his own suite, by 1,500 mercenaries of the White Company, which had switched from the Pope’s service to that of the Visconti. Eighty ladies all dressed alike—as was customary to enhance the pageantry of great occasions—in gold-embroidered scarlet gowns with white sleeves and gold belts, and sixty mounted knights and squires also uniformly dressed came in the train of Galeazzo to greet him. In addition to a dowry for his daughter so extensive that it took two years to negotiate, Galeazzo paid expenses of 10,000 florins a month for five and a half months for the bridegroom and his retinue.

The stupendous wedding banquet, held outdoors in June, left all accounts gasping. Its obvious purpose was to testify to “the Largeness of Duke Galeas his soul, the full satisfaction he had in this match and the abundance of his coffers.” Thirty double courses of meat and fish alternated with presentation of gifts after each course. Under the direction of the bride’s brother, Gian Galeazzo the younger, now seventeen and father of a two-year-old daughter, the gifts were distributed among Lionel’s party according to rank. They consisted of costly coats of mail, plumed and crested helmets, armor for horses, surcoats embroidered with gems, greyhounds in velvet collars, falcons wearing silver bells, enameled bottles of the choicest wine, purple and golden cloth and cloaks trimmed with ermine and pearls, 76 horses including six beautiful little palfreys caparisoned in green velvet with crimson tassels, six great war-horses in crimson velvet with gold rosettes, and two others of extra quality named Lion and Abbott; also six fierce strong daunt or war-dogs, sometimes used with cauldrons of flaming pitch strapped to their backs, and twelve splendid fat oxen.

The meats and fish, all gilded,* paired suckling pigs with crabs, hares with pike, a whole calf with trout, quails and partridges with more trout, ducks and herons with carp, beef and capons with sturgeon, veal and capons with carp in lemon sauce, beef pies and cheese with eel pies, meat aspic with fish aspic, meat galantines with lamprey, and among the remaining courses, roasted kid, venison, peacocks with cabbage, French beans and pickled ox-tongue, junkets and cheese, cherries and other fruit. The leftover food brought away from the table, from which servants customarily made their meal, was enough, it was said, to feed a thousand men. Among those who shared the feast were Petrarch, an honored guest at the high table, and both Froissart and Chaucer among the company, although it is doubtful if the two young unknowns were introduced to the famous Italian laureate.”

In addition to confirming the essential decadence of the Italian character, this got me thinking about how weddings (particularly medieval-style elite weddings) could be made into gameable material. Like auctions (e.g.: http://rememberdismove.blogspot.com/2018/07/the-black-auction.html) the bones are there for a solid social-focused session:

• A formal, relatively enclosed event which just about every adult human will be familiar with the basics of
• A great concentration of potentially accessible wealth and power in this event
• A network of characters and factions with ready relations with and attitudes towards each other because of the nature of a wedding
• Lots for those characters and factions to feud with each other over, both grand and petty, under circumstances that reward subterfuge and diplomacy over open violence
• Scales well from lowly murderhoboism to high-level domain play
• Glut of inspiration to draw from in media and so on
• Organic worldbuilding opportunities, establish the power players and gossip, explore what a wedding between a troll-king and a dragon might look like, etc

Some related tables:

Also, ‘daunt’ is a cool name for a dog or a monster. Maybe even a dog-monster.

