Thursday, March 26, 2026

D6x6 Bonkers Boots

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Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6These boots have the style
1of jodhpur boots.
2of cowboy boots.
3of go-go boots.
4of hessians.
5of poulaines.
6of jackboots.
D6These boots are made
1from the stitched soles of men who outran justice.
2from a wicker-like weaving of the spines of serpents.
3from a pair of hollowed camel-humps and the unplucked hide of an ostrich.
4from the manes, fangs, and leather of a pair of gay man-eating lions.
5of quicksilver miraculously woven into rippling cloth.
6from the contiguous carapaces of remarkably boot-shaped insects.
D6These boots are adorned
1with colourful ribbons like ballet shoes.
2with jingling golden bells.
3with feathery plumes down their backs.
4with bejewelled hobnails.
5with in-sewn stockings embroidered with calligraphic prayers to gods of movement and travel.
6with thin chains of tin and painted glass.
D6These boots let their wearer
1tread unharmed on water, lava, oozes, and all other at-least-mostly-fluids.
2dance any dance perfectly.
3kick with the force of a horse, and let any of their strikes against something marked by their boot-print - even something as light as a breath - hit it with the force of a horse's kick.
4leap vertically up to any height they can see - though they provide no protection on the way down.
5march forever without becoming exhausted, and at the moment of death set a location anywhere in the world for their boots to march their corpse to.
6click their heels together twice to return to the position they stood ten paces back.
D6These boots can be found
1with their last wearer's legs still sticking out of them - bone-in - in a dungeon.
2being modelled by an animate mannequin.
3in the collection of a leprechaun cobbler who is trying to figure out how to curse them, as he does all his wares.
4in the cottage of a giant, who uses them as thimbles.
5being worn by a senile wanderer with outlandish tales of far-flung lands.
6being worshiped by a colony of feral cats as their god.
D6If these boots don't fit
1you're shit outta luck.
2they can be resized by any wizard with knowledge of transmutation.
3they'll magically resize themselves.
4they'll Bed of Procrustes your feet to fit them.
5you can go on a quest on behalf of a god of footwear (or some similar domain) to have them miraculously reshaped.
6you can remake them by hand - but take care not to break their enchantment in the process.

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