D20x5 (Maybe Not So) Genial Genies

I have never seen Aladdin.

D20	This genie grants wishes that involve...
1	The return of loved ones. From death, from long journeys, whatever. For the right bribe they don’t even have to be your loved ones.
2	Various sorts of invincibility, always with a fatal flaw.
3	Instantaneous transportation across the known world.
4	The overnight construction of grand palaces, fortifications, and temples.
5	The granting of youth, beauty, and charm.
6	The acquisition or obfuscation of knowledge.
7	Victory in love and war.
8	Blessings of family and estates.
9	Magical talents.
10	The granting of wealth in prodigious proportions.
11	Bringing fertility to barren lands and people.
12	The violation of taboos.
13	Transformation to pass beyond paltry humanity.
14	The humiliation of one’s enemies.
15	The forging of objects of great power.
16	The manipulation of time and its perception. The genie will attempt to get away with only changing perceptions if it can.
17	Criminal conspiracy.
18	Gaining a position of authority over others.
19	The healing of wounds and sickness, and the general perpetuation of life.
20	Addressing regrets.

D20	This genie is bound to...
1	An opal-studded hookah. The genie drifts out the pipes in columns of multi-hued smoke.
2	An ornate ivory dagger. The genie forms its body from the blood the dagger spills.
3	The throat of an unhinged beggar. When called on, the genie will unhinge their host’s jaw and step out clothed in phlegm and bile.
4	A sand-caked ostrich’s egg. Its voice whispers from within through cracks in the shell.
5	A cask of fine liquor. The genie is perpetually sloshed.
6	A lantern. They’re projected out its face like a hologram.
7	A mirror, appearing in place of a person’s reflection.
8	A key that fits in any door. A door opened with it will open into the genie’s sanctum.
9	A dreamcatcher. Sleeping under it will let the sleeper parley with the genie in their dreams.
10	A sheep skull wearing a roughly-beaten copper crown.
11	A wide brass dish with a seal embossed on the bottom. If food is placed on the dish the genie will appear only so long as it takes them to finish that meal.
12	A musty scroll, appearing in its illustrations and rewriting its words.
13	A pair of scratched spectacles. Whoever wears them can see and interact with the genie.
14	The keystone of a vaulting archway.
15	A neverending, supernaturally tough spool of thread. The genie’s power can’t affect anything outside of boundaries marked by this thread. Thread separated from the spool still counts for this purpose.
16	A glass jar, with the genie appearing at minuscule size within.
17	A chessboard. If the genie can beat you at a game, you have to take their place.
18	An antique tea set. Calling the genie out requires at least two people, and the more people who participate the greater the wishes the genie can grant. Those participating share tea and compete to see who can request the most entertaining wish. Only the winner gets their wish granted.
19	An iron manacle, which must be worn by the wishmaker. Each wish made tightens the manacle.
20	A jewelled piercing stuck in the face of someone who doesn’t realize it’s got a genie in it.

D20	This genie’s wishes...
1	Are always twisted to the regret of the wishmaker.
2	Loosen its bindings with each one made.
3	Are all ultimately illusory.
4	Are fueled by the life of the one who makes them.
5	Result in an equivalent loss somewhere in the world. Those who suffer the loss see the one who made the wish in their nightmares.
6	Slowly fade away like sand running out of an hourglass.
7	Drain a piece of their essence, and they’re especially loath to grant wishes without an equivalent offering.
8	Can be immediately undone by anyone else who consults the genie.
9	Can only be granted to children.
10	Create a fragile split between the timeline wherein the wish was granted, and the timeline wherein it was not. Various events risk shattering this split.
11	Are tied to a token. Damage to the token weakens the reality of the wish.
12	Offend the gods, who will forever after deny the wishmaker succour, and reject their presence on sacred ground.
13	Attract the attention of rival genies who will seek to undo their work.
14	Obligate the wishmaker to grant one of the genie’s wishes in turn.
15	Will be revoked should the wishmaker ever let anyone else find out about the genie.
16	Drain ambient energy to fuel themselves. A little wish might cool a room, a big one might silence a nation.
17	Can’t affect wolves or withstand their presence.
18	Are inverted at night, only returning to normal at dawn.
19	Can only be granted once to any single person.
20	Need an extended period of time to build up to their full impact.

