Monday, November 5, 2018

D50x2 Dire Disease & Curious Cures

Converted from my reddit post here:

D50 You’ve got...
1 Gossipgut: A second mouth grows on your belly. It will say things that inconvenience you unless you satisfy it’s tremendous appetite.
2 Inverse Prosopagnosia: Others becomes unable to recognize you, even if you present proof of your identity. You become a stranger to everyone.
3 Gildedgrin: Your teeth and fingernails turn to gold. Transmuted fingernails will never grow back if removed.
4 Resetting Disease: Every 1d6 hours your body resets to the state it was in when you contracted the disease.
5 Tailypo: Grow a tail. If it’s ever severed you become obsessed with regaining it until you’re cured. The tail resembles (1d6): 1, a monkey’s; 2, a deflated balloon; 3, a lobster’s; 4, an iron nail; 5, a starfish’s leg; 6, something else.
6 Anumeral Afflication: Accurate counting becomes impossible for you.
7 Renegedemain: One of your hands gains rebellious consciousness, will move to thwart your ambitions and detach itself while you sleep to consort with others of its kind.
8 Casanova’s Regret: Over the next 1d4 weeks your genitals shrink until nothing is left but a smooth patch of skin and a pinhole cloaca.
9 Rodenturitis: Your incisors begin growing in length. Consider taking up gnawing as a hobby.
10 Telltale Spots: Develop an unsightly sore on your face for every person you’ve ever killed. If you’ve never killed someone there’s a roughly 10% chance you’ll get some spots anyways.
11 Shankmouth: Your tongue mutates into an extendable natural weapon, but speaking intelligibly and eating solid food become impossible for you.
12 The Beastly Bends: Your bones and ligaments contort painfully. You are no longer able to walk upright, and must tread on all fours to get around.
13 Terminal Gigantism: You will never stop growing larger. You will be crushed beneath your own weight in 1d6 weeks.
14 Weregeckoism: Become an ordinary gecko on full moon nights. Gain a craving for insects at all times.
15 Steaming Sickness: When irritated or angry, hot steam vents from your pores. Carries high risk of dehydration.
16 Tyrant’s Claw: A skin-fungus that thrives on the undersides of dragons’ claws. If infected, become dangerously flammable.
17 Hereticks: An infestation of demonic ticks that suck out your blood and replace it with infernal ichor. You become unseemly in the eyes of the good and cannot tread on holy ground.
18 Bubbleclot: Mostly-harmless cysts of buoyant gas form in your flesh. Gradually become lighter, until you start floating off into the sky if unsecured.
19 Cactoid Curse: Your hair falls out and cactus spines grow in its place. Hugging you becomes unpleasant.
20 Accelerated Atavism: Regress to a progressively more primitive ancestral form each week.
21 Greenhouse Flesh: Your flesh and bones become refractively translucent, your vital organs remain opaque. Staying uncovered for too long out in the sunlight will cook your organs.
22 Hateful Flatulence: You will loudly release nauseating clouds of stench at the most inconvenient times.
23 Animeprotagonistitis: Your hair and eyes take on bizarre, clashing colours.
24 Rotmusk: Your sweat makes you smell irresistible to scavenging animals. Invest in fly repellant, particularly if you’re planning on heavy exertion.
25 Parian Syndrome: Your skin becomes pale and hard, your mobility worsens, your features start to look painted-on, and after 1d6 weeks you finish transforming into an inanimate doll.
26 Face-Melter: The flesh of your face starts to dribble off your skull like molten wax. You’ll look like an alien from They Love in 1d6 days.
27 Hydic Splits: Good and evil are polarized within your body. One half of your body can only perform goods deeds, the other only evil.
28 Rakshasa’s Revenge: Your feet, hands, and head all turn 180 degrees. This will be traumatic, but non-fatal. It will be equally traumatic if the disease is ever cured.
29 Boomies: Volatile fluids build up beneath your skin. Damage which breaks your skin runs the risk of making you explode.
30 Teetotaleritis: Develop a crippling fear of alcohol.
31 Choirthroat: Become unable to speak normally, must sing everything you say.
32 Dandydruff: Your skin constantly sheds colourful flakes. Tracking you becomes trivial.
33 The Sobs: You cry in inappropriate situations. Your tears are weakly corrosive. They sting your face and leave lasting red trails.
34 Punchable Facial Swelling: The sight of your uncovered face enrages people. Its reflection will affect you too.
35 Terrible Twin Tumour: A tiny, malformed version of you grows from somewhere on your body. It has all of your negative qualities, and none of your positive ones. It can be temporarily sedated with sugar.
36 Gloopskin: You constantly sweat sticky glue.
