BIRDS!

Birds

Birds

It is by the proclamation of the archons and the dutiful ministry of their exarchs upon the earth that there are birds in the air, beasts in the field, and fish in the sea. This is Order as the world-rulers have seen fit to define it for this age.

Yet there are ostriches that stride in the fields, and penguins that flaunt their plunging in the sea. Birds are deviants from Order. Birds are agents of Chaos. When a bird stares with its glassy and impassive eyes, TH-R-ZD-N sees through them.

Birds:

1. Occipere: Also called the Gutstrewer or Old Man of the Tower, a thickly-bearded great carrion bird which builds its nests from tangled intestines. Bestiaries claim that its eggshells are so thick that they must be passed through these intestines and partially digested before the chicks within can hatch. Wild populations of occiperes are rare. They are coveted and feuded over by the boneless necromancers of Nulit, whose mythology credits the bird with teaching them their art, and by the Green Lion School alchemists, who manufacture occiperes' nests into transmutative apparatuses.

2.Tonguenabber: The peramorphotic form of the bird species which lays Farspeech Pills, developing in the rare instance when such a Pill is unable to acquire a host. It resembles an oversized red hummingbird with a hooked beak. Once they grow to full size tonguenabbers become frenzied and fecund creatures, living solely to pry open the mouths of large animals to lay their eggs within (since a tonguenabber has never been observed to mate, it is commonly believed that the males' semen is spread through the air from the mouths of rumour-mongers). They die of exhaustion a few days after their laying spree begins.

3. Goldguide: A bright yellow-and-white scavenger that is known to lead people to gold. What is less known is that the bird is trying to get whoever follows it to die trying to get to the gold so that it can eat their eyeballs. By whatever treacherous animal cunning it can muster it will seek out haunted barrows, trap-festooned ruins, and the like to fulfill its mission.

4. Cryptographic Wren: A lifelong pair-bonding species domesticated as an ultra-secure communication method. The birds encrypt information they see or hear into their songs (specially-made prisms which can refract the hypnotic colour potreze are used to ensure a wren encrypts a particular bit of information), which can then only be decrypted by their mate, and then transcribed to a human-legible format by a trained amanuensis. The birds are often invoked by poets as a symbol for the mysteries of love.

5. Condoler: A tiny black thrush which avoids predators waiting at salt licks by supping its required minerals from tears. It is a folk belief in the Republic of Beards that the condoler will only drink genuine tears, and so releasing some at a funeral is common practice to prove the mourners' sincerity. The practice has spread to the other city-states of the Thin Sea, along with extraction of the condoler's narcotic-laced saliva which brings feelings of catharsis (as well as a flood of delicious tears).

6. Avernian Swiftlet: Found only in caves that lead to an opening to the underworld. Colonies cooperate to build humanoid nests from their spittle which catch descending souls and force the unfortunate revenants to animate the nests. They're bound to protect the swiftlets, collect food, and deliver new souls when it's time to build a new nest.

7. Avalanche Shrike: Builds enormous nests from thorny branches and vines on precarious ledges. When tempting prey pass beneath it rolls them over with the nest, and lets its young feed on the impaled corpses.

8. Megatherion Heron: A heron of truly titanic proportions which strides across the surface of the ocean on barge-broad feet, snatching sharks and whales. For centuries the megatherion heron was held to be a singular apocalyptic omen, as the only human encounter with one was when a confused individual stumbled into a Bebahidarite fishing village and devoured most of its population. In recent years the existence of other individuals on the open ocean has been confirmed by transcontinental expeditions.

9. Tumourkey: Resembles a turkey, though its whole body is covered in meaty wattles. Several breeds are raised for food along the Silvertine Coast, in the foothills of the Headless Mountain, and in Irem. The tumourkey's wattles may be severed without lasting damage to the bird itself, and will eventually regrow. While the meat is offensive to more refined palates, the bird's valued for its ability to survive off fodder that would be toxic for anything else, and for concentrating ingested toxins away from its wattles.

