Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Ten More Fictional Modern Faiths

Based on the original set invented by Whose Measure God Would Not Take here:

1. Omnichrist Self-Deliverance Activation Front: Born of a therapeutic exercise wherein several people who believed themselves to be Jesus were put in a room together to discuss their mutually exclusive claims to messiahhood. They came out with the conviction that not only were all of them Jesus, but that every other human being on Earth was also Jesus and had yet to realize it. Aggressively missionary and rapidly expanding, its self-actualization rhetoric appealing in particular to younger single mothers. The Activation Front has been accused of kidnapping and cult-style conditioning, however these accusations have been deemed baseless by panels of experts who may themselves be Activation Front members.

2. Dark Marxism: A contrary offshoot of Marxist analysis which holds that Capital is in fact a god incarnating itself through digital technology and totalizing cybernetic systems of control. It further holds that resistance to this god is blasphemous, and that the only place for humanity in the coming order is to usher in and behold its world-devouring glory. Espousing Dark Marxist beliefs is currently trendy among young finance and tech professionals.

3. Wealth-Hack Immortalism: A combined religion and suicide pact that emerged from an anime imageboard. It argues on the basis of many-worlds theory and quantum immortality that if adherents make a sincere attempt at killing themselves because they don't have enough money they will be translated into a universe where they gain enough money that they will no longer intend to kill themselves (leaving a corpse behind in this world in the process). It also has a culture of cryptocurrency investment and pump-and-dump scams. Drops in the price of favoured currencies are blamed on "ascended brothers" trying to convince their remaining peers to follow them to immense wealth, popularity, and romantic success with women. Those who fail to kill themselves are shamed as "will-mogged" and "genetically destined to be wagie" by their peers.

4. Les Fleurons Glorieux: An ultra-nationalist Canadian civic religion founded by a follower of Helena Blavatsky in the late 19th century. They claimed to channel the ghost of Sir John A. Macdonald, as well as the principality of Canada, who told them to gather true patriots to be the heroes of coming centuries. The Fleurons venerate this principality as a necessary national intermediary to God, as well as a pantheon of great Canadian figures. Their lobbying led to Ontario government buildings being required to have a shrine to the principality of Canada maintained somewhere within (often on a top shelf in a less-used closet). Politically the Fleurons lean towards federalism and autarky. Fleuronic rites include poetry readings, parading the flag, wearing turn of the 20th century clothing, reenactments of the defeat of the United States in the War of 1812, and ceremonial fur hunts.

5. Crucifixion Truthism: A branch of American Evangelicalism with even closer than usual political ties with Israel. Its central tenet is that it is not the Jewish people who are to blame for Christ's crucifixion, but rather Palestinians, and so any treatment of them by the Israeli government is justified. Several Truthists have been implicated in "demolition tours", vacations where they rent armoured bulldozers and drive them through the Gaza Strip.

6. Immanentized Virtual Utopianism: A religio-techno-political project kicked off by a collective of "tankie" hackers inspired by Cosmism. Rather than the outer space of Cosmism, they were convinced that human salvation lied within the inner space of virtual reality. They pooled their resources and technical expertise to begin construction of a commune-facility where everyone could be plugged into a majestic simulated reality (as well as feeding and waste disposal tubes) where all their needs and desires could be met without limit. Despite early success with their invention and patenting of the "saccadic mouse" the full dream of the commune has yet to be realized, and is currently realized only in the upper echelon playing solar-powered video games all day while their acolytes roll them to prevent bed sores from forming.

7. Eternally With Herism: A support group-turned-religion that sprung up after the election of Donald Trump. E.W. Herism maintains that Hillary Clinton is both the incarnation of the transcendent maternal principle, as well as the true winner of the 2016 American election. However due to peoples' lack of faith in her we were cursed to perceive an illusory world where she did not. Practices to perceive this true reality include guided meditation, imbibing deliriant-infused wine, and ritualized brunch. Since the election of Joe Biden many adherents of E.W. Herism believe that due to their diligence the illusory world has graduated from hell to a sort of purgatory.

