Wednesday, June 29, 2022

D20x5 Piecemeal Pirates

Swiggity swooty they're coming for your booty.

Click the button below for a pirate of your very own:

Generator generator used here:

D20A flourish of this pirate’s flamboyant fashion
1 is a spherical-cut ruby worn in their empty left eye socket.
2 is that the hilts of all their weapons are shaped to resemble grinning dolphins.
3 is that their teeth have been plated with gold images of their own smiling face (the teeth of which bear gold images of their face, and so on down as far as you can make out).
4 are the raven feathers and skulls threaded through their hair.
5 is their scabbard made from a taxidermied alligator.
6 are their piercings made from the wood of ships they’ve splintered.
7 is that their hat looks like their boat.
8 is their camel-hide cape, with bactrian humps at each shoulder.
9 is their coat of shimmering fish-scales.
10 are the slow-burning matches stuck in their waxed and wild hair.
11 is their necklace of false teeth they’ve knocked from the mouths of scurvy-afflicted sailors in bar brawls.
12 are their iridescent sea slug-leather boots, which leave footprints of multicoloured slime.
13 is an urchin-festooned sleeve of dripping kelp.
14 are earrings that depict the known world on a globe.
15 is a belt of glassy, interlocked viperfish teeth.
16 is tassels made from the glowing lures of deep-sea fish.
17 are the high wooden heels of their shoes, each hollow and home to a rat, which are trained to come out and dance when the heels are clicked together.
18 is the birdcage they wear like a backpack, with a live albatross captured within.
19 is their big brass choker, cast in the image of the world-serpent.
20are their rings of many materials, set with countless stones, so tightly-packed on each finger that they have trouble closing their fist.

D20This pirate has 
1 a pistol under their pillow. And in their boot. And in their coat. Assume that if they’re reaching somewhere it’s to grab a gun.
2 a kraken’s tentacle grafted onto the stump of their right arm.
3 a coral charm stolen off a sea-witch. They can use it to call up storms and redirect lightning to their enemies’ masts.
4 a talking map which supposedly knows the way to the stashed treasure of the most infamous corsair to ever sail the seas.
5 a chest full of convincingly forged letters of marque from many nations.
6 an enchanted flag which always blows towards the greatest concentration of wealth within a dozen leagues.
7 a pet monkey possessed by the ghost of a wizard.
8 three favours owed to them by a minor deity of the ocean.
9 their nostrils sewn shut with sanctified thread to contain an air elemental within their nasal cavity. While it’s held in their body they have no need to breathe.
10 a siren tattoo that can pick up even the faintest whispers, and records them as inky text on the skin around it.
11 a narwhal-horn warhammer that turns the water (and water-containing organic tissues) it strikes to ice.
12 an iron peg leg that’s really a little cannon.
13 a telescope with a lens of magical crystal, which can bend the light that passes through it to see beyond the horizon.
14 a sea-goat horn that summons a caul of fog over the area when blown.
15 a bag of dried remoras that can freeze ships in place when stuck on their hulls.
16 a magical, self-replenishing sack of rum made from a whale’s scrotum.
17 a sabre forged from strongly-magnetized ore that will repel any metal weapon it parries and any metal armour it strikes.
18 a casket full of Jenny Hanivers that will rehydrate and return to violent life when exposed to water.
19 a cat’s cradle web of strings that can sympathetically manipulate the rigging of ships.
20a plastic future-fossil flung back in time from the ocean-to-come, which can transmute water into acid.