D20	This genie looks...
1	Like a baby with wrinkled, ancient eyes.
2	Like a cloud of steam that drifts into the shape of vague, grinning faces.
3	Like a hunched, veiled, and cloaked figure.
4	Like a crimson-clad dervish whirling too fast to make out any clear features.
5	Like a muscular, bare-chested man wearing a beast’s face as a mask.
6	Like you, but subtly exaggerated or enhanced in ways to make you feel insecure about your own appearance.
7	Like a cow with swollen udders and a mane of smokeless fire.
8	Like a giant, colourful slug with a human face.
9	Like a person, or a person-sized doll, woven from rich silks.
10	Grossly fat or emaciated, changing moment-to-moment between the two like they’re walking past funhouse mirrors.
11	Like a dust devil with whorls that resolve into many muttering mouths.
12	Like an anthropomorphic pig riding a piebald dog. Despite appearances, both are parts of the same being.
13	Like a nude and sexless figure with the head of a housecat.
14	Like a leper whose sores weep rosewater.
15	Like an owl with orchid petals in the place of feathers.
16	Like a shed snakeskin waving in a perfumed breeze.
17	Like a knight clad in armour of dried mud.
18	Like an indistinct crowd of shadows.
19	Like scorpion the size of a destrier that walks and speaks like a human.
20	Like a woman with the teeth, eyes, and feet of a donkey.

D20	This genie acts...
1	As if they’re the straight man in a universal comedy.
2	Like a sycophantic yes-man.
3	Like an imperious noble.
4	Like a humble saint.
5	As if inconsequential things set off their temper.
6	As if they’re bored by everything.
7	Like a simpleton, though they’re as clever as any of their kind.
8	The opposite of how they’re really feeling.
9	With tremendous, boisterous enthusiasm for every endeavour.
10	Without a care in the world.
11	Capricious and cruel.
12	To impersonate a god.
13	Like a hidebound bureaucrat. Any wishes they grant will require filling out a long standardized form.
14	As a helpful advisor, though all their advice subtly furthers their own ends.
15	Exactly as you’d expect someone who’s been trapped alone for possibly hundreds of years would act.
16	With insecurity and a need to prove their own power.
17	Dishonestly, even when the truth would suit them better.
18	As though they know far more than they actually do.
19	Agoraphobically and shyly.
20	To serve the whole of humanity to the best of its well-intentioned but often lacking ability.

D20x5 Scattered Scholars

Books: love 'em, hate 'em, you can't leave them.

D20	This Scholar Specializes In...
1	Critiques of popular art.
2	Drafting technocratic justifications for government policies.
3	Chemistry, with an uncertain hobby for explosives-mixing.
4	Economics and appraisal.
5	Law and how to exploit it.
6	Medicine and anatomy.
7	Linguistics and translation.
8	Military history and tactics.
9	Engineering and mathematics.
10	Ancient history.
11	Megafauna biology.
12	Underground architecture and practical geology.
13	Obscure theology.
14	Magical theory.
15	The study of inhuman cultures.
16	Tailoring, fashion, and etiquette.
17	Sophistry.
18	Complex mechanical devices, their construction, and maintenance.
19	Thanatology, study of the dead both walking and still.
20	Something hopelessly hyperspecialized.

D20	This Scholar Is...
1	A renowned expert in their field.
2	Viewed as a crank for their unorthodox ideas.
3	An autodidact.
4	An agoraphobe who hasn’t left their library in years.
5	An idle scion of wealth who’s hired the best tutors in the field to teach them.
6	Penniless and surviving off the mold and grubs they scrape off old books.
7	A puppet for eldritch entities their studies exposed them to.
8	Suffering from disease that is ruining their mental faculties.
9	A discount warrior-poet, a scrapper-scholar.
10	Dependent on a dangerous drug to maintain their focus and inspiration.
11	From a cloister of learned monks.
12	From a family of much more accomplished academics.
13	A student kicked out of their university for excessive rowdiness and lewdery.
14	A young prodigy who’s prodigious days have peaked and are swiftly retreating.
15	Only capable of conceiving of ideas through the lens of their specialty.
16	Turning to increasingly risky ventures in order to fund their research.
17	A charlatan who fabricated their credentials.
18	Constantly reaching beyond their field of expertise to make grandiose, inaccurate claims.
19	Keen to plumb the depths of lost and forgotten lore to contribute to contemporary studies.
20	Becoming jaded with the academic life, and yearns for some excitement.