8. Psychophenotypism: Suddenly erupted into existence and popularity on a forum for the involuntarily celibate during an argument over "taking the pink pill" and "transmaxxing".  It teaches that what we know about biology is a lie created to hoard "sexual market value", that the shape of the body is determined primarily by one's own mind, and that biofeedback techniques and pseudo-cognitive behavioural therpaeutic exercises could bring about a more complete transition than hormones and surgery. A helpful set of infographics was quickly put together to explain all this.

Several charismatic leaders appeared within the Psychophenotypic movement, who began to feud over the feasibility and desirability of "interracial transitioning", as well as hatred toward illiberal political beliefs for denying "the autonomous individual will". These feuds escalated into identity theft and physical violence, which attracted a subculture of anomie-afflicted street brawlers to bounce between the newly formed Psychophenotypic sects.

9. The Lord's Reclamation Brigade: An Australian heterodox Christian sect and designated terrorist group. They believe that all non-Christian religions (and many Christian sects which do not agree with them) worship the Devil, and that their sacred sites must be destroyed and replaced with churches to reclaim that part of the world from the grasp of evil. The LRB gain international notoriety for an attempt to plant dynamite on Uluru, and "forced baptism" attacks on people of Middle Eastern and Indian descent that have resulted in two drownings to date. Despite police crackdowns the sect has survived due to its decentralized internet presence and recruitment from a wider "kiddie pool" of non-violent fans of the sect's video interpretations of current events as signs of the end times, and public appearances and statements of Australian politicians interpreted as secret signs of either support for the LRB or diabolic influence.

10. Retrotemporal Jǫrðism: A neo-neopagan faith invented whole-cloth by a twitter user with the pseudonym (((Einstein-Rosen)))BridgeGroyper, who claimed to have been sent back in time from a "based ecofash future". Jǫrðism promoted outdoor exercise, an unprocessed diet, avoidance of pornography and masturbation, and belief that white people are the true indigenous population of all continents. Its founder claimed that this all was necessary to bring about their own timeline, wherein humanity lived in harmony with nature in "localist cottagecore hamlets".

The faith suffered a crippling blow after (((Einstein-Rosen)))BridgeGroyper led a wilderness retreat for top Patreon donours to "rediscover [their] primordial whiteness". On the retreat the founder was attacked and eaten by a grizzly bear, which was in turn killed and eaten by some of the donours, who contracted trichinosis. After this event the faith split between true believers who believed the camping guide was an impostor and a "fed", and the Apostles of the Temporal Flesh who believe that currently existing nature to be a collection of Jewish GMOs which must be exterminated and replaced with the true biosphere lying in wait in the hollow Earth.


  1. These are very useful: strange but believable. Thanks!

  2. I like how these are decidedly more modern / horrible than Phlox's, which are more historically rooted.

    Also wow these are some heinous cultists you've got here. Kept thinking it'd top off but then the next entry happened.

    1. come on now those Baalists are lying about the child sacrifice

  3. This is absolutely grotesque- I love it. I could believe that there are actually motherfuckers out there practicing this sort of thing, and I'm reminded of a quote, don't remember by whom, that political beliefs are the 21st century's new forms of religion. Ace content mate.

  4. 3, 7, and 8 were probably my favorites, but these are all really good. Between this and anomalous media, I know in both cases you're riffing on something other people have started, but I think collectively you're building something really unique and interesting. I could definitely see myself incorporating some of these into a Maximum Recursion Depth campaign, and may very well do so.

    Totally unrelated note, but have you seen the new speculative evolution "nature documentary" on netflix? I went into it with low expectations but I was pleasantly surprised. It came out almost right after your speculative evolution post lol. So I'd be interested to know your thoughts on it.

    1. Please do use them, it would warm my heart to see my lovely freak children animated in play.

      Saw most of the first episode. I thought it was neat and like that speculative evolution is still getting any presence on TV. Would have preferred if they spent more time going into detail on the organisms/ecosystem and less on European guys parasailing and all that.

      I also like that the planets they've invented diverge so much from Earth-standard. Maybe after my TSB stuff is wrapped up to my satisfaction I'll work on some mini-projects on less Earth-like planets.