Another monster manual review.
Oh... roach thralls aren't in this one. Love roach thralls. Roach thralls get eight goblins.
Acid Rainers
Take your obvious name and get out of here. Acid rain ain't what it used to be because of the sulphur levels in tanker fuel... not that it changes a thing in the end. I like when elementals aren't just blobs of their element... being an air-jellyfish isn't an enormous step up from that, but it is a step up. Reminds me, pleasantly, of that book about the stuff in the sky. "In very cold weather, however, a large chunk of an acid rainer’s corpse may freeze and plummet to earth, where it is usually mistaken for an abnormally large hailstone." - do more with this, this isn't good enough... the lapis exilis... two and a half goblins.
Alien Probes
UFOs what makes crop circles. Their attack is a blinding, burning light, which isn't a weapon so much as an intensification of their info-gathering tech. Nothing to write home about, but milkable stats/ideas. Two and a half goblins.
Giant Anacondas
Big snake one goblin, and that's just because I like the premise of Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (there's an anagathic flower that people want to get but the snakes got it first and because they never stop growing it made them very big indeed).
Animated Object and Wild Boar
These don't get ratings because they bore me. They don't even get bolded names.
Bodaks
There has never been a bad bodak illustration:
They always look good as hell. Anyways these ones are cursed alien ghosts who do alien stuff but eviler. The classic killer gaze plus they can be distracted by seeing stuff that reminds them of their living life. Three vampires.
Bogeymen
This one's a template rather than a monster proper... it turns people into slasher villains, but is a little overly-specific, like restricts them to literally slashing weapons. I think this would have been better as a menu of slasher abilities you could apply. One and a half goblins.
Cat Folk
They're cat people that can turn into cats - regular-sized cats. These guys suck. Half a goblin.
Charred Ones
Arson ghosts and they're revenants sometimes. Three quarters of a ghoul.
Chemical Golems
They're really more big toxic homunculi... One and a half goblins.
Chimpanzee
Fuck ooooff
Crawfordsville Monsters
Hell yeah. Potent image in both visuals and description. Basically star vampires but not from space - invisible flying giant air amoebas, visible for a while after they eat, and human activity is forcing them out of their aerial habitat to places where they're gonna eat people. Four goblins.
Crawling Claws
A group of crawling claws is called an applause, hee hee ha ha. One and a quarter skeletons.
Demonic Machines
Stephen King-esque. Two goblins.
Dimensional Horrors
Guardian monsters that appear near dimensional rifts, can drag people they grab between dimensions. A bit of flavourful punching up would go a long way with these guys, like making them more like the Absentia guys. One and three quarters goblins.
Dinosaurs
No, no I'm not doing this
Doom Hags
Basic, vaguely Blair Witch Project-esque. Apparently the witch in that was a tree. One and a half goblins.
Dread Trees
Utilitarian. Got fruit that smell really good and knock you unconscious. Can only move at night. One and a half skeletons.
Drop Bears
This hurts you, Shepard. One and a quarter goblins.
Elohim
Fire Johnnies who used to rule humanity before they were betrayed by one of their own and hunted down. Two goblins.
Etoiles
Aliens that look like weird metal Christmas ornaments, can control electricity, enslave people by injecting them with nanites, and want to take over the world. Three goblins.
Fiends
They're demons and devils. Special mention to the harriken, who can detach its head and replace it with some other guy's head to assume their form, and can't be killed unless its own detached head is destroyed, and to the kwevencha, which is a spider guy who loves to scheme but is too dumb to scheme well so makes overly-complex schemes and kills underlings who try to sanity check it. Three goblins.
Fraals
Grayliens. One skeleton.
Gardhyis
Invader alien guys who can control shadows. Half a goblin.
Ghouls
Template in this one. Interesting distinction between old ghouls and new ghouls, new ghouls being victims of mutant strain of streptococcal gangrene. One and a quarter goblins.
Grimlocks
Convergent evolution of several eyeless chthonic sorts. American ones, in classic chud style, have gained a taste for long pig. One and a half goblins.
Half-fiend, Half-fraal
Euughhh
Harpies
They're sirens here too. One and three quarters ghouls.
Hippopotamust I be bothered with these banal entries
Infesters
Get their ass J. Sakai. They're parasitoid lamprey critters that eat their way into you then make you tough and strong but also a cannibal until they burst out of you. Two ghouls.
Intellect Devourers
The classic bodyjacking braindogs, only they're aliens this time. I like the seven day time limit on their bodyjackings, feels like it'd lead to investigable cases. Three and a half goblins.