D20	The Closest Thing To A Weapon This Scholar Has Is...
1	A silver-edged letter opener.
2	A heavy horn-bound tome.
3	A tin flask of very flammable liquor.
4	A walking stick.
5	A fake pistol to scare off robbers.
6	A marionette with sturdy metal wires holding it up, almost fit for a garrotte.
7	A sharp-tipped pen.
8	A riding crop.
9	A belt with a big brass buckle.
10	The iron-toed boots they wear in the field.
11	Their faux-gold rings that could make not-quite passable knuckledusters.
12	Some rusty eating utensils.
13	A magical doodad they bought off a suspicious character. When activated it will (1d6): 1, explode; 2, cause everything non-flammable on their person to burn; 3, turn them into a newt for 1d6 rounds; 4, petrify everything but themself within 5 feet; 5, turn into a glob of acid; 6, summon a trio of sadomasochistic cenobite nightmare beings.
14	A ceremonial mace they smuggled out of a museum. It will break embarrassingly on a miss.
15	The pocketful of shiny rocks they’ve collected.
16	A shaving razor in need of sharpening.
17	Their portly yet vicious pet dog.
18	A hair ornament that could do some damage if rapidly introduced into an eye socket.
19	A hardwood instrument they’re alright at playing.
20	A jade dildo.

D20	This Scholar’s Got A Talent For...
1	Cooking up a tasty meal with minimal supplies.
2	Casting a few minor cantrips.
3	Wrestling.
4	Repairing weapons and armour.
5	Schmoozing their way through high society.
6	Public speaking and swaying crowds.
7	Stretching a budget.
8	Making meagre accommodations comfortable.
9	Navigating in the wilderness.
10	Solving puzzles.
11	Eidetic memory.
12	Mimicking sounds.
13	Knife tricks.
14	Handling their drink.
15	Defusing interpersonal tensions.
16	Witty quips.
17	Turning just about anything into writing supplies.
18	Riding and calming horses.
19	Competitive swimming and diving.
20	Dancing.

D20	This Scholar Speaks...
1	Peppering sentences with academic jargon.
2	In a raspy whisper.
3	With an inflated sense of their own influence.
4	In a high-pitched whistle.
5	In their sleep about all the terrible and not-quite-as-terrible things they’ve done.
6	Interspersed with vaguely-related mutterings.
7	At the same slightly-too-loud volume regardless of context.
8	Continuing conversations that ended hours before.
9	With profuse backhanded compliments.
10	Through clenched teeth when they’re stressed.
11	With stilted, misapplied slang.
12	With much humming between their words.
13	To complete strangers as though they were intimate friends.
14	To themself, debating courses of action.
15	With staccato quickness.
16	In a lazy drawl.
17	Quoting themself and their inspirational works often.
18	Only sparingly, and prefers to write out their words.
19	With their hand over their mouth in public.
20	Fluently in a variety of dialects and accents.

D66(xD10xD10) Fantastical Fires

Can fire be loot? It can now.

Inspired by False Machine's post here: http://falsemachine.blogspot.com/2017/04/process-as-item.html

Automated generator made with Meandering Banter's post here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D10	You find this fantastical fire:
1	Burning someone alive.
2	On a torch.
3	In a hearth.
4	In a brazier.
5	In a lantern.
6	On a candle wick.
7	As a few bits of glowing charcoal clutched in the hands of a dead dryad.
8	As a pack of magic matches that will alight as the fire when struck.
9	Sizzling on the end of a cigar.
10	Being plucked out of the chest of a screaming godling by a giant eagle with cruel eyes.

