D100 Answers to the Question: What’s In This Dude’s Car/Couch/Carrying Case? Or: Some Minor Modern Fantasy Loot

Random table automator can be found here: http://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

The below table can be found in a more legible format on reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/ijws4j/d100_answers_to_the_question_whats_in_this_dudes/

D100	Minor Modern Fantasy Loot
1	Three tea bags, tied by the tag-strings. When steeped in water they’ll converts that it into blood, which if tested will be an exact match to that of Henrietta Lacks.
2	A list of names and dates. Half the names and dates have been crossed out. The names that haven’t been crossed out are next to dates that have yet to come. All the crossed out names belong to people who’ve disappeared, or died in accidents.
3	A scorched gas mask. Wearing it makes everything around you look, sound, and smell like it’s on fire.
4	A dull trench knife. The blade and knuckle duster are plated with silver.
5	A plastic lighter stamped with the image of a cartoon character that nobody recognizes.
6	A ceramic mug, crusted on the inside with sewage.
7	Plastic ziplock bag full of red-tinted mushrooms. Very toxic.
8	Ramshackle pipegun. Unloaded.
9	Bundle of copper wiring, elegantly verdigrised.
10	A gold coin. The printing on it has been rubbed to the point of illegibility.
11	Chicken wingbones, bits of rotten flesh and barbecue sauce still clung on. Tied with long blonde hairs to make a little ornament.
12	Incandescent lightbulb, midges swarming within the glass. If it’s cracked open the swarm sublimates into the air. If the bulb’s screwed in then biting insects of all sorts will be called to where its light shines.
13	Dented bell. Makes a noise you hear with your teeth instead of your ears when rung.
14	Wad of small denomination cash from three continents.
15	Glass eye with an iris colour that doesn’t occur naturally. Rolls to turn towards the sun.
16	Two plastic dolls, melted lip-to-lip.
17	An unpinned dud grenade.
18	Someone’s pet snake that’s choked to death on a pincushion.
19	Hypodermic needle filled with hydrochloric acid.
20	Whole fingernails.
21	Deformed human fetus in a jar of formaldehyde.
22	Origami swan folded from a Hustler page.
23	Rat-king caught in an eight-ended mousetrap.
24	Tarot deck with the faces of contemporary politicians glued over those of the characters.
25	Vanity press-published book on the lingering sentience of oil and natural gas from the living things they came from.
26	An antique fountain pen. Holding it in your hand while you sleep will cause you to unconsciously scribble vague hints of the future couched in self-help jargon.
27	A plastic whistle that makes a sound indistinguishable from that of a child screaming when blown.
28	A valuable limited edition comic book wrapped in cellophane.
29	A bottle of eyedrops which causes those who use it to see others as deformed in such a way as to reflect their deepest guilt or shame.
30	An IV bag and tube filled with viscous greenish fluid. If you inject the stuff into your body, you’ll heal quickly while someone you know sickens at the same rate.
31	An encyclopedically organized collection of low-definition snuff films burned onto a CD.
32	A tourist’s phrasebook for an inhuman language.
33	The deed to an infamously haunted house.
34	A bottle of preternaturally slippery lube.
35	A fish-leather holster. The possessor of the holster can summon a gun that’s held in it to their hand, no matter where the holster is.
36	A hundred-pound dumbbell that’s light as a feather for the one holding it but just as massive for everything else.
37	A ring of 1d6+1 car keys. They’ll open and start any car they’re used with, but after an hour the car breaks down irreparably.
38	An MP3 player loaded with recordings of exorcisms.
39	A crack pipe containing crystals of a knock-off philosopher’s stone. Will transmute your lungs to lead if you inhale the smoke.
40	A spraypaint can containing an animate blob of poisonous paintslime.
41	A piece from a fossilized skull, apparently human.
42	A GPS unit. Anyone using the unit becomes lost, but also loses anyone following them.
43	A scrap of paper on which is written the URL of a cooking channel that covers all the ways to cook human meat. This channel is unlisted on all search engines.
44	A bubbly bottle of beer, opening it creates a 10x10x10 clump of carbonation.
45	A ‘zine of revolutionary agitations. Contains details of local government buildings’ layout, guard patrols, and suchlike.
46	A latex Halloween mask that depicts a deformed cannibal. The mask appears to be its wearer’s real face, and lets them make bite attacks.
47	A yellow-and-black painted nailgun. It disables the alarms of any buildings its nails are shot into. Contains 1d10 nails. Can’t be reloaded.
48	An archaic handheld videogame system with a cartridge stuck in it by melted plastic. Dying in the game causes all data on the last digital device the player interacted with to be deleted (not including the videogame).
49	Animal feed which is irresistible to any domesticated animal. Eating it infects the animal with rabies.
50	A flashlight. If the loss of an item in the flashlight’s light would cause a significant emotional impact on its owner, that item flashes like a safety reflector.
51	A toaster. Every piece of toast toasted with the toaster looks like Jesus.
52	A plastic baggie full of cocaine. The third dose taken from the baggie is a guaranteed overdose for the one taking it.
53	A dog collar bearing a tag with the name “Fido” on it. Anyone wearing the collar must obey classic dog commands such as “sit”, “roll over”, or “fetch” given to them.
54	A prototype bottle of a cleaning solution that never reached the market. Melts flesh and bone like acid.
55	A length of piano wire twisted into an infinity sign. If you strangle anyone with the noose their death will be officially ruled a suicide.
56	A TV remote that works with any TV it’s pointed at. It seems to set the channel to a viewpoint of one of the nine layers of hell from Dante’s Inferno.