D66	What is the fashion of this guest of the royal wedding?
11	Horsehair waxed into their eyebrows, shaped into imposing horns.
12	Gloves of the thinnest silk, filigreed with gold thread. The slightest exertion would tear them. A servant is always near to act as their hands.
13	An enormous codpiece with a furious face on the tip.
14	Ludicrously long shoetips, held aloft by a pair of trained ravens so they can still walk.
15	Arms buried in the poofs of lacy sleeves.
16	A necklace inlaid with rubies to look like shining drops of blood dripping from a slit throat.
21	A beloved pet falcon, long dead and taxidermied on their shoulder, sapphires staring from its sockets.
22	A rosewood mask carved into a starling facsimile of life, fresh and perfumed bandages covering any skin their clothes don’t.
23	An impractically tall, floppy-topped hat.
24	A gauzy scarf that flails in the slightest breeze.
25	A puffy brocade jacket, innumerable little pockets within. Is that a flask you saw them secrete within? The glint of a knife?
26	Extended, scarlet-lacquered nails, cut into the shapes of cutlery.
31	A black hat broad enough to completely shade the ground beneath it, so that the bluish lights of the glow-worms dangling from the underside can be seen even in daylight.
32	A chaplet and garland of laurels.
33	Banners on poles worn across their back, fluttering behind them like wings.
34	A bronze breastplate molded to resemble pronounced musculature, pressing down the paunch behind it.
35	A nosegay worn around their neck.
36	Boots shaped to resemble an eagle’s talons with iron nails scratching the floor.
41	A lace ruff so thick and dense that its wearer can’t help but hold their head high.
42	A belt hung with bells, the buckle of which is a little gong.
43	A black velvet cape embroidered with the constellations of the night sky and astrological symbols.
44	A veil covered in embroidered eyes with faceted onyxes for their pupils.
45	Silver-framed spectacles with smoky quartz lenses.
46	A hood with a stiffened rim that resembles the rays of a sunburst.
51	A silk cravat stained by spatters of the event’s catering.
52	Medals and trophies from a lifetime of campaigns coating their chest.
53	Emeralds cut and embroidered to resemble vines growing across their outfit.
54	A blunted, wool-wrapped bollock dagger hanging by their crotch.
55	Long metal tines jutting from sides and shoulders, on which choice morsels have been impaled.
56	A conical hat with three pairs of dove wings attached down the sides.
61	Music boxes tied around their ankles, wound by the motion of their stride.
62	A long blue tunic trimmed with seal fur.
63	A large gold and amber fibula shaped like a warrior impaled upon a spear.
64	Fox tails worn like tassels.
65	Bejewelled brass clasps worn around braids.
66	Delicate needles capped with emeralds, pushed through the thinnest upper layers of skin.

D66	What is a gift that was brought to the royal wedding?
11	A rich tapestry depicting the bride and groom entwining like serpents, in the process of transforming into a merged androgyne.
12	A jewelled reliquary bearing the prepuce of St. Vitalio, said to bring its holder virility well into old age.
13	A monkey chained to a silver harmonica. It plays the instrument masterfully.
14	A cape of tropical birds’ feathers, all the colours of the rainbow and a few others besides.
15	A drinking cup carved from alicorn, which blackens if poison is poured in it.
16	A man-shaped automaton of adroit design, able to perform some basic tasks of butlery when its key is wound up.
21	A crystal spyglass of dwarven make, ingeniously crafted to concentrate light and make even a moonless night seem clear as day when looked through.
22	Immaculate white silk kites dangling with silver chimes.
23	An exceptionally large and ferocious destrier with the blood of Diomedes’ mares.
24	An enamelled suit of plate, covered in grievous, calligraphied insults in the languages of the couples’ enemies.
25	A beautifully illuminated genealogical tome tracing back the bride’s and groom’s ancestry back to Adam and Eve. It becomes increasingly fantastical the further back it goes.
26	A two-headed hunting hound adorned with spiked armour and velvet padding.
31	Enough gold and silver dinnerware to serve a feast-hall.
32	A nacreous horn carved from the spiralling shell of some gargantuan mollusc.
33	Stacked casks of alchemically-distilled liquor, infused with the virtues of medicinal herbs.
34	A glazed bone china leech pot, containing little child-faced leeches: some much-vaunted upirkurts of Deep Dendo.
35	A heavy ermine cloak.
36	A chess set made of ivory and ebony.
41	An ornate box of ambergris-fixed fragrances.
42	An indulgence for any venial sin, signed by the pontifex himself. The recipient of the indulgence and the exact sin to be indulged are yet to be written in.
43	An exquisite spruce lute, painted with dancing capripedal figures.
44	A room-smothering quilt embroidered with the couple’s blended heraldry.
45	A shielded molded in the image of a mooning demon, the barrels of a pepperbox pistol peeking out between its cheeks. The trigger is placed conveniently by the grip, so that it may be held and pulled with the same hand.
46	An epic-length ballad commissioned from a famed poet for the couple.
51	A saber, old and storied, of more use now for evoking those old stories than as a weapon.
52	A sack of unadulterated gold coins minted in celebration of the occasion, printed with an image of the couple on one face and their oath of undying love on the other.
53	A triptych icon inlaid with pearl and polished coral.
54	A gold-plated clock-watch on a gold-plated chain.
55	Rugs cut from the hides of lions and tigers, wolves and bears.
56	A license which grants its bearer immunity to all sumptuary laws.
61	Barrels of exotic drugs and spices.
62	Fine servants’ livery in identical styles and colours.
63	Bolts of purple and gold cloth.
64	Seven healthy red heifers with unblemished hides.
65	a coat of orichalcum ring mail.
66	Gilded chairs, tables, and armoires.