D66	This fantastical fire is:
11	Safetysnapper: If used to light a campfire, that campfire will loudly snap to warn those who sleep around it of intruders, and spit off sparks to defend the camp.
12	Rustfire: Burns metal and leaves corroded dust behind. Doesn’t spread normal flames to regularly flammable things it burns near. Has a colour like burnished brass.
13	Spitesear: Preferentially burns the damp and living over the dry and dead. Images like sneering, cackling faces can be seen in its flickering.
14	Redripple: Burns outwards in a perfect circle. If prevented from doing so, by a patch of fireproof material for example, all the redripple in that circle is immediately extinguished.
15	Proofing Flame: If it burns a living thing, then so long as the burn isn’t healed then that living thing will be immune to damage from mundane fire.
16	Woodforger: Causes wood (and other flammable materials) exposed to it to melt instead of burn, and resolidify as they cool into new shapes.
21	Smokeless Fire: Spawns djinni from the things it burns.
22	Paleflame: Burns cold instead of hot, but still ignites flammable materials with more of itself. Its colour is an icy blue.
23	Igniting Intellect: Becomes more intelligent and more capable of self-direction the larger and hotter it burns.
24	Afterburner: A flame which only burns other fire. It’s twice as bright, twice as hot, and twice as wild as a mundane fire. Side effects may ensue if it consumes a magical fire or fiery being.
25	Ashen Choker: No matter what it burns, it releases thick, suffocating clouds of smoke and ash.
26	Houndflame: When a “virgin” sample of houndflame is allowed to burn something, it will forever after only burn identical materials, and its tongues will lick in those materials’ direction at all times.
31	Perdition’s Rasp: Can’t ever kill those it burns, only torment them on the edge of death in perpetuity.
32	Sacred Flame: Burns only the unholy, demons, and the undead (or whatever meets the criteria of unholiness within a given cosmology), and deals extra damage to these things. Its smoke smells like incense.
33	Blind Man’s Burn: Burns bright enough to temporarily blind anyone who looks directly at it.
34	Containable Conflagration: The one who lit a containable conflagration can tap it to compress the whole fire into an orb that fits in the palm of their hand. Later they can cause that orb to expand to its original size by tapping it again. If the fire splits into multiple patches then only one of those patches can be contained again going forward.
35	Final Pyre: Anyone burned to death by it cannot be raised from the dead or contacted in the afterlife. Its flames have all the colours of a sunset.
36	Actinignition: Causes mutations instead of damage when it burns something.
41	Memosmoulder: Causes those lit on fire with it to forget that they are on fire with it. If anything is reduced to ashes by memosmoulder, it is forgotten by the world. You can never quite remember what it looks like.
42	Darkflame: Consumes light instead of producing it.
43	Goblinspark: Burns green, and bits of it can lie dormant and heatless, hiding in the folds of clothes and on the bottoms of boots, waiting until the least opportune moment to burst into rampant life.
44	Snuffcinder: Devours oxygen far faster than a fire of its size should, capturing a pocket of the stuff beneath a shell of hardened ash to sustain itself while everything else nearby suffocates. The tongues of its flame seem to form covetous claws.
45	Weeping Scarlet: Flows like a fluid, like burning napalm that ignites flammable things into more napalm.
46	Cinereal Sepulchrite: Burns weakly, slowly, dimly normally, but if introduced into a dead or nearly-dead body roars to life and animates the body into a vector for its spread.
51	Teleflame: Any sample of teleflame can be used as a (very hot) portal to any other sample that was once part of the same original fire. Glimpses of other teleflames’ surroundings can be seen in its flickerings.
52	Tarnishblaze: Burns what the one who set it values, produces less valuable byproducts. Gold into lead, love into apathy, and suchlike. Its flame is so drab it might as well be brown.
53	Intravenous Vulcanite: A scabby crimson colour, rises in globs instead of tongues. A symbiotic fire which burns up and replaces blood. If it fills your veins you’ll tire more easily but also release a gout of flame if you’re ever cut open.
54	Scintillant Dervish: Spins up in wide spirals, shifting through every colour on the spectrum and a few that aren’t. Anyone who looks at it must save twice. If they fail the first they are entranced by the fire and stare thoughtlessly until hurt. If they fail they second, they must flee but otherwise retain their rationality.
55	Lullabic Charrer: Burns with a pleasant hum rather than snaps or cracks. The smoke from its flame is soporific. Those who inhale it must save or fall into a deep sleep.
56	Cookpot’s Companion: Always smells like a hearty stew. Anything cooked above it has its flavours magically enhanced. Worth a fortune to chefs and gourmands.
61	Antifire: Burns smoke, ashes, and charcoal into what those all were before they were incinerated. Reacts explosively with regular fire. Its tongues flicker downward from a point above what it’s unburning rather than rising up.
62	Inquisitor’s Beacon: Light cast by this fire passes through illusions and renders the invisible visible. Burns lies instead of fuel. Bigger lies burn longer. If someone who’s fed a lie to some inquisitor’s beacon ever speaks that same lie again, their throat and tongue are grievously burned. Flickers into the shape of the words of every lie that’s fed it.
63	Flier’s Friend: Produces an updraft with significantly more force than a fire of its size should. A large campfire could produce an updraft strong enough to keep an unarmoured man aloft above it (though low enough that he would quickly roast).
64	Fractional Flame: Only ever burns half of each thing it’s fed as fuel. Can be mixed with other fantastical fires to grant them the same effect.
65	Wallflame: The fire of a wallflame acts as a solid, very hot object to anything flammable (anything non-flammable passes through as normal).
66	Vermilion Vapourizer: Instantly converts any water it’s exposed to into steam without losing heat. Thermodynamics weeps.