37 Antifever: You gradually get colder. This will not kill you, but will be very uncomfortable. After 1d6 weeks you will be cold enough to freeze the air in your lungs, and you will suffocate.
38 Rosy Cataracts: You have trouble seeing dangerous things, and can be hypnotized into staring at appealing things.
39 Cracklecoat: Your skin becomes thin and brittle. Moving too quickly causes it to break off in sheets.
40 Novelnoncy: You suffer withdrawal from all the drugs you’ve never taken. Indulging in a drug you’ve never had before alleviates the withdrawal symptoms for a week.
41 Matryoshka Syndrome: Shed an entire layer of skin every day, becoming permanently smaller each time. After 1d6 years you’ll be smaller than the human eye can see.
42 Opensoul: You become trivially easy to possess. One spirit pushing another out to possess you becomes just as easy.
43 Dwemerdreams: Your dreaming mind is opened to hyperdimensional transmissions. Risk losing a piece of your sanity every time you sleep, but you might also gain some eldritch knowledge.
44 Squidbones: Your bones become soft and flexible. You can squeeze through tight openings, but have trouble gaining leverage. Avoid blows to your head.
45 Geezeritis: You begin aging ten times faster than normal.
46 Blight Carrier: You release spores that wither plant life for kilometres around you.
47 Hallucinization: You become mostly insubstantial when nothing is looking at you. Take care not to sink into the earth.
48 Dancing Mania: You compulsively dance whenever you’re conscious. You can only sleep once you’ve danced yourself to exhaustion.
49 Arcanomagnetism: Spells and other magical phenomena become inexorably attracted to you.
50 Physical Anhedonia: Sensations lose the potential to be pleasant for you. Even the best food, drink, sex, etc., all become bland at best.
D50 It can be cured by...
1 Stuffing your nasal cavity with live slugs of your favourite colour.
2 Sprinkling each of your meals for a week with dead men’s fingernail clippings.
3 Wearing an animal’s skin and pretending to be it for a day.
4 Leeching to the point of anemia.
5 Being smoked over a bog-peat fire.
6 Hanging upside-down from a gallows where a traitor was executed.
7 Rubbing the affected area with a black hen. Whoever then eats the hen’s meat or eggs will catch the disease.
8 Catching another disease.
9 Burying one of your teeth in a place where the sun’s light has never shone.
10 Hopping backwards over the grave of someone who died suffering from the same disease.
11 Bathing in a hot spring.
12 Wandering in the wilds without supplies until you encounter your spirit animal.
13 Trading the memory of your first love to a fairy.
14 Holding an egg in your mouth for a whole day. If it breaks you have to start all over again.
15 Fasting for three days straight.
16 Spreading it to two other people.
17 Licking the first toad you can catch. It will be (1d4): 1, paralytic; 2, psychedelic; 3, hemotoxic; 4, tasty.
18 Wrestling a bear. You don’t have to win.
19 Slapping a bearded stranger.
20 Twirling on the spot until you’re sick.
21 Showering in a natural waterfall.
22 Holding a funeral for a wooden effigy of yourself.
23 Changing your name.
24 Sleeping on a bed of needles.
25 Donating to a beggar.
26 Flogging an orphan.
27 Drinking a concoction of herbs gathered with a silver sickle by the unlight of the new moon.
28 Rolling in a pile of flowers.
29 Getting lost.
30 Avoiding eye contact with anyone for a day.
31 Huffing anti-miasmic fumes, like from glue rendered from the hooves of a unicorn, or a fermenting peach of immortality.
32 Reciting poetry so bad it repulses the disease.
33 Destroying an irreplaceable object.
34 Chopping off the tip of one of your fingers or toes. The stump will forever after itch the day before a storm.
35 Laughing genuinely.
36 Taking a vow of humility. Thereafter bragging, wearing ostentatious clothing, and the like will cause the disease to return with a vengeance.
37 Receiving acupuncture with bone-sliver needles.
38 Convincing a priest to file a wrongful castigation form to their god for you.
39 Anointing yourself with gold dust.
40 Updog.
41 Touching a monarch.
42 Undergoing a pilgrimage to a holy site.
43 Climbing the tallest tree in a forest and tying one of your socks to the top.
44 Wearing a ridiculous outfit and refusing to acknowledge its ridiculousness for a week.
45 Wrappig a poultice made from lichen scraped from the bottom floor of a dungeon around your waist.
46 Losing hope that there is a cure.
47 Outracing a horse.
48 Burning all your flammable pre-infection possessions in a bonfire.
49 Carrying a sprig of fresh mint on your person for a week.
50 Forgetting the incident when you got infected.

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