10. Temporo-Capsular Bird: A remnant of advanced society from the First, or perhaps the Second Bird Age. Within the nigh-invulnerable enclosure of its adamantine wings, there exists a pocket of pure Bird Age biosphere. Inside it everything is birds. Everything. No one has attempted to crack one open since Garpulio the Maddeningly Sane did and created the Isle of Flocks in a regional avianification event (RAE).

11.Pepperpecker: A delicacy in the Shitholes. Often far too spicy for foreigners to enjoy. There's a particular sort of pepper that grows out in the desert, one which is next to impossible for the pepperpecker to distinguish from others. This sort of pepper poisons the bird's mind, makes it seek out what it would normally recognize as danger, makes it easy to catch. The bird even comes pre-stuffed with piquant seeds (which humans and other large animals can spread more easily in the Shitholes' conditions than birds).

12. Mottled Snitch: A drab, lanky relative of the sparrow, universally despised by thieves. When it spots a sneaking creature (normally quite stupid, the snitch has a preternatural sense for spotting creatures that would rather not be spotted) it screeches quite distinctively. This screeching will either attract predators (or lawmen), leaving scraps for the snitch to feed on, or the would-be sneak will be forced to appease the snitch by tossing it food. This will inevitably attract more snitches to follow the easy mark.

13. Ornery Goatbird: An aggressively territorial grey mountain-dwelling ratite renowned for its tremendous flexibility and instinctual mastery of martial arts. A kick from a goatbird can burst a man's chest like confetti, without getting a single drop of blood on the bird itself. The monks of Gravedancer Temple require prospective recruits to climb to their goatbird-infested mountain's peak to winnow their numbers and instill an appreciation for the foundation of the Gravedancer fighting style.

14. Dummy Roc: Actually a small kite which bands closely together with others of its species to make a convincing facsimile of a roc, so it can scare competitors away from their kills.

15. Pyre Goose: Sometimes called "Fool's Bane" or "The Disappointing Phoenix". Pyre geese have coppery feathers which shed crumbling barbs, leaving them coated in dust. They defend themselves from attack by flapping this dust at their attackers and then causing it to ignite by unknown mechanism. Their eggs, which appear to be made of gold, collect similar dust as their feathers, and are quick to ignite if improperly handled. Pyre goose nests are a sure sign to prospectors that an area is a good site to dig for pyrite. Images of pyre geese blowing themselves up (a not uncommon occurrence in nature) are commonly used to mock alchemists.

16. Canal Devil: A cryptid said to dwell in urban waterways, sewers, and the deepest, dankest swamps. It is a duck the size of a destrier, with crocodilian hunting habits. Disappearances popularly blamed on canal devils are officially claimed to be cultic murders, but what cult would go through the effort of making that godawful quacking?

17. Weathercock: A wild relative of the chicken and junglefowl. The weathercock has peculiar adaptions to its comb and vocal sac which, when it stands with the wind, compress air within its body that it can then release by way of capillary-bursting crowing. As the creature is a reliable indicator of wind direction, weather vanes are often made in its image.

18. Flying Stiletto: A war-bird created long ago by the Lords Teratomata to hunt and kill heavily armoured warriors. Since their fall they've escaped into the wild, and are sometimes caught and used in the old manner. Through training and particular lobotomization the flying stiletto would be compelled to hone in on and bore through the weak points of armour in search of tasty grubs. As the Lords and their living weapons didn't wear shiny metal armour, flying stilettos could be deployed without fear of attacking allies. Contemporary users have to make do without wearing armour, or coating their armour in soot.

19. Tar-and-Feathers: A skin infection caused by colonial microorganisms that were once birds (wizards are likely implicated). The infection causes patches of swollen, discoloured flesh and feathers to grow, similar in appearance to someone who's been tarred and feathered (hence the common name). It's spread by contact, and contact with things the infected have touched recently, stiff barbules breaking off into flesh. Tar-and-feathers is tenacious but rarely lethal, and many victims go on pilgrimage out east to beg the King of Birds for a cure.

20. Sacred Solar Crane: A beautiful and terrifying species of carnivorous crane with translucent feathers. They cooperate in flocks to concentrate sunlight on their prey, burning them to death. Held by priests of Adonaios to be avatars of their god, whose favour they enjoy (though they still wear mirrored hats, just to be safe).