57	A laser pointer that calls feral cats to attack whatever it’s pointed at.
58	Something like a silent airhorn with four horns. When placed on the premises of a property and its button depressed it will over the course of a week attract a riot to trash that property through subliminal sounds.
59	A small stone statue of a snake coiled around a bowl. When someone’s blood, sweat, or tears are put in the bowl, any negative social media posts/videos/etc. they’ve made are brought into the public consciousness.
60	A scalpel. Anyone cut by the scalpel becomes more conventionally attractive in a way that suggests they’ve had significant cosmetic surgery done.
61	A can of black spray paint. When sprayed on a wall, floor, or ceiling it creates a hole to the other side for ten minutes. The can contains 1d6 uses.
62	A lion plushie with a tag stating that it’s from the Cincinnati zoo. The lion will adopt any room it’s in as its territory and rip out the Achilles’ tendon of anyone in its territory, but it deanimates if someone can see it.
63	A bur-like bulb. When stuck on someone’s possession it prevents them from communicating electronically for 1d6 days. Phonecalls fail, social media accounts are suspended, and so on.
64	A bullet that shifts its shape to fit any gun. Someone shot by the bullet will find healthcare to be unavailable to them, either by pricing or inconvenient timing.
65	A taxi voucher. When waved it will summon a taxi, which will take you wherever you’d like to go. It’s only a one-way trip though.
66	A doorbell seemingly torn out of a wall, with wires dangling from its back. When held against a mundane door and pressed that door will open and the doorbell will loudly ring.
67	An orange pin bearing the slogan “God bless President Thurmond”.
68	A crumpled fedora. Anyone wearing the fedora feels increasing self-confidence, while perceiving everyone else to be increasingly ugly.
69	A child’s crayon drawing of police beating protestors. Tearing the drawing summons 1d6 riot police phantoms that assault the person in the area that most looks like a troublemaker for a 10-minute turn.
70	An HDD containing 333 episodes of a podcast that is not documented anywhere else. The podcast covers the Great Emu War in exhausting detail, and unintentionally documents the hosts’ mental degradation and eventual suicide pact.
71	A deodorant stick that totally removes the smell of whatever it’s rubbed on.
72	A USB stick containing hundreds of videos of softcore videos. None of the performers have faces.
73	A silver watch from an expensive brand. Each day it switches to the time that a historic disaster occurred.
74	A Ken doll with photorealistically modelled male genitals.
75	A snowglobe that depicts the area it’s in with little plastic models.
76	A pair of cracked sunglasses. Anyone looking through them sees the sun as a glaring, bloodshot eye, and people who wish them harm as bathed in a blood-red beam of light.
77	A multi-purpose charger with a barbed plug. The plug can be stabbed into living things to drain their blood and convert it into electricity.
78	A printout of a Wikipedia page for a compound that shouldn’t be chemically possible. The steps to synthesizing it are listed in unsettling detail. The page has been deleted since the thing was printed, with no reason given.
79	A debit card printed on black glass. Can be used for expenditures of up to $1,000.00 USD (or the local equivalent), shaving a year off your lifespan each time it’s used.
80	Bath salts.
81	Eye of newt and tongue of bat, powdered and put in pills.
82	A tub of biohazardous material from the nearest hospital.
83	A detective’s badge, polished to a mirror-like sheen.
84	A pair of dentures with golden teeth.
85	A roach motel. Corpses it’s near shrink until they can fit into the thing.
86	A blood spattered revolver with all but one chamber of the cylinder caulked closed.
87	A scratched and dented flip phone. All the contacts listed are named after demons of the Ars Goetia. If called, each of them responds with a voicemail recording in gibberish Latin.
88	Map of the region with various locations circled, and many of the circles crossed out. At the top is written: “Where did they bury it?”.
89	A VCR of an indie creature feature horror movie. The effects are startlingly realistic. An internet search for the movie only finds that its makers reportedly ran out of funds before they could publish it.
90	A leather wallet. You can make out the shape of a nostril and a mole on it.
91	A ticket to the show of a band who died in a plane crash years ago, scheduled for tonight.
92	A crocodile skin belt tied into a noose. Four notches are tallied along its side.
93	A razor blade that’s been melted into the handle of a toothbrush to make a shiv. Anyone looking for a weapon won’t be able to find it on you.
94	A package of fruit-flavoured gummy snacks shaped like the faces of everyone who’s ever hurt you. You hear their cries as you chew them.
95	A clipped-together stack of polaroid photos showing someone having one of their kidneys surgically removed. They seem ecstatic through the whole sequence.
96	A travel-size bottle of tequila. At the bottom drifts a little worm with the face of a mustachio’d man.
97	A poorly-made fake dollar bill which doubles itself each night. Each double will also double itself. Each doubled dollar will return to your person, or the closest available space, each night. If you die, the doubled dollars will disappear. They will also disappear if the original dollar is gifted or stolen. These three methods are also the only way to get rid of the original dollar.
98	An impressively well-made fake passport. Its picture will show your face.
99	A receipt for several pounds of veal liver, two stainless steel knives, and the regrets of a blind man.
100	Dog-eared paperback copy of a popular fantasy novel. Heavily annotated with interpretations of messages the note-taker believes the authour is trying to send them.