D20This pirate’s ship 
1 was won off a djinn in a bet, and can soar for a short time above the water.
2 is a living creature halfway between a whale and a barnacle, with watertight compartments within its shell.
3 has a toothy mechanized shark as its figurehead, capable of biting clean through the hulls of ships it rams.
4 has a hold filled with giant war-eels, which can be unleashed into the surrounding water in battle.
5 is fitted with naphtha-spraying siphons.
6 has an elastic launch-deck for scouting hang-gliders.
7 is a single solid piece of living wood, and can repair itself if provided with water, sunlight, and compost. On the other hand, it needs to be constantly pruned back into a functional shape.
8 was stolen from a sea-elf fleet, and is capable of diving like a submarine.
9 has an enchanted, corkscrew-shaped anchor that when embedded in the sea-bed can summon up a whirlpool around the whip while leaving it untouched at the whirlpool’s eye.
10 is painted with a blueish resin that renders it totally fire-resistant. The crew sometimes takes advantage of this by coating the deck in oil and setting it alight to discourage boarders.
11 has shrines to Sekolah, Panzuriel, and other evil gods of the seas in its lower decks.
12 has a telescoping crow’s nest that can be cranked out to peerless heights.
13 has pots growing bonsai lemon trees, to ward off scurvy.
14 is painted with apotropaic eyes that glance towards incoming dangers.
15 has sails of a tremendously reflective fabric, that can blind anyone looking at them if the sun’s shining down right.
16 was bought with a loan, and the agents of the bank that made that loan hunt it still.
17 has been customized to the last plank, stripped of all parts that aren’t absolutely necessary to its function. It’s among the fastest ships on the waves, but it’s endurance away from port has suffered greatly.
18 has giant crab legs grafted to its hull that let it walk on land.
19 is shrouded in an illusion that lets it be disguised as any other sort of boat, from a raft to a dinghy to a dreadnought.
20is festooned with sea urchins along its hull and railing that poisonously prick anyone trying to do a boarding action against it.

D20This pirate’s crew 
1 are all in love with them.
2 are enslaved husks of the drowned dead, chained by necromantic rites.
3 are former slaves, and would all choose death over further captivity.
4 paint their faces with ashes.
5 split the loot they take in equal shares.
6 vote on every major decision.
7 is half composed of impeccably-trained orangutans.
8 are symbiotically bonded with kelp that allow them to breath underwater, and camouflage them among vegetation.
9 are tattooed with their name, rank, and role.
10 are stored in hibernation in giant, brine-filled cans below deck when not needed.
11 wear a fishhook through their cheek or chin for every major haul they’ve won.
12 are branded with their initials.
13 are always singing or humming sea shanties.
14 wear white bandanas around their arms stained with the first blood they shed and drew as one of the crew.
15 keep parrots on their shoulders that speak in their voices, and can carry messages between them over many miles. If a crew member is slain and their parrot is not, they may be seen living again, though with colourful feathers poking from their scalp, and the black ridge of a beak instead of teeth.
16 sharpen their teeth to points and surgically split their tongues.
17 kill anyone who leaves their ranks, and stitches their flayed skin to their flag.
18 have a tactile language kept among themselves that let them communicate complex messages through a single handshake.
19 are growing to resent them, and are ripe for mutiny.
20rename themselves after sorts of fish or seabird when they join up.

D20This pirate desires 
1 to live freely from laws and states on the open sea.
2 to amass enough wealth to pay off their sins and win a place in heaven.
3 to regain the sacred relics stolen from their people long ago.
4 to surpass their childhood insecurity by being acknowledged as ‘cool’. Their constant overcompensation towards this end has ironically prevented them from achieving it.
5 to sail to the edge of the world and beyond.
6 to marry the crown prince of the merfolk.
7 revenge on the nation and navy that scorned them.
8 the exorcism of the greed-demon that stalks them.
9 to free a dear comrade’s soul from Davy Jones’ Locker.
10 to find the buried hoard of their mentor and former captain.
11 to chart a passage to their religion’s worldly promised land.
12 to flood the world and turn it all into one  gigantic ocean, with land reduced to scattered, powerless archipelagos.
13 to carve out their place among legends as the greatest pirate of all time.
14 to escape the chains of gravity and sail among the stars themselves.
15 to find the pirate-king who killed their family in a raid long ago, and send them straight to hell.
16 to find their own heart, which was stolen (along with all their emotions it contained) and buried on an island somewhere by a wizard they once knew.
17 to gain legitimacy and stability by being commissioned by a powerful government.
18 to find a doctor who can cure the unpleasant disease them and their crew caught on a distant shore.
19 to discover the truth behind the eldritch dreams that plague them, dreams of a city at the bottom of an oceanic abyss where a god lies dead yet sleeping.
20to meet new and interesting people, and take their new and interesting stuff.

1 comment:

  1. So much good in this! I love fantasy pirates! I love the flavor of many of these entrees