D10	Where did this fantastical fire come from?:
1	It’s a plasmamorphic alien invader lobotomized by the relatively low temperature of this world.
2	It’s the ghost-remnant of an immolated witch.
3	An alchemical accident.
4	A Molotov cocktail made with fermented soma.
5	A qlippothic, rejected form of fire that has no place in the divine plan.
6	It’s the misbegotten child of a wizard and a fire elemental.
7	A library of grimoires torched by an angry mob.
8	An eruption from the world’s inner flames.
9	The bootstrap paradox of a pyromancer’s prophecy.
10	An experimental dwarf-smithy, shattered by their enemies.

D20x5 Variant Vampires

Why build the bloodsucking wagon when you can reinvent its wheel 3,200,000 times with the push of a button.

As usual, the automated list generator can be found here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D20	These Vampires Feed...
1	For the pleasure of it rather than any real necessity. They can even digest normal food, but find it grossly bland unless soaked in blood.
2	Alongside their pet giant vampire finches, who share a relationship with these vampires like dogs do to humans.
3	Preferentially on people with certain blood-borne diseases, which are like spices to these vampires. They’ll deliberately spread those diseases to maintain a supply.
4	Mostly on slaves specially bred for blood production, ease of extraction, and docility.
5	By ripping out big chunks of flesh and vomiting out everything that isn’t blood later, like an owl pellet.
6	By pseudo-magnetically drawing blood from nearby open wounds into their own gaping, mouthlike pores.
7	Through long, translucent needles they grow out of their bones.
8	With a vacuum-sealed kiss, sucking all your blood out your gums and throat.
9	On congealed blood scraped from the veins of the dead.
10	Ecstatically, tearing their prey apart and lapping up the spilled blood with idiotic fervour.
11	With a sharp-tipped iron straw stabbed into an artery.
12	Rarely but ravenously, slurping down a dozen lives at once and then retreating to digest over months.
13	By sending out their transformed teeth to steal blood remotely.
14	By squeezing out peoples’ blood and fermenting it into something like wine.
15	By trapping people in webs made of veins which draw out their blood while sustaining them in an unpleasant half-life.
16	Through their luxurious, prehensile, and hollow-stranded hair.
17	With alchemical grafts that siphon their prey’s blood into their body while pumping out the brownish sludge that their blood’s become into their prey.
18	By boring a hole through the wall of a bedroom and inhaling sleeping inhabitants’ blood in the form of a crimson fog that drifts from their noses and ears.
19	Like a root, or a fungus. They spill blood on bare soil then bury themselves there to absorb it.
20	Off positive emotions, sucked up ambiently or right out of the skull with gummy lamprey-mouths.

D20	These Vampires’ Bodies...
1	Are reminiscent of fleas and ticks. They can can jump great distances, climb sheer surfaces, hide a sharp proboscis beneath their tongue, and swell up with the blood they’ve drunk.
2	Are boneless and disturbingly flexible. They can squeeze through any opening bigger than their teeth.
3	Are full of parasitic worms that spill out when they’re wounded.
4	Mutate into a gruesome, mindless monster when the vampire is killed.
5	Can separate into independently-acting limbs and organs.
6	Turn inside-out when the vampire is feeding, using its powers, or exposed to its weaknesses
7	Are ectoplasmic shells mimicking life over their mummified corpses.
8	Can explode into a cloud of hemovoric spores as a last resort.
9	Are as hard as stone, and morph to resemble a gargoyle as they age.
10	Are hollow skins filled with leeches. The collective consciousness of the leeches is the true vampire. If deprived of its skin it can hollow out a new one.
11	Can’t be stopped by anything short of total blood loss.
12	Can change in shape to resemble anyone they’ve recently fed off of.
13	Can be rendered into potent alchemical and necromantic reagents.
14	Become stronger based on how long they’ve gone without feeding.
15	Are puppets controlled by the vampire’s true self, which dwells in the realm of nightmares.
16	Can partially liquefy into a puddle of gore.
17	Can’t heal on their own, but can integrate the flesh and bones of the people they’ve fed on for patchwork repairs.
18	Can merge and melt together with each other to form a large, more deadly gestalt.
19	Are dragged into the underworld when the sun rises. If they grab onto someone while this happens, the vampire can drag down that someone with them.
20	Are three-dimensional anti-holograms cast by (un)living shadows.