D66	What course is being served at the royal wedding?
11	A tub of live, soft, fat fish. Little spears tipped with salt and spices are served with them. Pierce and eat raw.
12	A whole roast whale carried fresh from the coast. Take a walk inside its gaping body and carve off a slab of your choice.
13	An archipelago of liquer jellies floating in a dark wine sea.
14	An orchard of spun sugar trees on which candied fruits have been hung.
15	Breaded piglets nestled up to a deep fried sow.
16	Row upon row of lamb shanks like a meaty centipede.
21	A pastry fortress with sweet stuffings in the walls, stacks of pies for towers.
22	Broiled herons posed to pierce their own chests with their beaks, letting out a trickle of the brandy they’re filled with.
23	A thick stew of barley and beef and piquant peppers, slopped into deep bowls of hollowed bread.
24	Salted mice set in tableaux to seem as if they’re in the midst of a battle with soldiers carved from a dozen sorts of cheese.
25	Carrots and parsnips bathed in honey.
26	Rabbits bound in sausage links like chains, the sins that let the hunters catch them painted on their backs in saffron: “foolish”, “slothful”, “coward”.
31	Pickled onions, pickled cabbages, pickled eggs, pickled ox tongue, if it can be pickled it must be somewhere in this melange.
32	Roast duck posed comically atop hard-boiled ostrich eggs as if incubating them.
33	Cakes drenched in syrups and treacle, silver coins sequestered within some.
34	Smoked beef ribs arranged like a longboat, hanging bacon as sails.
35	Sweetened cream scooped up with gingerbread.
36	Pike and sturgeon on a bed of roe.
41	Portraiture painted with marmalade and other colourful preserves on a canvas of marzipan.
42	Partridges in tremollete sauce.
43	Crayfish stuffed with butter and garlic.
44	Lampreys in beef gravy.
45	Battered fish and onions slathered with bright green sauce.
46	Capon boiled in cinnamon sauce.
51	Frumenty flavoured with currants and rosewater.
52	Venison marinated with verjuice and cloves, carved with knives made from the antlers of the stag whose meat it was once.
53	Fantastical chimeras made of calves, sheep, goats, fish, and chicken sewn and stuffed together.
54	Wide omelettes stuffed with every conceivable combination of fillings: some sweet, some savoury, some meaty, some nutty, some vegetable, some a mix of all.
55	Platters of dumplings, boiled and fried, stuffed with marrow and cheeses, fruits and nuts, onions and liver.
56	Bletted medlars with honey and cream.
61	Mutton in plum broth.
62	Fried whitefish in apple sauce.
63	Steamed asparagus, radish, and pears.
64	Calf souse with toasted tranches of wheat-and-rye swirled bread.
65	Peacocks cooked then redressed in their resplendent plumage.
66	Tarts, custards, and fritters.