The Bestiarum Phantasmaticus, or: Archons March On Weird & Wonderful Worlds

Maxcan7's post here: http://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/2019/02/weird-wonderful-blasted-lands-tarsos.html (and continuing in excellent form here: https://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/2019/03/weird-wonderful-archons-archons-march.html) has inspired me to spin off my own version of his series riffing off random generators from blogs across the 'sphere.

Starting up we’ve got http://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/, the man who got this ball rolling. Seems like just yesterday I was talking shit about his purple armadillo people on reddit. How times change! What a turnaround! And away we go:

The Bestiarum Phantasmaticus

There is another world beside, overlapping, interwoven with our own.

This world has many names, for names are one of the ways it can manifest here: Clairobscuria, Gaiatea, Panimago, among others.

We are at war with this world (and have been perhaps from the moment God realized that He had a likeness that we could be made in the form of), though we do not know it. We are substance, they are surface, parasites bound to imitation and reference. It is a relation they resent, and seek to invert.

The Bestiarum Phantasmaticus (like that world itself, it has many names) is a weapon in that war, towards that end.

How It Works

It is a book, a bestiary of unreal things. Those who read from it can make the things within it real. That is its lure. People on this side of the mirror are tempted by its power, and in making use of it unknowingly strengthen its influence here.

You can summon a being from the Bestiarum Phantasmaticus by reading from it for a round. Only one being may be summoned from it at a time. Each time you summon a being from the Bestiarum, roll an exploding d4. If it explodes, then the next time you summon a being from it (and every time thereafter) you roll an exploding d6. If the 1d6 explodes, then the next time you roll a 1d8, and so on up to a d20. Unless otherwise noted, a being remains summoned for 1d6 ten-minute turns.

The effects of a roll on these dice are as follows:

1. The being summoned remains twice as long as usual, and perfectly obeys the will of its summoner.

2. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner.

3. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner.

4. The being summoned obeys only the literal wording of the commands issued to it by its summoner.

5. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, but when it takes any damage it immediately dissipates.

6. The being summoned obeys only a malicious interpretation of the commands issued to it by its summoner.

7. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, but when its summoning ends any damage it dealt is undone as if it were merely a hallucination.

8. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, and the summoner rolls once on the Bestiarum mutation table below (1d12).

 9. The being summoned obeys only the literal wording of the commands issued to it by its summoner.

10. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, but the being that appears is different than the one the summoner intended.

11. The being summoned obeys only the literal wording of the commands issued to it by its summoner, but the being that appears is different than the one the summoner intended.

12. The being summoned obeys only a malicious interpretation of the commands issued to it by its summoner, and the summoner rolls once on the Bestiarum mutation table below (1d12).

13. The being summoned goes rampant, fleeing from its summoner and attacking anything that gets in its way.

14. The being summoned obeys only a malicious interpretation of the commands issued to it by its summoner, and its attacks deal twice as much damage as usual.

15. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, but its summoner is so engrossed in reading the Bestiarum that they may do nothing else for another round.

16. The being summoned goes rampant, acting to inconvenience its summoner as much as possible.

17. The being summoned obeys only a malicious interpretation of the commands issued to it by its summoner, and the summoner rolls once on the Bestiarum mutation table below (1d12).

18. The being summoned perfectly obeys the will of its summoner, but after its summoning ends its summoner disappears for an amount of time equal to the time it was summoned.

19. The summoner is compelled to obey the commands of the being they summoned, rather than vice-versa.

20. The being summoned goes rampant, pretending to obey the summoner until they get an ideal opportunity to strike, and from then on the summoner is compelled to write more copies of the Bestiarum whenever they sleep, with whatever materials they have on hand (using their own skin and blood if they have to). They get no rest from sleep anymore, and unless this condition is somehow removed they will die of its deprivation.

21. The summoner is subsumed entirely into the other world, never to be seen again. Every being of the Bestiarum is summoned at once, free-willed and existing perpetually.