D20	These Vampires Lair...
1	In the shell of a giant snail they’ve made vampiric as well. It can drain entire villages dry in a night through its extended radula.
2	In warrens they’ve dug out beneath a graveyard.
3	In a crypt outfit with opulent grave goods.
4	As carnies and freaks in a travelling carnival.
5	In the waters of an anoxic cenote.
6	In a crumbling castle enshrouded by mist.
7	In an asylum, posing as staff.
8	In a garden of carnivorous plants they live in a symbiotic, clownfish-anemone relationship with.
9	In a poor neighbourhood, stoking gang violence to cover up and enhance their feeding opportunities.
10	In a mine that partially collapsed and trapped a group of miners who turned to cannibalism to survive and became wendigos. The wendigos won’t eat the vampires (taste too nasty), and the vampires treat the wendigos like pet dogs, feeding them off drained flesh.
11	In the halls of power, trading hollow promises for dire influence.
12	Among the deep machinery of a factory, licking the leavings from industrial accidents.
13	Disguised as an eccentric but benign religion.
14	In an alehouse, preying on drunkards.
15	At the manor of a noble who sees them as an entertaining curiousity.
16	In palanquins veiled by black velvet as part of a merchant convoy.
17	In basements connected by smugglers’ tunnels.
18	Amid alleys so narrow and twisted that sunlight never touches the bottom of them.
19	In the workshop of a necromancer they share an uneasy alliance with.
20	In a museum. When no one else is around, they re-enact a long-gone culture they once belonged to.

D20	If These Vampires...
1	Taste your blood, you will be unable to hide from them anywhere.
2	Lay the bodies of a crow, a wolf, and a stag (or the closest local equivalents) on a fresh grave, the corpse buried there will rise the next night as one of them.
3	Wear the skin of a virgin, they will be unaffected the sun.
4	Touch something that was precious to them in their mortal days, it will burn them like fire.
5	Are in your home (or at least a building you’ve slept in), they’ll be invisible to you.
6	Feed their blood to predatory or parasitic animals, those animals will grow huge, ferocious, and loyal to the vampires.
7	Would be reflected in a mirror, they can cause it to explode into shrapnel-shards.
8	Attack a shadow that’s not cast by sunlight, they’ll harm the creature casting the shadow.
9	Are not destroyed after their final death, then whatever feeds or grows on their corpse will be infected with a fragment of their malign will and intelligence.
10	Feed on someone who is drunk or high, they will be forced into a similar state.
11	Speak to the dead, the dead reply.
12	Touch a book, its ink runs like blood from a fresh wound.
13	Cross a freshwater river, a water elemental appears to destroy them.
14	Speak soothingly to you then anything they do short of open violence will seem normal.
15	Cut out their own heart then they can reform around it if their body is killed.
16	Drink someone to death, they gain a fraction of their skills and personality.
17	Are portrayed by a painting, sculpture, photograph, or other image, that image will shift to become more monstrous.
18	Have a mortal child it will (1d4): 1, have all of their powers and none of their weaknesses; 2, have all of their weaknesses and none of their powers; 3, be normal if pale and sickly; 4, be stillborn and rise as a zombie that will stop at nothing to consume both parents.
19	Have grave dirt and the juices from ripe corpses they can mold them into fragile yet plentiful minions.
20	Meet your gaze they can fill you with a paralyzing sense of loss.

D20	These Vampires Originate From...
1	The wish of a decadent libertine twisted by their capricious bound djinn.
2	A demonic bargain for immortality.
3	The victims of a mutant hemotoxin.
4	A blood-cult afflicted by a bizarre plague.
5	A vicious priest whose body was unfit for the blessing of their god.
6	Hemovoric troglodytes that migrated to the surface.
7	Those exposed to the radiation of a second, scarlet sun.
8	Vintners who used an occult recipe distilled from blood.
9	People lost between life and death in the shuffles of the heavenly bureaucracy’s papers.
10	The experimental warriors of a witch-queen.
11	Children adopted by a bloodthirsty spirit.
12	Intermarriage between humans and parasites that lived on the body of a giant.
13	A wizard who studied too intensive into blood-magic.
14	The curse of an unhallowed sacrificial dagger.
15	A fossilized alien entity mistakenly thought to be a curious idol.
16	A cosmic parasite seeking avatars to establish a foothold in this reality.
17	A desperate, dying mortal who made a pact to fuse with a hungry ghost in order to survive.
18	Civilians mutilated by a spiritual superweapon.
19	Obsessive devotees of a genius painter who drank their blood in an attempt to capture their talent.
20	Dead folk that were too damn mean for hell to hold.

D20x5 Humble Hedge-Mages

0th level wizards? Our panel of experts deliberates, but is silent. Always silent.

