Friday, November 23, 2018

D20x5 Humble Hedge-Mages

0th level wizards? Our panel of experts deliberates, but is silent. Always silent.

Meandering Banter makes-a the list-maker:

D20 This Hedge-Mage Lives...
1 In an astrological observatory cobbled together from junk.
2 In a treehouse atop a precariously leaning willow.
3 In the attic of a library.
4 In a moldy cave on the other side of a waterfall.
5 In the barn of a farmer they’re acting as a magical troubleshooter for.
6 In the back of a covered wagon pulled by poorly enchanted steeds.
7 A big barrel that used to hold salt. Its sides are still crusty with the stuff.
8 In an actual hedge-maze they cultivated from plants hybridized with their own tissues.
9 Beneath an upturned coracle by a riverside.
10 In a tavern where they entertain in return for shelter.
11 In their elderly parents’ shed.
12 In a hammock suspended between painted standing stones.
13 In a cottage dragged ploddingly along by scrawny, hairless goats’ legs.
14 In an abandoned animal warren.
15 At the bottom of a dried-up well.
16 In a tent made from a giant’s foreskin.
17 In a giant hollow bamboo stalk. Each node in the stalk forms another floor.
18 In the basement of a sketchy schoolhouse.
19 At the edge of a crater that glows at night.
20 On a sumptuous estate as the owners’ pet magician.
D20 This Hedge-Mage Keeps Their Spells...
1 In a very small book which requires a magnifying glass to read, hidden somewhere on their person at all times.
2 As fiendishly complex knots they unite to cast.
3 Written in the sole of their right boot.
4 In the form of birds in a big birdcage. Loosing a bird turns it into the spell to be cast.
5 In patterns of rust on the blade of their handy dagger. As they cast spells the rust flakes off to reveal shining steel beneath.
6 On the inside of an eyeless mask they wear.
7 Corked up in their skull. They pull out their head-cork when they need to work magic.
8 As patterns of tea leaves left in the kettle they always carry around.
9 In a small seer-stone they keep up their nose.
10 As whistles in the flute-like structures that’ve replaced their ribs.
11 As crude tattoos that wriggle across their skin.
12 As imaginary equations they solve to cast.
13 In colourful fishing lures hooked through their cheek.
14 Carved around the rim of their spectacles.
15 In little mouse-bone figurines they crush between their teeth to cast them.
16 Coded in the discordant self-strumming of their enchanted banjo.
17 In the pulsating and magic-bloated body of their familiar. If killed, the familiar will explode into each spell yet to be cast within them.
18 Symbolically depicted on a grotty set of playing cards.
19 In glyphic scars that reopen and bleed harmlessly as they’re cast.
20 As glass beads set in wooden rings they wear around every finger.
D20 This Hedge-Mage’s Most Potent Spell Is...
1 Speak With Feces. Feces generally have unpleasant personalities, and their knowledge includes the diet of the creature they came from, the creature’s physical condition as it relates to its digestive system, as well as details about itself that creature would rather purge.
2 Inadvisable Leap, which launches them a great distance into the air at an angle, but provides no protection against the return journey.
3 Hatch Eyeball, which causes one of their eyes to burst into a swarm of flying insectoid creatures. These creatures are negligible threats, but the caster can see everything they can see. If even one is returned to the caster’s empty socket, it can be reconstituted into an eye.
4 Grubmine, which transforms grubs and worms within a patch of soil into mine-like traps. Anyone stepping on an affected patch of soil is damaged as if moving through an area covered in caltrops as transformed vermin spring up and impale their feet.
5 Tonguetwister Taboo, which is a curse that inflicts 1d6 damage on its target every time they speak or write a statement that doesn’t rhyme. Only works on targets capable of language. Target becomes aware of the restriction the first time they take damage from it.
6 Resplendent Repair. Fixes a broken, non-magical object if it’s not completely ruined, and makes it just a little tougher and better at its intended function. Takes many repairs, day after day, for this improvement to become noticeable.
7 Pliaflesh, which lets them mold their own body like clay in their hands.
8 Attract Gold, which causes gold within a certain distance to roll toward the caster and adhere to them for 1d6 hours.
9 Haunting Whisper, which curses a target to hear a whispered, repeating message for 1d6 days or until removed, and prevents them from sleeping due to the noise.
10 Dehydrate Water, turns as much as a 10x10x10 cube into a solid chunk that’s a small of its size until it’s struck hard enough, then reverts explosively.
11 Sympathetic Candle, which requires a candle with a piece of its target embedded in it as a material component. That target will then melt as the candle does. Doesn’t work on anything larger than a 5x5x5 cube or harder than steel.
