Thursday, June 13, 2024

4D6 Wild Hunters of the Wild Hunt

By request of friend of the blog theisticgilthoniel over at Pilgrim's Procession.

4. Ottir O'Frankshanks: Invisible, blind, head of a cat with veeery long whiskers. Wields a pair of long and bendy rapiers. Dances in tight twirls instead of walking, hoping to brush prey with his whiskers - deadly accurate with some tactility. This makes him quite dizzy, and every so often he vomits a fuzzy caterpillar the size of a football, which desires nothing more than to return down his throat. They seek him out unerringly.

5. Flannery Pitterpattery: Wears hers own hair, woven into a tunic. She runs and climbs on all fours, and wields a bow with her pendulous and prehensile breasts. If you tell her a riddle she can't harm you until she answers it but then she can shoot whatever the answer to the riddle is at you with her bow. If she hasn't answered any riddles she shoots sharpened femurs at you.

6. Butter-Me-Up Bricklebrack: A man-shaped castle made out of Swiss cheese, with a garrison of mice who wheel their little mice cannons up to his holes to shoot at you. A chivalrous gentleman, the strong and quiet type. The mice within him are vulgar and cruel and more than a little racist.

7. Executor Excuse Me: A long-faced man in a long black coat and a long black hat. If you see him then every time you turn around he will be there and this will happen for the rest of the hunt. He's got one finger that's swollen like a club and if he catches you he will break your jaw and take your teeth, which he makes into boats and races down streams.

8. Ygobogobodin: He's got four arms and no eyes and a great big nose and a bristly grey mustache like the business end of a broom. He's always whittling little wolves and when he snorts in their noses they come to life and chase you and if they bite you you'll start turning into a tree.

9. Catwell Minx: Wears a skirt of squirrels' tails and a tiara made of hummingbirds' beaks. Has the torso of a very tall person and the limbs of a very short one. Pretends to be a baby lost in the woods, though she doesn't use any illusions or anything. It's not a convincing impersonation. Fights with a two-headed axe she keeps in her eye, plucking it out from behind her pupil, and if she chops your head off she'll leave it in a child's crib wrapped up in a big green bow.

10. Lady Drochroth: Rides a backwards chariot - the horses, maddened and foam-flecked and stolen, push rather than pull it. Her head is a boot and her feet are screaming heads. If she runs you over you'll be hurt but won't die and she'll do it again and again and again until you are very flat and then she will laugh and laugh and laugh and feed you to her feet.

11. Billbull Bugruff: Has smoke for eyes and a fire at the back of his throat. Chews up logs like they're pepperoni sticks. Will say that if you can find his spear after he throws it and before his wives sew him a new cape he'll let you free but although it looks like an ordinary spear it is actually lightning and it will strike a tree on a far away hill and his wives are all goats but they're very good and very fast weavers and they'll finish the new cape in minutes and once they do they'll wrap you up in it (it's made of spider's silk and very sticky) and throw you in a pond to drown.

12. Marquessa Marquea Marqioni: Has stilts covered in spikes and carries an inkbrush like a barge pole. If she paints a line on the ground you can't cross it. Wants to kick you very far, beat her own record. Has a duck's bill but no other duck features and never quacks. Wears a ball gown but if you look up her skirt there will only be ducks there and she will cry and her tears will attract bees who will swarm and sting you.

13.Wince the Dickens: Face scrunched up so sour you can’t tell eye from mouth from ear in all the furls. Can fly by flapping his arms. Wears a foot-long dragon-headed codpiece. A masterful ventriloquist and vocal mimic. Prefers to lure you into traps but not so shabby with his daggers.

14. Princess Cesspit: Hunts you from a little glass house carried on the backs of a flock of little glass geese. Has a little glass spear and throws little glass stones that get bigger and bigger the further they get from her. Whistles a sweet little tune and if you hear her whistle it you have to whistle it too and that's how she finds you.

15. Queen Brownedarrears: She is a bear who they have given a crown and a mink-trimmed cape. They stole her cubs and are feeding them snails fried in garlic butter but they've ensorcelled her to think that you were the one who stole them, which she is very angry about. Faster than you might think, and she's got your scent.

16. Precchancacc: Hides in a robin's egg in a nest in a tree and any tree he's in he can control like it's his own body. Hops from tree to tree to hunt you but every hunt he makes a rule for himself like only hopping to a tree you've touched or only hopping into every second tree or only birch trees or whatever else and he never breaks his rule.

17. Mermin Mormin: A satyr with a scimitar in one hand who plays his gut like a drum with the other. Speaks in rhymes or screams when he can't rhyme. Has a bottomless wineskin but the more he drinks the drunker you get.

18. Gobnat Do That: Carries a hammer and chisel at all times because her face hardens into a porcelain mask in a matter of seconds and if she wants to speak or change her expression she has to crack it off for her new face underneath it. She'll chisel her name onto every one of your ribs. Has a soft spot for people with only one eye and will spare them if they allow her to kiss their empty socket.

19. St. Hubertus: He's here to keep them from getting too wild. Only pretends to hunt you, but he can get pretty convincing. Will create opportunities to escape the others, which they seem not to notice, or perhaps they are cowed by his holiness.

20. Loegrrr: Looks like three kids holding hands and wearing purple tiger masks. If you don't look directly at their masks, you will see that they are actually a three-headed purple tiger. Makes overly-complicated plans anticipating that you've got an overly-complicated plan of your own.

21. Gnaw-Gnaw Neenaw: A hairless man with two red teeth in his fat red head. He's got a barrel of lard on his back which he slathers himself up with, that he may slide around at unseemly fast speeds and bowl you over. Without it he is powerless. Giggles obscenely.

22. Sweetnectar: She's taking a bath in a claw-footed bath that can run around. In her bath there are snippy crabs and snappy fish and she will flick these at you with a long spoon, but this is only a distraction - if she catches you she will grab you and drag you into her bath which is much deeper and wider than it seems and under the water she is a great pink serpent who will swallow you up.

23. Sir Lockspat: A rotund and sniveling little goblin-man whose helmet is too big and whose hose is too tight. Whiny and clumsy but when he fumbles it goes much worse for you than for him through Rube Goldbergian accident.

24. Mim-Makes-Mince: Classic redcap. Carries a big rusty cleaver. Trails the hem of her apron through carnage so she can wring the gore into her puddings. Hates the sight of her own reflection and will attack it to the exclusion of all else.

1 comment:

  1. What a great theme, and ya these all seem like excellent larger than life characters.