Friday, February 22, 2019

D20x5 Quixotic Questers

“The Impossible Dream” is a banger of a song.

D20This quester is
1a humble, bright-eyed farmboy.

a princess-turned-pauper.

3a bastard heir to a great fortune.
4a bumbling magician’s apprentice.
5an acerbic stablehand.
6a senile knight.
7an alcoholic barber.
8a runaway child.
9a daydreaming squire.
10a fresh-out-of-the-ivory-tower academic.
11a perpetually amused bohemian.
12an indentured servant dodging the law.
13a luckless beggar.
14the middle scion of a cadet branch of a middling noble house.
15a scarred amnesiac.
16a journeyman mason starving for an adventure to free them from the banality of professional life.
17a fatalistic serf going along with the quest only because doing what they’re told is the only way they know how to live.
18a happy-go-lucky highwayman.
19a staid scribe.
20an inquisitive and insensitive student.
D20This quester is on a quest
1to overthrow the reigning government and replace them as a benevolent monarch.
2to rescue a fair maiden from a cruel beast.
3to cleanse the land of monsters and bullies.
4to find an artifact lost since the world’s dawn.
5to cure the plague ravaging the region.
6to forestall the coming of winter forever.
7to end the sudden famine that’s befallen the land.
8to prepare the proper authorities for an incoming horde.
9to identify the reincarnation of a treasured guru, and defend them from their past life’s surviving enemies.
10to cleanse the corruption at the source of a vital river.
11to lead some pilgrims to a promised paradise.
12to champion a crusade into the darkness beneath the earth.
13to steal the golden egg of the Ziz, for reasons they only vaguely understand.
14to seal a gate that’s opened between the worlds of the living and the dead.
15to broker a peace between warring clans.
16to slay a living nightmare gnawing at the boundary between fantasy and reality.
17to uproot a cell of witches who plan maleficarine sabotage.
18to pluck the prismatic flower from the bottom of a dungeon and use it to lift a heavy curse.
19to deliver a portentous proclamation to the highest power in the land.
20to collect a wise man’s wisest words, a kingdom’s last crown, and an immortal’s bones, to mix them into a potent potion.
D20This quester was given this quest by
1a fairy-queen who shone like the dawn.
2a disguised spirit.
3a disgraced oracle.
4a charlatanous hierophant.
5a naiad trapped at the bottom of an old and runed well.
6a radiant divinity who appeared to them in a dream.
7an allegedly enlightened hermit.
8a wizard who mistook them for someone of occult significance.
9a sage who translated most of a prophecy from an ancient tablet.
10a decrepit talking automaton-statue of a legendary lord.
11a fading demigod bound to the untended embers of their sacred flame.
12a thundering voice that came from behind some clouds.
13a hologram projected from a filigreed gem they stumbled on in a field.
14a genie, as a precondition for the granting of their wish.
15the ghost of their grandmother.
16a warrior who wandered off a distant battlefield in an enchanted trance.
17a vision of themself from the future.
18a duplicitous hero delegating their duty.
19an ergotic hallucination they believed to be a revelation.
20a mercury-poisoned hatmaker.
D20This quester believes
1they are the chosen one who is destined to save the world.
2there is a cabal of demons in charge of the government.
3that a truly virtuous heart can conquer all obstacles. Failing to prevail will shatter their self-image.
4the disasters of this generation are caused by its sexual flagrancy.
5that everyone they meet must either be their friend or their enemy, and they prefer friends.
6that you only get injured if you’ve done something to offend the gods, and so must surely deserve to be.
7that covering your head indoors is an act of grievous disrespect, while not wearing one outdoors is the mark of an indolent fool.
8that anyone who doesn’t look like they do must be some sort of demihuman, like an elf or dwarf.
9that all evil creatures can be repelled by salt.
10that the blind can perceive things that the sighted cannot.
11that there is a villainous split personality lurking within their own mind, waiting for moments of weakness to surface.
12that when they complete their quest they will be rewarded with heavenly blessings.
13that exercising nude in the morning light is necessary for maintaining one’s health.
14that there is a finite supply of blood in the world, and it must sometimes be spilled in order to maintain its proper circulation.
15that they possess an undefeatable secret combat technique which they have sworn to use only in the most dire circumstance.
16that physicians siphon off some of their patients’ precious fluids to influence them with from afar with fell medicines.
17that they can speak the tongue of Adam, understandable by all people (they cannot).
18that thunder is made by giants beating on drums.
19that to remain pure of body they must abstain from any food that’s grown on the ground.
20that songbirds carry the last music of the innocent dead, and must be honoured with offerings of honey and seeds.
D20This quester has with them
1a sensitive and gentle sow.
21d4 flea-infested sycophants.
3a magic sword, the wounds left by which the wielder can command to transform into red birds and fly onto another target.
4a fiercely loyal mule.
5a large and floppy dog that can smell insincerity.
6a luminous sprite which is to angels as imps are to demons.
7a crow-voiced bard who hopes to use their quest to inspire a song that will be sung through the ages.
8a scrawny urchin who idolizes them.
9a lecherous monk who hopes to redeem themself by guiding the quester.
10a parrot that repeats only curses, and knows more than it speaks.
11an illustrated book of riddles encoded with hints of the threats and paths along their journey.
121d4 sore and disillusioned retainers.
13a bored and mocking noble, following for the spectacle.
14a bandolier of silver bullets.
15a mute and mighty oaf.
16a jug of holy healing honey.
17a craven, opportunistic scavenger waiting for them to kill or die.
18a scarf woven from acrobats’ hair that will snap out to save them should they fall or be knocked off a ledge.
19a brave and canny goat with garlands garnishing its horns.
20a porcelain shield which will protect its wielder completely from any one attack before shattering. It can only be repaired with pure gold, and bears the glinting fractures of several such past mendings.


  1. This is a fantastic table and a fantastic idea! It seems like a perfect table to use for a Quixotic Knight Class. "The Impossible Dream" is one of my favorite songs of all time!

  2. Oh, this is a nice cycle of tables. Great stuff!