12 Protection Against Aggressors, which creates a line up to 30 feet in length along the ground which requires a save vs. magic from anyone who wishes the caster harm attempting to cross it. If they succeed on the save they still visibly hesitate. The spell breaks after three failed attempts.
13 Poppet Pal, which requires a little bread man be baked as a material component. When cast, its target gains enough temporary hitpoints to bring them to their normal total if below it. If the bread man is damaged, gets soggy, moldy, stale, or whatever else, then the temporary hitpoints granted by the spell immediately disappear.
14 Spirit Bottle, If cast on an incorporeal being in a bottle, they can’t leave the bottle until the caster wills it. Doesn’t do anything to help the caster get the thing in the bottle in the first place.
15 Appear Pitiful, makes caster appear supernaturally weak, harmless, pathetic. Those with more HD than the caster attempting to attack them must save vs. magic with a penalty equal to the difference between theirs and the caster’s HD or be compelled to perform a different action, unless the caster attacks them first.
16 Fertility Blessing, when the target next conceives children/lays eggs/bears fruit/etc., the results are 1d6 times more plentiful than usual.
17 Rock Rations, allows its caster to chew through and survive on stone as if it’s bread. Lasts 1d6 hours. Can chew a 5x5x5 tunnel through stone per hour. If used to feed yourself more than three days in a row, you will literally shit bricks.
18 Safe Zone, designates 10-foot radius circle (the safest of shapes). For 1d6 rounds, any damage dealt within that radius is non-lethal damage.
19 Mutual Stasis, caster touches target to lock them both in space and time. Caster and target become immovable and invulnerable, unaware and unable to act for 1d6 rounds.
20 Strangler Wig, causes its target’s head hair to grow into a noose, attach to the nearest anchorable surface, and then start suffocating them. If the hair is cut the spell stops working. Doesn’t work on targets without hair on their head.
D20 This Hedge-Mage’s Familiar Is...
1 A musty fox-skin that flies like an eel swims. Most of the time they wear it on their shoulder.
2 A hedgehog with a muttering, needle-toothed mouth in its belly.
3 A leather-bound book that flutters like a moth.
4 A forearm-sized leech that clings to their back.
5 A potted bonsai with leaves that whisper windlessly.
6 Something that looks like a smaller version of them, which they keep chained to their ankle.
7 A chicken with its head chopped off.
8 A pig with piglets budding like tumours off its body.
9 A large cracked egg which shouts in a voice only the hedge-mage can hear.
10 A rat king. The number of rats that make it up seem to change every time you look at it.
11 An articulated ivory centipede carved from some of their own teeth, and a few of someone else’s.
12 A pocketwatch with an emotive clockwork face and a metronomic voice.
13 A greasy-feathered goose with the face of a sneering old man inside its beak.
14 A two-headed garden snake that eats through one mouth and defecates out the other.
15 A flatulent toad with a toadstool growing out its back.
16 A black cat that appears fleshless and skeletal when out of direct light.
17 A pot-bellied baboon.
18 A muttering, obscene worm they keep tucked behind an ear.
19 A ragged and muddied cloth doll that moves when nobody’s looking.
20 A six-winged bat that speaks like a choir.
D20 This Hedge-Mage Isn’t A Full Wizard Because...
1 A thaumovore attack when they were a child robbed them of the potential.
2 Their habits are too odious for even other wizards to tolerate.
3 They were fooled into apprenticing to a charlatan and by the time they realized it their youth had been wasted.
4 They learned their magic in another world, and can’t access their full power here.
5 They couldn’t stay focused long enough for deeper studies.
6 They were intimidated by a rival into leaving the vocation.
7 They refuse to pay the price their familiar’s asking for the knowledge.
8 They don’t want to lose touch with common folk.
9 They believe magic to be diabolical and are ashamed to know as much of it as they do.
10 They haven’t yet tried reaching that level of power.
11 They got a fortune told that said magic would be their doom, but couldn’t resist dipping their toes in the subject.
12 Simply surviving doesn’t leave enough time for serious study on the side.
13 They delusionally believe they know everything there is to know about magic already.
14 They believe that magic is a zero-sum game and for them to advance a more powerful mage needs to die first.
15 A magical accident they caused while training killed someone they loved.
16 They’re too young to have managed it yet.
17 Their family had their teacher killed.
18 They insist on developing their magic from scratch rather than from others’ experience.
19 They refuse to believe that what they do is magic.
20 Their familiar is making them just magical enough to be a worthy host body without also becoming a threat.

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