Meandering Banter makes-a the list-maker:https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html
 

D20	This Hedge-Mage Lives...
1	In an astrological observatory cobbled together from junk.
2	In a treehouse atop a precariously leaning willow.
3	In the attic of a library.
4	In a moldy cave on the other side of a waterfall.
5	In the barn of a farmer they’re acting as a magical troubleshooter for.
6	In the back of a covered wagon pulled by poorly enchanted steeds.
7	A big barrel that used to hold salt. Its sides are still crusty with the stuff.
8	In an actual hedge-maze they cultivated from plants hybridized with their own tissues.
9	Beneath an upturned coracle by a riverside.
10	In a tavern where they entertain in return for shelter.
11	In their elderly parents’ shed.
12	In a hammock suspended between painted standing stones.
13	In a cottage dragged ploddingly along by scrawny, hairless goats’ legs.
14	In an abandoned animal warren.
15	At the bottom of a dried-up well.
16	In a tent made from a giant’s foreskin.
17	In a giant hollow bamboo stalk. Each node in the stalk forms another floor.
18	In the basement of a sketchy schoolhouse.
19	At the edge of a crater that glows at night.
20	On a sumptuous estate as the owners’ pet magician.

D20	This Hedge-Mage Keeps Their Spells...
1	In a very small book which requires a magnifying glass to read, hidden somewhere on their person at all times.
2	As fiendishly complex knots they unite to cast.
3	Written in the sole of their right boot.
4	In the form of birds in a big birdcage. Loosing a bird turns it into the spell to be cast.
5	In patterns of rust on the blade of their handy dagger. As they cast spells the rust flakes off to reveal shining steel beneath.
6	On the inside of an eyeless mask they wear.
7	Corked up in their skull. They pull out their head-cork when they need to work magic.
8	As patterns of tea leaves left in the kettle they always carry around.
9	In a small seer-stone they keep up their nose.
10	As whistles in the flute-like structures that’ve replaced their ribs.
11	As crude tattoos that wriggle across their skin.
12	As imaginary equations they solve to cast.
13	In colourful fishing lures hooked through their cheek.
14	Carved around the rim of their spectacles.
15	In little mouse-bone figurines they crush between their teeth to cast them.
16	Coded in the discordant self-strumming of their enchanted banjo.
17	In the pulsating and magic-bloated body of their familiar. If killed, the familiar will explode into each spell yet to be cast within them.
18	Symbolically depicted on a grotty set of playing cards.
19	In glyphic scars that reopen and bleed harmlessly as they’re cast.
20	As glass beads set in wooden rings they wear around every finger.

D20	This Hedge-Mage’s Most Potent Spell Is...
1	Speak With Feces. Feces generally have unpleasant personalities, and their knowledge includes the diet of the creature they came from, the creature’s physical condition as it relates to its digestive system, as well as details about itself that creature would rather purge.
2	Inadvisable Leap, which launches them a great distance into the air at an angle, but provides no protection against the return journey.
3	Hatch Eyeball, which causes one of their eyes to burst into a swarm of flying insectoid creatures. These creatures are negligible threats, but the caster can see everything they can see. If even one is returned to the caster’s empty socket, it can be reconstituted into an eye.
4	Grubmine, which transforms grubs and worms within a patch of soil into mine-like traps. Anyone stepping on an affected patch of soil is damaged as if moving through an area covered in caltrops as transformed vermin spring up and impale their feet.
5	Tonguetwister Taboo, which is a curse that inflicts 1d6 damage on its target every time they speak or write a statement that doesn’t rhyme. Only works on targets capable of language. Target becomes aware of the restriction the first time they take damage from it.
6	Resplendent Repair. Fixes a broken, non-magical object if it’s not completely ruined, and makes it just a little tougher and better at its intended function. Takes many repairs, day after day, for this improvement to become noticeable.
7	Pliaflesh, which lets them mold their own body like clay in their hands.
8	Attract Gold, which causes gold within a certain distance to roll toward the caster and adhere to them for 1d6 hours.
9	Haunting Whisper, which curses a target to hear a whispered, repeating message for 1d6 days or until removed, and prevents them from sleeping due to the noise.
10	Dehydrate Water, turns as much as a 10x10x10 cube into a solid chunk that’s a small of its size until it’s struck hard enough, then reverts explosively.
11	Sympathetic Candle, which requires a candle with a piece of its target embedded in it as a material component. That target will then melt as the candle does. Doesn’t work on anything larger than a 5x5x5 cube or harder than steel.
12	Protection Against Aggressors, which creates a line up to 30 feet in length along the ground which requires a save vs. magic from anyone who wishes the caster harm attempting to cross it. If they succeed on the save they still visibly hesitate. The spell breaks after three failed attempts.
13	Poppet Pal, which requires a little bread man be baked as a material component. When cast, its target gains enough temporary hitpoints to bring them to their normal total if below it. If the bread man is damaged, gets soggy, moldy, stale, or whatever else, then the temporary hitpoints granted by the spell immediately disappear.
14	Spirit Bottle, If cast on an incorporeal being in a bottle, they can’t leave the bottle until the caster wills it. Doesn’t do anything to help the caster get the thing in the bottle in the first place.
15	Appear Pitiful, makes caster appear supernaturally weak, harmless, pathetic. Those with more HD than the caster attempting to attack them must save vs. magic with a penalty equal to the difference between theirs and the caster’s HD or be compelled to perform a different action, unless the caster attacks them first.
16	Fertility Blessing, when the target next conceives children/lays eggs/bears fruit/etc., the results are 1d6 times more plentiful than usual.
17	Rock Rations, allows its caster to chew through and survive on stone as if it’s bread. Lasts 1d6 hours. Can chew a 5x5x5 tunnel through stone per hour. If used to feed yourself more than three days in a row, you will literally shit bricks.
18	Safe Zone, designates 10-foot radius circle (the safest of shapes). For 1d6 rounds, any damage dealt within that radius is non-lethal damage.
19	Mutual Stasis, caster touches target to lock them both in space and time. Caster and target become immovable and invulnerable, unaware and unable to act for 1d6 rounds.
20	Strangler Wig, causes its target’s head hair to grow into a noose, attach to the nearest anchorable surface, and then start suffocating them. If the hair is cut the spell stops working. Doesn’t work on targets without hair on their head.

