Tuesday, March 17, 2020

20 Extraneous Miscellaneous Magic Items

First 20 here: http://archonsmarchon.blogspot.com/2019/11/20-miscellaneous-magic-items.html

21. Farspeech Pill: The egg of a symbiotic bird. Swallowing it prompts the bird to hatch, and then consume and replace your tongue. The bird resembles a red hummingbird with wriggling villi in place of feathers. It functions as a tongue in all respects (except that it cannot taste spiciness), and can be sent to fly out of your mouth to repeat a message you’ve programmed it with, at a location within line of sight or the location of someone whose blood you’ve tasted (which the bird unerringly tracks). The bird can sound like your voice, or the voice of someone whose blood you’ve tasted. If it’s killed you don’t even have a replacement tongue anymore.

22. The Imprisoned Damsel's Hairbrush: Mother-of-pearl handle with bristles of the finest white. Every round spent brushing one’s hair with the Hairbrush causes it to lengthen by 5 feet, and while it’s being brushed the one brushing it can control it telekinetically with the strength and fine control of one of their arms. If the brushing stops then the extra hair it created that's still attached to its user's head crumbles to dust.

23. Bezmarzen: An unremarkable slab of a half-finished sword, still bearing the marks of forge-soot and hammer-beats. Anything killed by Bezmarzen cannot rise again, or be raised. No afterlife awaits its victims. Not even maggots will grow on their corpses.

24. Fairyprick Needle: Ambiguously (though still uncomfortably) phallic silver needle. Its wielder can cause it to grow, and every hole it's poked grows by the same proportion. The needle cannot be shrunk, however.

25. Nachtschient: A dull and dark iron lantern, with an intricacy of design that reveals itself only to those who deign to feel it out. Only its bearer can see the light it emits, and any other light source is extinguished when Nachtschient's light falls on it. Burns fluid from the eyes of blind men rather than oil, lasting one hour per eye.

26. Pensive Pen: A pink quill, the calamus cut to resemble corrugated brain. Automatically writes out the current train of thought of the last person to directly touch it.

27. Boots of the Blistered Fool: A pair of cracked and salt-stained leather boots that seem to tap themselves to an unheard rhythm. Are always a little uncomfortable to wear. You and anyone you're leading travel ten times faster when lost, or when moving in a random direction. You never seem to be aware of moving faster, only of time flying like you're having fun.

28. Grafting Mount: A wrist-sized ring with cruel hooks at both ends. When one end is placed against a body and a fresh limb is placed at the other, the ring will dig into both and allow the person it’s attached to to control the limb as if it were one of their own. Using a special power of the limb (e.g. a ghoul’s paralyzing touch, a cockatrice’s petrification, etc.) costs one HP each time.

29. Lucky Lachtna’s Liquor: Tastes like fire and the best day of your life. Said to be flavoured with flowers that grow only on Elysium. For every point of penalty suffered for being drunk on the Liquor, roll that number out of 10 when you would be killed (e.g. with a -3 penalty the odds would be 3-in-10). If you succeed on this roll, you survive with 1 hp remaining, no matter how improbable, stumbling from around a corner after being disintegrated if need be. A bottle found randomly will contain 1d10 shots.

30. Talbis Lamp: Shaped like an androgynous head with four faces, light spilling from laughing brass lips. Any saves/attempts to discern illusions, lies, or disguises within its light automatically fail, no matter how poor the semblance.

31. Lancea Maleficarum: A magic spear. Its haft is black-charred wood from a witch’s pyre. Its head is a giant raven familiar’s skull. It makes a sound like wailing as air passes through the skull-holes. When the lancea maleficarum strikes a spellcaster within a round of when they cast a spell, it deals bonus damage equal to the level of the spell (or the number of spell dice put into the spell in GLOG, or whatever else in another system) as the spellcaster erupts in darkling flame. If it strikes a spellcaster in the middle of casting a spell, that spell will always be interrupted. It will also accusingly wail the names of nearby spellcasters.

32. Orb of Ascension: An orb of some light, glossy substance that shines cerulean and pink. If crushed it teleports you and everyone within ten feet of you to the nearest open surface above you (e.g. the next highest floor, dungeon level, forest canopy, etc.). DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE THE ORB UNDER THE OPEN SKY. If you do it will take you aaaaaall the way up. Single-use.

33. Goblingrass Cheroot: A barf-green cheroot as thick as a gorilla's middle finger. The one who smokes it can blow heatless sparks that adhere to whatever they're blown on, and can cause the sparks to burn up at will, igniting what they're attached to if it's flammable. The sparks will also burn up when the cheroot burns down, which takes an hour. Also gives you a giggling, giddy headrush.

34. Ghombrallu Shell: A living suit of molluscoid shell on the outside, slimy flesh on the inside. Acts as plate armour that takes up one more inventory slot than usual, and if the wearer of the Shell would take 5 or less damage, they instead take no damage. If they would take more than 5 damage, that damage is doubled as the ghombrallu shell's nerves inflict sympathetic agony.

35. Wicker House-Ball: A ball woven from rattan. It can be expanded into a ten feet radius spherical house, with furniture, walls, and doors woven at the bearer’s whim. In a forest, city, or similarly vertical environment the house-ball can extend tendrils and climb at the speed of a drunken monkey. The house-ball is no more durable than well-made wicker.

36. Fifelsnaw Horn: A curling white horn bound with bands of bronze, inlaid with moonstones and pale sapphires. It's plainly not from a ram, goat, or bull. When blown it causes the weather in the same hex (or 3 mile radius) to change to a sudden freezing blizzard for a watch (or six hours). The blizzard will dissipate immediately after this time is up, unless it's blown in an environment where a blizzard could naturally occur, in which case it lasts for an additional 1d6 watches, exploding (6-36+ hours). The blower takes 1d6 damage as they hack up chunks of frozen lung.

37. Bird’s Eye Lens: A clear crystal lens rimmed with delicate golden filaments like the vanes of a feather. Looking through it lets you see through the eyes of the nearest bird. Stroking the filaments lets you switch to the eyes of the next nearest bird, then the next, and so on.

38. Whifflebuster: An amusement for well-to-do gnomish children, resembling several fireworks mashed together and run through DeepMind. For 1d6 rounds after a whifflebuster is burst, all damage within 30 feet becomes non-lethal damage. Wounds appear as taffy-like deformation.

39. Crimson Slurry: Chunky red fluid in a glass jar. On contact with the fluid you must save vs. death or explosively expel all blood in your body. Expelled blood is transmuted into more crimson slurry.

40. Peacelock Bangle: A steel bangle composed of two rings, decorated with images of olive branches. By clasping hands (or forelimbs/tentacles/other analogous appendages) with something you can cause a ring of the bangle to close shut on them. While the two of you are attached by the bangle, neither of you can attack the other (mind control and suchlike counts as attacking).


  1. I imagine an adventure of traversing the inside of a bag of holding of an ancient lich lord to find and destroy their phylactory, with the only escape route out of this eerie and hellish dimension being an orb of ascension.

  2. The wicker house-ball is hella sweet!