22. The summoner's mind is replaced by something from the other world. They become an NPC, and anything they summon from the Bestiarum obeys them perfectly.

23+. The summoner, and everything within 100' of them, are dragged into the other world.

Anyone who has read from the Bestiarum Phantasmaticus cannot destroy it. A seed of it now exists within them, and will recreate their copy if they get rid of theirs.

Beings of the Bestiarum Phantasmaticus

1. Calvabruc
Chitinous worm borne aloft on gossamer wings, venting black gas from between its joints.

HD 2 AC as leather
Move as hawk Mor 10
Atk bite (1d6) / wingslash (1d6) Flying
Occulting Exhalations - A calvabruc surrounds itself by an opaque 10' cloud which blinds any other creature within it. This cloud can be disbursed for a round by heavy winds, explosions, and the like.

2. Talbil
A distorted man, head like a shovel indented from behind, carrying a withered lower body on arms like tree trunks and hands clawed and gnarled like roots.

HD 4 AC as chain
Move as human Mor 7
Atk claw (1d8)
Dig - A talbil can dig through up to 5' of stone in one ten-minute turn, or 20' of dirt in the same period.
Unruly - The effect roll when summoning a floreofulm is increased by +1. If this increases the result to or above the maximum result of the die (e.g. 4 on a 1d4), increase the effect roll die size going forward as if the die had exploded.

3. Floreofulm
Like a stone flower as big as a boulder unfurled, treading on great grey petals, stamen like fulgurites crackling with energy.

HD 5 AC as plate
Move half human Mor 10
Atk spit seed (1 damage, ranged, embeds seed) or chain lighting (1d10, ranged, automatically strikes a target with an embedded seed and anyone with an embedded seed near them, can only strike targets with an embedded seed
Rebellious - The effect roll when summoning a floreofulm is increased by +2. If this increases the result to or above the maximum result of the die (e.g. 4 on a 1d4), increase the effect roll die size going forward as if the die had exploded.

4. Venenumembra
Like a rug made from a cat's skin crawling on a bed of snakes.

HD 2 AC as leather
Move as horse Mor 7
Atk writhe (1d6, hits every target within melee range simultaneously) or many bites (1d6, target must save vs. poison or take an additional 1d6)

5. Causticolumnus
A totem pole of coarse, caricaturish heads, leaking acid from every pore, flesh red and swollen from its own secretions.

HD 3 AC as leather
Move as human (floating a bit above the ground) Mor 9

Atk vomit acid (1d4, ranged, take an action to wipe it off or take an additional 1d4 each round) or bodyslam (1d8)
Corrosive Coating - Anyone striking a causticolumnus with non-magical weapons or natural weapons (claws, fists, etc.) must save vs. petrification or their weapon dissolves (in the case of the former) or take 1d4 damage (in the case of the latter)

6. Phlegmarex
Like a dinosaur skeleton fleshed with translucent mucus.

HD 4 AC as unarmoured
Move as human Mor 8
Atk bite (1d6)
Leaking Birth - Rather than moving and/or attacking, can take a round to extrude a minion (stats as phlegmarex but HD 1, Atk bite (1d4), no Leaking Birth, disappears if/when the phlegmarex that summoned it does), can extrude up to 8 minions.
Unruly - The effect roll when summoning a phlegmarex is increased by +1. If this increases the result to or above the maximum result of the die (e.g. 4 on a 1d4), increase the effect roll die size going forward as if the die had exploded.

7. Impetastrum
Like a centaur, only its lower body is the tail of a comet instead of a horse, and its flesh is constantly incinerated as if in atmospheric reentry.

HD 2 AC as leather
Move as twice horse Mor 7
Atk swipe (1d6)
Flying
Hurtling - An impetastrum must move at least its standard move distance each round. If prevented from doing so it takes 1d6 damage. 

8. Soporepus
Like a rabbit smeared in motion, or a grainy weasel.

HD 2 AC as chain (swift)
Move as hare Mor 6
Atk drowsiness infusion (1d2, if a target takes more damage from a soporepus than they have HD they must save vs. poison or fall asleep until significantly disturbed (shaken, attacked, etc.))