Jynxes
They're gremlins. One goblin and three quarters of a vampire.
Kinoris
Oh, they're kobolds I guess, they're hollow Earth dinosaur alien kobolds. One and a quarter skeletons.
Kroaths
Big biotechnology armour frog alien guys who dissolve when they are killed. Advanced tech even compared to other aliens, but mostly a big blank. One vampire.
Litter Brutes
Pollution-avenging garbage golems. One skeleton and a quarter ghost.
Luciferans
No! No! You can't have these guys and fiends! Fuck off! Fuck you! Zero goblins.
Malleable Creature, Maniac, Giant Man-o'-War - useless, useless, useless
Mapinguaris
Giant ground sloths. Stinky. Feels like they should be able to dig good. One goblin.
Megalodon...
Mongolian Death Worms
No wonder Genghis wanted to get out of there with these things around. To touch it means death. Two goblins.
Monitor Lizard - you found me in my concrete sea, a dry pool's ghost is haunting me
Montauk Monsters
They show up when you fuck with space or time and they fuck you up. They're really tough, and they can fuse you into nearby matter which is cool. Two ghouls.
Mothfolk
Ultraterrestrials on an interdimensional migration. They could really use some spice. Three quarters of a skeleton.
Neothelids
Confusing as to whether there is one or more neothelids. No relation to mind flayers in this. Slipped between dimensions because of nuclear. They don't even eat brains... eugh. One goblin.
Night Terrors
Nightmare guys that attach to sensitive people. Can only be seen the person who they've attached to, but are also bound to only feed on them. One and a half goblins.
N'sss
Alien big metal jellyfish. Nobody knows why they're here. Just say why they're here! Tell us what they do! Why waste words on worthless mystery?! Why would you ever think it was a good idea to do otherwise?! Half a goblin.
Revenant, Robot - okay, sure
Rods
Rods are so charming. These ones are alien pests that hate psychics. Less charming, kind of dumb. Half a goblin.
Rogue Tulpas
Killing spirit produced from disturbed yet talented mind. If creator is killed they keep going on their last order. One and a half vampires.
Sasquatch
Abandoned fraal-slaves. There is literally no reason whatsoever for this entry to be separate from the yeti one - it explicitly says that yetis shouldn't be confused with sasquatches, but in neither entry does it say why they wouldn't. One goblin.
Satanic Ichor
The prince of darkness from Prince of Darkness. I respect just doing a movie guy as a tabletop monster, except in the case of Cold & Dark, where movie and videogame guys were like the only guys in it. Two vampires.
Scorpions
A scorpion is a small crustacean. A scorpion is a small crustacean. A scorpion is a small crustacean.
Sea Serpents
Nothing new to the table but I do like sea serpents. Two goblins.
Sesheyans
They're like alien bat-amish. This entry confused me, and when I'm confused I get scared. Nothing is mentioned of how or why they're on Earth, only that they find humans weird. Zero goblins.
Sewer Sludges
I prefer other sorts of sewer monsters - albino alligators and such - but this is fine too. One goblin.
Huge Shark - AAahahahahahhAAHHHHAHAHHH you already did megalodon AAAAAAAA
Skin Feasters
Skinless undead that can eat other people's skin to return to a semblance of its mortal life. Simple, solid, three and a half goblins.
Cobra snake... hoop snake... what is pain to me today shall be pain tomorrow upon you...
Star Doppelgangers
It's The Thing from The Thing but nerfed. Two goblins.
Thought Eaters
Don't try to make thought eaters look cool... that's even less cool. Otherwise as normal. Half a goblin.
Thunderbirds
About what you'd expect from a secularized thunderbird. Even in these modern settings, don't really like such localized monsters. Three quarters of a goblin.
Toxic Sludges
More slime. Engineered to break down petrochemicals, now they eat oils in your skin, and your skin. One and three quarters goblins.
Udoroots
Psychic carnivorous sunflowers. So many random monsters in this thing have serious cold resistance. Phaerimm - the whispering sunflowers - there's fine Lovecraftiana in D&D if you look long enough. One and a quarter vampires.
Whisperers in the Dark
Psychic gestalt-ghosts attracted to the living, that can draw in the living, but are inimical to them, and absorb them into their miserable being - powerless in sunlight. Two and a half ghouls.
Yetis
Standard. One goblin.
Zaps
Mischievous electrical elementals. One goblin.
Zeikunes
It's not really explained what these guys are or what their deal is.
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