D20	This Hedge-Mage’s Familiar Is...
1	A musty fox-skin that flies like an eel swims. Most of the time they wear it on their shoulder.
2	A hedgehog with a muttering, needle-toothed mouth in its belly.
3	A leather-bound book that flutters like a moth.
4	A forearm-sized leech that clings to their back.
5	A potted bonsai with leaves that whisper windlessly.
6	Something that looks like a smaller version of them, which they keep chained to their ankle.
7	A chicken with its head chopped off.
8	A pig with piglets budding like tumours off its body.
9	A large cracked egg which shouts in a voice only the hedge-mage can hear.
10	A rat king. The number of rats that make it up seem to change every time you look at it.
11	An articulated ivory centipede carved from some of their own teeth, and a few of someone else’s.
12	A pocketwatch with an emotive clockwork face and a metronomic voice.
13	A greasy-feathered goose with the face of a sneering old man inside its beak.
14	A two-headed garden snake that eats through one mouth and defecates out the other.
15	A flatulent toad with a toadstool growing out its back.
16	A black cat that appears fleshless and skeletal when out of direct light.
17	A pot-bellied baboon.
18	A muttering, obscene worm they keep tucked behind an ear.
19	A ragged and muddied cloth doll that moves when nobody’s looking.
20	A six-winged bat that speaks like a choir.

D20	This Hedge-Mage Isn’t A Full Wizard Because...
1	A thaumovore attack when they were a child robbed them of the potential.
2	Their habits are too odious for even other wizards to tolerate.
3	They were fooled into apprenticing to a charlatan and by the time they realized it their youth had been wasted.
4	They learned their magic in another world, and can’t access their full power here.
5	They couldn’t stay focused long enough for deeper studies.
6	They were intimidated by a rival into leaving the vocation.
7	They refuse to pay the price their familiar’s asking for the knowledge.
8	They don’t want to lose touch with common folk.
9	They believe magic to be diabolical and are ashamed to know as much of it as they do.
10	They haven’t yet tried reaching that level of power.
11	They got a fortune told that said magic would be their doom, but couldn’t resist dipping their toes in the subject.
12	Simply surviving doesn’t leave enough time for serious study on the side.
13	They delusionally believe they know everything there is to know about magic already.
14	They believe that magic is a zero-sum game and for them to advance a more powerful mage needs to die first.
15	A magical accident they caused while training killed someone they loved.
16	They’re too young to have managed it yet.
17	Their family had their teacher killed.
18	They insist on developing their magic from scratch rather than from others’ experience.
19	They refuse to believe that what they do is magic.
20	Their familiar is making them just magical enough to be a worthy host body without also becoming a threat.