Brought to you by GLOGtober 3rd:
Work and pray til you can't stand,
Wear your fingers to the bones,
All to eat is hard dry scones,
That's the way in human land!
Bosses tell you good stuff banned,
Music only church choir drones,
Beat you down to cobblestones,
Take something they chop your hand!
When with that you're well and done,
Have a snack of skewered rat,
Piled on high with dingo scat!
Glug some piss until you drown,
That's the way to have real fun,
Come on down to goblin town!
Without further ado:
D20 Goblin Goodies
1. Cloacal Piñata: A piñata shaped like an obese donkey, made out of pubic hair. For every point of damage it receives the cloacal piñata emits ten cubic feet of liquid filth. If it receives the maximum amount of damage an attack can deal (e.g. 6 for a d6) it is destroyed and releases one hundred cubic feet of filth.
2. Paranoia Whistle: An ivory whistle shaped like the top half of a skeleton clawing at its eye sockets. Once per day can be blown within hearing range of a group belonging to the same faction. Each member of that group must save vs morale or begin to suspect and turn on each other. Best used from a hidden position as an obvious outside threat can diffuse internal tensions.
3. Malignant Manure: A stained, soggy sackcloth bag full of manure. When spread on seeds or a plant it grows to 10x its natural mature size over the course of a round, though scraggly and wretched.
4. Brattish Changeling: A crude humanoid wooden figurine. Can be given a single task which is criminal, in extremely poor taste, and/or generally and deeply anti-social, at which point it will transform into a full-sized person and perform it. If the task given does not meet those criteria the changeling will run off and cause chaos for 1d6 hours instead. If you slap someone with it the changeling will take on their appearance, otherwise it will look like your own child with an uglier partner. Single-use.
5. Micro-Gremlin Vial: A lumpy glass vial full of greenish-brown dust that smells of rust and rancid oil. If examined under a microscope the dust can be seen to be very small, dormant gremlins. When a pinch is thrown in the air it disburses into a 30x30 cloud which lingers for 1d6 rounds. Any attempt to use a mechanical device more complex than a bow in the cloud suffers a critical failure. A pinch can also be sprinkled on a device to ruin it utterly. A randomly found vial contains 1d4 pinches.
6. Moondim Jug: The goblin version of moonshine. Perhaps the worst thing that fermentation can produce. To goblins it's a potent liquor and an effective bribe. To anyone else it's a fast-acting emetic. Drink to immediately vomit out any consumed poison before it can take further effect (also undoing any damage it's already done) then become blind drunk.
7. Rabid Juice: Pulpy red juice that smells sweet and meaty. When fed to tamed or domesticated animals they become consumed with a mad rage. They'll attack any living things nearby which are not also affected by Rabid Juice, preferentially targeting their former master(s).
8. Joke Noose: A normal-seeming noose. It won't break the neck of or strangle someone hanged with it, but simply dangle them until they die of dehydration. This is considered a hilarious prank among goblins.
9. Buggy Book: A book on an eccentric, mildly interesting topic (e.g. teaching waltzes to bees, experiments in the optimal species of bird to maximize the amount of chicks you can fit in your mouth, rates of pigment fading compared between slimes scraped from cave walls) bound in warty leather. When you read a Buggy Book, save or become illiterate for a day. Anything you try to read during that time is transformed into a Buggy Book.
10. Rancidity Ray: A warty bent salamander with a purple crystal lodged in its jaws. Three times per day its tail can be squeezed to fire a technicolour ray out its mouth which spoils any food and drink it strikes , and causes creatures it hits to be stunned spending a round vomiting if they've eaten in the last day.