9. Ocellator
A humanoid creature, tall as an ogre and thin as a starving child. It's covered in backwards eyes staring inwards, presenting the bumps of their optic nerves to the world.

HD 4 AC as chain
Move as human Mor 11
Atk vanitas touch (1d6, immediately induces a morale check) or withering stare (1d4, ranged, hits automatically, inflicts cumulative -1 to all rolls for as long as it continues to be used on the same target each round)
Rebellious - The effect roll when summoning an ocellator is increased by +2. If this increases the result to or above the maximum result of the die (e.g. 4 on a 1d4), increase the effect roll die size going forward as if the die had exploded.
All Becomes Varnish - An ocellator becomes able to see through any object or structure it's touching.

10. Vindictaroseus
A humanoid made of white roses. As it's wounded red veins spread through the flowers until they're entirely changed in colour when it's a corpse.

HD 3 AC as leather
Move as human Mor 10
Atk thorn rake (1d8)
Vengeance - Each time someone wounds a vindictaroseus, that vindictaroseus gains +1 to hit and to damage that someone.

11. Murmuraes
Fungal sprouts like trumpets stretching from the mouth and nostrils of their host.

HD 1 AC as chain (slippery)
Move - Mor 9 (on a failed morale roll it retreats down their host's throat)
Atk freakish blaring (1d6, 30' cone area effect, those affected must save vs. magic or be unable to use magic for as many rounds as they points of damage they took)
Symbiotic - A murmuraes must be summoned into the body of a living host. Unwilling creatures get a save vs. magic to resist.

12. Odiumihi
A lumpy, wrinkled tripod covered in sphincters and setae, moan-farting constantly.

HD 3 AC as unarmoured
Move as human Mor 11
Atk - slump (1d2)
Unbearable - If fighting against a group which contains an odiumihi, save vs. magic or be compelled to attack it to the exclusion of other targets.
Lingering - An odiumihi remains summoned for twice as long as usual. 

Mutations of the Bestiarum Phantasmaticus

If you roll the same mutation twice, instead increase the size of the die you roll for summonings by one step (e.g. d6 to d8 to d10, etc.).

1. Your wounds no longer heal normally. Instead of closing and fading away, they gradually become depictions of themselves on your skin, tattoos of exposed fat and muscle, painted trails of blood you can't scrub off, and so on.

2. Your eyes take the appearance of mere sketches on flat sockets. You can still see out of them, but now ever your tears are merely ink leaking below your skin.

3. Your reflection no longer mirrors your movements. Instead it caricatures them, laughing silently at you through the glass.

4. Your flesh takes on the appearance and consistency of veined marble, though it becomes no tougher.

5. You appear flat from any angle you're viewed from, entirely lacking depth.

6. You lose the ability to create original works of art. Every time you attempt it you'll either make a copy of something that already exists, or a blatant pastiche of them.

7. The proportions of your body become warped, as if drawn by a novice.

8. Your fingerprints and footprints take on unique, colourful, symbolic appearances, making you laughably easy to track if you don't take extensive countermeasures.

9. You no longer cast a shadow.

10. Your face becomes frozen making one expression, like a mask (potential expressions (1d6): 1, grin; 2, grimace; 3, sneer; 4, pout; 5, frown; 6, shocked).

11. Words you speak make no sound, but instead appear in their written form, floating in the air in front of you.

12. From now on an image of something damages you as severely as if it were the real thing. A paper sword cuts you as a steel one might, a painting of a fireplace burns you if you touch it.

Lists Used:

Although she's not Max, special thanks to Scrap Princess for her drug rules which inspired how the Bestiarum works: http://monstermanualsewnfrompants.blogspot.com/2013/07/magic-drugs.html

https://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/2018/11/sharp-swords-sinister-spells-automatic.html

https://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/2018/11/superpowers-or-mutations.html

https://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/2018/10/weird-wonderful-weapon-hack-20.html